How can I fix the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend? Perhaps this is a phrase you never imagined you’d say to yourself. Or maybe you knew it was going to happen from the start. Whatever the case may be, you’re experiencing a range of emotions now that it’s happened. Fill in the blank with shame, remorse, sadness, or wrath. You’ve arrived at a crossroads in your life and must now decide what to do next. Do you reveal what you’ve done, or do you keep it hidden? Do you stay in the relationship and try to fix it, or do you go on to find a new boyfriend? Here are some things to think about as you make the difficult decisions that come with any form of infidelity.
Cheating on someone is a serious matter with serious ramifications. If you’re not sure what to do next, it depends on the circumstances. Is your boyfriend aware of your infidelity? If he doesn’t, you’ll have to consider taking responsibility for your actions.
It’s critical to be honest if you want to keep the connection going. Your adultery has the potential to end the relationship, but you can’t undo what’s already happened. Your boyfriend may be willing to work with you to fix the relationship after you cheated if you’re honest and sorry. However, you might not wish to save the connection. It’s also possible that you cheated on your boyfriend to get away from him.
Why Do People Cheat When They’re In Relationships?
We all know people cheat, but we don’t always dive as much as we should when it comes to why. It’s easy to believe that a cheater is just a nasty person or that the person who was cheated on is an unfulfilling spouse, whether we’ve been cheated on or are comforting someone who has. In most cases, the reality is quite different. Research published in 2020 gave some light on why people cheat in the first place. And the reasons aren’t exactly what you’d expect. Here are five of the most common reasons for cheating.
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#1. Self-esteem
In our society, a person whose partner has cheated on them is thought to have done something wrong or isn’t fulfilling enough in some way. While this is a possibility, it is more often than not a reflection of the cheater’s feelings toward their relationship or the person with whom they cheated. Instead, a cheater’s decision to cheat is frequently motivated by how they feel about themselves. When someone’s self-esteem is low for any reason, they may seek validation and attention from others.
#2. Neglect or a lack of affection
“Though most adultery involves sex, it is rarely just about the sex itself,” Scientific American writes. The majority of people who took part in the survey felt some kind of emotional attachment to their affair partner, but it was substantially more common among those who said their primary relationship had been neglected or lacked affection. If you’re looking for sex from someone else, you may be looking for intimacy that you don’t have.
#3. Sexual desire
When someone cheats, it isn’t always complicated. They’re either looking for more diversity in their sex life, or they’re simply infatuated with someone else. If you cheated because of this, you should think about whether monogamy is good for you. Other types of partnerships are better suited to people who require variety in their love lives. Consider what in your dynamic with this person prompted you to lose sight of your commitment to your spouse if you were simply struck with a desire for another person.
#4. Anger
Many people cheat because they are angry with their partner, which isn’t the first reason that springs to mind when pondering why people cheat. If you believe your partner has wronged you, you may feel compelled to cheat to exact vengeance. Cheaters may harbor anger toward their partners for less obvious reasons, such as failing to move the relationship along or being overbearing.
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#5. Circumstances or situation
A one-of-a-kind circumstance may emerge that prompts someone to cheat. According to the study, cheaters cheated because of the circumstances and were less inclined to cheat openly since they anticipated returning to their relationship without being discovered. Consider why you thought you couldn’t say no if a situation developed that made you feel uncharacteristically compelled to cheat.
Is It Possible to Fix a Relationship After You Cheated On Your Boyfriend?
It is certainly feasible to mend your relationship after adultery. Many couples have successfully restored their relationships. The desire between you and your boyfriend to put in the work required to fix a shattered relationship after adultery is the key to repairing a relationship after you cheated.
This can’t be a one-sided desire; else, it’ll be doomed to fail. You and your boyfriend may simply want to fix your relationship after you cheated and make it one to which you want to recommit 100 percent.
I Cheated On My Boyfriend, How Do I Fix It?
The method of healing a relationship will be the same whether you are the unfaithful wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend. Begin by deciding whether or not you want to stay in your relationship. If the answer is an emphatic yes, here are some ideas for how to fix your relationship after you’ve cheated on your boyfriend.
10 Ways to Fix Your Relationship After You Have Cheated On Your Boyfriend
The effort required to heal a relationship after cheating is long, delicate, difficult, and will require enormous patience on the part of the couple, much like fixing a major tear in a beautiful tapestry. If you’re wondering, “How do I fix it now that I cheated on my boyfriend?” Know from the outset that the path back to trust and true love is not easy, but it is worthwhile.
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#1. Consider whether you have any regrets about what you did.
