It’s not simple to get over being cheated on—after all, adultery is excruciatingly terrible in every way. It doesn’t matter if it was a single indiscretion, a series of micro-flirtations, an emotional affair, or discovering your partner has a secret Toledo family. It’s reasonable to feel betrayed, angry, and sad no matter what level of infidelity you’re dealing with.
It may be even more difficult to accept the news of your partner’s infidelity if you were quarantined with them at the time. You may not have been able to give yourself the physical or mental space you needed to digest the scenario since you were in such close quarters. But if there’s one thing relationship experts want you to know, it’s that getting over being cheated on, whether with or without your partner, is achievable with time and patience.
How to Get Over Being Cheated on Multiple Times
Cheating hurts and can influence your sense of self, whether you’ve coped with a succession of indiscretions from one person or ended up with a group of people who are prone to straying outside the partnership limits. You may feel trapped in this emotionally destructive habit and unable to understand why it continues to happen to you. Examine your mindset, signals, and self-esteem to reclaim your happiness and work toward better dating circumstances in the future. Here are some suggestions for getting over being cheated on several occasions:
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#1. Don’t be half-hearted.
If you keep attracting cheaters, it might be time to take a vacation from dating. You may feel more vulnerable and self-doubting after a devastating breakup, especially if it was caused by infidelity.
#2. Attracting a good apple
According to therapist Michele O’Mara in “Dating Again, After a Breakup,” it’s all too simple to attract someone new who matches your usual pattern and responds to the emotional harm you’re emitting after a breakup. In order to have a good, faithful relationship, you need to attract and be drawn to someone whose personal beliefs fit with yours and who is mature enough to handle a romantic relationship. Because your emotional distress signals will overpower your other characteristics until you have resolved your issue of being cheated on in the past, you are unlikely to attract such a person.
#3. Boosting your self-confidence
According to Lewandowski and Bobrowski, people naturally seek out those who support their point of view, even if it is inadvertent. A pattern of poor treatment from a dating partner may persuade you, or confirm your existing attitude, that you are unworthy of a more fulfilling relationship over time. If your self-esteem is low, try noting your many positive characteristics and reminding yourself that how people treat you has no bearing on who you are.
#4. Believe in yourself.
Even if you’re in a relationship with someone who demonstrates loyalty, you may find it difficult to trust them because you have trouble trusting your intuition. The article “How Can You Rebuild Trust When Your Partner Cheats?” states that when you’ve been cheated on, your inner voice is typically a casualty. To regain faith in your ability to recognize when something is wrong, try to distinguish your voice of wisdom from your voice of fear; the one that is constantly causing you to worry for no reason.
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How to Get Over Being Cheated On as a Man
Despite the agony, being cheated on as a man can be overcome, and you can even evolve into a stronger, more resilient person than before. Here are some pointers on how to recover from being duped as a man:
#1. Take a step back and then talk about it.
Take a deep breath in and out. You’re probably bewildered, hurt, betrayed, and enraged. It will take some time to recover from the incident. Maintain as much calm as possible. Finally, find a peaceful way to talk to your husband about what happened. Once the affair is over, the healing process will begin. If the affair is still going on, it’s difficult to regain trust.
#2. If you plan to stay with your partner
If you’ve been cheated on and want to stay with your spouse and work on your relationship, permit yourself to truly express how you feel—whether it’s anger, grief, pain, fear, or abandonment—you get to speak up and be heard without your partner’s reaction or explanations. Tell them to take a step back and listen until you figure out what you need to do next.
#3. Focus on yourself first
It is not your fault that your ex cheated on you. You can’t make a relationship affair-proof, and even if you’re not ideal, you’re not to blame if they cheat. However, you should think about how you contributed to the overall relationship’s demise. Consider what you could have done differently in the relationship if you could go back in time.
#4. Make a clean break from it.
This doesn’t mean you have to act as if your ex has vanished from the face of the Earth, but you can’t be best friends if you haven’t moved on from your breakup. You could be tempted to hook up casually after they cheat to prove to yourself that you still have them, but it’s usually not worth the trouble — or the clean clothes.
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#5. Do not monitor their social media accounts daily.
You’ll probably be tempted to do so, but request the support of a friend to help you set boundaries. Start by permitting yourself to check once every other day until you can wean yourself off if you can’t quit on demand. Do not use social media to vent about your split or openly criticize your ex. Bookings that aren’t specific and references to “people” that aren’t specific aren’t ambiguous at all.
#6. Make an effort to feel good about yourself.
There are hundreds (if not thousands) of techniques to improve your self-esteem, and they differ from one person to the next. One of the exercises I give my clients is to make a list of their best attributes and add to it every week. It may sound conceited, but most of us don’t devote enough time to acknowledging how wonderful we are, especially after a breakup. I alter the technique for folks who have lost their sexual confidence as a result of cheating (or for any other reason), focusing on recognizing their sexual strengths.
How to Get Over Being Cheated On and Move On
One of the most difficult things to overcome in a relationship is being cheated. It’s also a common reason for a breakup because when your partner cheats on you, he or she not only harms you in the short term but also in the long run. They harm you as a person by removing all of your trust and respect for them, as well as from the relationship you share.
But how do you move forward when you have no idea where to begin or who to trust? Here are things to think about:
#1. Give yourself some time to relax.
When you break up with someone who has cheated on you, you are likely to experience a range of emotions. However, if there’s one thing you’ll feel at the conclusion, it’ll be a relief. You’ll be relieved because you won’t have to cope with someone who lies to you and takes your affection for granted anymore.
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#2. Don’t speak to your ex anymore.
