One of the most painful transitions in a person’s life is moving on from a relationship. While we all progress forward in our own unique ways and at our own paces, one thing remains essentially universal: we will all confront this difficulty at some point in our lives. One thing we are not in our pain is alone.
It was recently discovered that people spend roughly 18 months of their lives on average getting over breakups. The good news is that, while moving on from a relationship takes time, it is possible. And when they do, they leave behind teachings, real, practical ways to recover based on personal experience. Because we do, in the end, heal.
Before we get into the skills and tactics for moving on from a relationship, there are a few things to consider. I hope that everybody reading this will take a moment to allow themselves to feel; to acknowledge that this is difficult. No matter how many people have gone before us along this road, the moment we’re in is certainly a difficult one.
Compassion is one of the most effective methods to deal with the reality of that misery. Neither ignoring the emotion nor allowing ourselves to linger on it provides us with the freedom to go on. Instead, we can treat ourselves with the same love and respect that we would a friend, acknowledging our feelings but also reminding ourselves that they will pass.
Moving on from a Relationship
Here are some suggestions to assist you in moving on from a relationship.
1. Get rid of your belongings. Recognize, accept, and let go of your emotions.
Every broken relationship comes with its own baggage. The more baggage you’d have gathered over the course of your relationship, the (a) longer and (b) more intense it was. G and I were in close, active communication for a total of 2.5-3 years. Even though it wasn’t very long in comparison to others, there was a lot of junk in my thoughts that needed to be purged! I’m sure there would be a lot more for you to cope with if your relationship was longer.
Sadness, regret, hope, wistfulness, melancholy, and disappointment will all be part of our luggage. Hatred, sadness, wrath, fear, shame, and other deeper emotions are likely to accompany you if the relationship was severe. It’s normal to have these feelings. Whatever emotion you’re experiencing, give it your whole attention. This means that if you despise someone, you should feel that despise. Soak in your grief if you’re sad. Please, if you feel the urge to weep, weep. If necessary, cry. Take some time for yourself to digest your emotions. Don’t keep them at bay. Accept them and embrace them.
2. Recognize that he/she isn’t the right person for you.
You probably still consider him/her as “the one” for you, which makes moving on from the relationship difficult. You really can’t imagine yourself with anyone else. Such obsessions can be dangerous. This causes you to linger indefinitely, yearning for a “someday” that never arrives. Not only that, but it causes a lot of mental projections — on both you and him/her.
One thing I’ve learned is that if neither party is 100% committed to being together, he or she is not the one for you. Any hurdle, no matter how enormous, can be overcome, in my opinion, if the true intention is present. If there isn’t a clear aim, anything might be used as an “excuse” for not being together.
3. Distribute among your close pals
You don’t have to face this on your alone. Your friends are there to assist, support, and pull you through this difficult time. Looking back, I can’t understand how I would have dealt with this ordeal if I hadn’t had the support of my close friends. My secondary school mates, junior college friends, my godbrother whom I knew when I was 15, and my best friend from university are among my other close friends.
When I was down, these people were there to listen and support me. Their unwavering patience made me appreciate who they are and our friendship even more. Our friendships have surely been enhanced as a result of this experience.
4. Decrease your interaction with him/her.
Every wound’s initial healing period is always the most sensitive. You don’t want anything to come near your wound and disturb it during this period. Especially not the things that the wound is prone to. As a result, it could be beneficial to limit your contact with this individual at first. if that’s what it takes to help you in moving on from the relationship faster.
There are three scenarios in which you could have to do so.
- You’re unable to move on since you’re constantly reminded of his/her presence.
- If he/she continues to bother you despite your want to be friends.
- If he or she acts in a way that makes it difficult for you to go on. For instance, words or acts that are more amorous than platonic, making it difficult to determine the relationship’s status.
G’s actions toward me made it difficult for me to move on from my relationship, so I had to limit my contact with him.
5. Make an effort to reach an agreement with him/her.
There will be many unspoken statements, questions, and pent-up feelings at the conclusion of an unrequited or broken relationship. Why did he/she do this to me, for example? What was he or she thinking at the time? Was he/she ever fond of me? Why couldn’t the situation be resolved? You can explain them away, but they’ll still be there, waiting to be answered.