Mark says, “I want to know how to fix a relationship after I’ve cheated.” “I sincerely regret what I did.” Mark is open to mending the relationship after cheating since he feels a genuine amount of regret. Fixing a relationship after you’ve cheated is unlikely to happen unless you feel great guilt and regret your conduct. If you were the one who cheated, ask yourself if you regret it.
#2. Take responsibility
Accept responsibility for your unfaithfulness. Accept responsibility for your actions and the resulting trauma in your relationship. “Well, we hadn’t had sex in months!” Do not mention this to your lover. “Wasn’t that what you expected me to do?” Tell your partner that you are the only one who has the authority to leave the relationship. It wasn’t a result of anything they did or didn’t do. You can choose. Even if your marriage had problems, you chose to be unfaithful rather than address the root of the problem.
#3. Cut all links with the individual you cheated with right away.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts. It’s time to put an end to the cheating. Cutting off all communication with the “cheatee” is an important component of how to fix your relationship after you’ve cheated on your boyfriend. block them across all social media platforms. Delete their phone numbers from your phone book. (Don’t merely alter the name of the contact.) Remove them from your system and block them. Your partner must understand that the relationship is over and that the individual is no longer in your life.
#4. Be truthful
When it comes to mending a relationship after betrayal, complete honesty is essential. If the other partner feels the need to see the cheater’s text messages, images, or emails, the cheater must be willing to reveal them. If you hide something, it will eventually be uncovered. That will simply shatter trust once more.
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#5. Reestablish trust
When it comes to repairing a broken relationship after adultery, it’s critical to fix trust. As part of the healing process, couples’ therapists recommend complete candor. The individual who has been cheated on must be permitted to ask the cheating partner any questions, including the most painful and sensitive ones. Isn’t this the opposite of what you’d expect?
Knowing all the gory facts can seem to make mending worse, but this hasn’t been demonstrated to be the case. Healing is easier when one understands the truth rather than just guessing what might have happened.
#6. Take care of the problems that lead to this.
There is no excuse for cheating, but discussing the underlying issues that lead to adultery will be beneficial. Drill down to the source of marital dissatisfaction to make a relationship work after adultery. Working on those areas will help you repair your relationship after straying.
#7. Be ready to revisit the problem.
The cheated-on partner may want to discuss and re-discuss the situation. You must remain receptive to their request. Don’t say, “We’ve already gone over this a million times.” Isn’t it possible for you to just drop it and go on? “
#8. Recognize that healing takes time.
The grief and pain of being cheated do not follow a straight line. As you continue on your healing pathways, be willing to be patient with your companion. It takes an average of one to two years for people to recover from infidelity.
#9. Make forgiveness a habit.
One cheater explained, “I had to forgive myself and seek my boyfriend’s forgiveness to fix the relationship after I cheated.”
#10. Create a new love landscape for yourself.
Use the affair to move your relationship forward, making it stronger and more bonded. Esther Perel, a well-known couples and sex therapist, on how to start a new chapter in your marriage. Consider how much you love one another and what it means to you both to restore a relationship after adultery. Examine strategies to restructure and reinvent your relationship to make it affair-proof so you can move past the affair.
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Conclusion
You don’t have to end your relationship because you cheated on your boyfriend; you can always fix it. It is possible to overcome the personal issues that have been preventing you from progressing in life. Working with a devoted counselor will help you become the person you want to be, allowing you to live a happy life in the future. Today is the day to take the first step.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I fix my relationship after I cheated?
According to experts, it is feasible for couples to have a successful relationship after infidelity if they are prepared to put in the effort. “After an affair, a couple can endure and evolve,” Coleman argues. “If they don’t, the connection will never be satisfying.”
How do you make your boyfriend forgive you after you cheated?
Make a sincere apology.
- Tell your companion, “I am quite aware that I have caused you much pain, and I will do all in my power to repair our connection. I sincerely apologize, and I’d like to discuss how we can move forward.”
- Make a genuine apology rather than a phony one. Only apologize for what you mean and what you believe you’ve done incorrectly.
What to say to your boyfriend after you cheated?
How to Apologize in a Correct Manner
- Accept responsibility for your actions. Recognize that you’ve cheated.
- Empathy is a virtue. Demonstrate some empathy for how your actions have impacted your relationship.
- Extend your apologies. Explicitly express your regret.
- Request forgiveness.
- Make the necessary adjustments.
- Promise to never cheat again.
- Allow them time to respond.
Why did I cheat on my boyfriend?
Some people are motivated to cheat by a basic desire to have sex. Other reasons, such as opportunity or unmet sexual demands, may also play a role in desire-driven infidelity. However, someone who desires to have sex for no other reason might look for opportunities to do so.
