No-sex marriages used to be a way to limit the size of a family. Still, having no sex or being in a sexless marriage indicates serious problems in a relationship. When sex is removed from marriage, many people divorce. This is due to the excruciating pain of dealing with a sexless marriage. Couples who are unable to find a solution seek advice on how to deal with a sexless marriage.
Others seek sexless marriage advice from experts to help them solve their problems. The primary cause of this is an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction and disconnect caused by a lack of intimacy. All aspects of marriage necessitate attention, and it is your and your spouse’s responsibility to provide that attention.
Reasons behind a sexless marriage
There could be a variety of reasons for a sexless marriage. However, it is important to remember that highs and lows are a natural part of life, and you can certainly overcome the dry spell if you can identify the cause and work toward a solution. Here are some of the most common reasons for a sexless marriage:
The most important factor influencing your sex life is stress. A fight is more likely when one or both of you are stressed. It creates a communication barrier and makes it more difficult for either of you to initiate sex, even if you both have the desire.
2. Psychological well-being
Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other mental health issues are common causes of a sexless marriage. If you or your partner are suffering from mental health issues, your chances of being sexually active will only diminish. Please consider going to therapy.
3. Inadequate libido
Some people are born with a low sex drive, and they also go through periods in their lives when they don’t feel sexual at all. In another case, some people experience low libido for a variety of reasons, such as hormones, pregnancy, weight, depression, and so on.
There is a chance that you and your partner have incompatible libidos, which can lead to a sexless marriage. Many other factors can contribute to a sexless marriage, and they are sometimes more complicated than they appear. If you believe you have exhausted all possibilities, it is best to seek professional assistance.
How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage
If divorce is not an option, the following advice will help you understand how to deal with a sexless marriage.
1. Be a joyful couple
Maintaining a happy marriage is one way to deal with a sexless marriage. Most couples in sexless marriages are unhappy with their situation, and happy couples have more sex. Maintaining happiness appears to be simple enough, but for those who need more information, here it is.
- First, both parties must agree to never stop working on their relationship. Little bits of effort here and there do a lot of good on a regular basis.
- Spend quality time with each other. This provides an opportunity to reconnect and strengthen the marital bond. Step it up a notch for quality time. Instead of sitting on the couch watching television, engage in an activity that encourages conversation.
- Third, recognize the significance of distance. Couples must strike the right balance between quality time and space. No one wants to spend every waking moment with another person, so everyone needs their own space. We all require time to complete our tasks. A little bit of distance makes the heart grow fonder.
- Finally, make respect an important part of your marriage. You will not always get along or agree, but differences are not justifications for being disrespectful.
2. Set aside the time
Couples want to make time for intimacy as well. Of course, sex should be spontaneous, but many people lead busy lives that necessitate some planning. Intimacy can be enjoyable whether planned or unplanned. Anticipation is your best ally in this situation.
Exchanging a few flirtatious texts or emails throughout the day to build anticipation for the evening ahead is a great way to deal with a sexless marriage. Secret notes are also effective. Keeping the flame lit and burning hotter than ever before necessitates some forethought.
3. Be inventive in the bedroom
One of the best ways to cope with a sexless marriage is to experiment with various creative positions and role-plays to spice up your bedroom. A great way to accomplish this is to commit to doing something new and exciting every month or so. This not only gives couples something to look forward to, but it also allows both parties to explore their sexuality with the best person possible, their spouse.
Those who are hesitant to leave their comfort zone can reduce their anxiety by having a conversation beforehand. This will make both parties feel secure. Everyone has a new thing they want to try or a fantasy they want to live out, so talk to your spouse first to make sure they are comfortable with it, and then give it a shot.
Bedroom creativity will allow couples to see sex in a new light and allow both individuals to discover new things they enjoy. Being creative with each other will also increase intimacy, resulting in better sex. You will not be in a sexless marriage if your bedroom time is all about having fun.
4. Increase cuddling time
As we all know, cuddling with someone is a very close and intimate experience; therefore, cuddling more will improve intimacy by bringing spouses closer together. As the day comes to an end and the two of you are in bed or relaxing on the couch, cuddle instead of reading a book or typing on your computer. Cuddling increases happiness and well-being by releasing oxytocin in the brain.
