So you’re happily married now? So, congratulations! You’ve found the one person who makes you feel amazing, exceptional, and cared for. However, have you noticed that something isn’t quite right in your relationship lately? Are you concerned that this could be the start of your relationship becoming too familiar and boring? Whether you are married or living together, you will need to know how to spice up a relationship when it becomes boring.
How to Spice Up a Relationship
So, let’s look at some effective and enjoyable ways to spice up a relationship;
1. Communicate in their Love Language
This is a crucial step in how to spice up a relationship, but it is rarely taken. The book “Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman should be required reading for anyone interested in having a romantic relationship. Knowing your partner’s love language is critical in a relationship because you can love someone with every fiber of your being, but unless you communicate that love in a way they can understand, they will never truly feel loved (and desired).
2. Experiment with new things together
This is one area where biological research is unmistakable. Doing novel things as a couple will boost dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine, a chemical known to affect emotions, is strongly linked to a romantic connection.
3. Maintain Consistency
“Don’t start anything you’re not willing to maintain,” is another brilliant piece of pre-marital advice I frequently hear. Committed relationships necessitate what I call “sticktoitiveness.” There were dates, flowers, appreciation, compliments, sweet gestures, and messages at the start of the relationship. You also probably touched a lot more.
4. Astound Them
Don’t you just love the look on a loved one’s face when you surprise them with something unexpected and thoughtful? It’s frequently more enjoyable for you than for the person receiving it.
5. Don’t Forget About Date Night!
Perhaps you’ve noticed that your schedules are so hectic these days that you don’t even have time to eat breakfast together. Make time for important meetings at work, and do the same at home.
6. Acquire New Moves
Oxford University’s magnetic resonance imaging scans discovered that learning a new motor skill — whether it’s striking new keys on a piano or playing a new sexual harmonic in bed — causes a flurry of activity in the brain that drives happiness.
7. Put on Your Best Face
I’ll never forget what a coworker told me about why she works out so hard a few years ago: “I’m keepin’ it sexy for my man.” Attraction frequently grows throughout a long-distance Toll relationship. Looking your best physically, on the other hand, is a great way to keep the desire that was present in the early days of your relationship. Furthermore, when you feel good about the way you look, your confidence will be unstoppable!
8. Make (“Me”) Time
Spending a lot of time together is essential for how to spice up a relationship, but there is such a thing as having too much of a good thing. Allow yourself and your partner some alone time to recharge for the sake of the individual and the relationship.
How to Spice Up a Relationship Over Text
According to Mike (a well-known relationship coach and best-selling author), there are only three things you need to do to spice up the romance center of any man’s brain- and turn him into the “romantic beast” you deserve:
- Remind him of how valuable you are… and entice him to hunt and chase you again.
- Allow him to be a guy by giving him “permission.”
- Provide him with a sense of security.
And, yes, you can do all of that right now with the cell phone in your pocket or purse. There are numerous romantic love messages for him you can send your spouse, but even “cheesy” texts, when delivered correctly, can send massive thrills through your man’s body.
1. Use Flirty Texting to Spice Up Your Relationship
Flirty texts are small messages sent during the day that “force” your spouse to think about you and crave for you. They arouse in him a desire to see you and even set off his inner motor, causing him to fantasize about you and become slightly obsessed with you.
2. How to Use Dirty Texting to Spice Up Your Relationship
The key to “dirty” texting is to use the right words and language to pique your partner’s interest. And to make him feel as if he had a highly charged “dirty” experience with you, even if he is thousands of miles away. However, this does not imply going straight for “vulgar” with no build-up or anticipation. You must use tension and anticipation to build up and tease him, as well as “power words” like “feel” and “imagine” to hijack his brain’s sexual center.
How to Spice Up a Relationship Sexually
Adding spice to your sex life can improve your relationship with your partner while also providing a slew of health benefits. “Sex is an aerobic activity, so it can improve your heart health,” says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, and sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida. “One energetic act of intercourse burns 180 calories, which is equivalent to about 20 minutes of gentle jogging or a 9-hole round of golf.”
