If you have no sex in your marriage or have very little sex with your partner, probably one or two times a year, your marriage is classified as a sexless marriage, and there are many effects of the lack of sex in your marriage, which I will discuss in this post.
Sex is widely acknowledged to be at the top of the list of the keys to a successful marriage, and it is also an unavoidable component of any relationship. That is, you must have it at all costs, especially if you want to have a good marriage. A recent study clearly demonstrated that many couples (as many as 15%) are experiencing the effects of a lack of sex in their marriage, which has resulted in a slew of other negative outcomes.
Weiner Davis wrote extensively in her book (The sex-starved marriage) about how important sex is to a marriage, why sexless marriages fail, and the emotional effects of a lack of sex in marriage. “When sex is good,” she adds, “couples have great opportunities to receive and give physical pleasures, as well as to connect spiritually, physically, and emotionally.”
Good sex fosters closeness and intimacy, as well as makes both of you feel attached. The question is whether a marriage can survive without sex. And, once again, if sex could help your marriage succeed and you and your partner enjoy physical and emotional closeness, why did you stop having sex?
Effects of Lack of Sex in Marriage
Are you noticing that you and your partner aren’t having enough sex over time? Are your sexual experiences traumatic? You’re not reaching the peak as quickly as you’d like? Is it all about giving and receiving nothing in return? Do you want to have physical intimacy on a regular basis but your partner refuses? If you answered yes to all of these questions, you may be in a rut.
Just as emotional unavailability or distancing can wreak havoc on your marriage, the effects of a lack of sex in marriage can do the same. Its effects are more rooted, and it can then seep into other cracks in the marriage, resulting in a larger problem. Lack of sex or a lack of sex in a marriage can cause major problems. Let’s look at some of the effects of a lack of sex in marriage:
Misunderstandings are one of the many serious consequences of a lack of sex in marriage. When you or your partner is upset about something, the frustration can build up and manifest in other ways. That sexual frustration has now boiled over and messed things up even more!
Tip: Instead of fighting and arguing, take a deep breath and wait 10 seconds before responding.
2. Affects Self-Esteem in Marriage
Lack of sex can have a negative impact on your self-esteem and confidence. You may begin to suspect that something is wrong with you, which can have an impact on other areas. You may become overly self-conscious, which can have a negative impact on your professional life or other personal areas other than your partner.
Tip: To begin, try getting cuddly or slipping in some naughty texts to test the waters.
3. Isolation Feelings
Sexless marriages can sometimes run their course faster than they would have otherwise. Feelings of isolation can develop as a result of self-esteem issues. Overall affection and emotional intimacy can suffer, potentially leading to separation or divorce.
Tip: If you’re feeling lonely, anxious, or want to isolate yourself from the rest of the world, it’s time to call your friends and family before you sink any deeper.
4. Scattered Thoughts on Marriage
Although this may appear to be a hazy situation, a constant sense of dissatisfaction can lead to a plethora of thoughts that can leave you confused about yourself and your marriage.
Tip: To clear your mind, it’s best to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. Sit down with your spouse and be as honest as you can about where you stand, then let the conversation lead you to a solution. Be cautious, be truthful, and avoid being disrespectful.
Lack of Sex Causes
The desire for sex is based on a complex interaction of many factors affecting intimacy, such as physical and emotional well-being, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and your current relationship. If you have a problem in any of these areas, it can have an impact on your desire for sex.
1. Physical reasons
Low sex drive can be caused by a variety of illnesses, physical changes, and medications, including:
- Sexual issues. If you experience pain during sex or are unable to orgasm, it may reduce your desire for sex.
- Medical conditions. Many nonsexual diseases, such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease, and neurological diseases, can have an impact on sex drive.
- Medicines. Certain prescription drugs, particularly antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, have been shown to reduce sex drive.
