Starting a relationship is a big decision, so it’s a good idea to first figure out why you want the relationship and how to be in it. Are you willing to engage in the give-and-take of sharing, or are you simply lonely? Are you emotionally prepared right now, or would it be better to wait? There’s no need to rush; take your time and think it over.
How to Be in a Relationship
Long-term romantic relationships can be one of life’s most fulfilling aspects, allowing us to grow and share our journey with someone. That being said, it almost always takes time and effort to find the right person at the right time and to get a relationship started. Knowing what you want, respecting yourself, and maintaining a positive attitude are all important factors in finding and keeping a partner.
Before entering into a relationship, it is also necessary to understand how to be in one. Here are a few things to think about before starting a relationship.
1. Consider what you want from a relationship
While many people believe that they want a relationship in order to obtain something (love, sex, fulfillment), healthy relationships develop when people want to share love, life, and intimacy.
2. Have self-respect
Many problems can arise in relationships if you do not first love and respect yourself. These are also easily harmed by failed previous relationships, unresolved childhood wounds, and so on.
3. Make peace with the past
An unresolved issue from a previous relationship or marriage is the last thing you want in your new relationship. Working through the reasons why your previous relationship failed can also help you avoid making the same mistakes again.
4. Don’t get into a relationship just for the sake of getting into a relationship.
Social pressures can sometimes make us feel as if we must be in a relationship at all costs. This is a legend. Remember that there is no such thing as a good relationship or a bad relationship. Make certain that your enthusiasm for your potential partner is genuine.
5. Recognize that attraction can grow over time.
Love appears to be a nice idea at first glance, but this is not the case in many relationships. If you aren’t immediately attracted to someone, that doesn’t mean they aren’t a good match for you; lasting love develops over time, and friends can become lovers. When considering potential partners, avoid becoming overly preoccupied with their physical appearance. Personal qualities such as kindness, humor, and curiosity are much more important in the long run, and you may find yourself drawn to this person as a result.
6. Don’t expect your partner to change.
It’s easy to overlook certain things you don’t like at first, thinking that you’ll eventually persuade this person to change. People, on the other hand, can only change themselves if and when they want to. If there is something you believe you will be unable to accept in the long run, reconsider entering into the relationship.
7. Don’t get hung up on minor details.
While certain patterns (such as drinking, abuse, or irresponsible behavior) may be clearly unacceptable, there may be other, minor things that irritate you, such as chewing with their mouth open, questionable fashion choices, or different musical tastes. If you’re truly interested in this person, don’t let these concerns become an excuse to avoid intimacy.
8. Discover what makes a relationship healthy.
Recognizing healthy versus unhealthy relationship dynamics can be difficult, especially if you grew up in an unhealthy family. Fortunately, there is a wealth of information about healthy relationships available on the internet. Before you look for a relationship, use this knowledge to set healthy boundaries for yourself.
9. Figure out where you can meet people who share your interests.
Make a list of things you enjoy doing if you’re having trouble meeting new people. Mutual interests can be extremely beneficial to your relationship.
10. Use dating services with caution.
Internet dating may work well for some people, while others may find it too high-pressure or lacking in spontaneity. If you choose online dating, keep in mind that, despite alleged formulae for finding your perfect match, getting to know someone takes time and must be done in person.
11. Meet new people through common interests.
You could meet your ideal partner through friends, relatives, neighbors, or coworkers. Attend events where you are invited and be open to meeting new people. If you see someone who piques your interest, approach them or ask a mutual friend to put you in touch with them.
12. Arrange a casual date.
If you meet someone interesting, make the first move and invite them to a low-pressure activity. Going out for coffee is almost always a good idea. Other options may be contingent on how you met; for example, if you’re both members of a trail club, you could invite the person on a hike with a few of your friends. If you both enjoy music, see if they would like to attend a concert.
13. Acknowledge and accept rejection
Rejection is an unavoidable part of the dating process, and you must learn how to deal with it positively. Rejection should not be taken personally. People have a variety of reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship, and you have little control over that.