5. Listen to music and dance together as a couple
Being close and moving in unison greatly improves intimacy. Take it slow and enjoy yourself, whether you are a good dancer or not. Do this on your own when the two of you are alone. This move is sure to leave you with a sweet and sensual memory. So put on some good music and either listen or dance to it.
6. Be quiet and pay attention
During this exercise, both individuals are given the opportunity to express their opinions on almost any topic, while the other person simply listens without saying anything. This time can be used to vent about your day, express something frustrating in your relationship, or share anything else that has been on your mind. When one person has finished, switch.
This is a preventative measure for dealing with a sexless marriage because it promotes a stronger emotional connection, making physical connection easier. Listen intently as your spouse speaks. They may use this time to express what they require from you, and you will have the opportunity to do the same.
Though there are some couples for whom a sexless marriage is not an option but a necessity. This could be due to a health issue. Even so, they can use these suggestions to rekindle romance and intimacy in their relationship. There are ways to feel sexually satisfied without actually engaging in the act.
7. Remain patient.
Finally, be patient, don’t push it, and let things unfold naturally. Or maybe not. There is no need to feel pressed. Remember one simple fact: tension is sex’s worst enemy. Being married appears to be associated with a lower frequency of sexual intercourse; this is correct. And for many, this is a significant issue, often leading to divorce or extramarital affairs.
However, before you panic, you should think about one more thing. The media and modern culture constantly promote the idea that your life must be filled with mind-blowing sex from the time you reach puberty until the day you die.
Nonetheless, people have always been different, as have their sexual desires and marriages. So, the only people who can tell you how much sex means to you and your spouse are you and your spouse; not the media, your friends, or movies or TV shows.
If you aren’t into sex but love your partner, enjoy spending time with them, enjoy expressing affection in different ways, and are comfortable with it, then our additional advice is to enjoy it and don’t worry about sex! Accept your marriage for what it is and never compare yourself to anything other than your inner happiness.
8. Identify the issue
There are numerous reasons why a couple may not have sex or have it only infrequently. So, if your marriage is experiencing sexlessness, the first step in dealing with a sexless marriage is to identify the issue.
You should do this with your spouse if possible, but if they are unwilling to participate at this time, you can do it on your own. As a result, you should investigate four potential causes of sexless in your marriage.
- First, determine whether you and your partner have all of the information about sex (for example, do women need vaginal orgasms?) and what messages you received about it as a child or as an adult (for example, that sex is filthy).
- Next, inquire about any physical barriers that may be causing a lack of sex in your marriage (pain, for example).
- Next, determine whether you or your partner have any emotional inhibitions if one of you is depressed, insecure, or uses sex as an indirect means of communicating your dissatisfaction.
- Finally, do you or your partner use alternative outlets, do you have an affair, excessively watch pornography, or are you a workaholic or alcoholic?
9. Discuss the issue.
When you form one or more hypotheses about what is causing the current state of your marriage, please discuss them with your partner in a compassionate manner. Don’t use the situation to point fingers without naming anyone. Simply express your emotions, your needs, your love, and your desire to solve the problem.
Explain to your partner that you believe sex is a form of intimacy and that you would like to revitalize your marriage through sex. Also, don’t be afraid to express your insecurities and fears during this conversation.
10. Don’t bring up the issue.
Stop talking about it once you and your spouse are on the same page and want to bring sex back into your marriage. Many psychotherapists see this all the time: couples who try to mend their relationship by constantly discussing sex (or lack thereof).
Although their intentions are good, this adds pressure to an issue that is already fraying due to the tension surrounding it. Some therapists even “prescribe” a sex-free zone! The partners are relieved of all pressure as a result of this.
They are no longer nervous about performing, being seductive, going to bed in the evening, and wondering if this night will be the same as previous ones, which adds to their frustration. A sex ban increases the likelihood of it happening by providing much-needed relief.
11. Spend some non-sex time together.
Have a good time. Be considerate of one another, go out, watch a movie, plan a date or a trip. There are a million things you can do together to lift your spirits and bring you closer together.
