I’m sure you’ve heard the adage that communication is the key to any successful relationship. It may sound corny, but it’s true. It’s easy to tell people that communication is essential in a healthy relationship, but it’s not as simple to explain how to communicate. And unless we are taught how to use this key, we will never be able to unlock the door to healthy communication. This article clarified how to communicate more effectively in a relationship.
Communication can be defined as a variety of things, but my favorite is “the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.” I always say I’m a great talker, but in order to be a great communicator, I also have to be a great listener. Communication entails expressing yourself in a healthy manner, listening to your partner when they do the same, and truly hearing and absorbing what the other person has to say.
Why is Communication so Important in a Relationship?
The level of communication is one of the most important aspects of a great relationship. We all have the ability and the tools to communicate with our partners in your relationship. The willingness and efficacy with which these tools are used define the health of a relationship. Male and female brains are wired differently, according to research.
That is the primary reason why men and women communicate differently, and you must, therefore ‘learn’ how to communicate in a relationship. Science can logically explain this inherent biological difference.
Life and relationships, on the other hand, do not rely on science to thrive or perish. These are formed and sustained by real people who must figure out how to communicate effectively. Many relationships have suffered from a lack of adequate communication.
How to Communicate Better in a Relationship
Here are five pointers to help you communicate more effectively in your relationship:
1. Ask Extensive Questions
Communication is more than just telling each other about your days and what you had for lunch. It’s about being able to delve deep and get to know this person as thoroughly as possible. Should not always easy to delve deep, especially for those who have never felt comfortable discussing their emotions. It’s also not necessary to have a heart-to-heart with everyone.
There are ways to accomplish this without putting your partner under undue pressure to reveal their deepest secrets. Instead of asking yes or no questions such as “Did you have a good day?” Ask more open-ended questions, such as, “How was your day?” Yes, they may respond with a brief non-answer (“good,” “fine,” “the same”), but asking open-ended questions allows them to share more if they wish.
Keep in mind that not everyone is easily opened up to. Be patient with your partner if they don’t always share. We create boundaries around our emotions, and each person’s boundaries are unique. So, be aware of and respectful of their emotional boundaries, and they should be aware and respectful of yours.
2. Recognize nonverbal cues
If your partner says, “My day was fine,” but their tone sounds irritated, upset, or angry, there may be something else going on that they aren’t ready to communicate in the relationship. Communication is about more than just the words we use; it is also about how we use them.
More than just the words we say, our tone and attitude reveal a lot about us. Being able to detect nonverbal cues is a skill in and of itself. Examine your partner’s facial expressions, hands (are they trembling/fidgety? ), and body language (Are they making eye contact?). Are their arms crossed? ), and pay attention to their tone of voice.
3. Avoid attempting to read their minds.
You can sometimes tell how someone is feeling just by looking at them. It’s not always easy to do this, and let’s face it: no matter how much we want to be mind readers, we aren’t and shouldn’t have to be. So, if you’re unsure about how your partner is feeling, ask them. If you’re the one who’s keeping things to yourself and expecting your partner to read your mind, take a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is making an effort by asking you what’s up rather than ignoring the issue.
When you’re ready to talk about it, do your best to let them know how you’re feeling. It’s not healthy to say you’re fine when you’re not, then get angry at your partner for not noticing. To the best of your ability, be honest about how you feel and try to express it in a healthy way before it blows up and someone says something they regret. It is always preferable to be direct rather than passive-aggressive.
4. Discussions are a Two-Way Street
Take note of how many times you say “I,” “You,” or “We” in your relationship as you communicate with your partner. If the conversation is mostly about you, it isn’t a conversation. Remember to return the focus to your partner and inquire about how they are feeling, what their thoughts are, and what is going on with them. What is the context if you find yourself saying “You” a lot? Are you blaming and pointing fingers?
Relationships are about both people, and each should have an equal say in the decisions that are made. Both people need to feel heard and be able to express themselves. It’s important to let your partner know if you feel like he or she is dominating the conversation and you can’t get a word in. They may be unaware that they are monopolizing the conversation. Conversations are like a tennis match; they should flow naturally from one person to the next.
