I remember reading all of these old dating rules about what you should and shouldn’t do in teen magazines. They made me nervous because I had no idea how to flirt “properly.” These magazines served as my holy grails for dating advice. While I didn’t put any of that knowledge into practice until sporadic moments in high school and, more frequently, in college, one of the most significant “What do I do?!?” moments occurred after the date: Who should text first after a date?
Because of chivalry and tradition, some may argue that men should text first (assuming there is a man in the picture) after a date. Here’s your public service announcement that this is not the case.
Make it clear if you’re interested in someone. Life is too short to waste by playing games with people you’re dating (reminder to self: practice what you preach). So, if you had a good time on the date and want to see that person again, send them a text message. Literally.
Waiting for them to text you may result in silence for several days because they may be doing the same thing in return. There is no one gender that is automatically burdened with deciding whether or not to continue the dating process. Both people who went on the date should feel some obligation to express their intentions: that they want to hang out with them and see them again.
Who Should Text First After a Date Expert Opinions
I remember my first dates, and after I got through the first date successfully, my worry didn’t stop there because I would worry about whether I should be the first to text or not. Back in the day, I was always unsure whether to text first and when to text because I didn’t want to appear too eager or careless (unless I actually didn’t care).
All of my experiences have led me to be able to provide some excellent advice on what to do after your first date and whether you should be the first to text. Here are the dating rules I believe you should follow, which should help you decide who to text first after a date.
Invite him to dinner
Before I get into whether you should text him first, I’d like to go back to the beginning. I always say that if you like a guy, it’s not a bad idea to ask him out. Why are you wasting your time waiting for him to ask you out? I can see how this could be a problem if you’re afraid of rejection, but what if the guy you’re interested in is also afraid of rejection?
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If you’re both afraid of rejection, neither of you will make the first move, and you’ll never go on a first date. When you like a guy, sometimes the best thing you can do is summon the courage to ask him out. If he says no, it’s not the end of the world; at the very least, you’ll be able to move on and stop worrying about him.
Paying for the date
This is a common misunderstanding. We are now in the twenty-first century, and it is very common for women to pay for a date. To be honest, your date is unlikely to let you pay, but he will remember your genuine offer, which will give the impression that you are self-sufficient and prefer to give rather than take.
As the date approaches and the cheque arrives, simply offer to pay, but make certain that you can and want to pay. The worst thing you can do is pretend to want to pay because you believe he will refuse, and then pay because you may come to resent him if he allows you to pay. Not only that, but men aren’t as stupid as you think, and he’ll see right through your genuine offer to pay.
Texting after the date
No, it’s time to get down to business and decide who should be the first to text after a date. My honest response is that it doesn’t really matter and that you should do whatever you want. As I became more at ease with first dates, I realized that I would simply do whatever I wanted.
If I had a great time on a date, I would text him later that night to thank him for taking me out. This will always elicit a positive response because the recipient will feel appreciated for a job well done. If I didn’t feel a connection, I wouldn’t text at all, which may sound harsh, but it’s better than leading someone on. This is a common misunderstanding.
You probably despise this answer, but you are the only one who knows whether you should be the first to text after a date. Only you know how you felt about the date and whether or not you wanted to see him again. If you enjoyed the date and want to see him again, text him afterward and tell him you had a great date. This will start a conversation, and if he hasn’t already, you can ask if he’d like to do something else.
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The only thing I would probably avoid is texting him immediately after the date and asking when he wants to go out again. Get a sense of how he felt about the date by simply texting him to thank him for a good time and to express how much fun you had. How he responds will tell you whether he feels the same way.
If he responds positively and says he had a good time, you can probably ask him when he’d like to do something else. If he doesn’t respond to your text, I wouldn’t text him again because you don’t want to appear desperate.
After First Date Rules for Guys
Who, after all, makes these rules? There are numerous viewpoints on dating etiquette and standards. What should you do if you ask anyone? They’ll most likely go on and on about what to text a girl for the first time. While this type of advice is usually well-intended, it is frequently contradictory and, at times, out of date. These suggestions will be beneficial to you.
#1. Wait a few moments, then text when you feel like it
Sometimes ago, before smartphones or texting before a first date, the rule was to wait three days before calling. You weren’t supposed to call her more than three days after your first date because it would make you appear desperate.
#2. Think about the message’s length.
The length of messages in your conversation is another easy way to see if there is mutual interest. When you send long messages and she responds with only a few words, she’s simply being polite.
#3. Begin every sentence with a joke.
This is another recurring theme and for good reason. In the dating world, having a sense of humor and being able to make her laugh is a powerful thing.
#4. Texting after a first date—be positive
People who are upbeat are infinitely more enjoyable to be around. This alone makes you a lot more appealing and allows you to quickly build trust with people.
#5. Go ahead and make another date suggestion.