So, how can you spice up your sex life? Begin with these simple (yet seductive) strategies.
1. Experiment with something new.
According to Needle, most couples develop a fairly predictable sexual script over time. Try something new to shake things up. Start with something simple, like changing positions or putting on a blindfold, says Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator and counselor in Madison, Wisconsin. Introduce sex toys, role play, dress up, or change the scenery.
2. Make out as if you’re a teenager.
According to Needle, at the start of a relationship, couples enjoy deep, sexy kissing and touching each other in arousing ways. However, as a relationship matures, lovey-dovey behavior can give way to chores and mundane activities. Channel your inner adolescent and kiss, hug, and snuggle your partner in the same way you did when you first met. This will assist in keeping your marriage sexually alive.
3. Plan romantic activities.
“Taking time to spend with your partner is one of the most loving things you can do for each other,” says Susan Kaye, Ph.D., a sex therapist with offices in San Antonio and Austin, Texas, as well as Philadelphia. “I recommend that couples purchase a copy of the book 8 Erotic Nights, which contains eight sensual activities that will teach you and your partner how to please each other.” You’ll connect more passionately with your partner if you take turns choosing an activity.
4. Tell us about your fantasies.
“Fantasies are underutilized by couples,” says Roger Libby, Ph.D., a sex therapist, adjunct professor, and distinguished lecturer at San Francisco’s Institute for the Advanced Study of Sexuality. “However, it is critical that you use your imagination and share your most erotic desires with your partner.” If you’re feeling shy, create a romantic atmosphere by lighting candles, turning off electronics, and playing romantic music. Open up to your significant other once you’re both feeling relaxed and intimate.
5. Put on a sexy DVD.
“I recommend couples watch and discuss The Better Sex Video Series, which is a collection of sex education pieces,” Dr. Libby says. “It depicts real-life couples exploring sexual positions and techniques while discussing what they enjoy.” You’ll learn Kama Sutra positions, sexual anatomy (including the enigmatic G-spot), erotic massage, and the four fundamentals of foreplay, which include oral sex, erotic talk, sensual touch, and kissing.
6. Consult a sex therapist.
Still, feel like you’re in a rut? Consult with a certified sex therapist. “Therapy isn’t always reserved for problems,” Needle says. “It could be about education, personal growth, or sexual development.” The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists can help you find a sex therapist near you.
How to Spice Up a Relationship When it Gets Boring
Revive a stale relationship and have some fun! Here are some simple but effective ways to make a boring relationship fun again. Just remember to be yourself and modify these lists to fit your and your partner’s personalities.
1. Express your feelings
Showing your partner your love can liven up a stale relationship. It may appear simple, but if you think about it, being in a relationship for a long time is beneficial; however, you may become so comfortable that you forget to show your partner how much you love them. Send texts again, hug your partner for no reason, kiss him or her on the cheek, and show this person how much you love him or her. Don’t think it’s cheesy or overly sweet – it’s just right.
2. Put on something appropriate for your date.
You don’t have to go out just to look nice. Make a nice dinner for your spouse and put on a nice outfit. Apply lipstick and perfume. With all of the chores and kids, it’s easy to forget to pamper ourselves, let alone our partners.
3. Agree on goals together
How can you avoid being bored in a relationship? Set goals with one another. What makes a relationship boring is when neither of you has any goals that excite you. Set goals together that will rekindle your passion for each other. You think of this goal every time you wake up and go to work, and you want to work together to make it a reality.
4. Communicate with one another
Are you in a relationship where you come home and immediately go to bed? Are you too tired to eat a meal as a family? This is a major relationship killer. Make sure you make time to talk to each other. Communicate to liven up a stale relationship. Communication may appear to be a simple task, but it can do wonders for your relationship.
