It’s not the first time that lost feelings resurface. However, why do they really resurface? Most times when we’d gone through a really messy breakup and those feelings that made us attracted to the person in the first place tries to bulge out of the tight and suffocating space we kept them, we just get scared. Why are they resurfacing? I don’t really want a rebound, basically, anyhow it may feel, you need to know how and what makes them resurface before learning how to deal with them.
10 HELPFUL TIPS
1. Learn to embrace your feelings:
You’re human hon, it’s bound to happen. When those lost feelings are now all you can think about these days, don’t judge yourself for imagining the ecstasy that once overwhelmed you. Basically, love can be quite nasty but forgive yourself first. Well, what I mean is, there’s this guilt that comes with falling for the wrong person, we blame ourselves for doing so especially when the breakup is getting really messy. I should know because I was once there. But trust me when you start letting loose and just accept these things, you can easily move on. Also, adding to that fact, when these lost feelings resurface, don’t judge yourself for it, embrace it. At least for the moment.
2. Ask yourself those important questions:
Ok, what’s next? These lost feelings keep resurfacing over and over, it’s like an avalanche in your brain. Well, you need to ask yourself those tough questions basically, do you want to advance in the direction of your feelings or you just want them to be done and over with? Anything you pick is purely valid. It’s all up to you basically.
3. Put all your feelings on paper:
Generally, this particular step is really important. Because, writing your feelings down on paper is a really safe and stable outlet. Basically, if you keep concealing those feelings, they won’t go away so the best option is to let it out. That’s why a lot of people venture into art as a stable platform to let out their feelings e.g. writing like poetry, script, or songwriting and other forms of art as therapy. Basically, it can be a great help.
4. Take distance:
When you’re trying to get rid of those lost feelings, one of the most important things to do is avoid contact with the particular person. Love can really be a fickle creature. Well because, most times when we fall for someone before they even get to know them we can just simply love the fact they are always around, just their presence. So when you still go back continuously you could awaken those old feelings. Distance is the best thing you can do for yourself basically; especially when you don’t intend to go back to the person.
5. Don’t be a caveman:
Generally, a lot of people would choose to be introverted about their life. However, it’s kind of risky especially in cases like this. “I don’t want to stress you with my problems”, “It’s my burden, not yours” all these are referred to as “caveman strategies”. Because some friends would be happy to help you. But still, you’d prefer to dwell with yourself. Although, you can definitely do that. But there’s something crazy about lost feelings. When you keep them hidden, it’s like you’re nursing them and they only keep growing.
6. Search for constructive distractions:
Look for a creative way to vent that energy. Just do a little search on what you like, when you’re into art, venturing deeper down can help you. Art therapy can do a lot of good because it’s constructive and brings out that deep, creative part of yourself. Additionally, you won’t really have the time to think about any other thing too.
7. Getting over your ex once and for all:
This is the hardest part basically. Because most times we tell ourselves that we want to move on, we don’t need these feelings anymore. But still, we aren’t really ready to move on. Even when you might say it with your mouth that the pain you went through was too much. But that isn’t enough, check yourself, make up your mind. Do you want these feelings? Because they’re a reason they are still reoccurring. This is the first step to getting over him or her basically.
8. Ask yourself the “million dollar” question:
“What would you actually gain if you decide to respond in the direction of these lost feelings?” “Why were they lost in the first place?” You should be able to answer these questions in general. Because tending to lost feelings can be somewhat tricky. Well, because they don’t easily go away. Especially when you intend to do away with these feelings. If it’s an ex or even a nasty divorce, remind yourself of what happened in the first place. Do you want to get rid of these feelings and move on or forgive this person but your life would be better off?
9. Restore your interaction carefully:
Although, this is not really necessary. But you can choose to restore contact if you want to. But tread carefully. Because the person in question can get mixed feelings from you and start thinking you are still fully in. Or worse, they’d want you guys to go back to how it was before. However way, just communicate your intentions clearly.
10. Use the Barney Stinson comeback:
Popular Barney Stinson for the movie, “How I Met My Mother” was truly inspirational if you ask me though. How he was about to pick up and become the bold badass he was even when he wasn’t originally like that. That’s the final spice you need hon, do something that you normally do, even if it involves changing your lifestyle generally.
HOW TO DEAL WITH LOST FEELINGS
Dealing with lost feelings can be tricky though. But there are some tips that can help. They include;
1. Know What You Want:
You have to be able to know what you want… Do you want these feelings? Because if you do, it is a whole different story, or even if you don’t, it’s still different. So ask yourself, “What do I really want though?” This will help you generally. When you know what you want, the boldness to run with it just comes. This is the first step you need to do when you want to deal with those lost feelings.
2. Give Him Space To Breathe:
Yeah, it’s hard when these feelings are resurfacing. But if you don’t intend to respond to them, then do your best to keep them hidden. Try at best to give him space because this gives you some particular respect for him. I’ve met a lot of people who struggle with lost feelings and they constantly want to be around this person. Then the toxic cycle continues. Being around him does not do you any good at all. Although, it might be hard. But “a man gonna do what a man gonna do, right?”
3. Seek Professional Help:
When you are trying to deal with lost feelings constantly coming back, then seeing a professional is the next thing to do. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have mental problems. Basically, when some people are told to see a therapist, they might feel the issue is really minor. However, seeing a therapist at least once every month is just as important as your regular trips to the dentist or doctor. When these feelings keep coming back, then just try to see a therapist. Having someone to talk to about this can be a really stable outlet. When you constantly let it out, these feelings can die off before you even know it.
4. Self Care:
This is very important. Stress is not a way to help yourself though some people dive into work and occupy themselves so they don’t think about it. Although, working and occupying yourself is really important. Because you have to do something to for funds or basically for the fun of doing it. But when you start working and you don’t have time for yourself, this is not good. Because that coping mechanism is not healthy at all.
5. Rekindle that spark:
This is only when you intend to restore those feelings back. Generally, just try to communicate your intentions to see if this particular person is still interested in you. Basically communicate your feelings, go on dates, restore that old flame. It’s not rocket science, it’s really quite simple though.
As someone who has dealt with lost feelings always coming back, I totally get you. Although, it might be tempting, but rebounds don’t help you get rid of lost feelings. Instead, they remain as a meter to compare both persons. In addition, if you want to let all your feelings out and you can’t find a stable outlet, try seeing an art therapist, a psychologist, or a counselor.
LOST FEELINGS FAQ’S
Can lost feelings resurface?
Yes, they totally can. But when they come how you deal with it is what is truly important.
What do I do when lost feelings come back?
Well, it depends on you and the reason they left in the first place. If it’s a harsh breakup then restoring it might not be an option.
Why do lost feelings come back?
Well, it’s a void once you empty it and don’t fill it back then it’s bound for your inner self to seek a replacement.
What causes you to lose feelings for a particular person?
It can be for a lot of reasons. But majorly when someone is not giving you that emotional need or plainly “needs” that were not a problem previously in the relationship.
How do you know when you're losing feelings for someone?
Well, that’s simple. The things that thrill you about this person suddenly dies off.