Another strategy to help you move on is to avoid contact with the ex who cheated on you. There’s no point in communicating with someone who shattered you because if they truly loved you, they wouldn’t do anything like that to you. Sure, they may have had reasons for breaking up with you, such as falling out of love or meeting someone new, but they could have at least shown you the respect you deserve by breaking up formally first.
#3. Stop blaming yourself for your relationship’s failure.
It’s also natural to blame yourself for your relationship’s demise. You’ll start to believe you’ve done something wrong, or that something is lacking in you that your partner discovered in someone else, prompting him or her to cheat. While this may be the case, it is never a sufficient reason for them to lie to or betray you, the person with whom they are in a relationship.
#4. Analyze and learn from your own mistakes.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and it’s possible that the one you had had problems that led to your partner cheating. Looking back and reflecting on your relationship might be a beneficial activity for you. Look for problems, errors, and character variances, and determine which of these were caused by you. Identifying your weak points is critical since it allows you to address them and improve your overall well-being.
#5. Go to your support group for help.
Having a support group is usually beneficial. They may not always provide sound advice, but they are there to provide a shoulder to weep on or ears to listen to your screams and whims. Whenever you’re feeling down and out due to recollections of your ex cheating on you, go to them for comfort. Request a hug or overnight company.
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How to Get Over Being Cheated On as a Woman
When it comes to getting over being cheated on as a woman, there are six things you should avoid doing:
#1. Don’t waste time attempting to avenge yourself.
One of the ways that girls retaliate against their unfaithful ex is to propagate false stories. It may make you feel better, but in the end, you only make yourself look much more undervalued. It may not appear that way to you, but everyone else sees it that way. Repent instead of retaliating, telling yourself, “I’m too good for that.”
#2. Rebound in a different direction.
Take your time getting to the next step. Also, don’t rush into a relationship as soon as you become single. Moving on takes time, and rushing yourself into a relationship to bury your sorrows might not be the best choice… Maintain an optimistic attitude. Try staying single for a few months to figure out what you want, who you don’t want, and how to approach relationships and people with an open mind.
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#3. Don’t bear the guilt of others.
It is their choice and duty when individuals cheat. Those who have been cheated, on the other hand, are frequently left wondering what they did wrong. When parents divorce, the children are generally the ones who feel guilty. While one individual may be somewhat to blame for someone quitting a relationship, the cheater bears full responsibility for his or her conduct.
#4. Don’t engage in missionary dating
Why do some young women continue to date and attract notorious cheaters? You’d think they’d learn from their blunders in the past. This occurs frequently because these girls harbor a secret yearning to tame the wild man. They believe they can help him become a better person. Forge forward if you like danger and excitement, don’t care about long-term committed relationships, and don’t mind being cheated on.
#5. Don’t think you are the exception.
If you want to move on from your first relationship and aren’t looking for the same type of person, don’t look in the same place you met him. The guy who has cheated previously is the most likely to do it again. As a result, you’d assume that former cheaters would be avoided like the plague. However, this is not the case. Another girl is always eager to give them a chance.
How to Get Over Being Cheated On and Stay Together
Here’s what you need to do to get over being cheated and stay together: There are seven steps to repairing your relationship.
#1. Start the process by restoring confidence.
For you to be able to trust your partner again, their actions must match their words.
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#2. Talk about the affair
They must be willing to talk to you about the affair.
#3. Set aside time
You’ll both need to set aside time — for the time being, every day — to talk about what’s happened.
Your partner or spouse must be prepared to reassure you to the greatest extent feasible.
#5. Couples’ Counseling or coaching
If you want to attend couples counseling, they must agree to accompany you. Alternatively, seek immediate assistance from a certified relationship coach.
#6. Question time
After approximately a week, you’ll need to be ready to wait until you’ve sat down for that precise conversation before launching questions at your partner (depending on your circumstances). You have the option of setting a time restriction for the affair discussion.
#7. Work on your relationship.
Use the remaining time to reminisce and enjoy positive recollections. For example, examine images and listen to the music you were listening to when you first met.
We’ve covered lists of things you can do to get over being cheated on several times, but speaking with a relationship coach about your issue might be beneficial if you want a completely individualized explanation of what’s going on and where it’ll take you in the future. You can get assistance geared to the exact challenges you’re having in your relationship from a professional relationship coach.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you truly get over being cheated on?
“After an affair, couples may and do stay together, but it takes a lot of work to mend lost trust.” When one partner cheats, most couples don’t recover, but “those that do can emerge stronger from having gone through the process of recuperating from the affair,” according to Klow. It does, however, take time.
How Do I Stop overthinking after being cheated on?
Remember that it’s perfectly fine to take your time healing and to trust your process because your emotions are unique to you and your life. Feel the feelings, mature, and move on.
- Make an effort to work through your emotions.
- Don’t put the blame on yourself.
- Don’t get caught up in the past.
- Consider what you desire.
- Don’t forget to look after yourself.
- Don’t be afraid to seek assistance.
How long does it take to get over the hurt of being cheated on?
While the healing process from the negative emotions associated with being cheated on varies from person to person, affair recovery-based relationship experts agree that it takes at least two years to heal from an ongoing affair, whereas in other couples where infidelity may have occurred, it takes less time.
How can I be happy after being cheated on?
Expert advice on how to deal with being cheated.
- “Take care of your grief.” Attempt to control your emotions as they arise.
- It’s time to talk about it.
- Re-establish a balance between the benefits and drawbacks.
- Accept the pain and move on.
- Attempt to see the big picture.
- Assemble a group of people who make you happy.
- Make self-care a priority.
- Take a walk outside.