5. Take turns surprising each other
You’re not too old for surprises if you think you’re too old. Surprises can liven up a stale relationship. Is it appropriate to give a gift even if there is no occasion? Perfect! What about preparing a formal dinner and serving wine? That is so sweet!
6. Spend some time alone and apart from others.
Too much time spent together can be tedious. That is a proven fact. This is especially true for married couples with children. The thrill of the relationship is diminished by seeing each other every day. So, go spend some time apart from each other. Go to your mother’s house for a few days, and go to the mall without your spouse. This allows you to miss each other.
7. Liven up your sex life
When you’re thinking about how to keep your marriage exciting, don’t forget about your sex time. In bed, be unpredictable! New ways to make love can liven up a stale relationship. Play with adult toys, play role-playing games, and even tease your partner. It’s enjoyable and can bring out the best in your relationship.
8. Experiment with new experiences
Be daring not only in bed but also in other places. If possible, travel, even if only locally. Spice up a stale relationship by going on dates and trying out new restaurants! You could also experiment with new recipes or take up a new hobby. The options are limitless!
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Getting out of a Boring Relationship
There are numerous ways to rekindle your relationship and even keep it fun and exciting. All you have to do is admit that you need to work on it. Overcoming a boring relationship can be difficult, but challenges are also part of what makes a relationship exciting.
But keep one thing in mind: never assume that your partner understands what you want. What will happen if you do this is that you will be disappointed. If you want something, tell your partner about it; once again, this comes down to communication with your spouse or partner.
Bring back the fun, excitement, and fire that you have for each other by working together to spice up a boring relationship with your partner. When you make these things and practices a habit, you’ll realize how much fun it is to be with your spouse!
How to Spice Up a Long-Distance Relationship
Sexting is particularly useful in long-distance relationships. When you’re not with each other, the desire to sext grows stronger. It’s a great way to stay in touch, especially if there’s a time difference. If you’re getting ready for bed on the East Coast and he’s finishing up a meeting on the West Coast, he can still reach out to you in your hour of need. Sure, it’s not the real thing, but it’s better than nothing! (Did we mention this is a fantastic form of safe sex?) Texting makes long-distance communication more bearable by allowing you to stay in constant contact.
1. Virgin to sexting?
Don’t be concerned. It’s not going to hurt. Discuss the thing he did to you last night that you liked. Text him what you want to do to him next time you see him or what you want him to do to you. Discuss how your salad came with a particularly large cucumber and how you remembered him. Be audacious, direct, and obnoxious. When you dirty text and say things that will turn you on in the meantime, be a little selfish. If it turns you on, it’ll probably turn him on twice as well.
2. Shy by nature
This is a great way for those of you who are shy to tell your man what you want sexually. If you’re too shy to tell him in person, use texting and the casual and safe environment it provides to tell him your fantasies. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll gain from being open about your likes and dislikes via sexting.
3. Not a fan of sexting?
Flirt texting with your man doesn’t always have to be dirty. Texts like suggesting pizza and football for a Monday night date or randomly sending “I love you” go a long way too. Long-term relationships can get mundane so you’ve constantly got to be doing little things; to keep the sparks alive and the butterflies flying! Sending a random, thoughtful flirt text is a great way to show him how much you care.
Randomly text, “I love you” or “I’m crazy about you.” It’s simple, it’s quick, and it will make him smile. Send a recent sports fact about his favorite player like, “Ole Chipper just hit his 400th home run last night?”
How to Spice Up a Relationship in the Bedroom
You’d think that all of our time spent at home would result in us becoming crazy sex friends. I mean, what else is there to do? We’re cooped up at home with our partners, the kids, and Netflix. Netflix and chill should be our nightly activity, right? Wrong. After a day of homeschooling, entertaining the kids, zooming the grandparents, loading and unloading the dishwasher all day, taking calls with a baby on your lap—and then doing it all again the next day!
