It is not easy to leave an abusive relationship, but you deserve to live free of fear. Most people never imagine that when they meet someone they are romantically attracted to, the relationship will become abusive. Most of us dream of living a fairy tale love story and riding off into the sunset deeply in love.
Unfortunately, that is not the case for many people. Many people are in abusive relationships. If you’ve never been in one, you might be perplexed as to why anyone would tolerate such negative behavior toward themselves. It’s not quite as simple as it sounds. From the outside, it’s easy to wonder, “Why don’t they get out?” However, most abused people have a very different experience on the inside.
How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship When You Live Together
Once you’ve identified or noticed some of the signs of an abusive relationship (of which there are many), the next step is to discuss how you can get out of the abusive relationship.
#1. Document everything
Everything that happens to you should be written down in a journal or diary. There are two reasons for this:
For starters, it will assist you in NOT questioning your sanity. Documenting what you said and what they said (and did) is extremely helpful in putting things into context.
Second, it can be used as evidence if you need to file a restraining order or prosecute them in some way. There are apps available to assist you. For example, if your abuser is degrading and threatening you, you can press a secret button on your phone, which will begin recording them.
#2. Prepare an emergency kit
You never know when you’ll have the opportunity to leave. Just like when you have a baby, you never know when the moment will come.
So, pack a bag and be prepared to dash out the door when the time comes. Also, if you have children, make sure they have their own bags. If your abuser has isolated you, this is especially important because they may not even allow you to leave the house – as a result, they keep a close eye on you.
#3. Make a strategy
It’s one thing to leave; it’s quite another to know where you’re going. If you have supportive family and friends, living with one of them is the obvious choice.
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However, if your abuser is extremely insane and violent, this could put them in danger. You could also go to a women’s shelter or another organization that assists abused women. Before you go anywhere, you must have a solid plan in place.
#4. Keep your money in a secure and easily accessible location.
If you have your own job, this will be much easier. Even if you don’t, you can try to save money around the house and gradually accumulate enough to leave.
If possible, get a secret job where your abuser will not be able to find out. But, obviously, you don’t want your abuser to know. If possible, keep it out of the house with a trusted family member or friend. Alternatively, you could open your own secret bank account at a different bank.
#5. Inform your relatives and friends
You will need to notify your supportive family and friends of your plans. Tell them everything that is going on in the relationship so that they are aware that you may be leaving at any time.
#6. Block and disengage from your abusive person
Unfortunately, many people who succeed in leaving abusive relationships sabotage themselves by returning. You’re not capable of doing so! What’s the point, after all? In fact, your abuser will most likely become worse because you had the courage to leave them, and this will enrage them!
How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship Safely
Leaving an abusive relationship for good requires planning and preparation. However, if the abuse or violence escalates before you have had time to fully prepare, don’t be afraid to flee to safety.
You can always deal with these details later. The key is to keep yourself safe and out of harm’s way. Here are some things to think about if you have time to create a safety plan.
#1. Keep a record of the abuse.
If you have been harmed, you should keep photographs of the abuse as well as copies of any police reports. Similarly, you should keep a journal of all verbal abuse. Include dates, times, details about what happened, and any witnesses to the abuse.
#2. Understand where you can get help
Investigate who you can contact if you require assistance. To put it another way, look up the phone numbers and websites for local shelters and hotlines. You may also want to learn where and when local support groups meet. Having resources available when you need them is a critical component of safety planning.
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#3. Learn job skills
If you intend to leave the person who abuses you, you will need to be financially self-sufficient. If you do not already have a job that allows you to do this, you may want to consider taking some additional classes or learning new job skills to make yourself more employable.
#4. Organize vital phone numbers
Even if you think you’ll never forget your mother’s phone number or your best friend’s phone number, when you’re anxious and scared, it’s possible. Maintain a list of all your important phone numbers in your car and wallet. If the abuser steals your phone, you’ll still have the numbers listed in several other places.
How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship as a Man
Domestic violence and abuse can have severe physical and psychological consequences. Reaching out is the first step toward protecting yourself and stopping the abuse. Speak with a trusted friend, family member, or call a domestic violence hotline.
Admitting the problem and seeking assistance does not imply that you have failed as a man or a husband. You are not to blame, nor are you helpless. Sharing details of your abuse can be the first step in building a case against your abuser, as well as providing some much-needed relief and support.
When dealing with an abusive partner, you should:
Be aware of any signs that may elicit a violent response from your partner and be prepared to flee as soon as possible. If you must remain to protect your children, contact emergency services. The police are obligated to protect you, just as they are obligated to protect a female victim.