You can obtain closure by talking about your feelings with the person. Write down everything you want to say, including things you’ve been hesitant to express and questions you’ve always wanted to ask. Arrange a sincere conversation with him/her and ask these questions to clear the air. Inquire about his or her side of the tale. Listen. It’s time to talk about it. Look for a response in his or her own words.
6. Express forgiveness to him/her.
This great insight was offered in a forgiveness book I once read. When we refuse to forgive someone, it is claimed that the person we are not forgiving is actually ourselves. Doesn’t that make sense? It is not the other person that carries your anger and bitterness when you are angry or bitter against them.
You’re the one. For what it’s worth, the other person is almost certainly unaware of how you feel about him or her. You’re the only one who lugs the luggage around. I feel you are angry/bitter with yourself for allowing yourself to be harmed by this person on a deeper level.
7. Exercise your passions
Steps 1-6 are connected to your inner world and address the basis of the problem. While it’s necessary to spend time in your inner world, don’t stay in this stage for too long. Participate in some activities. What are some of the things that make you happy? Things that thrill you, energize you, and make you feel revitalized? Exercising? Jogging? Swimming? Cycling? Rollerblading? Traveling? Are you going out with your friends? Movies? Are you watching a drama? Are you reading a book? Take an active role in them.
8. Get to know new individuals
It’s easy to become caught up in your thoughts about something for too long. Meeting new people, whether they are friends or love prospects, reminds us that there is a big world out there. There are a lot of wonderful folks to meet out there. Don’t become enslaved by your circumstances. Knowing someone new and being introduced to a different way of life is always an exciting adventure for me. It allows me to see things from a different perspective.
9. Be aware that neither you nor he/she has any problems.
When something doesn’t work out, it’s tempting to believe you’re not good enough. For a long time, I believed I wasn’t good enough, both consciously and subconsciously, as you can see throughout the series. This, however, is a false assumption. If you can only have this relationship if you are a XXX person with XXX characteristics, you are not the proper person for this relationship.
Everyone is on the lookout for different types of people. There are no pre-determined criteria for what features are “proper” or “bad,” only various expectations. If you don’t have the qualities the individual is seeking, it simply means you’re not a good match. That is all there is to it. You and he/she are in perfect health. You’re just not meant to be together.
10. Recognize that there is someone out there that is looking for you.
It’s hard to believe when you’re trying to move on from a shattered past, but it’s true. Heck, I’m 25 (as of 2010), have never been in a truly meaningful relationship (by choice), have met plenty of mismatched men, and still feel there’s someone out there for me!
There’s no reason to believe otherwise! I don’t care how many relationships you’ve had in the past, how many unsuitable men/women you’ve dated, or if you’ve never had a meaningful relationship. (I haven’t done so.)
There is someone out there that wants to help you. You’re far from the lone solitary person on the planet. Take a look at yourself, your buddies. Take a look at the folks you see on the streets. Do you believe you’re the only single person on the planet? Certainly not! The world’s population is 7 billion people. There is a slew of other singles for every couple you see out there. There are even more singles for every single you see.
Moving on from a Toxic Relationship
We talked to psychologists, relationship counselors, and psychotherapists to figure out what the most important stages are for moving out of a toxic relationship for good.
1. Recognize that you are deserving of healthy love.
Part of the relationship is moving on from a toxic relationship is believing that we can change the unchangeable and transform a dysfunctional “love” into a good one. We often attract partners who don’t believe we are deserving of a kind, thoughtful, and attentive companion if we don’t believe we are.
“Do you believe you are unworthy of healthy love because of your weight, age, profession, or any other perceived inadequacies?” Marianne Vicelich, a psychologist, relationship expert, and author, poses the question.
“Begin to love yourself, warts and all. A partner should be incredibly fortunate to be with you. The more you believe you deserve to be loved well, the more you will recognize the “red flags” or “warning bells”— and attract a healthy relationship.”
2. Recognize that the relationship was unhealthy.
It’s easy to look back on old relationships, poisonous or not, through rose-colored glasses, oblivious to the complexities of why they had to stop. However, according to Dr. Bijal Chheda-Varma, a psychotherapist at London’s Nightingale Hospital, the only way to genuinely live with the loss of a relationship is to acknowledge and comprehend everything that went wrong with it.