14. Avoid having sex early on in the dating process
Sharing your most intimate behavior with someone you’ve just met can throw your new relationship’s pacing off. If you like this person, chances are there will be sex-related emotions that the two of you are not yet prepared to deal with. Furthermore, one or both of you may fail to take responsible action on issues such as STIs or pregnancy prevention. Worse, the other person might simply vanish afterward!
15. Consider how you both act around each other’s friends and family
As the dating process progresses, you’ll most likely meet some of their close friends, and they’ll meet yours. Examine how at ease the two of you are in those situations: this can provide insight into how the relationship is progressing. Sometimes one or both of you may not feel completely at ease. That’s fine; what matters is that you’re making an effort to spend time with and connect with each other’s loved ones.
16. Keep in touch with family and friends
Some new relationships can seem all-consuming but resist the urge to vanish with your new love interest. Make it a point to keep in touch with your friends and family, calling and visiting them on a regular basis. Remember that while romance comes and goes, these are the people who will be there for you in the long run.
17. Keep an eye out for red flags
There are some indications that the relationship is not going well. Learn to trust your instincts and pay attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you feel undervalued, insecure, or ashamed, it is better to end the relationship early and invest your time in finding something long-term.
18. Plan activities for you and your friends to do together.
When the euphoria of your romance has worn off, you’ll both need to commit to spending time together and investing in the relationship. Discuss what you both enjoy doing and make a plan to do fun things together on a regular basis, regardless of how busy you are.
19. Maintain constant communication
It is critical for your relationship that you communicate in a kind and honest manner. As you share your feelings, thoughts, fears, and desires with each other, your bond will grow stronger.
20. Increase trust by revealing your vulnerabilities in small doses.
Building trust in a relationship takes time. Being vulnerable in front of another person can help build trust, but you shouldn’t do it all at once. Instead, you should each share small parts of yourself with the other. This builds a strong, trusting bond over time.
21. Maintain your independence
While balancing relationships and self-realization can be difficult, the latter is crucial to your love life. Mutual independence implies that you both continue to develop as individuals while doing what you enjoy. This not only helps to avoid unhealthy relationship patterns such as codependency, in which one of you relies on the other for self-worth and identity, but it can also be stimulating and renewing by allowing you to see each other do what you enjoy and are good at.
22. Don’t be afraid of conflict.
Disagreements almost always arise as relationships progress. It’s important to feel safe enough to talk about your worries without worrying about getting in trouble. Fight fairly by listening to each other’s points of view, and striving to resolve conflicts through compromise for the sake of your relationship.
How to be in a Relationship with a Narcissist
When people are in a relationship with someone who has a dark triad personality, the most common advice they receive is to leave them. Perpetua Neo, a therapist who works with victims of narcissistic abuse, advises them to “run fast and far.”
However, for some people, this may seem impossible because their lives are so entwined with narcissists. Clients frequently ask Neo what they can do to make their relationship work. Perhaps they are married or have children together, and unraveling their entire world does not seem like an option.
1. There is infrequent affection
“Some people believe they see a good person inside,” Neo explained. “He’s so sweet sometimes… and of course, he’s sweet sometimes, that’s the whole point.”
Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists to entice their victims. Only when they are certain that their supply will not run out do they allow their mask to slip and reveal their true selves. They do, however, break up the insults and abuse with intermittent affection, which is what the victim craves.
However, even if the victim is aware that they are living with a narcissistic abuser, they choose to remain. As a result, they seek advice from professionals on how to make their relationship work. “It’s a really difficult question to answer,” Neo admitted. “And eventually I just tell them that if I could, I would tell you how to make him better so that you could have a healthy relationship. And life would be fantastic. But I’m not capable of doing so.”
2. You must make significant sacrifices.
To live a half-decent life with a narcissist, you must ultimately give up a lot of who you are and what you stand for. You also have to accept that you will be lied to all the time, according to Neo. “Be prepared to be duped, because there will be two versions of what happened,” she warned. “Because narcissists are very good at rewriting reality and convincing you of something you didn’t do.”
To be happy with a narcissist, you must always accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you’ll be the target of their narcissistic rage. A narcissist will try to undermine you at every opportunity, even if you do everything they ask. They’re not going to reward you for good behavior.