Okay, maybe not right away, but there is no set amount of time for you to wait. While some articles advocate dragging this out to create intrigue, I believe it should be done when the time is right.
#6. Be at ease with silence and accept what comes your way.
You don’t have to text every day, which is almost an extension of the points above. In fact, if you feel the need to force the conversation in this manner, it will not go well. Please message her if you have something to say. There’s no need for you to think of something to text her every day until your next date.
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Who Should Text First After Date Templates
Let’s wrap things up with some suggested templates for what to text after a first date, depending on how it went. Here’s what you should text after a first date if
#1. If the date was a success,
So, if the date went well, speak from the heart and enjoy yourself. Flirt a little, have some banter, and most importantly, try to tie this back to the date you had. As a result, you might want to say things like:
- That was a lot of fun. Thank you for a fantastic evening. I adore you… [Pick up something here]
- I didn’t expect you to be… [Insert something hilarious here!]What a pleasant surprise, huh? You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?
#2. If you’re not sure what you’re feeling
If you’re not sure how you feel about the person, and the date was a mixed bag – some great moments, but also some awkward ones – you might be unsure of what to text after that first date. So, in your first message, you might want to keep it short and sweet, something like:
- That was a lot of fun. It’s a pleasure to meet you, (NAME). I’m excited to get to know you better. A Date Suggestion for Next Time?
#3. If You’re Not Having Fun
If you’re not feeling it and don’t want to see them again, I highly recommend reading this article on how to reject someone politely. Essentially, you don’t need to go into great detail or point out any specific flaws. Simply say something like:
- I appreciate your presence today. It was extremely enjoyable for me. I’m not sure, but I believe there is a romantic connection. It was genuinely wonderful to meet you, and I wish you all the best.
#4. If you don’t know how your date feels
You can’t read people’s minds. Yes, you can make judgments based on how people act and what they say, but even so, it’s difficult to know a person’s true feelings. So, even if you have no idea how he feels, don’t ask. Simply follow the guidelines outlined above for texting after the first date:
- Express your appreciation
- Express how much you enjoyed it to him.
- Keep it light and fun!
Should a Woman Text After a First Date?
First and foremost, after a first date, you may be wondering, “Now what?” Should I text as a woman first? Is it appropriate for him to text? Who should text first after a date? Is there a set of rules for this?
No, it doesn’t really. Texting after a first date is simply polite. Texting after a first date is just the natural follow-up unless the date went horribly wrong and you both left on bad terms. Even if it’s just a quick note to say, “Thank you for today.” It was a pleasure to meet you. “
It doesn’t matter whether you see things romantically or not – if someone takes the time to see you, it’s nice to acknowledge that with a quick message, and you’ll usually get something back. As a result, it doesn’t matter who texts first after a date. So don’t overthink it, and certainly don’t wait for a text.
What to Text a Guy After a First Date
Consider some of these simple texts following the first-date examples. They should give you an idea of the kinds of text messages you might send. You are not required to use these specific text messages. It would be preferable to use your natural communication style. These are examples to help you if you’re at a loss for words.
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- “I had a great time with you on the date. I hope you had a good time as well! Let’s get together again soon. “
- Since our date, I’ve been thinking about you. That was a lot of fun, and I hope we can do it again.
- Hello, how are you? I’ve been thinking about our upcoming date. I had a fantastic time and I hope to see you again soon.
- “Hello, How is your day treating you? Our date was a lot of fun, and we should get together again when you’re free. “
All of these suggestions are simple, but they will also work well if you’re just trying to reach out after a date. You can use your personality to ask these questions and express your feelings to your date. Some people prefer to text with a lot of emojis, while others prefer to send GIFs to express their sense of humor. Simply be yourself and stop being afraid to be open about your emotions.
Are you more certain about who should text first after a date? I certainly hope so. Keep in mind that this is an exciting time! Dating can be enjoyable. It all boils down to your attitude. So keep putting yourself out there, keep having fun, and make the most of this period in your life.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the etiquette after a first date?
2-3 hours after the date is a good amount of time to allow both of you to process the date without having too much time to wonder why the other person hasn’t messaged you yet. First and foremost, you don’t want to come across as too clingy right away.
Should you text after first date if not interested?
Meier advises sending a follow-up text after a first date, regardless of how you feel about the person. This is also an excellent time to inform your date that you are not interested in continuing the relationship.
Why you should not text a guy first?
This is why: Not texting him is a great way to learn about his level of interest. If you are the one who always makes the first move by texting him, you will never know whether he is truly interested in you or if he is just being nice.
How much texting is too much after first date?
If the date went well, you’re into them, and you get the impression that they’re into you, you can text them as much as you want. It’s perfectly fine as long as your conversations aren’t lopsided, with one of you sending multiple messages before the other responds.