We’re exhausted, and by the time the kids go to bed, sex is the last thing on our minds. But that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your hot sex life. Instead, use these hints to keep things spicy.
1. Improve your foreplay
Foreplay is more than just a warm-up for sex. It energizes your body and prepares you to enjoy this time with your partner. Try something new, like an oil massage or a fun game. You don’t have to be naked to be enthralled by sex. Sex is as much a mental as it is a physical act.
2. Make use of gratitude
Your sex life is often a good indicator of how things are going in your relationship. When you’re sexually content, it’s likely that your relationship is as well. So, if your sex life is suffering, work on improving communication and getting closer to your partner. The simplest way to accomplish this is to cultivate gratitude. Thank them for the small things, such as doing the dishes or cooking even the most basic weeknight dinners.
In the same vein, practice gratitude in your sex life. Remind your partner of your interests and preferences. Tell them how grateful you are that they value a fun sex life as well. You can do this by sexting, while doing the dishes (the number of dishes right now is truly insane), during sex, or after.
3. Leave the bedroom
Too much routine in our sex lives is the last thing we want. The simplest way to break this is to simply leave the bedroom. Take advantage of the fact that you have an entire house or apartment to yourself! There are a lot of places to get it on, whether it’s in the shower (the slippery factor is a little difficult, but we believe in you! ), the kitchen, or the car (all those high school make-out memories). You shouldn’t limit yourself to the bedroom, especially if the kids are already in bed.
4. Arrange for sex
Although it may appear strange or routine, scheduling sex is a great way to encourage you and your partner to have sex no matter how tired you are at the end of the night. Whether you put it on your shared calendar or pick specific days of the week, you’ll know when you wake up that morning that you’re going to get sexy later.
5. Include sex toys
Sex toys aren’t just for one-on-one play! There’s something out there for you both, whether you and your partner browse a store (or website!) together (great bonding time) or you pick something up to surprise them. Introducing sex toys into your relationship can be intimidating; however, if you and your partner are on the same page and don’t overthink it, it can be a great tool for getting you and your partner out of a rut.
6. Keep track of your sex life
If you and your partner both lead very busy lives, it’s easy to go a few weeks without even speaking to each other. Nice Sex Tracker and Clue (for period tracking) both have options for keeping track of your sex life in a calendar view. If your stats start to drop, you know what to do: start using some of these tricks to boost them! You can also use your planner or regular iCal for this, but if you’re worried about other people seeing all the days you’ve had sex, you might want to create a code (a fun emoji, perhaps?!)
7. You should not be afraid of quickies
Sex does not have to take place in a bed surrounded by lit candles and rose petals. Sex can be just as exciting when it happens unexpectedly or spontaneously and doesn’t last all night. Try having sex in the morning rather than at night or while the kids are sleeping. It doesn’t have to last hours to be enjoyable for both of you.
8. Put on your lingerie
How often do you buy lingerie only to let it languish in the back of your drawer and see the light of day twice a year (Valentine’s Day and birthdays)? You’re not alone, but instead of going through the motions, make it a point to put on your lingerie. For a dinner date, wear your favorite bra and panty set underneath your outfit, or a bodysuit with jeans and a blazer. Lingerie doesn’t have to be an awkward costume change while you’re getting hot and heavy with your partner.
9. Invest in lubricant
Lube is one of the most underutilized and underappreciated sex toys in your arsenal. Lube may be necessary for some people to make sex more comfortable and pleasurable, but it is merely a tool that can help everyone experience more friction and less discomfort. And we all know what that entails: more orgasms and better sex for all. It’s up to you whether to use an oil-based or water-based lube, but avoid anything silicone-based if you intend to use it with silicone toys.
10. Play a sex game
Let go of the notion that sex should be a spontaneous, just-before-bedtime encounter between you and your partner. Sex can be a part of your entire nighttime routine rather than just a line item at the end of the night. Just focus on you and your partner (or just you—just because your spouse is there doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the solo play!) as soon as you get home from work or after dinner. Light the candles as soon as possible, take a bath, put on your lingerie, and play a game with your partner.