5. Make Talking Time Available
My partner and I recently moved in together, and almost everyone warned us that it’s a “make or break” situation for couples. We were both nervous, but we both had an arrogant attitude as if we knew what we were doing. We’ve always been great at communicating with each other in an open and honest manner. We had no idea how living together would communicate the way we communicated in the relationship, but it did.
Had fought constantly for the first three weeks we were together. We were so irritated by the bickering (rather than the issue at hand) that we ended up bickering about the fact that we were bickering! Do you have a headache yet? Yes, we had one for about three weeks. We finally sat down and talked it out because we are not that couple.
6. Inform them of what you require from them.
Sometimes I just want to vent and feel validated by my partner saying, “Yeah, that really stinks, I’m sorry!” Sometimes I need advice. As I previously stated, none of us are mind readers, so it’s critical to keep your partner informed so that you’re both on the same page. Saying something like, “I need to vent right now, and I’m not looking for advice; I just want your support.” “I really need your advice on this situation,” for example, will let them know exactly what you require at that time.
Being direct about what you require can also help to reduce miscommunication or stress in a given situation. By informing them ahead of time, we may be able to avoid unnecessary disagreements caused by a misunderstanding.
How to Communicate Better with your Boyfriend
You’ve probably heard that one of the keys to a happy relationship is communication, but that’s often easier said than done. Communication in a relationship can be difficult at times. Two people with opposing personalities may find it difficult to communicate effectively in the relationship and in a healthy manner. However, if you want your relationship to last, you must work on learning to talk to your boyfriend or improving your relationship when it comes to having a conversation with your boyfriend.
It’s important to remember that your boyfriend’s communication style, like yours, evolved prior to meeting each other. This means you don’t have to be too upset if you’re having a conversation with your boyfriend and it doesn’t go as planned. We learn to communicate in relationships as a result of our upbringing and what is modeled for us, as well as our own personal experiences. If you and your partner aren’t on the same page, that doesn’t necessarily mean that one communication style is superior to the other.
Related Article: COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE: BEST PRACTICES & ALL YOU NEED (UPDATED)
Having this difference can make you feel unsafe opening up to your boyfriend, but keeping the lines of communication open at all times can help ensure that you don’t walk around with unresolved emotions and frustrations. So, what exactly is good communication? While everyone is different, there are some basic rules that apply to healthy communication in almost every romantic relationship. Keep these in mind the next time you want to communicate with your boyfriend in your relationship.
1. Be truthful.
The most important dating tip for improving communication in your relationship is, to be honest with your boyfriend. Your partner is the only person with whom you should be completely open, and while it may not always be easy to be vulnerable and straightforward with your boyfriend, it is the only way to ensure your relationship is one in which you can feel secure. Make every effort to avoid lying in any conversation with your boyfriend. This is a good thing if it motivates a boyfriend to do the same.
2. Listen without being concerned about your turn.
Being a good communicator entails more than just what you say; it also entails being an active listener. When your boyfriend speaks to you, you should pay close attention. Be present and concentrate on the words he is sharing with you. He could be communicating something very important, or he could be communicating something that was difficult for him to share.
Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, concentrate on his part of the conversation with your boyfriend and what he’s saying to you. Furthermore, after he has finished sharing, ask clarifying questions before answering or stating your opinion. As you spend more time with your boyfriend, you will be able to progress step by step in terms of properly communicating with each other and having enjoyable conversations with him.
3. Be Aware of Nonverbal Communication.
People communicate in ways other than words in their relationships; in fact, nonverbal communication accounts for a large portion of communication. Paying attention to people’s eyes, posture, and gestures can teach you a lot. Look at your boyfriend’s body language if he’s having difficulty saying something to you or if you think you’re misinterpreting him. It could aid you in deciphering the message. You can also observe your boyfriend’s body language while conversing with him.
This will assist you in determining how he is receiving your messages. For example, if he’s shifting around and not making eye contact, it could indicate that he’s uncomfortable with the subject at hand. It may take some time to pick up on these nuances, but if you pay attention, you may be able to pick up on what your boyfriend isn’t saying verbally. In some cases, watching your boyfriend step around or fidget can tell you just as much as having a conversation with him.
