HOW TO STOP BEING JEALOUS and Controlling in a Relationship


You have no reason to doubt your partner’s loyalty, but you can’t help but feel uncomfortable whenever you see them chatting up one of your friends or texting their work best friend. Sure, a little jealousy here and there is acceptable. But what happens when it becomes a bigger issue in your relationship? If you can’t get past the emotion and want to make a change, relationship experts gave some advice on how to be less jealous in your relationship. So, let us discuss how to stop being jealous and why it is a problem.

According to Pataky, when jealousy enters the picture, there are usually underlying issues such as insecurity, low self-esteem, and feelings of inadequacy. As a result, it is critical to find solutions to these issues before they worsen.

How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship

The main issue is that many people don’t know how to stop being jealous. If you allow jealousy to fester, it will harm your relationship. Understanding jealousy in relationships necessitates being truthful with both yourself and your partner. Find the source of your jealousy and create a healthier relationship dynamic. Here’s how to stop being jealous in a relationship:

#1. Think about your own insecurities.

Underneath our jealousy lies our own insecurities, which can manifest as self-esteem issues or doubts when comparing ourselves to others. According to clinical psychologist Paul Greene, Ph.D., jealousy is often motivated by a fear of rejection. So, if you’re jealous, try to confront your fear.

#2. Be open about the impact of jealousy.

It is impossible to solve a problem if it is not acknowledged. Be honest rather than pretending you aren’t jealous or that your jealousy isn’t a problem. How do your insecurities make you feel, and how are they affecting your relationship? It may be difficult to admit the problems that your envy is causing, but take heart in the fact that you are taking the first step toward a healthier relationship.

#3. Identify the six human needs.

Your jealousy is most likely telling you something about your six basic human needs. These are the requirements that must be met in order to have a satisfying relationship. They are at the heart of every decision we make – and jealousy is a decision. It is not the result of your partner’s actions or anything done to you previously. It is the result of your distinct values and mindset. You can learn to control it, but you must first address the source of the problem: your own thoughts, emotions, and needs.

#4. Consider the source of your trust issues.

Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and intimacy expert for k-y, can help bring underlying issues to the surface. For example, if you haven’t fully worked through childhood insecurities or infidelity from a previous relationship, it may manifest in your current relationship behavior. Before you talk to your partner, figure out where your emotions are coming from.

#5. Discuss it with a friend or a professional.

While discussing your feelings with your partner is important, discussing your jealousy issues with someone who can provide an outside perspective on what’s going on can be extremely beneficial. If nothing else, your friend can be there to listen to you vent.

#6. Develop self-assurance.

Make a list of the insecurities that are causing your jealousy and then write down an antidote for each one. If you’re living in the shadow of your partner’s ex, make a list of all the shadows your partner admires in you. Unfollow celebrities on Instagram for a week if you are constantly comparing yourself to them. Giving yourself space from feelings of inferiority will allow you to develop the confidence needed to overcome jealousy.

#7. Develop healthy coping mechanisms.

It can be difficult to let go of jealousy in relationships if you don’t have healthier ways of relating. If your partner isn’t giving you a reason to be suspicious or jealous (for example, by cheating on you or lying frequently), it’s up to you to tame the source of your jealousy. You recognize that you don’t require jealousy – you’re simply accustomed to it. Self-care is important for your physical, emotional, and mental health. When healthy coping mechanisms are prioritized, they become the norm and eventually replace jealousy.

#8. Think about the source of your insecurity.

Learning how to not be jealous in a relationship is frequently a matter of healing old wounds. If you’re dealing with jealousy as a result of an unresolved issue, such as childhood trauma or addiction, get the help you need to overcome it. With the right support, you can turn your difficulties into sources of strength.

#9. Be truthful with your partner.

If you’re dealing with jealousy, your partner has most likely noticed. Your partner is almost certainly contributing to the problem as well. By using effective communication, you acknowledge your contribution while also holding your partner accountable—and allowing them to support you as you work toward a solution.

How to Stop Being a Jealous Girlfriend

Do you feel compelled to peek at the screen when your boyfriend’s phone rings? So figure out how to stop being a jealous girlfriend and instead spice up your relationship.

#1. Let your partner go out with his or her friends.

You may become possessive if you are jealous. You might not want your s.o. to spend time with others because you’re afraid he’ll lie about where he’s going or run into another girl.

Some signs of jealousy, according to Dr. Greer, include beginning to check your partner’s phone for text messages, questioning your partner about where he or she is going even if he or she has already told you all the details, and becoming upset and feeling rejected if he or she does not want to spend time with you.

#2. Check your boundaries.

GPS tracking has its time and place. Save the mad-scientist locator devices for sci-fi movies and cars, not your s.o. Are you following him to work? Hacked his Facebook and email accounts? Showing up unexpectedly far too frequently? While you may believe that following your SO’s every move will keep him or her close, it will actually push him or her away. “Do not keep monitoring or reacting to his actions and behaviors,” Dr. Greer advises. Instead of being negative and critical of what he does with other people, concentrate on what you want more of with him!

#3. Focus on yourself.

So what if the girl in front of you has platinum-blonde hair, big boobs, and mile-long legs? You have a boyfriend, and no matter how much he looks at her, he will return to you. If you can’t control your jealousy, Dr. Greer suggests channeling it positively. Don’t let it make you feel more insecure.