12. Take a break from thinking about sex.
In a sexless marriage, people frequently feel pressured, and as a result, they fail to perform or lose the desire to have sex or even be intimate. Assume you believe you are under too much mental stress. Take a breather!
Tell your partner to follow suit for a few days. Stop even thinking about having sex, let alone having sex. It will assist you in overcoming feelings of pressure to perform well. Sexless marriage is a taboo that can relax you and allow things to run their natural course.
13. Be open to criticism.
Vulnerability is courage, and few people understand how to embrace it. Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable in front of your partner. It will strengthen your relationship. If you are more kind and honest with your partner, you will notice an increase in intimacy in your relationship.
The desire to want each other sexually will follow once the thought of being together and feeling good together becomes established. Before having sex, make sure that you and your partner are both honest and empathetic to each other; only then will you be able to overcome your sexless marriage.
14. Let go of the past
You must both forgive and forget all of your previous mistakes that have caused your problems, and then begin again. Date again and pretend you don’t know each other. It is difficult, but consider the breath of fresh air it will bring to your sexual life.
15. Consult with a therapist
If you believe you have tried everything and the dry spell persists. It would be beneficial if you considered seeing a therapist. It may be beneficial to seek the advice of a mental health therapist in order to understand what you should do to improve things in the bedroom.
How to Deal with a sexless Marriage as a Man
When men marry, they frequently find themselves in an unexpected and perplexing situation. We’re not talking about taking on the emotional and financial burden of one (or several, if children are involved) more souls. If you’re in a sexless marriage, here’s some advice for men on how to deal with a sexless marriage.
1. Dispel the myths surrounding sex in marriage.
It’s challenging enough that you’ve been in a sexless marriage. It is now critical that you do not add to your burden by believing in myths about married people’s sexual lives. When compared to their dating days, the vast majority, if not all, of married couples have less (or less enjoyable) sex. A sexless marriage does not always imply that the partners never have sex. Within the therapeutic practice, a sexless marriage is defined as having fewer than ten intercourses per year.
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The couple’s satisfaction with the frequency of intercourse, however, is the most important factor. For some, this may not even qualify as a problem, and for others, twice as much is still insufficient. Even though it can sometimes shift a man’s attention to other women, a sexless marriage is not inextricably linked to extramarital affairs. However, sexless marriage and affairs are not the results of a frigid wife.
A sexless marriage is also not a sign that love has vanished. In essence, such a situation is the result of many different causes and their interactions, which sets the stage for the second piece of how to deal with sexless marriage advice for men.
2. Determine the source of the problem.
It is critical for a man in a sexless marriage to get to the bottom of the problem. But do it gently, with care, and with compassion. It’s easy to become dissatisfied with the stress of surviving a sexless marriage; with the fact that you’re not satisfied in that area. Even so, the added pressure of lashing out or blaming your wife would be like pouring wet cement on it; you’d never be able to move forward again.
So, talk to your wife and try to express your feelings for her while having empathy for her. Allow her the freedom to express herself without fear of offending her or making her angry.
3. Determine what you must do.
Let’s not ignore the pink elephant in the room: thoughts of an affair or divorce are likely to have crossed your mind at some point. This is entirely natural. Regardless of any other aspect of your marriage, not having sex with your wife will instill those thoughts in you. And this is where you must confront them with cold logic and in a situation where you can consider everything, both positives, and negatives.
Because if you avoid this unpleasant conversation with yourself, you may find yourself succumbing to the temptation; of a beautiful stranger, or slamming the front door in a rage and saying “divorce.” And you may come to regret the actions you took in the end. But that is what you should decide now before you make irreversible decisions. Is the lack of sex a deal-breaker for you? Is there anything else you could do about it? Did you consider every possibility? What about the rest of your marriage?
What are the benefits of staying? Have you tried therapy? When you’re stuck, ask yourself all of these questions about how to deal with a sexless marriage as a man. Talk to your wife (she is, after all, the person with whom you chose to share your most intimate; fears and doubts), and remember that not having sex right now does not mean you’re doomed. There are sexless marriage solutions available.