4. Don’t Assume Your Partner Supports You.
When you’ve known someone for a long time, you begin to believe you can read their thoughts. This can be dangerous because it can lead to you making assumptions that aren’t always correct. If you believe you know how the other person will feel, you may not feel the need to communicate with them in the relationship, and you may make decisions based on what you believe is best or what you believe they would choose. This can make people feel unheard of and exacerbate the relationship’s problems. If a decision is critical, you should consult with your boyfriend about it.
5. Stay in touch on a regular basis.
In addition to the suggestions above, you might want to consider weekly or bi-weekly check-ins or conversations with your boyfriend to discuss the highs, lows, and concerns that each of you is experiencing that week. This does not have to be anything formal, but rather a fun, light-hearted activity that you do together, such as over dinner or while relaxing on the couch at night. You can even use conversation starters to spark interesting discussions.
Making a regular conversation with your boyfriend can make it easier to discuss difficult topics as they arise, as well as help you and your boyfriend understand each other’s communication styles. Allow your boyfriend to make decisions about when and what he wants to talk about just as much as you do.
Causes of Lack of Communication in a Relationship
Communication issues are rarely insurmountable. Sometimes a few simple changes are all that is required to get your relationship back on track. Check out our list of the top causes of relationship communication problems and learn how to improve your relationship and communication:
1. Excessive screen time
Phones are fantastic. We also enjoy Netflix. However, excessive screen time can lead to a lack of communication in relationships or communication issues in marriage. When you’re scrolling through Facebook or clicking the browse button on your favorite streaming service, it’s difficult to be present with your partner. Unplug every now and then and give them your undivided attention.
2. Casual enviousness
Jealousy is one of the relationship issues. Casual jealousy occurs when you wonder who sent you a text or become envious because you saw them laughing with someone. Assuming the worst-case scenario, both trust and communication in relationships are jeopardized.
3. Strange words
How can you improve communication in your relationship? Begin by not accusing your partner. Listening to someone who is insulting you is difficult. Harsh language makes it difficult to hear the true meaning of the message. After all, most people become defensive when they are accused. To solve relationship communication problems and other related issues, try speaking more gently.
4. Impossible expectations
Our partners may not always understand how we feel or what we want. And sometimes they just can’t put as much effort into the relationship as we would like; life gets in the way every now and then. If you’re having trouble communicating in a relationship or marriage, check your expectations.
5. Hiding emotions
Being open and honest about your emotions is at the heart of effective communication. It’s difficult to reach an agreement or move forward with an issue if one of you isn’t being truthful. Make a pact, to be honest with each other and deal with feelings together rather than burying them.
6. Holding them accountable for us
Nobody else is in charge of our thoughts and feelings. If you make your partner responsible for your happiness, your communication will be clouded by frustration and the weight of all those expectations. Own your emotions so you can deal with them with grace and openness.
Many relationship communication issues can be resolved by practicing good self-care and attending to your own emotional needs, allowing you to communicate with your partner from a position of strength.
7. Unaware of their love language
Everyone has a different love language. Knowing your partner’s love language will help you communicate more effectively in your relationship. Perhaps they respond well to praise or enjoy talking things out. Perhaps they appreciate small tokens or reminders that you were thinking of them. Some people respond best to practical assistance, such as assistance with household chores. You will be able to communicate with them more effectively in the relationship; if you learn to understand their language.
8. Maintaining a score
Keeping track of money spent, chores completed, or a list of past wrongs is toxic to any relationship. It’s difficult to communicate effectively in the relationship; when you feel like your transgressions are being recorded on a cosmic tally sheet. Drop the scorekeeping and only focus on the matter if you want your communications to be honest, loving, and helpful. Remember that your partner is not a competitor, and you are not in it to win it. Let go of the past so you can focus on the present and solve your relationship communication problems.
9. Inadequate listening abilities
Poor listening skills are the leading cause of marital communication issues. If one of you doesn’t feel heard or validated, or if you don’t understand what the other is saying, frustration and misunderstandings are bound to ensue. Why not try active listening instead of waiting your turn to speak?