“They like to call the shots, but in a really subtle, undermining way,” Neo explained. “As a result, they’ll say things like, ‘Oh, I can’t decide, you decide what we’re going to eat or do.'”
3. You’ll be exhausted.
Narcissists are constantly on the lookout for someone else to blame. And chances are, if you’re in a relationship with one, that’ll be you. So, in order to make the relationship work, you’ll have to put up with them belittling you at every turn and calling you crazy and oversensitive if you dare to react. Essentially, you’ll be made to feel bad for every emotion you experience.
“Be prepared to lose yourself, and your interests, to be disparaged, to be harassed, because everything is your fault,” Neo said. “They will tell you that your interests are bad or stupid, that your art is bad, that the books you read are bad, that the music you like is bad… They will try to beat you and transform you into someone else.”
This could even include your job. To keep the narcissist happy, you may have to quit your job and become someone who stays at home all day cooking and cleaning, even if this isn’t how you’ve always imagined yourself. “Essentially, your entire life will revolve around making this person happy,” Neo explained. “Then they’ll flip it and tell you you’re boring instead.”
4. Narcissists do not have faith in anyone.
They may even follow you around. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never given them a reason to be suspicious of you; they still won’t give you enough respect to live your own life without constant supervision. “Narcissists like to track their partners, so many of them will secretly install trackers into their partners’ phones or computers, and they are quite proud of it,” Neo explained. “Another method is to marry you and force you to change your surname so that everything about your identity is eroded.”
Unfortunately, narcissists frequently engage in heavy drug or alcohol abuse. That means you’ll have to get used to them going too far, losing control, and behaving erratically. Because of their bad habits, they are also extremely irresponsible, missing work, meetings, and everything else. And you have to clean up after them. So you’ll make all these excuses because you’ve already been warned that you’re part of a team and that it’s you versus the world.
How to Be in a Relationship with a Depressed Person
Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from depression can be difficult; however, by understanding a few key concepts, it is possible to have a healthy and loving relationship.
Although you must accept that you cannot solve your partner’s depression and that it is not about you, you must accept that their feelings are real and that they are working to overcome their depression; and how your relationship fits into this picture. There is no reason why you cannot have a meaningful and positive relationship.
1. It all comes down to balance.
In any relationship, you must balance your partner’s needs, your own needs, and the needs of the relationship. When one partner in a relationship is ill, it can be difficult to maintain that balance because you want to help your partner. You may find yourself always putting their needs ahead of your own. However, this only works for a short period of time. That is why it is critical to learn how to be supportive while also caring for yourself and your own needs. Ignoring them for too long will cause them to grow in size, leaving you feeling lonely or even resentful. Examine how much you prioritize your partner and when you might be able to prioritize yourself; and be aware of when you need to promote balance in the relationship.
2. Encourage them on their journey
Because you can’t cure your partner’s depression, it’s critical to consider what being supportive and helpful means to them and to change how you care for them. This entails being emphatic, compassionate, and accepting of their feelings without attempting to change them. This may be a more positive expression of support for your loved one than making them feel as if you’re attempting to change their mood or fix them.
Laura Hilden, a health writer for Ukwritings and Essayroo, advises you to “Consider simple ways to support them, such as reminding them that you care about them even on their bad days, or being curious about how they’re feeling and what they need.” Don’t assume you know what they require. Inquire about what they find helpful at the time.
If your partner decides to seek depression treatment, you must be their biggest supporter. Recognize what they’re doing and express your admiration for them. If they don’t want to discuss what they’re doing in therapy, respect their wishes; some people prefer to keep that information private. If your partner agrees, you can participate in their treatment. There are therapy sessions available to assist you in navigating your relationship in a healthy manner and being supportive while maintaining important boundaries.
3. Be adaptable
If your partner is depressed, he or she may not always be able to participate in regular activities. You may have made plans to spend the day together the night before, but when they wake up, their mood has changed and they are unable to get out of bed. It’s critical to understand that this has nothing to do with you and is not due to a lack of effort or flakiness. They are actually suffering from a severe psychological illness that makes it difficult for them to function at times. It’s critical that you don’t blame them or make them feel ashamed in these situations. Be adaptable and consider alternative activities that they would prefer, such as staying in and watching a movie or cooking dinner. Also, be prepared for the possibility that they won’t be up for it and will prefer to be alone – don’t take it personally.
