When a relationship is new and exciting, partners go out of their way to express their feelings, shower each other with compliments, and make meaningful gestures. This lasts until a level of comfort and familiarity develops, which usually happens when exclusivity is determined or promises are made to establish a commitment in the partnership. When do people begin to seek reassurance in a relationship?
When forming bonds or establishing boundaries, it is natural to feel some skepticism and even fear. Still, most people find these things to be nothing to be concerned about, simply a normal part of a growing partnership in which they otherwise feel safe. Other partners in a relationship require more reassurance as time passes and confidence begins to wane. These people’s fears are much more profound, leading them to wonder if their partner is still interested in continuing the couplehood and if the mate is still content with them as a partner.
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Unfortunately, this increased insecurity and constant need for reassurance can eventually cause a partner to question whether the relationship is truly right for them.
What Does Reassurance Mean
Reassurance is defined as words of advice and comfort given to make someone feel less concerned:
- I felt I couldn’t handle the situation and was desperate for some reassurance.
- Despite her father’s assurances, she was afraid of the dark.
What is Reassurance in a Relationship
In a relationship, what exactly is reassurance? When a partner requires validation from a partner or assurances to put their mind at ease about a relationship or personal insecurity. Everybody requires reassurance of love from time to time. No one is without apprehension or fear about the life they’re creating with a significant other.
The issue with relationship reassurance is when it becomes a constant need to the point where it is harmful to the relationship and eventually causes it to end. To keep reassurance from becoming harmful in a relationship, the underlying cause of the insecurity must be identified. It should be relatively simple to resolve after determining the reason for the need.
Why do I Need Constant Reassurance
Excessive reassurance seeking in relationships is required for people attempting to reduce obsessive anxiety. Anxiety increases when a person is distressed due to uncertainty, which can occur for a variety of reasons. The individual then requires reassurance for those doubts that are generally consistent in their theme.
Is it normal to look for reassurance in a relationship?
This is a somewhat subjective question, but it needs to be answered in that context. It’s more important to find a way to find that assurance within yourself, to validate yourself, and to love yourself.
That’s an important first step before you find the ideal relationship. It does not, however, always come first. You never know when you’ll meet the right person. However, in order to be available to this mate who has already made themselves and their feelings secure, you must first become a healthier version of yourself.
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While you continue to seek reassurance in a relationship, this partner has no problem providing that reassurance to you. An occasional reassurance is natural and expected on a regular basis, but when you need reassurance in a relationship on a consistent basis, there is an underlying issue within yourself that must be addressed.
How to Ask for Reassurance
Everyone requires reassurance. We need that validation, and we want to know that we are important. This is critical to the survival of any relationship. Here are the steps to requesting reassurance.
Step 1: Tell him what you want to hear.
When you asked him/her to “say something nice,” you did exactly that. However, the magic happens when you are even more specific and request the words you want to hear.
When I use this tool in my relationship, I like to use the phrase:
“I understand you don’t have a lot to give right now. That’s fine. I’d like to hear some words that would make me feel better. Would you say to me, if there’s a part of you that can connect with them in a genuine way:
I adore you. This is just a brawl. We’ll make it through.”
Be patient as he/she mulls over the words, and then allow those words to reassure you when he/she speaks.
Step 2: Trust the words but disregard the delivery.
I understand why you might be hesitant about taking the first step. After all, how can you believe him/her if all they are doing is repeating what you’ve asked him to say?
The key to believing their words — even if he/she delivers them like a cold and angry parrot — is to understand their love language (how HE/SHE naturally expresses his/her love).
WORDS are not an intuitive way for them to express their love.
They can and do, but it’s usually for a special occasion or because they’ve mastered the art of expressing their love through words in order to make their lady happy.
ACTIONS are a more natural way for them to express their love.
When you ask him to say the words you want to hear, he is taking the action he believes will make you happy. Finally, it is his ACTION that demonstrates his love. It’s love when you ask for something and he gives it to you.
Step 3: Request reassurance in his native language.