- Personality traits. A glass of wine may set the mood, but too much alcohol can impair your sexual drive. The same is true for illegal drugs. Furthermore, smoking reduces blood flow, which may dull arousal.
- Surgical procedure. Any surgery involving the breasts or the genital tract can have an impact on your body image, sexual function, and desire for sex.
- Tiredness. Caring for young children or aging parents can lead to a lack of sex drive. Fatigue from illness or surgery can also contribute to low sex drive.
2. Hormone shifts
Hormone fluctuations can alter your desire for sex. This can happen while:
- The menopause. During the menopause transition, estrogen levels fall. This can reduce your desire for sex and cause dry vaginal tissues, resulting in painful or uncomfortable sex. Although many women have satisfying sex during and after menopause, some experience a lagging libido during this hormonal shift.
- Maternity and breastfeeding Hormone changes during pregnancy, shortly after giving birth, and during breastfeeding can all dampen sex drive. Changes in sexual desire can be influenced by fatigue, changes in body image, and the pressures of pregnancy or caring for a new baby.
3. Psychological factors
Your mental state can influence your sexual desire. Low sex drive can be caused by a variety of psychological factors, including:
- Anxiety or depression are examples of mental health issues.
- Stress, such as financial or occupational stress; 3. Poor body image
- Lack of self-esteem
- A history of physical or sexual adversity
- A history of negative sexual experiences
4. Problems with relationships
For many women, emotional closeness is a necessary prerequisite for sexual intimacy. As a result, problems in your relationship can be a major cause of low sex drive. Reduced interest in sex is frequently the result of ongoing issues, such as:
- A lack of connection with your partner
- Unresolved conflicts or fights 3. Failure to communicate sexual needs and preferences
- Problems with trust
5. Personality disorder
Anyone with a “schizoid” personality disorder can exhibit a wide range of symptoms. They either enjoy being alone (because they have no close friends) or they do not want to have sex (no feeling of sexual activities). They are always emotionally cold people who don’t care about sex.
Lack of Sex in Marriage grounds for divorce
Lack of sex marriage may be grounds for divorce for some people, depending on how important sex is to them and how much effort the couple has put into resolving the issue. Some couples have little or no sex and are perfectly content with it. There is no such thing as “normal” or “healthy” sexual desire or activity, so if it’s working for both people, there’s nothing to change or be concerned about. There are many steps you can take to address the effects of lack of sex in marriage before turning to divorce in a marriage where at least one person is unhappy with the lack of sex. As with so many other reasons for marriage, it’s worth attempting to improve the situation first.
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First and foremost, it is critical to consider the causes of the lack of sex. If one person becomes ill, disabled, or otherwise unable to be physically intimate, this is not the same as your partner refusing to engage with you sexually. Physical intimacy can still occur despite changes in sexual functioning, even if it does not appear to be the same as it once did. You may need to reconsider your understanding of what constitutes sex: If you only think of sex as intercourse or penetrative sex, you are limiting the variety of sexual experiences you and your partner could have together. Similarly, the changes we experience as we age and weather may necessitate adjusting our expectations. Those losses should undoubtedly be mourned, but they can also be tolerated and supplemented with other pleasurable sexual experiences.
You should also consider how the lack of sex in your marriage affects other issues in your relationship. When couples struggle to be kind and supportive of one another, when their communication is dripping with criticism or contempt, or when they are at odds over other important issues in their lives, it’s natural for them to avoid having sex. If you have other important matters to attend to before assessing your sex life, do so first. Before sexual intimacy can be created in a relationship, changes to improve your overall relationship health must usually be made.
How to Deal with Lack of sex in Marriage
Be honest, listen to each other, and be patient – plus expert advice on regaining intimacy.
1. Select a suitable time to speak.
People lack sex in marriage for a variety of reasons, including stress, illness, performance anxiety, low libido, age, menopause, and a lack of body confidence. It’s easy to let your sex life drift, but bringing it up is difficult, so try to choose the right time when you’re both relaxed and unlikely to be interrupted. But not in bed, and especially not when you’re attempting to persuade your partner to have sex, or when you’re angry or frustrated because they’re not interested.