4. Stop attempting to repair them
Although it is heartbreaking to see someone you care about struggle, and your instinct is to believe that love, kindness, and happiness will make them better, you must resist these impulses. Suggestions for “fixing” them, such as spending time outside, changing their diet, or listening to an inspirational speech, will not automatically heal them of this disease and may, in fact, do more harm than good. Instead, ask them what their triggers are, what they’re doing to cope, and how they would like you to support them. has unique requirements, and just because something worked for one of your friends doesn’t mean it will work for your partner.
5. It may have an impact on your sexual life
Heather Morris, a lifestyle editor at Reviewed and Academized, advises couples to be cautious. “Depression and its treatments can have a significant impact on a person’s sexual drive, ability, or willingness to have sex.” This can be embarrassing or even frustrating for your partner, so it’s critical that you’re open and understanding about the situation so they know you won’t end the relationship as a result.
6. Acquire a new mode of communication
Learn a new way to communicate with your partner that promotes closeness and makes you both feel heard. Even if your partner isn’t feeling well, this method of communication should be available. Accepting each other’s feelings and experiences without becoming defensive can help. After you’ve explained how something is making you feel, check in with your partner to see if they’ve grasped what you’re saying. True connection and communication can happen when both people feel safe sharing their feelings without having to defend them.
If you want a healthy and meaningful relationship, regardless of your partner’s health, both parties must be open and willing to work on things. You have to be able to accept and balance each other’s needs, as well as help each other and talk clearly.
How to be in a Relationship with a Schizophrenic
Dating can be difficult for anyone. A serious mental health condition, such as schizophrenia, complicates matters even further. It can occasionally cause psychotic behaviors such as hallucinations and delusional thought processes. Dating is probably out of the question in severe cases. Even if your condition is well-managed, you may have difficulty participating in activities. It may be difficult for you to express your emotions as well.
As a result, many people with schizophrenia struggle to form and maintain relationships. Others completely avoid it. However, some people are able to maintain healthy relationships. Here’s what you need to know if you have schizophrenia or are romantically involved with someone who does.
1. It might not be suitable for you.
It’s OK if you never want or are able to pursue a romantic relationship. “Your symptoms may make you anxious or prevent you from socializing,” says Lionel S. Wininger, Ph.D., a psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. However, if you’re in treatment and your condition is under control, it might be worth a shot. While many people with schizophrenia deteriorate, others improve and can maintain successful relationships.
It can take some time to find a treatment plan that works for you. It could take weeks or even months for it to fully take effect. Inquire with the doctor who treats your schizophrenia if they believe your plan is working and that you are prepared. Aside from medication, you’ll want to talk about your lifestyle. “For example, if you spend the night at someone else’s house, do you have a plan in place to ensure that you can take your medication on time?” Alex Dimitriu, MD, psychiatrist, and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine in California, agrees.
2. How Will You Inform Them?
Over the last several decades, there have been significant advances in the treatment of this condition. However, the person you’re seeing may have a misunderstanding of what it is. They may believe, for example, that you have multiple personalities or that you frequently hallucinate. They may be unaware that the majority of people who suffer from it are not violent, and that treatment can help to alleviate and even prevent psychosis.
That’s why you should wait until you’ve gone out with someone a few times before telling them you’ve got it. “Once the person knows you a little better, it may be easier for them to see that you don’t fit the stereotype of someone with schizophrenia,” Wininger says.
How to Improve Your Relationship with a Schizophrenic
If your doctor gives you the go-ahead and you feel ready,
1. Manage your expectations. Even if your condition is well-managed and you are feeling well, keep in mind that it can cause social anxiety and other issues that can make dating difficult. You may experience difficulty focusing or flat affect (when your voice and facial expressions do not express your emotions). You may not speak as much as other people, which can make communication difficult. Working through some of these issues with a therapist can be beneficial. You’ll figure out how to feel better about yourself and your situation.