#4. Understand how to communicate

It gets everyone on the same page! We do not live in a perfect world, and no one can read our minds. Although it is not a good idea to complain about everything your significant other does, it is important to let him or her know if something he or she is doing bothers you.

I believe that communicating with your partner is the best way to avoid being a jealous girlfriend. No one talks anymore; they rely on passive-aggressive status updates and situations such as, “What’s wrong?” or “‘Nothing.'” If you have concerns or are jealous, you must express them.

#5. Embrace the “T” word.

Assume you’re out for a bite to eat. Do you get upset if he talks to the waitress while you’re ordering dinner? Do you question him about where he was and why it took so long when him gets up to use the restroom and it takes more than five minutes? Furthermore, do you accuse him of staring at the girl at the table next to yours and storming away, leaving him staring after you with a blank and confused expression on his face because he just wanted to ask the waitress about her day, the line in the bathroom was super long, and the girl at the table next to yours distracted him because she had dropped something?

How to Stop Being Jealous of My Boyfriend

Here are some strategies for dealing with jealousy and determining the source of your feelings.

#1. Express your concerns

If your partner’s actions (or the actions of others toward your partner) cause you to feel jealous, discuss it with your partner as soon as possible.

#2. Speak with a reliable friend.

Jealousy can occasionally give you a slightly distorted sense of reality. You may be wondering if the nonverbal flirting you witnessed was real. Sometimes expressing your concerns to a third party can help you gain perspective and make the situation less frightening.

#3. Put a new spin on jealousy.

Jealousy can be a complex and powerful emotion, and dealing with it can be unpleasant. However, instead of viewing it negatively, consider it as a useful source of information.

#4. Consider the full picture

Jealousy can arise in response to a partial picture. In other words, you may be comparing yourself and your own accomplishments and characteristics to an idealized or incomplete view of someone else.

#5. Practice being grateful for what you have

A little thanks can go a long way. It can relieve stress as well as reduce feelings of jealousy. You might not get everything you desire. The majority of us do not. But you most likely have some of what you want. Perhaps you have some unexpected good things in your life.

#6. Give it some time

If you’ve ever been jealous, you’re probably aware that jealousy fades with time. Of course, it will feel less intense after you have dealt with your feelings, but it will also lessen once whatever you were jealous about has passed.

 How to Stop Being Jealous and Controlling

“How do I stop being jealous and domineering?” You’re asking good questions, and your curiosity is the first step toward finding answers. You can overcome your jealousy with some self-inquiry and a lot of self-compassion.

#1. Be open about your emotions

If you are experiencing jealousy as a result of a loss or defeat (for example, a broken friendship or a failed goal), it may be tempting to try to appear unaffected. If you’re being honest with yourself, you’ll have to admit your true feelings, which will most likely include envy and disappointment.

#2. Master your thoughts

If you’re wondering how to stop being jealous and controlling, your mindset is most likely to blame. Examine your thought patterns to eliminate jealousy. If you’re overcome with jealousy, do you see the other person clearly—their strengths and contributions to the relationship, as well as their flaws? If you find yourself blaming the other person or viewing them in all-or-nothing or black-and-white terms, your distorted thinking is most likely distorting the relationship.

#3. Exercise compassion

Jealousy frequently conceals self-disgust, and we project our fears and insecurities onto others. And compassion, as an antidote to shame and jealousy, is as deep as a well. You cannot provide water to others if your well is dry. Take a step back and practice self-compassion when you catch yourself self-critiquing or catastrophizing.

#4. Concentrate on your strong points.

Ruminating about taking on your flaws is a surefire way to amp up the jealousy in your life. Introduce another voice: your inner cheerleader, to quiet the voice of envy and learn how to stop being jealous. Consider a time when you were proud of yourself, and allow yourself to relive those feelings.

#5. Discover commonalities

If you’re wondering how to stop being jealous and controlling around them, try building camaraderie with them. Look for characteristics you share with that person, and remember that the other person isn’t perfect either. Envy and insecurity are universal, so your “nemesis” is bound to have flaws, whether they’re obvious or not.


Working with a mental health professional to learn to believe you are loved and worthy of love can boost your self-esteem and help you stand up to your inner critic. This may stop you from ceasing to be jealous, as jealousy is frequently the result of low self-esteem.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I become jealous so easily?

Jealousy can be motivated by low self-esteem or a negative self-image. It can be difficult to believe that your partner loves and values you if you don’t feel attractive and confident. Jealousy can also be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.

Can you get rid of jealousy?

You are not obligated to give in to your jealous feelings and thoughts.

Accept and allow yourself to experience emotions. You are not required to “get rid of the feeling.” We’ve discovered that standing back and observing an emotion can often lead to the feeling weakening on its own.

How do I become less jealous in a relationship?

How to be less jealous in your relationship, according to psychologists

  • Think about your own insecurities.
  • Consider the source of your trust issues.
  • Create more realistic relationship expectations.
  • Use the rubber band method.
  • Be open and honest about your feelings with your SO.
  • Discuss it with a friend or a professional.

Why am I such a jealous person?

In a relationship, jealousy often stems from insecurity and the fear that your partner will reject you. You run the risk of projecting your worries and fears onto the other person, which is unhealthy in any relationship. It’s possible that your concerns stem from childhood memories of your parents’ relationship.

What does God say about jealousy?

“Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood,” Proverbs 27:4 says, “but jealousy is even more dangerous.”

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