BPD BREAKUP: HOW BEST TO GET OVER A BREAKUP WITH BPD

Borderline Personality Disorder is a really common personality disorder is generally categorized by;
a. How he or she sees themselves.
b. Extreme inability to manage emotions and control themselves.
c. Instability in most or all of their relationships.
Additionally, one key behavioral pattern shared among a lot of people with BPD is “splitting”. Basically, splitting is how they see people, black or white, good or bad, no grey area.

OVERVIEW

People suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) generally experience every relationship as chaotic, problematic or intense basically. Especially when they are in romantic relationships and/or attachments. Before you fall in love or go into a relationship with someone with BPD, then you need to educate yourself about all you need to know about the disorder in order for you to know what you’re in for. Additionally, if you have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, then it would do you much good to do research on this disorder. You need to know how your personality affects your relationship and the area it affects your life in general.

BPD BEHAVIOR AFTER BREAKUP

Generally, someone with borderline personality disorder suffers intensely after a breakup. They would not want to enter into another relationship because of fear of the pain, rejection and abandonment they might go through all over again. Additionally, at the same time they might want to go into a relationship again to make themselves feel good about themselves and dive out of self-loathing. However, it’s immensely difficult for them.

BPD BREAKUP CYCLE

Living with borderline personality can be really challenging though. You’d live your life in constant emotional cycles and episodes when living with BPD. And in turn, these traits affect your relationships, either romantic or any type of relationship in general. Because, they may start focusing on negative aspects and patterns in the relationship which makes it harder for them to feel safe in the relationship. The BPD relationship cycle are simplified in six stages;

Stage One:

Someone with BPD would envision their partner as perfect and prioritize him or her over other things basically. Generally, this usually happens as the relationship is still very young and fresh and with time, they can get clingy and demand a lot out of the relationship because they themselves are fully invested in the relationship.

Stage Two:

When discussing about borderline personality disorder, the feelings of anxiety and fear of abandonment can be separated. They start becoming excessively sensitive to issues like a missed text or call or even some as basic as a postponed date. Some symptoms of BPD that categorize this stage is the fear of abandonment or stress-related paranoid thoughts in general. Basically, they believe that with these incidents, you are no longer interested in them or the relationship.

Stage Three:

When they try to respond to their feelings of anxiety of abandonment, they’d start pushing you away or even test you to see if you are interested in them. These tests sometimes result in issues in relationship but to the person with BPD, he or she is just fighting for the relationship to work out.

Stage Four:

When there is low satisfaction in the relationship, they’d resort to intentional distancing. Basically, this is both their defensive and coping mechanism. When they don’t feel safe around you anymore so they do what they feel right. Although, this might feel really confusing to you. But to them, it’s a lot of emotional damage/ trauma. They constantly need reassurance in the relationship, always asking you to confirm your feelings and interest in general.

Stage Five:

When you decide to be oblivious to the fact that your partner is suffering from borderline personality disorder, this is the point where your relationship will end. Basically, you don’t understand these things or even how things went wrong so fast.

Stage Six:

Even when the relationship is finally over, the partner living with BPD could starts loathing in feelings of low esteem and self-worth. Additionally, he or she may even start experiencing some signs of depression. They may even want to start the whole relationship cycle over again thinking there’s something else they would have done better and they try connecting again. Additionally, if the relationship did not end, they’d try to solve the challenges, or even restart the cycle.

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP WITH BPD

1. Remember that that emotion you feel is temporal at best:

Although, when you’re in that state, you’d experience really intense emotions that may feel long lasting. But it just goes away after sometime. Because one of the good things with BPD is that, the emotion passes by really quickly only to be replaced by another. When you study yourself to understand this, you feel more at ease whenever it comes up again.

2. Be in charge of your emotions:

When you’re feeling an immense emotional storm or draught, try not to act on them as they come. Because being too impulsive makes you a little reckless with your emotions, plainly said your emotions gets the best of you. Because you feel emotions more intensely than someone who doesn’t have borderline personality disorder. So basically, you have to learn to keep them in check.

3. Don’t expect everyone to feel what you feel or as strongly as you do:

Generally, this is the hardest thing to learn as someone who has BPD. Seeing life at its true form is really hard. Basically, as someone living with borderline personality disorder, not everyone would feel emotions as you do or if they not as strongly as you do. So when that happens, accept it, learn and keep your cool. Especially when it’s a breakup kind of situation, the fact they don’t react to it as you do, doesn’t mean they are not as affected. But they are just going through their own mechanism that enables them cope with the breakup.

4. Think before reacting:

The whole concept of someone living with BPD is their emotional impulsivity so when you tell them to think first, before acting. Well, that’s going to be really hard to do basically. Because you want to react just as you feel with any much thought about the repercussions. But when you do that, you’d be the one at the receiving end of the stick. Because the person you’re probably talking to knows how to manage their emotions and this person doesn’t respond accordingly you’d throw another tantrum.

5. Be kind to yourself:

Basically, this can be as simple as taking deep soothing breaths to help you balance your emotions. Additionally, when you struggle with suicidal thoughts, ensuring your immediate environment is risk free is something you should really look into. No toxins, sharp objects or anything that can cause you harm basically. Generally, try to take some time to understand that you are feeling intense pain and don’t flush your emotions down the drain, they are valid, feel them. Even though they always a tad stronger than what other people may be experiencing.

QUIET BPD BREAKUP

Quiet BPD can be traumatic because you experience everything with intensity and can’t really relate to people much. Generally, the feeling of rejection or fear of abandonment can be quite nasty. So, when you break up with someone living with borderline personality disorder, you’d trigger these emotions and it further drives them to substance abuse, alcohol abuse or even suicidal thoughts.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A BREAKUP WHEN YOU HAVE BPD

The first thing you should always try to accomplish is stability in your emotions, try to be the boss of them in general. Additionally, this particular trait helps keep your impulsivity in check. You can also try;

1. Practicing self-care
2. Avoid self-loathing
3. Always process your thoughts when they arise instead of acting immediately on them.
4. Always remind yourself that the pain you feel now is temporal at best so when you feel flooded with emotions, calm yourself and reassure yourself.

HOW TO BREAKUP WITH SOMEONE WITH BPD

Many arguments would arise when a relationship in which one partner has BPD ends. Basically, BPD is categorized by the fear of abandonment, and a breakup leaves them feeling worse, desperate and drives them to a lot of things. Even when the relationship wasn’t necessarily healthy, this person will still have trouble letting go of their partner’s toxic traits. This is really common in long term commitments like marriage or plainly partnerships in general. That is why it is important, that you have a couples’ therapist so when a breakup is about to occur, the therapist knows at best how to calm you down.

CONCLUSION

When you or your partner is living with BPD, you’d constantly experience a relationship cycle of ups and downs. Having BPD doesn’t necessarily mean you’re trying to hurt those around or that generally everything is your fault. However, seeing a therapist regularly can help you control these tendencies.

BPD BREAKUP FAQ’S