2. Go slowly. Stress can make schizophrenia more difficult to manage. That’s why it’s a good idea to take things slowly in a relationship. For your first dates, you might want to do something low-key, like meet up for coffee or go for a walk together. “It’s important to try to keep the rest of your life as regular as possible; so you can stick to your treatment plan,” Dimitriu says if it gets hot.
3. Recognize that sexual side effects are quite common. Your medications may have an effect on your desire for sex, as well as your ability to be aroused and experience orgasm. If you experience sexual side effects from medication, discuss them with your doctor and partner. Changing medications may be beneficial.
4. Take a collaborative approach. If you and your partner decide to take things more seriously, you may want to bring them to doctor’s appointments or therapy sessions. “A committed partner knows you probably better than your health care provider,” Wininger says. “They can check in with you and help you pay attention to important signs, such as feeling more down than usual, that you need to adjust your treatment.” Support from a partner can be another way to cope with schizophrenia.
I’m Not Sure How to Be in a Relationship with a Schizophrenic
Is this your first romantic relationship? Or have you tried a few but they never seem to work out? Putting your heart on the line for someone else is both terrifying and thrilling. You don’t want to blow it. And, despite the fact that the relationship is clumsy and awkward at times, you want to give it your all.
Here are some things you should be aware of in order to make the most of this relationship. Let’s begin with how to behave online.
1. Online Etiquette
It can feel especially special in a first relationship. We want to shout it from the mountaintops and tell everyone we know about it! Unfortunately, this isn’t always in the best interests of the relationship. Here are a few things to think about when it comes to internet etiquette.
1. When Should We Change Our Facebook Status From “In A Relationship” To “In A Relationship”
When you’re officially dating someone, you might feel compelled to update your relationship status. It’s a matter of time. Remember that this relationship isn’t just about you. Make sure to consult with your partner before making any public online posts. Also, make sure you understand who you are permitted to share the news with. Some people prefer privacy and prefer to wait and see how things play out before making anything “Facebook official.”
Being in a relationship entails bringing two people’s lives together. If your partner does not want to make a post, you must respect that decision or move on. They may feel insecure when receiving attention, or their previous relationship may have ended after it was revealed on the internet. If you can be compassionate and understanding, they will appreciate it.
2. Everyone Moves at Their Own Pace
Even if you started the relationship by texting each other every five minutes, don’t expect it to last. Recognize that they have a life separate from yours. They have friends, families, hobbies, and responsibilities, all of which are important.
It’s also possible that it’s the other way around. You may believe that the other person is pressuring you to talk to them all the time. Don’t feel obligated to. Rather than avoiding them, have a discussion about them.
3. Be Wary of Rumors
You will eventually disagree with your partner. If this occurs, do not, under any circumstances, post about it online. Fighting or disagreeing with your partner is a private matter between you and him or her. There’s no reason to spread rumors about your partner, even if other people are involved. It can have long-term consequences for the relationship.
Sharing private information is not only a breach of trust, but it can also be upsetting for the other person. Try to resolve it between the two of you. That’s not to say you shouldn’t seek advice; however, you should be cautious about who you talk to and what you say.
2. Interactions in Person
You most likely spend a significant amount of time in person with your partner. Here are some things to consider when you see them in person.
1. Don’t Ignore Your Friends
What does this have to do with meeting my partner face-to-face? They shouldn’t be the only ones you see all the time, though. Make time to spend with your friends. Introduce your partner to your friends gradually, but also spend time with them when your partner is not present. By setting a good example, everyone will understand how important your friends are to you.
Their friends are also important. Make an effort to meet your partner’s friends. They will be able to tell you a lot about your partner and show you a side of them you haven’t seen before. Your friends also have a lot to say about you.
2. Work on Your Communication Skills
It can be difficult to share your feelings and set boundaries at first, but these are necessary relationship skills. Begin with small steps. If being in a relationship still makes you nervous, communicate this to your partner. They might be able to provide some solace.
Not everyone with whom you are in a relationship will be willing to talk about their feelings. However, if you set a good example of open honesty and trust, they are more likely to reciprocate. This isn’t to say you should make a big deal out of every time they do something that irritates you.
