You probably should have heard about “The Five Love Languages Series” by Gary Chapman, unless you’re a Flimstone living under a rock.
But just in case you haven’t, “love language” refers to how we prefer to receive love from someone or express love to someone. However, we all have different love languages. Therefore, it is possible that you and your partner don’t share the same language. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings in the relationship. Although it is mostly unspoken, studying your partner to learn their love language helps you understand them better. So, let’s find out what your love language is.
The 5 Types of Love Languages
Generally, there are just 5 love languages. They include;
- Words of affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Getting Gifts
What is my Love Language?
The following are pointers to knowing your love language
#1. Words of Affirmation
Your love language could be words of affirmation if you love to hear your partner compliment you regularly. You love it when they tell you how strong, beautiful, pretty, and unique you are. Therefore, you are sensitive to words. Hence, if you need to be criticized or corrected, it must be done in a gentle manner.
#2. Quality Time
In this case, time and attention are what you crave. You’re the type that expects your partner to spend some time with you, no matter how busy they are. You prefer to have face-to-face conversations, go on long walks, trips, and vacations, and do things together. If your partner doesn’t get to spend time with you for a day or two, you might get grumpy. Also, you can’t survive in a long-distance relationship.
#3. Physical Touch
Physical touch doesn’t necessarily entail sex. You love to hold hands with your partner, even in the middle of conversations. It also includes cuddling, back hugs, forehead kisses, and whatever else you can think of. This makes you feel loved by your partner while also expressing your own. Hence, you’re a sucker for PDAs.
If this is your love language, you prefer your partner to do things for you. You like it when they do little thoughtful things. For example, you’d like them to cook dinner for you after a long, stressful day at work. You like to wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and breakfast. You’d want them to follow you to the doctor’s office for an appointment. When your partner does this, you feel loved and cared for.
5. Getting Gifts
Although everyone loves getting gifts, you prefer this often. Hearing your partner say “I got you something” makes you really happy. And that is because it makes you aware of the fact that they thought about you during the day. Or they saw a pretty necklace or nice sweatshirt, and it reminded them of you.
How To Find Your Partner’s Love Language
Generally, we all express and receive love in all 5 languages. However, everyone has a primary love language, secondary love language, and a tertiary love language. Simply put, first choice, second choice, and third choice. That is to say, your partner has a particular language they’d prefer you to respond to more than others. But without neglecting other languages.
However, when you understand your language and compare it to that of your partner, you might start to understand patterns in the disagreements you usually have. Therefore, if your partner’s love language is “acts of service” but you focus more on “affirmation,” they may still not feel loved. This is because they believe that actions speak louder than words.
Hence, try to understand your partner’s love language. What do you normally do that they can’t get tired of?
Do Love Languages Change?
The answer is “Yes and No”. Love languages are a lot similar to our human personalities. They may shift or become slightly different over time, but they’re rooted in who we are. Hence, they remain pretty much the same. Although You may have more than one love language, one would be more dominant than others. For example, physical touch may be your primary love language, while acts of service are your secondary one. So, don’t be surprised if your partner who loves acts of service gets upset because you don’t say “I love you” so much.
The Most Common Love Language
In the year 2010, a survey was conducted by Chapman, the author of “The Five Love Language Series”. From the results of the survey, the most popular love language as of 2010 was “words of affirmation.”
After he surveyed 10,000 people, he found that:
- 23 percent chose words of affirmation.
- 20 percent chose quality time.
- 20 percent chose acts of service.
- 19 percent chose physical touch.
- 18 percent chose to receive gifts.
However, this changed In 2018. The most common love language was quality time, by far. It was analyzed by a dating app love language test.
In addition, love languages are influenced by gender, culture, customs, and values. That is to say that your gender, cultural norms, values, and orientation can influence your love language. For example, to some people, receiving gifts or buying you gifts expresses how they feel about you. If they love you, they’d expect to receive gifts from you and vice versa. But to others, such may appear too materialistic.
