People often want to be the greatest versions of themselves in relationships, not only for their partners but also for themselves. Past experiences and insecurities, on the other hand, can get in the way, generating worry, an inability to form a deeper connection or a recurrence of fights. While having insecurities does not necessarily mean that a relationship is doomed, a lack of trust in one’s spouse can raise tension and make it more difficult to overcome other marital issues. In this article, we’ll look at the several types of insecurities in relationships and how to deal with them.
Types Of Insecurities In a Relationship
There are different types of insecurities in a relationship, and it’s crucial to figure out what insecurity means in a relationship so you can recognize the signals and take action to fix them. We’ve compiled a list of the 5 most frequent relationship insecurities, as well as symptoms that they’re influencing you and your spouse more than you’d want.
#1. Emotional Insecurity
Emotional insecurity is a broad word that refers to a general sense of disquiet and inadequacy about one’s emotions. An encounter with depression, avoidance of interpersonal engagement, and a fear of communicating your feelings or asserting yourself in situations are all possible symptoms.
Conditions like post-natal or postpartum depression are also on the list of emotional insecurities, with symptoms like exhaustion, irritability, and insomnia. Another indication is chronic concern about the future, which provides you a sense of control and thereby compensates for your uncertainty.
#2. Social Insecurity
It can often feel as though a large portion of our lives is a performance for which society must give its stamp of approval. As a result, it’s no surprise that one of the most common insecurities in a relationship is social unease. The stress of having to look a specific way and wondering whether or not your social circle will accept you can erode a person’s self-esteem.
It’s not only about physical looks in this case; it’s also about being seen in the right places, knowing the right people, and having a status that says, “You’ve arrived.” It’s a constant fight to keep up with everything, especially in the age of social media, and feeling like you’re falling behind can be enough to make you feel insecure.
#3. Financial Insecurity
We wish we could tell you that all those rom-coms about rich-girl-poor-boy couples were based on genuine events. Unfortunately, financial uncertainty is a reality that can destroy a relationship as quickly as forgetting your ATM PIN. When two spouses share expenses, unbalanced financial strength can be a source of insecurity in a relationship.
Love and money can make for weird and unhappy bedfellows, whether one partner comes from a financially disadvantaged background and is thus obsessed with saving, or one partner can’t abide that the other makes more. Financial insecurity might indicate that you are constantly concerned about money, regardless of your income level. This could drive you to obsessive penny-pinching, depriving yourself of tiny joys and ultimately making you sad.
#4. . Basic Needs Insecurity
Humans have basic requirements such as food, housing, rest, safety, hygiene, and healthcare, according to psychologists. One of the first steps toward feeling secure is to have these requirements met. As a result, if you had to hustle to meet these requirements at any point in your life, that insecurity would most likely be with you for a long time, affecting your behavior and relationships. Insecurity over basic requirements may not be the first thing that comes to mind when considering “What are the different forms of insecurities?” but it surely plays a role.
#5. Uncertainty in the workplace
Inequality lingers in relationships and can be the source of a variety of insecurities. Lack of equality or equal acknowledgment in two partners’ work lives is one of the seven most typical insecurities in a relationship.
Women spend two to 10 times as much time on unpaid care duties as males, according to research. This includes time spent cooking, cleaning, and caring for children, the sick, and the old, among other activities. Aside from the persistent gender pay gap, in which women continue to earn less, a lack of appreciation for one’s work is a crucial element in cultivating professional insecurity and resentment in a relationship.
The issue stems from how we handle feelings of insecurity. To prevent feeling insecure, we may postpone and distract ourselves, use social media to avoid feeling insecure, or try to control others or the world around us.
So, in this article, I’ll show you how to deal with emotions of insecurity in a more effective way. But first, let’s dig a little more into where insecurity arises and how we often cope with it.
#3. Offended by someone’s Behavior
You notice someone behaving in a specific way (maybe they’re irritating brashly confident)… The cause: Often, it’s not an issue with the other person, but rather insecurity about yourself — you’d like to be more confident (for example), and so when the other person appears confident, it irritates a wound of self-doubt.
The typical reaction is to become upset with the individual, close yourself off from them, condemn them, and build a barrier between yourself and others.
#4. Suffering from self-doubt
We all have self-doubt, and it can manifest in a variety of ways. The reason for our self-doubt is that we don’t know if we’re capable of dealing with the world’s uncertainties. Self-doubt can lead to a variety of behaviors, including avoiding difficult tasks, regularly criticizing yourself, transferring your worries onto others, and more.
#5. Avoiding a tough task by procrastinating
We all postpone because a task is uncertain, difficult, or daunting, not because we’re lazy or weak. The reason for the task’s uncertainty is that you don’t know how to perform it, are afraid of failing, and believe it’s too difficult for you. The most common reaction is to put off undertaking the risky task in favor of a distraction or a simple task that feels more secure.