Making a big deal out of every minor complaint you have about your partner is not good communication. Instead, it’s possible that underlying insecurity is to blame. Journal about it if you’re not sure what the underlying insecurity is.
3. Understand How To Apologize
It’s an art form to learn how to say “I’m sorry.” Take some time to reflect on the situation before you apologize. When we are in the wrong, we initially turn inward to reflect on what has occurred. Instead of focusing on yourself, you should be thinking about the other person before you apologize.
That may imply that you should take a break and give yourself some time to calm down. It also means you’ll have to listen to the other person to determine whether or not the reason you thought they were upset is what you expected. Your interpretation may differ greatly from theirs. Listen without interrupting so that you can understand their point of view.
4. When Should You Say “I Love You”?
There is no perfect answer to this question, but there are ways to determine whether or not it is the right time. As you might expect, saying “I love you” over text or online for the first time is not a good idea. If you can’t say it to their face, it’s not time.
Words have meaning only if you give them meaning. Typing them out does not have the same impact as saying them aloud. The manner in which you express your love can reveal a great deal about your sincerity in the relationship. Give it some thought.
How to be in a relationship with someone who has a child
It can be difficult to date someone who has a child. The child will always take precedence, and you must learn to respect and support this. You can have a successful relationship with someone who has a child if you set clear boundaries and are compassionate toward your partner.
1. Determine whether you are capable of handling the commitment.
If you want to be in a semi-serious relationship, you should consider your partner’s child. Dating someone who has a child can be difficult, and you must be honest with yourself about whether you are ready for that level of commitment.
2. Allow your partner to establish boundaries.
When it comes to your partner’s child, you should ask what the boundaries are right away. Conversations like this can be difficult for a single parent to initiate. Your partner will appreciate it if you politely inquire about the expectations for your relationship with his or her child.
3. Maintain a positive attitude
When dating someone who has a child, try not to think of it as a burden or extra baggage. Consider the positive aspects of the situation. If your partner has a child, he or she is likely to have a unique perspective on life that you are not familiar with. This can be an exciting way to broaden your horizons and expose yourself to new ideas. Your partner’s attitude toward work, life, and responsibility, in general, will be influenced by his or her child. Try to look at this as an opportunity to grow and learn.
4. Pay attention to how your partner interacts with his or her child.
It’s critical that you’re comfortable with your partner’s parenting style. If you are unhappy with your partner’s parenting style for any reason, this is not a good sign that the relationship will last.
5. Be a kind and encouraging role model
If you’re not used to being around children, you might not know how to act around them. The good news is that you don’t have to be a perfect parental figure right away. All you have to do is be a strong adult role model.
6. Be genuine and patient during the initial interactions
Children can tell when you aren’t being yourself. When meeting a partner’s child, many people try to appear overly friendly or cool, but this can be off-putting. Simply be yourself and give the child some time to adjust to you.
7. Be adaptable. Keep in mind that having children is unpredictable
If you’re not naturally a flexible person, try to make room for leniency in your life. Sports tournaments, PTA meetings, and unexpected illnesses may cause plans to change. In such cases, you must be sympathetic to your partner and allow time to reschedule or revamp plans in light of the child’s needs.
8. Participate in some activities with your partner’s child
When your partner appears to be okay with you having a relationship with his or her child, start involving the child in certain activities. Plan dates around kid-friendly events and outings so that your partner does not feel compelled to choose between you and his or her child.
9. Allow your relationship with the children to develop organically
Many people want to form close bonds with their partner’s children, especially if things are getting serious. This is obviously important, but you cannot force a relationship. You must allow it to happen naturally.
10. Never criticize your partner’s parenting skills
Keep in mind that you are not the parent. In this situation, you are the boyfriend or girlfriend. Even if you disagree with a decision, it is not your place to criticize it or express your own viewpoint. Allow your partner to parent, observe, and support you in a nonjudgmental manner.
11. Discuss the future of your relationship with your partner
You may want to take the relationship to the next level after a month or so of dating. When a child is involved, things can become more complicated, and you both need to be able to communicate openly about where things are going.
