How to Fall Back in Love After Being Hurt: The Simple Steps

Fall back in love

So you like her, or him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be roaming the busy and noisy streets of google, in nightwear, searching for how to fall back in love.

I will offer my opinion on this anyways, even if it’s unsolicited. Move on. If you were able to fall out of love in the first place, then maybe you may fall back in love only to fall out again. Aren’t you tired of falling all the time?

Please excuse me; scratch that. That was my pistanthrophobia talking. I have been hurt as well, and I am still learning how to fall back in love with my……well, nobody.

But hey, this article is not about me but you. So here are the simple steps to help you fall back in love after being hurt. But wait, first, let’s talk about how you got here.

Fall Back in Love? (How did you get here? )

It may have been a chaotic experience. He/she cheated, lied about who they are, or their finances. He ghosted you for a month when you told him you were pregnant.

Okay, so maybe your story is not dramatic. Perhaps you never caught your partner cheating on you. Perhaps your partner would not flee on you while you are being treated for cancer. Well, that is good.

However, between checking work emails on vacations and not paying attention to personal appearance, it’s like someone pulled out the last stick that kept the fire of your love burning.

It feels like you both are two hearing-impaired strangers living together. You both don’t communicate anymore.

Well, except for signing, nodding, and writing short notes on the fridge. “Hey honey, it’s 5 am; wake up now. You said I should wake you up, so here it is, on the fridge door.”

Passive-aggressive behavior, at its peak. Below are unmissable signs that you may have fallen out of love. (just in case you are still unsure)

  • You don’t look forward to spending time together
  • You keep things to yourself
  • Your sex life went from 40°c to – 52°c
  • You have given up arguing for silent treatment and passive-aggressive behavior
  • You are angry and resentful towards your partner
  • The relationship feels empty; like something is missing
  • You don’t feel attracted to them anymore
  • Almost everything your partner does pisses you off
  • You have gone no contact with your partner
  • You are seeking out other relationships

How to Fall Back in Love With Your Partner

#1. Remember Why You Fell in Love

When you first met your partner, they were the center of your world. You looked forward to seeing each other and spending time together.

 And when you are not together, you are thinking about each other and how to wow them the next time you meet.

Your hands keep wandering all over their body, and you probably couldn’t keep them off. The kiss, their touch is unique to them alone.

You close your eyes when you never meant to, and the spark is undeniably obvious. You probably haven’t felt that way with someone else. Why did you feel that way?

It’s not because you haven’t kissed or been with anyone else prior to them. But because this is the person you truly connected with. They are your spec. They possess a set of qualities and attributes that you so much admire in a partner.

Now here is how to fall back in love with your partner; remember those qualities and attributes that you like about them.

Is she a tigress in bed?. Do you like the way he treats women? Or perhaps he is an exceptional cook, and maybe she knows how to calm you down when you are upset, or her boobs are just the right size; you could forget your head in between them.

Whatever it is that made you fall in love with your partner is what you need to remember to fall back in love with them.

Why not write down ten things you like about your partner. Perhaps it will help you remember why your partner is the one.

#2. Think Positively

If you feel you have fallen out of love with your partner, it may be time to review your mindset about them.

How do you view your partner? Could it be you have adapted a rather negative view of them?

Perhaps you have had horrible experiences in previous relationships, and you are bringing distrust into your new relationship.

Suppose your ex cheated on you. Do you start to think your new partner is doing the same just because he came home late on a few occasions?

So maybe your ex-girlfriend or wife was a popular social media figure, and she dumped you for a famous and richer guy.

And the moment you see your partner on social media, you are just pissed and afraid that maybe history is about to repeat itself.

You may need to start thinking positively. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and let them be themselves.

Don’t be quick to imagine the worst-case scenario. Calm down. Whoever will stick with you will stick with you. Just do your part. Thinking positively about your partner will help you fall back in love.

#3. Learn to Trust Your Partner

If someone tells you something shitty about your partner, don’t be quick to believe it. In fact, discard the thought immediately, and tell the person, “thank you, but mind your business next time.” Later you can tactfully ask your partner about it and investigate.

If they tell you they don’t know anything about what the person said, please believe them until you have evidence to prove otherwise.

That is what it means to trust your partner. This will help you fall back in love with your partner rather than just going through the motion of being in a relationship, thinking, “what if?

#4. Make Your Relationship a Priority

Okay, drumroll pleasssseeee. This is an important tip. Most often, couples fall out of love because of not making each other or the relationship a priority.

Tight work schedules, taking care of the kids, endless work trips, and so and so and so. Relationships thrive when you spend quality time together, not away from each other.

Avoid whatever will keep you away from your partner for an extended period of time, even if it’s work-related. Find the right balance between work and your relationship life.

Plan date nights, vacations, camping, family retreats with your partner and communicate with them.

Continue to create more beautiful memories other than the ones you had when you just started dating. A lifetime relationship can not be sustained by that memory of brief moments of bliss.

Doing this will help reignite the fire of the love that existed between you two, and trust me when I say, your sex life will go from tortoise to black horse.

Making time for your significant other makes them feel valued, loved, appreciated, and wanted. You don’t want them to feel like they are being taken for granted.

Appreciate your woman: surprise her, buy flowers on your way home, spend the money, forget about having sex; make love to her instead. (You know there is a difference, right?).

Ladies; Try this. Wear sexy underwear, wear a jacket over it, show up at his office at lunchtime, and serve it hot. I mean, serve him lunch and lunnnnchhh. Ever seen the movie “two can play that game”? Ya all need to see it.