Insecurities in a Relationship: What Causes Them
#1. Low Self-Confidence/Self-Esteem
In a relationship, we can only be as secure as we allow ourselves to be. But how can we expect our relationships to be any different if we’ve already been feeling insecure about practically every part of our lives?
However, regardless of where it comes from, the end consequence is typically the same, and kids grow up feeling apprehensive about everything as a result of the conditioning they’ve received through the years.
If you’re continually doubting your own emotions, ideas, and behaviors, you’ll not only transfer those concerns onto your relationship and your partner, but it’ll also lead to a succession of irrational thoughts and fears, exacerbating your insecurity.
#2. Negative Experiences in the Past (Emotional Baggage)
Many of us have left toxic relationships because of something horrible that happened (unfaithfulness, dishonesty, etc.) or because the nature of the relationship itself was poisonous (abusive, emotionally unavailable, etc.). As we walk away from such relationships, it’s also a good idea to put those unwanted memories behind us and finally go on to a new beginning.
Some of us, on the other hand, hold on to negative emotions and carry them into succeeding relationships as unresolved emotional baggage. Because we’re subconsciously holding our new companions against whatever anguish or hurt our ex put on us, we end up transferring our insecurity and anxiousness onto them.
As a result, we acquire concerns about our spouses, and it may be tough for us to trust them, even though they haven’t given us any reason not to.
When we bring old emotional baggage into a new relationship, we automatically create an environment of insecurity, and we sabotage the connection by holding our new partner responsible for something they didn’t do.
#3. Types of Attachments
According to psychological research (attachment theory), a kid develops distinct attachment patterns (secure or insecure) depending on how their parents interacted with them.
Because the person with an insecure attachment style has little to no experience getting their emotional needs met, this generates huge insecurity projections, especially in a partnership. When they finally realise how good it feels to have their emotional needs met, an unhealthy reliance develops. That person believes he or she has no other way of getting such affection.
#4. Personal Life Satisfaction (or Lack Thereof)
Prior to meeting one other, you were two separate individuals with distinct characteristics that made you, well, you. Your work, interests, objectives, perspectives, and even favourite foods are all personalised pieces of yourself that not only define your own identity but also give you a sense of fulfilment.
After entering a relationship, many people lose their unique identities and, as a result, lose their sense of personal fulfilment. As a result, people look to their partners for fulfilment and meaning in their lives, and they begin to rely on them.
While this characteristic is undesirable in and of itself, it does not always lead to insecurity in a relationship. However, when we establish reliance on someone else to give purpose and fulfilment to our lives, we often develop a subconscious assumption that the other person would feel the same way about us.
When our partner has an external type of enjoyment unconnected to us, or when a favourable shift occurs in our partner’s life, this might lead to insecurities and even envy. Instead of feeling glad and proud of our partner’s accomplishments, we become bitter and insecure, all because someone else (not us) was able to make them happy and give their lives significance.
#5. Inequal Relationship Experiences in the Past
Everyone’s ‘first times’ in relationships will inevitably run out at some point in their adult life. We may have even referred to someone from a prior relationship as our soulmate,’ or even come close to settling down. We all evolve at different rates, and the quantity of relationship experience we have varies from person to person.
If you’re continually comparing yourself to your partner’s exes or the emotional bond they once shared (which is almost certainly stronger than yours), feelings of inferiority can easily develop as you begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you’ll ever measure up.
What Can You Do to Get Over Your Insecurities
Here are some things you may do to overcome your insecurities if you’re the insecure one in the relationship (or help your partner overcome theirs).
#1. Self-Consciousness (Mindfulness)
Recognizing and accepting that you have an issue is the first step toward solving it. If you don’t even notice that your insecurities are harming your relationship, or even if you don’t realise that you’re acting insecure in the first place, there’s no way you’ll ever be able to move past it, and those insecurities will continue to be an issue.
It’s not enough to see a problem if you’re not willing to take action to address it. If you ever intend to modify the way you feel and act about particular issues, you must first develop a stronger self-awareness of your own emotions.
Finally, having knowledge and mindfulness of your own individual self is critical in conquering fears and avoiding yourself from appearing needy, envious, or even manipulating your partner when you are insecure about anything.
#2. Communication that is open and honest
Whether you or your spouse is dealing with insecurities, one of you will certainly bring it up at some time during your relationship. The big question is when and where this will happen.
Without a strong line of communication with your partner, sentiments of dissatisfaction and hostility will simply build up and worse with each successive insecurity ‘event,’ causing the relationship to slowly degrade.
If you think your current partner has potential, you’ll need to start focusing on developing an open, honest, and healthy line of communication with them. Don’t be so afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings that you avoid confrontations completely; the alternative of bottling it up will only make things worse.