12. Hold a serious conversation about the future
If you’re in a serious relationship with someone who has a child, you should talk about the future. You must understand your place within your partner’s family.
13. Think about becoming a stepparent
If you marry or get engaged, you will become a stepparent to the child. You must ensure that you are prepared for this level of commitment.
Related Articles: HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP: Tips for Both Narcissistic and Schizophrenic Relationships
How to Be in a Relationship with an Avoidant Person
Have you ever started dating someone and then POOF he disappears after a romantic weekend together? Or maybe you meet someone and things get hot and heavy right away. You text each other every day and can’t wait to see each other again. But what happens when the communication breaks down and you find yourself chasing, yearning for, and waiting for their attention?
If you recognize any of these scenarios, it is possible that you have dated or are dating someone who has an avoidant attachment style. Here are some pointers on how to be in a relationship with an avoidant personality.
1. Use words to communicate rather than tantrums
Perhaps it irritates you when he doesn’t contact you for an entire day. As you count down the minutes until he responds, you may become tense, prompting you to blow up his phone (triple dip text anyone?) or send a passive-aggressive message. Do not engage when you are in this anxious, resentful state!
Get into a state of calm by meditating or exercising to get rid of the angst and stress chemicals. Whatever you do, don’t keep messaging if you’re feeling anxious or low-vibe. This energy is felt; a happy face emoticon will not fool anyone. When you’ve found a way to self-soothe and get yourself in a good mood, make time to communicate your needs and preferences to your partner. Making demands or attempting to control or enforce behavior with ultimatums is a sure way to send an avoidant running in the opposite direction when communicating in a healthy, adult manner.
2. Be patient when he pushes you away
Avoidants feel safe when their autonomy or independence is not threatened, so if he withdraws, understand that it is not always a sign of rejection. For a while, he may go through cycles of approaching and then withdrawing. A pursue-withdraw dynamic occurs when one person pursues the other’s feelings while the other withdraws for fear of exacerbating the situation. If this dynamic persists for an extended period of time, it can be extremely damaging to a relationship. This dynamic, however, can be changed by identifying each other’s underlying needs in conflict situations. If your avoidant partner is not ready to talk about his or her feelings and requires personal space, be patient and give it to them; pushing or pressuring them will only make them withdraw further.
3. Consider his intentions
You may feel hyper-vigilant, intensely monitoring your partner’s emotions, and extremely sensitive to cues that your partner is pulling away, especially if you are an anxious type. However, jumping to conclusions causes you to misinterpret each other’s emotional state, which can lead to unnecessary conflict and strife. Take a moment to consider your partner’s intentions before reacting. Then, before making a decision, gather more information and evidence. When you delay your initial fear-based reaction, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to accurately understand the situation. Learn to distinguish your interpretations and assumptions from the facts of the situation.
4. Select dates based on activities
Avoidants have a proclivity for getting lost in their heads and overthinking things. So spend quality time doing activities together, such as going on a hike or running, or even trying out a new sport. This way, he’ll be more likely to relax and show you affection because he’ll be present and in the moment while you bond and connect. The more you bond, the more oxytocin, and vasopressin are produced; the bonding chemicals responsible for trust and rapport.
5. Provide assistance rather than repair
One of the most difficult challenges that avoidants face is the inability to recognize, let alone discuss, their own emotions. Significant research, however, indicates that simply naming our emotions is critical in diffusing and managing them. This is referred to as “naming it to tame it” by psychologist Dan Siegel. “Emotions are just a form of energy that is always seeking expression,” he says. And the first step in expressing them is to find the right words.
Encourage your partner to keep a journal, which will help him connect with his emotions rather than disassociate from them. However, take care not to desire your partner’s growth more than he does. If he isn’t interested in growing and working together to move forward, you’ll have to accept him as he is or move on. If his avoidant attachment style is causing you too much pain, you’ll need to decide whether a more secure partner would be a better long-term fit for you.
6. Avoidants require and desire love just as much as you do
According to a large body of research, avoidant attachment is the result of parents who were overly controlling, smothering, or unresponsive to their child’s needs. Do not judge or shame someone who has an avoidant attachment style; their early childhood experiences wired their relationship to intimacy in such a way that they frequently experience great loneliness. They suppress their attachment system subconsciously, which they are often unaware of.