Pay close attention to what your partner says, then repeat it back to them in your own words, without judgment or accusation. You’ll gain a better understanding of what they’re saying, and they’ll feel heard – invite them to do the same for you.
10. Lack of empathy
Lack of communication in relationships can sometimes be attributed to a lack of empathy for the other person. It’s so easy to get caught up in what we want, need, and worry about that we forget to consider how our partner feels. Also not a flaw in your character; it’s just a part of being human. However, if you can learn to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they are thinking, feeling, and going through, your communication skills will vastly improve.
How to Fix Lack of Communication in a Relationship
There are various approaches to dealing with a lack of communication in a relationship. Some of these methods are easier to understand than others. Whether you want to communicate in your relationship or simply want to talk to your partner more, here are some pointers on how to do so.
1. Make Active Communication With Your Partner A Habit.
Maintaining a communication habit does not have to be a grand gesture or a major sit-down every week. When it comes to resolving a communication breakdown in your relationship, you can start small. Small talk is preferable to no communication at all, so start small. Inquire about your partner’s day, or simply check in on them from time to time.
Some couples may blame technology for causing a schism in their relationships, but in this case, technology will be beneficial. Use your phone or social media to stay in touch with your partner even when they are physically separated from you. Leave them encouraging messages throughout the day, whether via text or comments on their Instagram stories.
2. Communicate with your partner in an open and honest manner in the relationship.
Some people may find it difficult to show vulnerability in their relationships. The truth is that being in a relationship necessitates sharing aspects of yourself with your partner, both good and bad. It is acceptable to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your significant other; hiding your emotions will only lead to misunderstandings and further communication issues.
It can be frightening to bring up difficult or sensitive topics, but if you continue to brush the issue under the rug, nothing will be resolved and misunderstandings will persist. You can’t expect to communicate effectively in the relationship if one or both of you is unwilling to open up.
Don’t be afraid to speak up when something needs to be said. Your partner has the right to know when something bothers you or if something in your relationship isn’t working out. How else will you be able to alleviate a lack of communication when neither of you is capable of expressing yourself to the other?
3. Determine the Appropriate Time to Talk
Everything has its time and place. When deciding on the best time to talk things out with your significant other, consider more than just scheduling convenience. Making time to address a lack of communication in a relationship can be a challenge in and of itself. However, it is equally important to ensure that both of you are in the right frame of mind to talk.
When you ask to speak, make sure neither of you is angry or upset. Though we recommend being open and transparent with your partner, discussing issues when one party is overly emotional can result in poor communication. In heated situations, you are more likely to say things you don’t mean, so be cautious when your emotions are still high, as they may cloud your judgment and reactions.
4. Make Inquiries
Unless you or your partner is a mind reader, neither of you can know what the other is thinking at any given time. The last thing you want to do is make assumptions about what your partner wants because your guess will not always be correct. It’s fine to ask questions, so feel free to do so.
Inquiring about your partner’s preferences, and vice versa, can help you learn more about them.
Furthermore, it helps pave the way for good communication in your relationship because you’ll be able to understand each other much better by simply asking a question or two. This allows you to actively engage each other while also hearing the other person’s point of view.
5. Be a good listener.
Communication in a relationship is more than just a verbal exchange. Being an active listener entails being able to pick up on the smallest details about how your partner communicates in your relationship. Concentrate on what they’re saying and trying to convey rather than just hearing the words that come out of their mouth.
It may be difficult to set aside your pride, but insisting on your point of view and refusing to hear the other person out will only exacerbate the situation. Competing with the desire to be heard can often lead to further silence for either party. You won’t be able to address a lack of communication in your relationship if you can’t even listen to what your partner is saying.
6. Pay Attention To Nonverbal Indications
Being an active listener entails being able to detect your partner’s nonverbal cues and signals. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and eye contact are all examples of nonverbal communication. Take note of their body language, both during and after an argument or discussion. Though they may not express it verbally, their nonverbal habits can reveal a lot about how they’re feeling.