When it comes to what a husband should do in a sexless marriage, these tips and pieces of advice should come in handy when it comes to how to deal with a sexless marriage and infuse it with a renewed spark and intimacy. Having an extramarital affair or marriage from your spouse will only result in heartburn and a slew of complications. Timely sexless marriage assistance can help you avoid any damage that could spell the end of your marriage.
How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage as a Woman
It is possible to recover from a sexless marriage and resume regular, enjoyable sex. The tried-and-true tips below should help you rekindle the passion and excitement in your love life.
1. Adopt a Caring Attitude
Accusations and blaming will not increase your spouse’s interest in sex. Communicating your needs and desires to your partner in a kind and considerate manner may result in healthier, happier sex life and marriage. Consider discussing the entire relationship. Instead of saying, “I want to try this,” say, “I think this would be fun for us.” Remember to be open to your partner’s points of view as well.
2. Practice communication skills
Effective communication entails far more than just words. Nonverbal cues are important, and each partner must learn to deliver their message while considering their spouse’s feelings. There are numerous resources available to couples who are having difficulty communicating effectively. “The Five Love Languages” will help you and your partner understand and appreciate each other on a whole new level, and “The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work” is a practical guide for couples, complete with helpful tips and exercises for married couples.
3. Determine Why Your Marriage Is Sexless
You must first identify a sexless marriage before you can address how to deal with it. Often, the real issues are far beneath the surface. You may have been hiding your true feelings for so long that you are unaware of how you truly feel. If the reason for your and your partner’s lack of intimacy is unknown, a couple’s counselor can assist you in determining the cause(s) of your sexless marriage.
4. Experience Sex Without Intercourse
Those who believe their marriage is sexless due to a lack of intercourse may find it beneficial to please each other in different ways. When you remove intercourse from the equation, you reduce stress and allow you and your partner to meet each other’s needs in novel and exciting ways. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t engage in intercourse. However, thinking “if it happens, it happens; if it doesn’t happen, we still had fun” is more enjoyable and realistic than thinking “if there’s no intercourse, we didn’t have a good time.”
5. Experiment with Other Ways to Be Intimate
When sexual intimacy is absent, it is critical to connect in other ways. Try telling stories or looking through old photos together, and talk about your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and opinions, as well as your triumphs and insecurities. As previously stated, intimacy entails far more than sex.
6. Find Other Ways to Channel Your Energy and Passion
If your spouse is not as sexually motivated as you are, you may find joy and relief in other forms of expression. Taking up a new hobby or sport can improve your mood and help you release pent-up energy. When you’re more relaxed, it’s much easier to bring up the subject of intimacy with your partner.
7. Resolve Substantial Issues
While sex can certainly cause marital problems, it’s possible that sexual issues are an outward manifestation of a deeper issue in your marriage. Resolving any underlying issues is critical to reestablishing a healthy sexual relationship. If you or your partner harbor any repressed anger or resentment toward one another, addressing these feelings can be extremely beneficial. If you or your partner suffers from low self-esteem, acknowledging, validating, and working through the problem together can strengthen your relationship.
8. Responding to Sexual Needs Outside of the Marriage
Some people are so distressed by the lack of sex in their marriages that they consider having sex with other people. Many people do not discuss this option with their partners because it can be a major source of heartache and pain, and they feel immense guilt and shame for leaving their marriages. Individual and/or couple’s counseling can be enlightening and life-changing before seeking a partner outside the marriage.
Marriages are frequently sexless, if not entirely sexless. This occurs for a variety of reasons, depending on a variety of factors such as age, personality, general interest in sex, concurrence between the partners in their sexual desires, and the overall quality of the relationship.
Please be patient and do not force yourself to participate. Keep in mind all of the above tips for dealing with a sexless marriage; you will find your way to reinvent your sexual life. In short, married people don’t have as much sex as others, as contradictory as that may sound.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a sexless marriage survive?
Can a sexless marriage survive? The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment, and even infidelity.
What a sexless marriage does to a woman?
She claims that when one or both people are unhappy with their sexlessness, the following negative effects may arise: loneliness, resentment, frustration, guilt, rejection, and inadequacy. Negative feelings and pressure are associated with sex, resulting in a sexual avoidance cycle. There is less openness and connection.