Been Single so long don’t know How to be in a Relationship
Many single people are either actively dating but haven’t found a relationship that lasts or have been single for a long time with few dating experiences. For some of them, the desire to marry and spend their lives with a significant other comes and goes like the seasons, whereas for others, it only grows stronger with time. Unfortunately, this strong desire for love is accompanied by a vexing sense of inadequacy stemming from their long-term single status.
Here are six reminders to help you date confidently and successfully:
1. Being single for an extended period of time is not considered baggage
Being single versus being in a relationship are merely two different states of being. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Being single for an extended period of time can mean that you maintain your standards and refuse to stay in bad relationships, which is a good thing.
Furthermore, there are many reasons why a person is single that have nothing to do with their worth as a person; life circumstances, time spent focusing on building a career, time spent caring for loved ones, and so on.
2. You are not required to justify your single status
Remember that you are not required to explain your single status to anyone if you do not wish to. If someone asks you why you’ve been single or how someone like you can be single, you can simply laugh and say something humble like “Aw, thank you!” before changing the subject. If you’re feeling adventurous, you could use it as an opportunity to probe their thinking.
Initiate a general discussion by asking them, “What do you think are the reasons why someone is single?” If you are going on a date with that person, their responses may reveal how they view their own singleness and their level of self-esteem.
3. Your single status is advantageous
Yes, it’s a winning smile, because your time as a single person is an advantage, and you should carry yourself as if you were a prize. Being single for an extended period of time means not getting involved in a toxic relationship that could harm your mental, physical, and financial well-being. It implies that you have a lot of room for self-improvement, which could make you a better catch.
Being single can also imply that you have spent a lot of quality time with yourself and have a good understanding of yourself, which can lead to better judgment and decisions when looking for a mate. So, whoever you decide to go on a date with, they should be flattered.
4. You are sufficient and deserving of love
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you’re inherently valuable because of the simple, obvious, and lovely fact that you’re a living human. And you are so much more than your relationship status. You are far more valuable than simply being someone’s love interest.
While you are worthy of love, you do not require it from others to validate your worth. You are valued for who you are, for all the uniqueness and goodness you bring to this world; you are valued even if you are unaware of it.
5. The length of time you’ve been single should have no bearing on how you date
I understand that some people may feel ashamed if they reach a certain age and have never been in a relationship. They may believe they do not deserve to be picky and should be grateful for any chance to be in a relationship.
Because it is based on negativity and scarcity, this mindset is harmful. A scarcity mindset will cause you to make poor decisions and exude a self-defeating needy vibe. Why think this way when you can think the opposite?
6. It will feel natural to be in a relationship with the right person
One of the most common concerns of people who have been single for a long time when looking for a relationship is that they do not know how to “be” in a relationship.
They’re not sure how they’d feel if they had to spend every day with someone because they’re so used to their wonderful alone time. They are concerned that they are becoming too independent and, as a result, prefer to do things their own way.
Don’t be concerned if this is you. The coupling will feel natural when you meet someone who is truly right for you. If there’s anything that doesn’t feel right for you right now, that’s where communication and compromise come in.
Romantic relationships aren’t like they’re portrayed in movies. Fights don’t always end in a steamy make-out session, and no matter how much you nag them, your partner will never be perfect. Everyone is flawed. Relationships that last acknowledge that both parties have struggles and weaknesses. Love, on the other hand, isn’t something you have once and it lasts forever. People fall out of love when they don’t make an effort to care for each other. Every relationship necessitates effort. Inquire about their interests, spend time with the people who matter to them, and do things they enjoy.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?
5 Things You Need to Know to Have a Healthy Relationship
- Communication. You’ve probably heard the cliche “communication is key.” But here’s the catch: it’s a cliché for a reason.
How a girl should be in a relationship?
Respect, respect, and more respect. Act in such a way that your partner respects you both inside and outside of the relationship. A good relationship requires mutual respect. Consider yourselves a team, which means you are two distinct individuals with opposing perspectives and strengths.