On the other hand, your body language can have a significant impact on how your partner perceives you. Keep your cool, because you might come across as aggressive or uninterested without even realizing it. When the other party misinterprets your reaction to the situation, it can lead to a lot of misunderstandings in the relationship. Being more attentive to these details can help you bridge the communication gap as you become more aware of your partner’s nonverbal cues. This way, you can keep the argument from escalating further and try to settle things as soon as possible.
7. Strive to strike a balance between listening and being heard.
It takes two to tango in a healthy relationship, just as positive communication is a two-way street. You must be able to strike a balance between listening to your partner and making your point. It can be just as important to ensure that you’re being heard as it is to be an active listener.
Don’t ignore your own needs in your relationship, but keep your partner’s feelings and needs in mind as well. Remember that relationships are about giving and taking. An inability to balance listening and talking may exacerbate your and your partner’s lack of communication.
8. Be Generous With Your Love
Increasing your affection for your partner is a wonderful way to express your feelings and make your partner feel more loved and appreciated. As a result, they will become more at ease with you, allowing them to open up to you on a much deeper and more sentimental level. This may lead to more chances for open communication between the two of you.
Even if communication isn’t an issue for you, expressing affection through words or actions is a healthy habit to keep in any relationship. Even a simple gesture of affection can make a big difference. Just make sure that when you express your feelings, you do so regardless of the situation or atmosphere you’re in.
9. Define Your Boundaries
In any healthy relationship, setting boundaries is essential. Setting boundaries allows you to learn how to respect the differences between you and your partner. They can also help you better understand different points of view, which can be useful during debates or misunderstandings. Healthy boundaries can help both of you feel more at ease talking with one another because you’ll be aware of what topics can and cannot be discussed. This, in turn, can assist you in avoiding miscommunications.
However, make certain that the boundaries you establish do not alienate your partner. Despite the fact that they are one-half of what makes your relationship work, they are still their person. As a result, avoid going to extremes when establishing boundaries in your relationship. This not only removes their agency but also establishes the foundation for a controlling and toxic relationship.
10. Make time for one another
When you feel connected and at ease with your partner, communication will be easier. Make time to work on your actual relationship, whether it’s resolving minor issues or simply spending quality time together. Talking can help you advance your relationship by leaps and bounds, so why not supplement all that hard work with something that can further strengthen your bond?
Spending time with your significant other will make you feel more connected to them. This, in turn, can make you feel more at ease in their presence. As a result, you may become more willing to open up to your partner and share more personal thoughts and feelings.
Lack of communication in relationships can sometimes be attributed to apprehension about letting down your walls. Spending time together and creating a safe and welcoming space for communication and mutual growth can help your partner (and yourself) relax.
How to Communicate better with your Girlfriend
Your relationship may have started out strong, but it takes work to keep it going over time. Working on communication skills is one of the best things you can do to improve your relationship with your girlfriend.
No matter what stage your relationship is in, learning how to communicate better with your girlfriend will help you both open up to one another and feel closer to one another.
1. Ask inquiries.
One of the most effective ways to communicate communication with your girlfriend is to ask questions. You should ask each other questions about how work went, how you’re both feeling, and other day-to-day “updates” on each other’s lives every day. You should also ask clarifying questions in order to delve deeper and get your girlfriend to open up more.
2. Reflect on your actions.
One of the most serious communication issues in a relationship is when one partner does not feel heard or understood. Rephrasing what your girlfriend just said in your own words demonstrates that you are paying attention and processing everything she says. It can also help you mentally ground yourself in the conversation if your thoughts are racing and you’re having trouble focusing on what’s being said.
3. Watch for nonverbal cues.
Body language can often be just as loud as words. The way you and your girlfriend position yourselves during the conversation can send unintentional signals or reflect your subconscious mood. Try not to read too much into your partner’s body language, but if there appears to be a problem, ask her if she’s upset and let her know you noticed her body language.
4. Be open and truthful.
Being truthful means not deceiving or lying to your girlfriend, which should be simple. However, being open necessitates making yourself vulnerable on some level, which many people struggle with. If being open and honest isn’t something you’re naturally good at, you’ll need to work on it with your partner for the sake of your relationship.