“Moving on from any relationship, toxic or not, triggers a bereavement-like mourning response,” she explains. “The individual must go through the steps of realizing that the relationship was poisonous and that the best option was to leave.” After that, the person would experience feelings such as hurt, rage, loss, and grief.
3. Recall who you are.
You were a person before you were in a toxic relationship, but remembering who you were before the toxicity began to erode your self-esteem might be difficult. Healing is all about remembering your ideals and accepting that you do deserve a healthy relationship, according to therapist Samantha Carbon.
“People in dysfunctional relationships frequently lose sight of themselves, forget who they are, and their happiness becomes a secondary concern,” she explains. “When one has invested so much time and effort in a relationship, it can be difficult to perceive this. Because it’s frequently tough to imagine life without your lover, honesty is required to recognize and confess when a relationship has reached its end.
4. Take practical measures to assist you in coping.
When you’re dealing with intense emotions, what you decide one day may not be as important as the next. You can abandon your partner and then decide to give him or her another opportunity hours later. That’s why Ivana Franekova, a therapist, suggests taking practical actions to prevent your emotions from getting the best of you.
“Keep a daily journal of your feelings so you have concrete evidence of how your relationship makes you feel,” she advises. “We frequently mistake sentiments with facts; we have a tendency to create excuses for our loved ones (‘but he was so weary that day; perhaps that’s why he drank too much and lash out’).”
5. Don’t wait for an apology or a satisfactory resolution.
The lack of closure that comes with terminating a toxic relationship is one of the most difficult aspects — but will the person who caused you so much misery truly apologize and accept their wrongdoings? Vicelich isn’t convinced.
“Many people seek closure or an apology for the hurt or heartache they have experienced while quitting a toxic relationship,” she explains.
“Almost seldom does that apology arrive, and people wind up feeling more worse about things than they did before the talk began. No matter how hard we try, we can’t control anyone but ourselves.
6. Be willing to forgive.
If we’ve spent months or even years with someone who undermines our self-esteem, and we’ve finally taken the courageous decision of quitting the relationship, forgiveness may feel unattainable. But, according to Vicelich, forgiveness is a powerful act that can provide us with strength in tough circumstances.
“Many of us believe that we must wait until our hurt and anger have subsided before we can forgive someone,” she explains. “On the other hand, this isn’t always the case. Forgiveness is a conscious and purposeful action. It’s a choice that will help you reclaim your life’s vibrancy, possibility, and integrity.
7. Fill the hole with optimism by surrounding yourself with it.
It may sound cliche, but surrounding yourself with positive people may have a profound impact on your mindset. “When moving on from a relationship, it’s critical to fill your life with soul-enriching activities; alternate sources of satisfaction,” Vicelich advises. “Focus on the things that make you happy — family, friends, career, and interests – to make your life complete.
“Now is the time to concentrate on your abilities and embrace the new life you are about to begin. During this time of healing, self-love and self-care are essential. Surround yourself with people who will bring light and happiness into your life. People who believe in you, care for you and want the best for you.
8. Keep in mind that things will not always be easy.
Just as breaking off from a bad relationship is difficult, surviving in the single world is difficult as well – and you should be prepared for the difficulties that leaving will bring.
“You’ll have to relearn how to be happy,” says psychologist Salma Shah, “just as you learned how to cope in the toxic relationship.” “Look for happiness and delight in the little things.” Ask yourself three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep each night, even if it’s only a walk in the park or a cup of coffee with a buddy. Increase the number of times you do these tasks.
How to Move on from a Relationship when you are still in Love
Perhaps all you want to do is be left alone to figure out what went wrong. Most likely, you’ll need to examine all of your behaviors and consider whether there was anything you could have done better to remain with the person you still love. But, let’s face it, that’s never an objective judgment, especially when you’re still in love with your ex. It’s a rapid and painful path from “what went wrong” to “it’s all my fault.”
It’s a downward cycle that only serves to aggravate the injury. Moving on from the relationship is the only way out. While it may appear impossible, there are five steps you can take right now to get started.