Also, in some cultured countries, public display of affection between couples or romantic partners is seen as a big taboo. South Asian countries is an example.
Love Language Test
The love language test will help you determine which category you or your partner belongs to. Remember that sometimes, it’s possible to have more than one love language. So, be sure to choose the option that you respond to more strongly than the others.
1. You are going through a really hard time, but you will feel a bit better if your partner says: “Even though you say you’re fine, I know you’ve been through so much. But I love the fact that you’re strong. That’s one of the reasons I love you so much. Don’t worry, we can get through this.”
A. “Don’t tell me you’re fine.” I’m hurt to see you like this. What can I do to help? Just tell me. Anything”
B. “Do you want to go to the Bahamas?” just the both of us. “Let’s go on a vacation and forget about all of this.”
C. “Don’t cry; I’m on my way to the house.” I’ll hold you in my arms until you fall asleep. Alright?”
D. “I got you a present on my way back home.” But I’m not going to let you open it unless you smile.”
2. In general, you really don’t like it when your partner: Criticizes what you do. Or stay a while without telling you how much they love you.
A. Doesn’t get things done. You have to remind them to do the chores. Or you have to ask before they get things done for you.
B. Arranges to meet up with you but doesn’t, because they got caught up at work. You believe that if they value you, they will make time for you.
C. Doesn’t want to hug, kiss or cuddle you. You may see it as a sign of withdrawal from the relationship if they begin to reduce the way they do all that.
D. You have to ask your partner to get you a present before they do. Or wait until your birthdays and anniversaries before they get you gifts.
3. When you wake up, what makes you feel more loved?
A. Hearing your partner say “I love you”
B. Having breakfast in bed, courtesy of your partner
C. When your partner holds your gaze, and you pillow talk
D. If your partner cuddles you tightly
E. When your partner tells you to expect a delivery man later because he got you something.
4. What is your preference: I like receiving letters, thank you notes, and cards.
A. When others help me, it means a lot.
B. I like spending one on one time with those I love.
C. Nothing says I love you more than a big warm hug.
D. A thoughtful gift goes a long way for me.
Mostly A’s – Words of affirmation
Majorly B’s – Act of service
Mostly C’s – Quality Time
Majorly D’s – Physical Touch
Mostly E’s – Receiving Gifts
However, if your answers are divided evenly (2 A and 2 B), you have more than one love language. And the dominant one mostly depends on your mood.
What is the strongest love language?
The love language that people value the most is quality time spent together; in fact, 38% of people rank this as their top love language. Women, particularly those under 45 (41%) and those over the age of 45 (44%), are especially likely to say that the best way to show love to them is to give them quality time.
Can I have all 5 love languages?
Words of Affirmation, Quality Time Spent Together, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch are considered the Five Love Languages. There is a range of intensity associated with each of the five different expressions of romantic affection, and it is entirely doable to acquire proficiency in all of them.
How do men show love?
If a man loves you, he will want to be as close to you as possible at all times. This is how he will show you his love. When it comes to the manner in which men communicate their emotions, you will find that they tend to keep a close physical proximity to the person they are interested in. It’s possible that he’ll hold your hand, give you a hug, or encircle you with his arm.
Conclusively, knowing your love language is useful in improving communication with your partner. It helps you express yourself to your partner and receive love as you desire. However, a relationship entails many things. Relying on love languages alone can build a codependent relationship out of the blue. Also, having a different love language from your partner doesn’t mean the relationship won’t work. Instead, it will help you understand your differences and work towards building a healthy relationship.
LOVE LANGUAGE FAQs
What is the most common language?
In 2018, The most common love language was quality time, by far. It was analyzed by a dating app love language test.
Do love languages change?
Love languages are a lot similar to our human personalities. They may shift or become slightly different over time, but they’re rooted in who we are.
How do I know my love language?
According to Dr. Chapman, if your manner of showing love is to whisper sweet nothings in his or her ear, or if you frequently make praises, your language is “words of affirmation.” The other love languages emphasize doing rather than saying what you’re feeling.