How to Spice Up a Relationship for My Girlfriend
It’s difficult to maintain the chemistry when a quick acknowledgment before work replaces a goodbye kiss and a marathon of movies has become the only form of date night. Because being stuck in this kind of rut can be extremely discouraging. Here are seven ideas to help you spice up your relationship and rediscover the spark that first drew you to your partner.
1. Scatter notes around the house
Stay spontaneous by leaving heartfelt messages for them to find as they go about their daily business, whether it’s putting a note in your partner’s pocket to read before a big presentation or sticking one on the bathroom mirror to start his or her morning. Spending the extra time to handwrite the notes will touch your partner and ignite your romance in a technology-driven society.
2. Make an effort to learn about each other’s interests.
The act of supporting your partner in their interests is sweet, but the attempt to learn more about what they are interested in is critical. In addition to attending your partner’s golf tournament, starting a conversation about their performance and strategy is the type of initiation that will have both of you seeing each other in a new light. While you don’t have to go out and study random facts about your partner’s interests, even knowing enough about it to bond over will be appreciated.
3. Unplug all of your electronic devices.
Our phones are both our best friends and our worst enemies when it comes to interacting with our real-life best friends. Nothing is more impersonal than telling your significant other about your day and having them respond by occasionally looking up from their phone.
To avoid this blunder, make it a goal to disconnect from technology when spending personal time together. Even though this appears to be a minor action, it will rekindle the large connection that you may have felt was fading.
4. Establish a new tradition
Creating traditions that make you look forward to the future is a great way to keep your relationship exciting. Holding your relationship accountable; to the tradition(s) you choose, from trying a different coffee shop every month to participating in a scavenger hunt every fall, is a fool-proof solution to making time for each other — and looking forward to it.
5. Surprising each other
Sending a bouquet to a loved one is a classic romantic act for a reason: it’s sophisticated, thoughtful, and looks nice on the dining room table. Along with flowers, you could surprise your partner with concert tickets or a clean bathroom. Finally, you know what your partner enjoys the most, and it’s time to show it.
6. Return to places you both used to enjoy visiting
You can’t live in the past, but you can act like it. Turn back the clock by dressing up for dinner and going out to a restaurant as if you’re on your first date. If you want a more casual option, go for a hike on the trail you used to run before life got so busy. Revisiting a place that has meaning for your relationship will not only bring back memories of the past but will also remind you that those feelings are still present today.
7. Rekindle your romance
It is true that actions speak louder than words. Find ways to touch your significant other throughout the day if you want to relive the honeymoon phase with your partner. By sharing intimate moments with your partner, such as holding hands while walking up the driveway or snuggling while talking in bed, you will reinforce how you feel and be loved in return.
8. Spend some time apart
We often don’t realize how much we care about people until we miss them — the truth is that it’s much more difficult to appreciate someone when you’re constantly around them. As a result, make a conscious effort to occupy yourself with your friends and hobbies, and enjoy the relief that comes over you when you see your partner after a long day with everyone except him or her.
How to Spice Up a Sexless Relationship
Are you stuck in a sexual rut with your partner? Take heart: it’s natural for partners’ sex drives to ebb and flow over time, and things can get better in the bedroom. Seven pieces of advice from sex therapists that have worked for real couples they’ve counseled over the years are shared below.
1. Don’t assume your spouse isn’t interested in sex.
Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s sex drive without first consulting him or her. Take the time to reach out, said Gracie Landes, a New York City-based sex therapist, citing a client who assumed her husband was uninterested in sex based on another therapist’s observation. “When they came to see me, the husband expressed how alienated he felt because of this low sex drive; the diagnosis was from afar,” Landes recalled. “He said the advice didn’t apply to him, and he no longer felt safe having sex because he knew it would be scrutinized later.”