1. Disconnect all lines of communication (Both direct and indirect)
This is the most important thing you can do for your physical and emotional wellness. You don’t need to know where they are or with whom they are. Keep all contact with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend to a minimum. Yes, being absent from their life can be devastating. However, your own journey takes precedence today, and they have no place in it. It’s time to put your attention on yourself rather than your ex’s social plans.
You should also be aware that you will no longer be able to be friends with them. That rarely works out in real life, no matter what you’ve read or seen. It can be a difficult and ultimately hopeless attempt to resurrect and maintain a broken relationship.
2. Be forgiving of the past.
Breakups, understandably, cause people to feel regret and resentment. You’re always wondering what else you could have done. Alternatively, you may be enraged by your or your ex’s actions. Or even the circumstances that compelled you to act in that manner.
The more you consider it, the more you’re drawn into the vortex. Things can get complicated if there was betrayal involved. It would hurtle between regret and wrath every time you replayed an event or discussion.
When you understand there’s nothing you can do about it, the sensations grow even more strong. As a result, regret leads to rage, which leads to helplessness, which leads to regret. If you still love your ex, this might be devastating. You’ll be willing to ignore their imperfections and look for defects in your own personality in such a setting.
3. Let’s get down to business.
A relationship has two sides: one that is real and the other that is fiction. Unfortunately, people prefer to cling to the imagination rather than truth following a divorce. This fantasy encompasses the relationship as well as the individual.
So, when you say you’d like to go back and be with them because it was the most beautiful and fulfilling part of your life, you’re not reflecting objectively on the relationship. Things are a fantasy version of it that you’re describing. Because it wouldn’t have ended if everything had gone well. Things transpired for a variety of reasons. When you look back on your relationship, you’ll only remember the good parts while ignoring the bad.
4. Recognize that it’s natural to still care about your ex.
It’s a problem if you suddenly develop a dislike for your ex. It’s very natural to have conflicting sentiments about someone, to despise them one moment and love them the next. Our feelings don’t always follow a straight line. There are some nasty twists in between the ups and downs.
So, if you’re still in love with your ex, don’t blame yourself if moving on is difficult.
Those are the remnants of your relationship’s emotions. When a breakup occurs, it’s difficult to switch off the portion of your mind that formerly felt sincere and meaningful for them. You should even tell yourself that it’s not a bad thing. The fact that you still feel love validates your existence as a human being capable of both giving and receiving love.
5. Remember to love yourself.
What’s the most telling sign that your mental health isn’t up to par? You’re proud of yourself. You comprehend, accept, forgive, and empathize with yourself, to be more precise. It’s one of the most difficult things to do, which is why it’s an excellent reflection of your mental health.
Especially if you’ve just ended a relationship with someone you still adore. You’re feeling incredibly vulnerable at this point, questioning if you’re deserving of love and if you’ll ever find someone as good as your ex. The solution is to strengthen your inner core rather than look outward.
How to Move on after Breakup with Boyfriend
Regardless of the circumstances, ending a relationship can be difficult. When you’re going through a breakup, everyone feels differently. It’s OK to feel sad, angry, or betrayed following a breakup; many people do. There are things you can do to make moving on from a relationship easier to handle if you need to prioritize looking after yourself. You must engage in activities such as socializing with friends, eating healthily, and sleeping enough.
It’s normal to be sad after a relationship, and moving on can take time. Many people experience a range of tough sentiments after a breakup, such as sadness, anger, or guilt, which can lead to feelings of rejection, confusion, or loneliness. You might even experience relief, which can be equally perplexing.
Some people believe that their lives have been flipped upside down and that nothing will ever be the same again. Many people may experience restlessness, loss of appetite, and a lack of motivation or energy. It may be tempting to attempt to move on fast after a breakup, but it takes time, effort, and support. Following are some suggestions to assist you in moving on following a breakup in a relationship:
- Make some room for yourself. You don’t have to cut your ex out of your life completely, but it may be beneficial to try to avoid seeing them for a while following the breakup — this includes online.
- Keep yourself occupied. You may find yourself having an excessive amount of free time, particularly on weekends. Plan ahead of time and do activities you normally enjoy.
- Set aside time for yourself. Relaxing activities include viewing movies, playing or listening to music, meditating, reading, or participating in sports.