Allow him/her to pull away and retreat to their cave once he or she says the words you want to hear. When he/she returns, use your new knowledge and avoid showing any D-O-U-B-T. Do not look for reassurance the OLD WAY.
After cave time, the goal is to create a situation in which he can SHOW you his love, reassuring you that you are loved, by employing his own intuitive love language — ACTION.
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You can accomplish this by asking them to do something for you. “Would you please make me a cup of mint tea?”
How to Give Reassurance in a Relationship
Healthy communication is unquestionably the most significant impediment in most partnerships. Many people let the reassurances that were once a commonality slip as they progressed from the honeymoon phase to the point of developing a comfortable, familiar, tight-knit bond.
They believe that the partnership has already established a sense of security and confidence and that there is no longer a need for constant reassurance in a relationship. Still, once in a while (and, for some, much more frequently), there is a desire to know that things are still going well. It’s normal for people to have doubts or fears. Partners can reassure significant others in a variety of ways, including:
The most self-assured and secure partner will want to know that their partner believes in and encourages their hopes, dreams, and goals. Every person in a relationship should always encourage and motivate their partner to be the best version of themselves.
Not everyone will appreciate our efforts. We will make mistakes or even fail, disappointing ourselves. But when you have someone waiting at home to assure you that this is not who you are and that you have much more to offer.
When you demonstrate to your significant other that you trust their judgment without reservation or fear of repercussions, it speaks volumes about your opinion of their character. It is the most important reassurance in a relationship and will help to strengthen your bond.
When you give someone a compliment, it’s reassuring on many levels, but it’s far more meaningful when you take the time to explain why you feel that way.
#5. Please and thank you
When you first start dating someone, good manners are essential for making a good first impression. As everyone becomes more at ease, mates begin to let go of pretense, allowing partners to see who they truly are.
In the same vein, when given at the time of acknowledgment, an expression of appreciation is extremely validating. If your partner does something, no matter how small the gesture, express your genuine gratitude not only as a form of reassurance in a relationship but also because the things they do for the partnership are valued.
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No partner can solve all of your problems, and you don’t expect them to, but when they offer reassurance that everything will work out for the best, it’s comforting to know that even if you’re dealing with trauma or loss right now, there’s someone there to support you when you need it.
If you can admit you were wrong in an argument or conflict, it says a lot to your significant other.
It’s one thing to apologize, but going so far as to admit you were wrong and they right demonstrated humility and a genuine desire to resolve the situation.
#9. Help out
When you notice a sense of frustration but are unsure what the problem is, reach out and ask if you can assist in any way. You have no idea how much joy you could bring to another person’s day by asking such a simple question.
After a while, partners assume you know they love you because they do something for you or look at you in a certain way. Still, nothing beats the power of words spoken with sincerity.
Doubt and fear can enter a relationship at any time, with a partner needing reassurance from a partner that everything is fine to put their worries to rest.
Some people have anxieties that cause them to require reassurances on a regular basis to help with insecurities that may have developed as a result of underlying causes. Here is a detailed explanation of reassurance seeking.
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While a mate can constantly reassure a mate in this situation, the partner must look within to find the root cause of the lack of self-esteem in order to attempt to resolve the issue, find self-love, and eliminate the need for a mate to continue to validate the problem away.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is another word for reassurance?
Solace, consolation, consoling, solacing, comfort, support, encouragement, assurance, faith.
What do you call a person who needs reassurance?
One of the most stressful aspects of interacting with someone who has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for family and friends is the excessive reassurance-seeking that can often accompany the condition.
How do you use reassurance?
Example of a Reassurance Sentence
- It wasn’t the reassurance she was looking for.
- She clutched him tightly, desperate for the comfort of his touch.
- If she needed any reassurance about her appearance, Yancey’s reaction when she entered the family room provided it immediately.
Why is assurance important in a relationship?
It’s an important part of any relationship, and it’s similar to assurance in that it’s how you love the person even when they’re not there while assuring them that there’s nothing to worry about. It’s also for your own benefit! You should be able to express yourself and feel confident that you will not easily lose the other person.