I AM NOT HAPPY: Why I Am Not Happy in My Relationship & Marriage (+ Free Tips)


Happiness is something you know when you feel it, and you surely know when you don’t. While few of us go around smiling all the time, regular emotions of sadness are a reason to pause and consider why that is. The inverse of happiness isn’t always unhappiness; if you’re no longer getting a kick out of activities that used to bring you delight, that’s another huge clue that something’s wrong. In this piece, we will discuss why I am happy.

According to Acacia Parks, chief scientist at Happify, a website that offers “emotional health solutions” crafted with the help of experts in the field, “research suggests that happiness is a combination of how satisfied you are with your life (for example, finding meaning in your work) and how good you feel daily.”

Have you noticed that your inner world has become a little drearier lately, even though you’re in good health, employed, and financially secure? If so, these evidence-based solutions can assist you in answering the question, “Why can’t I be happy?”

Why I Am Not Happy

The most telling sign that things aren’t going well (at least in your view) is a sensation of “something missing.” You’re not sure what it is, but you’re feeling hollow and unfinished. And you’re aware that something needs to happen to bring you back to life. Of course, determining the source of your problems is critical to prescribing (to yourself) the best course of action. So, here are some of the most typical reasons why you are happy or feel “as if the joy has been sucked out of my life.”

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#1. Meaninglessness

Everyone in the happiness-advice industry will tell you that this is one of the key causes (if not THE main cause) of feeling blah. A lack of relevance, especially in our professional lives, might be a deal-breaker.

#2. Happiness disruptors

For many of us, even perceived difficulties can feel quite real. However, any emotional, financial, job, or health issues might devastate your happiness goals. The constellation of all the challenges or barriers you may encounter can be rather large.

#3. Lack of self-esteem and self-respect

An article by psychologist Roy Baumeister shook the scientific community a few years ago (2003). “Does High Self-Esteem Lead to Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?” the study asks. It highlighted the research-backed premise that self-esteem and happiness are linked. High self-esteem, in particular, leads to higher satisfaction.

#4. Personality

Another impediment to becoming endlessly upbeat, which may prove slightly difficult to overcome, if at all possible, is your personality. Of course, not according to the self-help business, which lives on the premise that you can change your personality with your effort.

#5. Unreasonably high standards

Having high expectations of yourself, according to study, can be advantageous. It leads to improved performance, a phenomenon known as the Pygmalion effect. Having unrealistic expectations of yourself, on the other hand, can be detrimental. Depression, self-sabotaging, self-punishment, and other mental health difficulties might arise. And it can affect every aspect of your life.

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#6. Social developments

It may take several pages (or maybe a book!) to detail all of the reasons why we are happy. So, here are some of the additional reasons you may be unhappy with your life: lengthy work hours, “always-on” internet culture, more screen time, or boredom with one’s life

Why I Am Not Happy in My Relationship

Relationships are usually one of the most important determinants of happiness. But don’t instantly assume that this is the case for you. Relationships can be the source of internal problems, which will eventually lead to misery.

This can happen without our knowledge. It’s critical to ask oneself, “Am I truly happy in my relationship?” If the response is negative, you may want to investigate what is wrong with your relationship.

  • Do you constantly fight?
  • Do you simply no longer appreciate each other’s company?

Both of these scenarios are equally detrimental to your happiness. Many people stay in relationships because they’ve already been together for a long time. The reason is that since we’ve spent so much of our lives together, it makes sense to continue along this path.

Not really.

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A relationship should be a constant source of joy. If you can’t recall the last time you had a fantastic week with your partner, you should examine why you’re still in this relationship. Can you rekindle things, or should you cut your losses and move on? It is critical not to fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy.

I Am Not Happy With My Marriage.

Before we go into the recommendations you might be looking for to explain why I’m happy in my marriage, let’s look at what’s causing it. When marriages fail, it’s difficult to find out what’s wrong and how to fix it. However, you should be aware of the following typical marriage difficulties and solutions:

#1. Physical and emotional abuse

One of the main reasons why people are happy in marriage is whether they are subjected to mental and physical violence in their marriage. Abuse at any level is unacceptable, and having an abusive partner will only destroy your self-esteem and, eventually, the relationship.

#2. Ineffective communication

Many misconceptions arise as a result of the relationship’s lack of communication. When couples fail to communicate or disclose their feelings, the relationship will undoubtedly suffer.

#3. Money

Money is a big reason why people are happy in marriage. Financial troubles in marriages cause friction and, as a result, a schism in the partnership. Misaligned financial goals, overburdened budgets, and a lack of financial guidance can all be important reasons why people are happy in marriage.

#4. Infidelity

Infidelity also contributes significantly to an unpleasant, dysfunctional, and toxic marriage. If you no longer trust your mate, it is a definite sign of an unhappy marriage.

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#5. Jealousy

To some level, jealousy in a relationship is beneficial. When it transcends bounds, however, it just reveals the jealous partner’s vulnerabilities, and such a circumstance leads to becoming too possessive and confining the spouse, both of which can be key causes of an unhappy marriage if not remedied.

#6. Fighting

Fighting is beneficial in a relationship, but if both parties have the tendency of nitpicking and fight with each other without the objective of resolving the problem, this can be a serious concern and cause of why people are happy in marriage.