2. Recognize any resentment you may have toward intimacy, and then take turns initiating sex.
If you hear “no, not tonight, honey” enough times, resentment and shame about your desire will accumulate – and that resentment will usually bleed into other areas of your relationship and life. When this occurs, sex therapist Moushumi Ghose of Los Angeles advises the rejecting partner to recognize that the ball is now in their court to initiate intimacy.
Once the couple has gotten back into the habit of recognizing each other’s needs, Ghose instructs them to take turns initiating sex. “When couples do this, it relieves the pressure on the person who is always asking,” she explained.
3. Arrange for sex
You plan your children’s playdates, doctor’s appointments, and acupuncture sessions. Michael Aaron, a sex therapist in New York City, advises couples who are stuck in a passionless marriage to schedule sex as well.
“This includes not only blocking time but also planning out all of the details,” he said. “Quality experiences necessitate foresight and planning, all the way down to negotiating specific sex acts. I frequently have couples create sex menus from which they can choose based on their interests. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that people want to do more of what makes them happy.”
4. Discuss your fantasies
According to Ghose, people in long-term relationships often keep their most recent sexual fantasies and interests to themselves. “It’s usually above and beyond what they want in bed,” she explained. “This goes a little deeper and requires self-disclosure, such as expressing a desire to be dominated or preferring a submissive role. I advise couples to have a heart-to-heart with one another. Sharing their secret fantasies and fetishes not only helps in the bedroom, but it also fosters a stronger sense of connection, which leads to deeper intimacy.”
5. Discover how to work around any sexual dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction (such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or a lack of vaginal lubrication) frequently makes partners hesitant to initiate sex, according to Laurel Steinberg, a psychotherapist in Great Neck, New York.
“They are afraid of having poor sexual experiences or disappointing their partners,” she explained. “Couples simply need to change their mindset and accept that the body does not always perform as the mind desires.”
“Couples must recognize that there is an infinite number of ways to delight a partner; this does not require an erect penis or vaginal penetration,” she said. “When all types of sexual touch are viewed as equally valuable, couples can switch gears and pull out another trick.”
6. Get your mind out of the way and into your body.
It can be difficult to connect with your body and tap into your sexual energy with your spouse when you’ve been in your head all day due to work. Kristin Zeising, a sex therapist in San Diego, California, advises couples to practice tuning into their bodies and being hyper-conscious of subtle sexual cues from their partners to address this issue.
“Use candles, romantic music, or massage oil to help heighten your senses and calm your mind,” she suggests. “If you find yourself thinking about what the kids are doing or a work deadline, remind yourself that you deserve to be exactly where you are. You will get the most out of your interaction with your partner if you are present in your body and not stuck up in your head.”
7. Don’t be concerned about orgasms.
Ghose likes to remind couples who are stressed about the state of their sex lives that having an orgasm is not the be-all and end-all of sex. “If orgasm occurs, that’s fantastic – that’s the icing on the cake,” she said. “However, sex can also be as simple as a naked make-out session, some time in the bath, or even a massage. Other types of intimacy that are less intimidating and have less pressure can help the couple get back into great sex.”
We can all remember the early stages of dating. That priceless “honeymoon” period, just before you face all the challenges and difficulties of maintaining a healthy relationship. If you’re in it for the long haul, you’ll notice that your relationship’s romance will fade after a while. It’s common for many couples to lose the spark and excitement that comes with being in love, but the most important thing is to get back on track every few months to keep your relationship afloat.
Frequently Asked Questions
What can a woman do to spice up her relationship?
Not every act of intimacy has to result in sex. “Try engaging in some physical affection outside of the bedroom if you want to make things hotter in your relationship.” Touch, kiss, massage, hold hands and caress the body of the other person.
What are the signs of a boring relationship?
Here are some indicators that you may be in a boring relationship: You have no interest in your partner’s life, feelings, or interests. You aren’t as attentive to each other as you were at the start of your relationship. You are uneasy or unhappy about the future of your relationship.