The image of the caring and loving mother appears to be plastered everywhere in popular culture and the media. We see shining examples of women who give up everything to show their children how much they love them. However, for many people, this idealized image of a superhero mom does not correspond to their own experiences. Many people wonder, “Why does my mom hate me?” whether they experienced neglect, abuse, or general toxicity in their relationship with their mother.
In this section, we’ll look at some of the factors that contribute to a mother-child relationship, as well as where so many of them go wrong. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why does my mom hate me?” or why it’s so difficult to spend time with your mom, this article is for you!
How Do You Know if Your Mom Hate You?
It’s not about hating or liking you; it’s about keeping herself safe from further harm. Perhaps the issue isn’t with her at all, but with YOU! We are fragile creatures who need to be loved, accepted, and appreciated for who we are, so instead of thinking your mom hates you, try to see things from her point of view.
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She will always want you to feel loved and protected, no matter how old you are. Mothers do this to ensure their children’s happiness, even if it means sacrificing something for them. However, if your mom is constantly accusing you or calling you names, it is possible that she hates you.
Why Does My Mom Hate Me So Much?
Getting along with your mother can be difficult, but if you put forth the effort, you won’t be at odds. Before you try to understand how she feels, you should figure out why your mother despises you so much. The following are some of the most common reasons:
#1. She didn’t want a child, at least not right now.
Every pregnancy is not desired. If your mother wanted to finish school or start a career before having children, she might be resentful if you interfered with her plans.
#2. She did not purposefully become pregnant.
An unplanned pregnancy is one reason a mom might hate her child, but sometimes the child wasn’t even supposed to be possible! If your mother didn’t want children or chose not to have them right now, but her birth control failed and she became pregnant anyway, you can bet she was upset.
#3. She is still upset with your father.
If your father abandoned you when you were young or is no longer in your life, your mother may be preoccupied with how much he let her down. If that’s the case, your mother may take her anger out on you because you remind her of him and everything he did wrong.
#4. She holds you responsible for a difficult period in her life.
Even if it isn’t your fault, if something bad happens to your mother around the time of your birth, she may blame you for everything. She may see you as a constant reminder of something terrible, or even as an impediment to her future plans and happiness.
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#5. She doesn’t agree with what you stand for.
It could be due to something you’ve done or simply your personality. If your mom hates you, it could be due to your values or behaviors.
#6. She may believe that caring for you is a burden.
Not every mother has a strong bond with her child. If your mom regards you as more of a responsibility than anything else, she may be dissatisfied with being confined to the job while the rest of her life passes her by.
#7. She is stressed and vents her rage on you.
If your mother is going through a lot, it may be difficult for her to handle everything, and she may let it all out on you. If she has been experiencing stress or depression, her rage may make more sense in this context.
#8. The problem is sometimes herself.
There could be underlying issues, such as her own childhood, for which she is angry at you because you remind her of a time in her life when everything went wrong and she had no one to turn to except herself.
Keeping the reasons listed above in mind can help you understand why your mother hates you so much.
Why Does My Mom Hate Me Quiz?
Why does my mom hate me? Have you ever had this thought stuck in your head? Everyone, at some point in their lives, has problems with their parents. Especially with their father, but today’s quiz is all about mom. If you’ve ever felt so low that you thought your mom despised you, take this quiz to find out if that’s true and how you should handle things between you two.
Questions and Answers
#1. Why do you and your mom usually disagree?
A. Every 2 minutes, she calls me.
B. She’s never available when I need her.
C. We don’t get into fights.
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D. She becomes inebriated and violent.
E. Because I miss class.
#2. What happens after a fight?
A. Try to stay away from her for the rest of the day.
B. Cry because I’m lonely.
C. Make a joke about it.
D. Go into hiding until my father or someone else returns home.
E. I discovered myself in the bedroom.
#3. Do you devote enough time to your mom?
A. Yes, but she never tires of it.
B. Absolutely not.
C. Yes, my friends are also her friends.
D. I make every effort to avoid Mom.
E. We spend time together, but we eventually fight.
#4. How frequently do you fight?
A. Whenever I go out with my friends.
B. Only when I need her and she isn’t available.
C. Once per year
D. Every day.
E. Every time, we have different points of view.
#5. Is your mom supportive of you and your decisions?
A. Yes, but I prefer to work alone.
B. No, she doesn’t think I’m worth it.
C. You are always there for me.
D. She only lends me money.
E. I’d like to be more self-sufficient! She never inquires about my preferences.
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#6. Has your mom ever slapped you?
A. She would never do something like that.
B. She isn’t always home, and she doesn’t even yell at me.
C. She smacked me more than twice.
D. She slapped me once, but it was nothing serious, and I was yelling as well.
E. Mom adores me.
#7. What does your mom think of you?
A. That I need to be looked after.
B. that I am too distant from her.
C. That I am the best daughter/son in the world.
D. She said she despised me.
E. I’m not sure…
#8. Do you enjoy your time with her?
A. We have a lot of fun all the time.
B. True, but I’d like to see her more relaxed.
C. I’m not sure; we only see each other on “special occasions,” and even then, not always.
D. No, I am terrified of her.
E. She only does it when she’s in a good mood.
#9. Did your mother ever tell you that she despises you?
B. Never, ever
C. No, but I do feel that way.
#10. Do you adore your mom?
A. Without a doubt!
B. Not at all.
C. No, because she doesn’t care about me.
D. I have nothing to say about that.
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Why Does My Mom Hate Me All of a Sudden?