5. Think before you speak.
Many people are in such a rush to express all of their thoughts and feelings that they fail to pause and reflect on what is being said. This is true for both speaking your mind in general and responding to something your girlfriend has said.
6. Be respectful when communicating.
In every conversation you have with your girlfriend, you should always strive to be as respectful as possible. Respect may seem like an obvious requirement for many people, but it is important to be aware of your words, tone, the subtext of your conversation, and body language in order to always convey mutual respect for one another.
7. Pay attention to “I” statements.
When emotions arise, especially during a fight or after being hurt in some way, it’s easy to make declarative statements (such as “You are a liar and you hurt my feelings.”). However, psychologists agree that using “I” statements is far more effective and results in less tension. Using an “I” statement simply means framing your hurt feelings as a way you feel, rather than as an accusation or absolute about your partner.
8. Don’t be in a hurry.
It’s best to take things slowly if you haven’t been dating for a long time or if you’re new to sharing your feelings in general. You should continue to work on communicating with one another on a daily basis, but you and your partner should have a candid discussion about how comfortable you are with divulging your personal thoughts/feelings; and what kind of time frame you might need to get there.
9. Make use of self-disclosure statements.
Self-disclosure statements can be extremely beneficial in a relationship, especially if you are new to sharing your feelings or talking about deeply personal issues. They’re a way for you to gradually but candidly reveal yourself to your partner, with the expectation that she will do the same.
10. Experiment with various communication styles.
There are numerous ways to communicate, and there are no absolute right or wrong answers. Some methods, however, may be more productive than others for some people, and it may take some trial and error to find a communication style that works best for both of you.
11. Pay attention to small talk.
Small talk is extremely beneficial in any relationship and aids in the development of a day-to-day level of communication within your relationship. You can reminisce or laugh about shared experiences, discuss what you did that day, inquire about weekend plans, or simply share observations that you find interesting or funny.
12. Schedule time for communication.
Many people who have busy lives or different schedules find that the lines of communication in a relationship become strained. This, however, is easily remedied if both partners make time for communication. Even if your lives are extremely hectic, it is critical that you make time for open, honest communication, just as you do for meals, sleep, and your daily commute.
13. Think about seeking professional assistance.
You may discover that communication is difficult in your relationship, or that lines of communication have been strained by life events. There’s nothing wrong with this, and it doesn’t mean your relationship won’t work; it just means you’ll have to work a little harder to make it work. That is where a professional can help.
How to Communicate better with your Spouse
What are the essential elements of effective communication? According to research on what makes a marriage work, happy and healthy couples have a 5:1 positive-to-negative behavior ratio in their relationship.
This means that there are five times as many positive interactions between happy couples (listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as negative interactions (raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger).
Tips on how to communicate better with your spouse:
1. Make an effort to spend time together on a regular basis.
Couples spend only 20 minutes per week on average talking to each other. Turn off the technology and make a point of spending 20-30 minutes a day catching up with each other.
2. Increase the number of “I” statements and decrease the number of “You” statements.
This reduces the likelihood of your spouse feeling the need to defend themselves. “I wish you would acknowledge more frequently how much work I do at home to care for you and the children,” for example.
3. Be precise.
Be specific when dealing with problems. Broad generalizations such as “You do it all the time!” are ineffective.
4. Refrain from mind-reading.
It’s very frustrating when someone else acts as if they know what you’re really thinking.
5. Constructively express negative emotions.
There will be times when you feel resentment, bitterness, disappointment, or disapproval. These emotions must be expressed in order for change to occur. However, how you express these ideas is critical. It’s one thing to say, “I’m really sorry you’re working late again tonight.” But if you say, “You clearly don’t care about me or the kids,” I’ll say, “You clearly don’t care about me or the kids.” If you did, you would not work late every night,” which will convey a completely different message.
6. Be receptive without being defensive.
Both spouses must be able to hear each other’s complaints without becoming defensive in order for a marriage to succeed. This is much more difficult than learning how to express negative emotions effectively.