2. Select an appropriate time to listen.
Make an effort not to take it personally. Don’t assume they still like you or put words in their mouth. It can be difficult to talk about without adding unnecessary emotional layers; therefore, pay attention to what is said and how the situation makes your partner feel. It’s not about you being a little plump, getting older, or not taking pride in your appearance.
3. Be truthful to yourself and to one another.
Have you both stopped trying? Do you take each other for granted, rolling into bed in a soiled T-shirt without even brushing your teeth? No one is saying you should try to be a supermodel or have a totally buffed body, but if you don’t love yourself enough to take a little pride in your appearance, it won’t be easy for other people to love you.
You may feel a little shallow admitting that the extra two stone or constant farting in bed isn’t exactly what you signed up for, but you can do it tactfully, especially if admitting areas where you are no longer the person they fell for.
4. Determine whether or not sex is a deal breaker for either of you.
Would you be willing to forego sex in exchange for the “other stuff”? Some people are perfectly content when their marriage lacks sex, and Relate’s research shows that the importance people place on sex decreases with age. Intimacy is often the most important factor, but if it isn’t enough, say so.
5. Exercise patience.
If sex is a deal-breaker, the “wanting” partner must be patient while the two of you unpack what is causing the block. It’s also not a good time to suggest an open relationship as a possible solution.
6. Seek assistance.
Sex therapy can help you figure out what the underlying problem is and give you the feeling that you’re all working together to solve it. Sex can feel so easy, natural, and exciting at the start of a relationship that it can feel a little sad that you may have to work at it, but the results can be well worth it.
7. Kindness is enticing.
Spend time together, have fun, and make time for each other. When both parties feel truly heard and understood, intimacy and the desire to have sex often increase.
8. Forbid sex.
Many therapists recommend that couples who lack sex in their marriage begin by removing the emphasis on sex entirely. This may seem counterintuitive, but imposing a temporary ban can reduce feelings of anxiety about the need to perform, increasing the likelihood of relaxation.
9. Take baby steps. Slowly reintroduce intimacy.
Begin with something as simple as holding hands or kissing your partner on the cheek before leaving for work. You can then progress to massages, cuddling, lingering kissing and intimate touching, and oral sex, but not full sexual intercourse, until you both feel ready.
The idea is that you can rediscover each other’s sensual sides and increase desire in a pressure-free environment. It’s critical that you talk about how you’re both feeling on a regular basis and don’t push your partner to go any further than they’re comfortable with.
10. Alcohol is not the solution.
True, but since the beginning of time, a relaxing dinner and a casual conversation over a couple of glasses of wine have led to other things.
11. You are not alone.
According to Relate, Marriage Care, and Relationships Scotland research, fewer than half of UK adults (45 percent) are satisfied with their sex life, and 51 percent have not had sex in the previous month.
There is no right or wrong amount of sex, and the best frequency varies from person to person. Not having sex for an extended period of time should not have any negative health effects.
As long as everyone involved is clearly consenting, there is no right or wrong way to express sexual feelings. No one should ever feel compelled to engage in sexual sex. Avoiding sex does not harm a person’s health and may even be beneficial.
Anyone who is concerned about their sexual desire or the effects of infrequent sex on their relationship can speak with a doctor or therapist about it. Medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, improved communication, and a variety of other approaches may be beneficial.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a marriage survive without sex?
Yes, sexless marriages are possible.
Even if one or both people are unhappy with the lack of physical intimacy, it is a problem that can be addressed and improved over time.
Why does my wife have no sex drive?
Low sex drive in women can be caused by a variety of factors, including underlying medical issues, emotional or psychological issues, or work- and family-related stress. The good news is that figuring out what’s causing your low libido can lead to effective treatment options.