- Speak with your friends, family, and others who can help you. It’s fine to want some alone time, but spending time with supportive people can help you get your mind off things and see things from a fresh viewpoint.
- Avoid using alcohol or other drugs to cope with discomfort. While they may temporarily make you feel better, the long-term effects will make you feel far worse.
- Be patient. After a breakup, give yourself time to adjust to the new situation.
- Make an effort to obtain enough sleep and exercise on a regular basis.
How to Move on and be Happy
It takes more strength than you realize to let go and move on from a relationship. It isn’t simple. However, once you’ve decided to join the ride, there’s no turning back. And I’m here to assist you with some practical methods for healing and happiness.
1. Accept what has already occurred.
Allow yourself to grieve and let go of the emotional baggage you’ve accumulated. Be thankful for the good times you’ve had. If anything leaves your life, you must understand that it did not come with the word “forever” written on it. It wasn’t supposed to be yours in the first place. You deserve better, something that brings out the best in you. You choose life and pleasure over pain and wrath the day you realize this.
2. Take a break, relax, and try new things.
Also, keep your distance from the folks you left behind. Taking a pause and disconnecting your mind from the chaos might feel refreshing and prepare you for what’s coming. When you begin to try new activities, you will become aware of who you are and develop a clear vision of who you want to be.
You’ll learn to go on and be cheerful, to see things from a new viewpoint, a happy and positive one, and you’ll observe how the people around you change, including the way they say things to you.
3. Take control of your life and become your own boss.
You have complete control over your life. The only person who can assist you in changing your life is yourself. No one else but you has the authority to influence your life in the way you desire. Neither your parents, friends, teachers, or mentors can help you. Nobody can provide you the happiness or optimism you desire unless you take full charge of your life. You must be in charge of your own destiny!
4. Spend time with your pals and let them know how you’re feeling.
They believe that no matter what or how much sorrow you have hidden inside you, once you share it with your friends and loved ones, it gets easier to deal with it. Yes, it is correct! Best friends are those who listen to you, support you, understand you, and feel your pain; their unwavering love for you makes everything seem so simple.
5. Forgive yourself as well as the person with whom you ended the relationship.
Moving on from a relationship entails not just putting the past behind you, but also removing the burden off your shoulders. You can’t hope for brighter days in the future with a dark soul full of bitterness, hate, and disdain, can you?
As a result, you must forgive the person who has harmed you. To do so, you must first forgive yourself. You’ll be able to let go of all the latches you’ve been clinging to, and finally, find some mental and emotional serenity.
Remove your baggage and see how light and positive you feel. The most crucial aspect of moving on and being happy is to do so.
6. Your primary priority right now should be self-love.
Spend time doing activities you enjoy while still taking care of yourself. You’ve made mistakes in the past, most often as a result of your emotional attachment to others. However, moving on from a relationship necessitates a focus on yourself. Take the time to make positive changes in your life and first and foremost, love yourself. You may not realize it, but loving oneself is the hardest of all. You must, however, complete the task.
7. Make new acquaintances.
The world is a big place, and it’s full of people that are just like you. Go out and meet new people, make new acquaintances, and see how the stories unfold with the individuals you meet. Meeting new people can feel difficult at times because it is. We’re down in the dumps and don’t want to meet anyone right now.
8. Allow your mind to be in the current moment.
Don’t be frightened to take up the problems it presents. Don’t let your mind wander back to the past; instead, be excited about what the future holds for you. Live in the now, appreciate the day you have been given, and make decisions that will benefit you. Don’t be afraid of the unknowns of tomorrow; once you move on, you’ll get stronger by the day and be prepared to tackle whatever comes your way.
It is critical for your mental health in moving on from a relationship in which you still love your ex. It is a process that will have its ups and downs. But you have to keep reminding yourself that things are improving every day. And that you’re letting go of the past, releasing your emotional baggage, and emerging stronger and healthier as a result.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 stages of a breakup?
Even if you were the one who started the breakup, you will go through five stages of grief. According to Mental-Health-Matters, they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are some of the natural techniques to repair your heart.
Will he come back if I move on?
Even if you were the one who started the separation, you will go through five stages of grieving. According to Mental-Health-Matters, these are denial, rage, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are the natural methods for healing your heart.