7. Express yourself freely when you’re happy.
The majority of people are more likely to express negative feelings than positive ones. It is critical to your marriage’s health that you affirm your spouse. Positive emotions like appreciation, affection, respect, admiration, and approval are like deposits into your love account. There should be five positive deposits for every negative deposit. If your compliments outnumber your complaints, your spouse will listen to your complaints. If your complaints outnumber your compliments, your criticism will be ignored.
Signs of Bad Communication in a Relationship
Poor communication affects a large number of couples and is possibly the most significant predictor of marital problems. But how do you know if your communication is poor?
1. Aggressive-Passive Behavior
There is a lot of passive-aggressive communication going on, which is one of the tell-tale signs. Frequent silences, jokes that are actual thoughts, condescending retorts, shifting blame, yelling, and screaming over trivial matters all point to poor communication.
In marriages where communication is lacking, even the most trivial issues can spark heated debate. Couples frequently isolate specific arguments as if they arose from nowhere, in a vacuum. But that is never the case. Each new argument reinforces the previous ones, especially if they were never resolved and were instead swept under the rug.
2. Aggravated resentment
Resentment is defined as “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will toward something regarded as a wrong; insult, or injury” by Merriam-Webster. Let’s paint a common scenario: you’re sick and tired of doing housework, and your significant other can’t even be bothered to take out the trash. You can express your dissatisfaction (or not), but nothing seems to change. Resentment accumulates, smoldering beneath the surface and ticking away like a time bomb.
But why do we allow resentment to fester in the first place? If we come across a brick wall for the first time, we may choose to remain silent about our concerns. This occurs when the relationship lacks openness and emotional intimacy.
3. Inadequate emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is directly related to how comfortable you feel sharing your thoughts with your partner. It goes without saying that remaining silent about your feelings will destroy your intimacy with each other. Keeping silent, on the other hand, can be an understandable reaction to being dismissed, ignored, or teased in the past.
Hearing and being heard is the best way to give your relationship a chance. Instead of attempting to read your partner’s thoughts, this is the only way to truly understand what’s on their mind. Second-guessing is often deceptive, especially if you’ve already been hurt by each other.
4. Doggedness and a desire to win
Laura L. Young, a psychotherapist and marriage counselor, tells Self that some couples would rather be right than happy. Every debate revolves around who is more correct. As a result, couples continue to spin in circles when they should be working on finding common ground. They may start an ugly fight over a piece of trivia or a shared memory, completely missing the big picture.
This issue is especially common in long-term relationships. But if you’re having communication problems right now, chances are they started a long time ago and have gotten worse over time.
5. Experiencing life with a total stranger
We frequently say that our partner understands us better than we understand ourselves. That is what distinguishes them from everyone else. But when communication breaks down, you get the unsettling feeling that you’re living with a stranger. You get home from work, greet your family, and go about your business. If you have children, you will communicate just enough to do what needs to be done… and nothing more. You two barely say anything other than what is necessary because neither of you wants to talk.
If your ability to communicate completely deteriorates, you will have nothing to share with your partner. Even if something good happens to you, you will not want to share it, and you may even fear that your partner will ruin it for you.
6. Inability to achieve mutual objectives
Relationships are about sharing experiences and setting new goals. If you can’t communicate effectively with your partner, you won’t be able to set a mutual goal. He or she will want one thing, while you will want another. If you can’t discuss these issues respectfully and maturely, a schism is unavoidable.
Communication is a talent. Finally, communication is a skill, so there is always room for improvement. Work with your partner to figure out how to keep healthy communication going and stay on the same page. Be as truthful, direct, kind, and thoughtful as you possibly can. Whether it’s through a Bae Sesh or simply making a concerted effort to open up to each other.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why am I so bad at communicating in a relationship?
Another reason you may be having difficulty communicating is that something painful happened in your relationship that hasn’t been fully resolved. Bring these questions up with them and discuss what you both require in terms of open and honest communication. You’ll probably find that your answers differ.
Is lack of communication a red flag?
1- Lack of Communication
This is an indication of poor communication. It is critical to remember that communication is a two-way street. If your partner refuses to communicate with you or communicates in a hurtful or ineffective manner, this could be a warning sign.