#5. Speak Up on Irritating Behaviors And Be Ready to Accept Your Differences.

“He picks his nose; what 34 year old does that?” “She doesn’t work out anymore. And I wouldn’t say I like the size of her waistline. She is always late to every event.” “He eats with his mouth open like a 5-year old, plus he touches me like he needs permission.”

“Okay, she smells. Armpit, mouth, v-area, everything smells. And I can’t take it anymore.” “Oh yeah, what about all the chores you promised to help with, but you never did. It’s like I am just a slave to you, inst it?”

Yikes! You may need to speak with your partner about irritating behaviors instead of just giving up on your relationship. Perhaps they don’t even know what they are doing is affecting you badly.

They may be able to make some adjustments. And if they do, this will help you fall back in love. Maybe they don’t know how poor their hygiene is. It may be a medical condition also; why not book a visit to the doctor.

You can read up on work emails while your partner takes a long time to finish her makeup and make the time count for you. If he only picks his nose in private, perhaps you can let that fly.

If you can overlook some irritating behaviors, please ignore and accept those differences. You can not find a clone of yourself in a relationship. You can always find intelligent ways to work around your differences and celebrate them.

How to Fall Back in Love With Your Partner After Being Hurt

There is no perfect relationship. There are no perfect people either. We do hurt the people we love, and the people we love can sometimes hurt us too. Sucks right? Yeah, life sucks sometimes.

 If you are searching for a partner who will never hurt you (asides from cheating on you), chances are, you are living in la-la land; please come back to earth, will you?

Warning! This article is not about how to fall back in ‘love’ with an abusive partner. If you left an abusive relationship, you need love, a trophy, therapy, and support, not to fall back in ‘love’ with the loser all over again. Hell no!

#1. Find Out if They Are Genuinely Sorry And if You Can Forgive Them

It is easier for you to fall back in love with your partner after being hurt if they are truly sorry and you can forgive them. Otherwise, you both may end up just wasting each other’s time.

Are they willing to admit it? Do they own up to their mistakes? Cause if your partner knows they have hurt you and yet they can’t admit it or say the words “I am sorry”?

Then you need to understand they don’t respect you. And they are proud in an unhealthy way. A partner who doesn’t respect you can’t love you. That’s on period.

Has he/she changed? Have they stopped the hurtful behavior? You may want to do your own investigation. Just because someone said they turned over a new leaf doesn’t mean the leaf is new.

Run it under a microscope to be sure if you have to. Do their actions show they are sorry and have realized their fault, and they are willing to make amends and earn back your trust?

Are they showing respect for you by patiently waiting for you to trust them again, or are they trying to rush the process?

Kinda like, “yeah, it’s nothing, all women get cheated on, and they snap out of it. I said I am so sorry, okay? It’s no big deal. Let’s just move on already.” Runnnnnn! They don’t value you, and there is a 99.99999% chance they will do it again.

Can you forgive the offense? Do you think you can put what they did behind you without holding it against them in the future?

Can you still be happy in the relationship after you forgive them? It’s important to find out the answer to these questions before you proceed to restart the relationship. That way, you can be sure you are falling back in love with your partner for good.

#2. Forgive

Once you have decided to move ahead with the relationship, see to it that you do just that. If you want to fall back in love with your partner after being hurt, you need to forgive him/her.

Accept what happened, admit that it hurt you but resolve not to hold it against them. Honor the effort your partner has put into winning you back and confirm your love for them.

Inform them you are ready to let go, admit your part in the dispute, and apologize as well. You may want to start doing ‘relationship things’ with him/her again.

You can initiate physical intimacy. (He/She properly may be skeptical to do so) I mean, how else will they know they have been forgiven; durrh. (insert rolling eyes emoji)

The key is, if you have forgiven them, you should be able to relate with them the way you did before the offense.

#3. Let Go of Resentment

You can not fall back in love with your partner if you are still holding grudges over what they did some time ago. It undermines love, trust, care, and respect.

It can be difficult, but you should try. Remember, the situation is tough for the other person as well. So don’t hold back.

Resist the urge to bring up the issue in future arguments. That will mean you only referenced their mistake in your journal but never truly forgave them.

Be positive; let your partner know that you trust them not to hurt you again. Back your words with actions; don’t snoop around or stalk him/her.

Be happy with them. Stop brooding over what happened. Don’t keep talking about it with anyone. The more you talk about it, the more it’s hard to heal. Let go. (That’s a complete sentence, right? ‘let go’)

Final Words

The relationship became a routine chore, the familiarity was too much, he/she was emotionally unavailable, or your partner hurt you and betrayed your trust. So your relationship is doomed? Not necessarily. It doesn’t have to end there if you don’t want it to. Especially if you think you can work through it. You may be able to fall back in love with your partner if you can apply the simple steps in this article. Ciao ciao!


How do you gain your partner's trust back after hurting them?

Own up to your mistakes and stop the hurtful behavior. Be patient and allow your partner time to heal.

How do you know if your relationship is worth fighting for?

Your relationship is worth fighting for if you still love your partner, if the relationship is free of abuse, and has healthy boundaries.

Can sex make my partner fall back in love with me?

No. A relationship is based on a lot of other things than sex. Sex alone cannot make your partner fall back in love with you. Focus on finding out the reason why they fell out of love with you and make the necessary adjustments.

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