#1. Never, ever retaliate.
An abusive partner may try to provoke you into retaliation or the use of force in order to get you to leave the situation. If you retaliate, you run the risk of being arrested or evicted from your home.
#2. Obtain proof of the abuse.
Report all incidents to the police and get a copy of each police report. Keep a journal of all abuse with a clear record of dates, times, and any witnesses. Include a photographic record of your injuries, and ensure that your doctor or hospital documents them as well. Remember that medical personnel is unlikely to inquire about a man’s status as a victim of domestic violence, so it’s up to you to ensure that the cause of your injuries is documented.
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#3. Keep a cell phone, evidence of abuse, and other important documents nearby.
If you must flee immediately to avoid the abuse, you must bring with you evidence of the abuse as well as important documents such as a passport and driver’s license. It might be safer to store these items outside the house.
#4. Seek help from a domestic violence program.
Seek legal advice from a legal aid resource about obtaining a restraining order or order of protection against your partner, as well as seeking temporary custody of your children if necessary.
Things to Do After You Leave an Abusive Relationship
When you leave a relationship, you must understand that your risk of harm or injury does not go away. In fact, you may be at a higher risk. As a result, it’s critical to take precautions to keep yourself as safe as possible. Here are some ideas for things you might want to think about doing.
#1. Modify your phone number
After you’ve ended the relationship, you should think about changing your phone number. You want to make it difficult for the abusive person to contact you again unless children are involved.
#2. Change your working hours and your commute.
Abusive people frequently stalk or attempt to intercept you if they know your routine. As a result, you should alter all of your predictable routines. Request a different schedule at work and alter your commute. You don’t want any predictable patterns in your life that make it easy for the abusive person to track you down.
#3. Use a variety of stores and social gathering places.
As difficult as it may be, you must begin shopping in various stores and going out with friends in various locations. Abusive people will frequently seek you out in places you frequent. So you want to make certain that you are changing things up. You will be safer if you do so.
#4. Inform the school about your situation.
If you have children, make certain that their schools are aware of your volatile situation. Too often, abusive people will come to the school without permission to pick up the children. Similarly, they may take the children without your permission and use them as an excuse to see you. When this occurs, it is usually a very dangerous situation. So don’t be afraid to involve the police.
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#5. Inform your coworkers of the abuse
You don’t have to go into great detail, but it’s critical that your coworkers understand that you recently ended a dangerous relationship. If the abusive person shows up at work, your coworkers will be aware that the situation is likely to deteriorate. Notifying them is as important for your safety as it is for theirs.
#6. Steel doors should be used instead of wood doors.
Most likely, the abusive person in your life will discover where you live. If possible, have wooden doors replaced with steel doors and install a security system. You might also want to think about motion sensor lights that turn on whenever someone comes close to your house. This will discourage the abuser from lurking in the shadows, waiting for you.
#7. Examine the legal system
Speak with your local police department about obtaining a restraining order against the person who abused you. They may also be able to make other suggestions to keep you safe.
While most people believe that men are the abusers in relationships, this is not always the relationship. There are many men who are abused by women, but they are probably too afraid or proud to admit it. It makes no difference what gender you are – abuse is abuse. And it has to come to an end.
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Remember to seek counseling or therapy before entering into another relationship. You must determine what it is about yourself that allows the other person to abuse you in the first place. There are numerous reasons, many of which are unique to each individual. But you must resolve this within yourself so that you do not attract another abuser the next time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the 5 types of abuse?
Abuse Comes in Six Forms
- Physical. This is the kind of abuse that most people envision when they hear the word “abuse.”
How do I get rid of emotional abuse?
Let the Healing Begin: How to Survive Emotional Abuse
- Familiarize Yourself with the Definition of Emotional Abuse.
- Recognize the Characteristics of a Good Relationship.
- Recognize that abuse is a cyclical phenomenon.
- Make Contact with Family and Friends.
- Seek the Help of a Professional.
- Take a stand for yourself.
What causes someone to be an abuser?
Abusive people believe they have the right to control and limit their partners’ lives, often because they believe their own feelings and needs should take precedence in the relationship, or because they enjoy the power that such abuse provides them.
Is emotional abuse a reason to leave?
It is risky to leave. A person will attempt to leave an emotionally abusive relationship 7 times before finally leaving. In order to maintain control, perpetrators of emotional and psychological abuse frequently use intimidation or threats of physical harm. After separation, the likelihood of violence skyrockets.