#7. Intimacy deficit

Another reason people are happy in marriage is a lack of intimacy between the couple. Intimacy is a sensation that develops slowly and steadily between a pair. It is thought that their attraction to each other is a measure of it. One of the reasons people are happy in marriage is a lack of intimacy between partners.

#8. Lack of trust

Being honest with one another is one of the most crucial aspects that determines the future of your marriage once you marry and begin living together as a married couple.

I Am Not Happy With My Life

Adopting new behaviors permanently is difficult, but breaking bad habits is much easier. Several harmful behaviors cause us to be miserable. Eliminating the following poor behaviors might boost your happiness in no time:

#1. Making comparisons between your own life and the lives depicted on social media

The Happiness Research Institute carried out the Facebook Experiment to investigate how our social media habits affect our happiness. Half of the study’s participants continued to use Facebook as usual, while the other half avoided it for a week. The outcomes were stunning.

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#2. You are isolating yourself

Isolating yourself from social contact is a common reaction to sadness, but there is a substantial body of evidence that shows that is the worst thing you can do. This is a significant error since socializing, even if you don’t love it, is beneficial to your mood.

#3. Taking responsibility

To be happy, we need to feel in control of our lives, which is why blame is so incompatible with happiness. When you blame other people or situations for negative things that happen to you, you’ve concluded that you don’t have control over your life, which is bad for your mood.

#4. Command and control

It’s difficult to be happy if you don’t feel in control of your life, but you may go too far in the opposite direction and make yourself unhappy by attempting to control too much. This is especially true when it comes to humans. The only person you have power over in your life is yourself.

#5. Failure to set goals

Having goals offers you hope and the capacity to look forward to a brighter future, and working toward those objectives gives you confidence in yourself and your talents. Setting goals that are tough, detailed (and measurable), and driven by your values is critical. Instead of learning and developing yourself, you slog along, wondering why things never change.

#6. Giving in to fear

Fear is simply a persistent emotion that is fueled by your imagination. The threat is real. It’s the uneasy rush of adrenaline you feel when you almost step in front of a bus. Fear is an option. Because happy individuals understand this better than anybody else, they turn fear on its head.

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#7. Leaving the present

The past and future, like fear, are products of your mind. No amount of guilt or anxiety can change the past, nor can it influence the future. Because happy people are aware of this, they concentrate on living in the present moment.

How to Figure Out Why You’re Not Happy

So, if you have most of the symptoms listed above, you are most likely not in Dreamland right now. Here’s my advice for locating bumps in the batter.

#1. Consider what the term “happy” means to you.

Happiness can take various forms, including hedonic pleasure, life contentment, and wish fulfillment. All of these, individually or collectively, can bring us delight. Because our lives are so varied, the aforementioned will translate into distinct pursuits for every one of us.

#2. Reassess your expectations

As previously said, unrealistic expectations that you or others place on you can prevent you from feeling joyful. For one reason, aspirations can quickly become out of date. What you want ten, five, or even six months ago may no longer be relevant to your situation today and will need to be filed away in your mind.

#3. Examine your thinking process

The premise that it is never the actual occurrence that upsets us is at the heart of the so-called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), which was founded by the American psychologist Albert Ellis in 1956. It is our interpretation and ideas on the subject. By extension, modifying our thinking will minimize (and ideally eliminate) our anxiety.

#4. Mental detoxification

Mental health is frequently in the news these days. And quite deservedly so. Many of our life outcomes are directly related to how we care for our bodies and minds. Mental clutter can be a hindrance to one’s well-being. Overthinking, old grudges, and past occurrences can all make feeling elevated and content difficult.


Of course, we need to know what makes us unhappy to discover the best solution for each of us. Constantly being unhappy is unhealthy and demands further investigation. Finally, avoid the narrative trap of believing that if you are sad, there is something wrong with you. It could be normal, at least for a while. Otherwise, how would you appreciate your life’s highlights if you didn’t see them against the backdrop of dismal times?

Frequently Asked Questions

What do I do if Im not happy?

When You’re Not Happy, Try These Solutions

  • Make a note of it.
  • Make an effort to develop yourself one step at a time.
  • Find a happy medium between long-term and short-term goals.
  • Recognize that happiness is frequently a choice.
  • Make a concrete plan.
  • Keep track of your happiness.
  • Spend time with the individuals you care about.
  • Don’t give up if you have a poor day.

Why can't I ever be happy?

Anhedonia is defined as the inability to experience a pleasure. It’s a typical sign of depression and other mental illnesses. The majority of individuals understand how pleasure feels. They expect certain things to make them happy in life.

How do I know I'm not happy?

You are gloomy, apprehensive, or always concerned. You have the impression that you are underappreciated. Furthermore, you find yourself passing judgment on others. You numb yourself frequently with booze, drugs, sex, television, or excessive busyness.

What does it mean when you don't like being happy?

Cherophobia is a phobia in which a person has an irrational fear of being happy. The word “chero” comes from the Greek word for “to joy.” When a person has cherophobia, they are typically hesitant to participate in things that most people would consider pleasant or happy.

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