Of course, there is no single reason why a mother may dislike her child, but there are some broad generalizations to consider. To start with, what a child perceives as hate may actually be a form of love. You may have heard that a child’s greatest challenge is his or her parents’ unlived lives. This means that a mother will encourage her child to outperform her own accomplishments. In other words, your mother may be trying to encourage you out of love and concern for you, but it may come across as criticism or hatred. If a mother despises her child, it may be due to deeper mental health issues than what is going on. Furthermore, if you notice that your mother dislikes what you’re doing or considers it “wrong” because you’re not following her rules, of course, this leads to additional problems down the road.
If you’ve ever heard of “tiger parenting,” you’re familiar with the concept. Tiger parents are strict or demanding, pushing their children to achieve extreme success. Morin and her daughter, Helen, were in this situation. Morin grew up in a toxic, abusive home. She never finished high school and married young. Morin pushed for perfection when she had her own daughter. Helen had to dress the part, act the part, and be the part, with perfect hair, perfect grades, and a perfect college plan, not to mention the rest of her life. Helen did not toe the line.
It’s understandable for Helen to believe her mother despises her, but this was not the case. Morin, in fact, adored her daughter. Out of love, Morin pushed Helen to be the best. Unfortunately, Morin failed to recognize that her self-serving tactics were harming her daughter and pushing her further away.
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With that in mind, when you wonder, “Why does my mother hate me?” “Consider her negative behavior. Is this her attempt to help you grow and be your best? If that’s the case, you could talk to her about how her pressure and behavior make you feel. She might be open to discussing ways to better support and love one another.
Jealousy could be another reason your mom dislikes you. Although unlikely, your mother may be envious of something about you. It could be your looks, your confidence, or your success. Have you accomplished something that she was never able to do? Are you her younger, more beautiful counterpart? You may never understand why your mother dislikes you, but it helps to understand that our mothers are flawed human beings like everyone else, and her emotions will occasionally get the best of her.
Sometimes mom hate isn’t because of anything you did, but because your mother sees you as a threat and struggles to accept who you are. She might act jealous because she doesn’t have your looks, and mom hate can be as subtle as trying to control what you wear or making inflammatory comments about how you look.
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Jealousy is one of the most difficult emotions to manage. While a mother may understand that she should not be jealous of anything about her child, jealousy can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including hostility or avoidance.
It’s also possible that you did something in the past that strained your relationship with your mother. Are you aware that you made a mistake that may have hurt her feelings? Was there a squabble between the two of you? If this is the case, it may be time to apologize and make amends, regardless of who is correct or incorrect. Every story has two sides, and sometimes mom hate is the result of something you did, whether you realize it or not.
Why Does My Mom Hate Me but Love My Siblings?
It can be difficult to cope when you believe your siblings are receiving all of the attention. You’re left wondering why you take all the flak for things your siblings get away with. When your brothers and sisters get what they want and you don’t, it can make you feel pretty insignificant. You might even think to yourself, “Why does my mom hate me but adore my siblings?”
There are healthy approaches to dealing with the issue and processing your emotions. If you notice favoritism and are unable to change it, you must learn to cope with your emotions.
How to Spot Favoritism
1. Mothers should not encourage their children to compete with one another. When one child consistently wins, they will feel superior to their siblings. The other child will be demoralized and will believe they are unworthy.
2. Mothers should not compare their children. Parents should avoid making comparisons between their children, even if they believe they are being motivational or joking.
3. Once again, moms are not supposed to act as judges when their children fight or compete. It is best not to give a clear answer if they are asking a parent to choose who is doing better. Telling them why they’re both great is a reasonable approach.
4. Never expect one child to be superior to another or to set the bar. Everyone is unique, and children should not be expected to outperform their siblings.
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You should also make certain that you have some relevant examples to share. Explain what occurred and why you felt so mistreated. Allow them to express themselves and try to understand why they acted the way they did. The best way to express your concerns and address the situation is to engage in a constructive discussion that is non-aggressive and does not include anger.
How to fix Your Relationship With Your Mother
I am well aware that not every relationship is worth repairing. It is sometimes better to simply cut a toxic person out of your life and move on. Not everyone is mentally healthy enough to deal with difficult people in their lives. However, the fact that you are reading this section indicates that you are determined to repair your relationship with your mom.
Let’s get started right away. Here are some steps to consider:
#1. Start small.
If you want your mother to change, don’t expect it to happen overnight. Begin slowly and try to be nice to her rather than rude. She’ll be more open to other changes once she notices this shift in attitude.
#2. Be available for her.
If your mom is going through a difficult time, let her know you’re there for her. It will help a lot if you can offer her a shoulder to cry on or simply take her out of the house and cheer her up with some fun.
#3. Be gentle with her.
It’s not going to change overnight if your mother has been distant or cold. This is not something that will happen in a few days or even a week. However, if you are patient with her and give her time to adjust to the changes, she may change her mind.
#4. Try to avoid potentially triggering situations.
If you know certain topics of conversation will lead to a fight, try to avoid them. If she gets angry about certain behaviors or values, and you notice her doing the same thing with someone else, take it as a sign that it’s just her personality type.
#5 Contact family members.
If neither of you is willing to change, see if other members of your family can assist you.
#6. Give it time.
Your mother may not be able to forgive you for past mistakes, no matter how much good you do. This isn’t to say that what you’re doing now isn’t working–she might just need some time to let those feelings go.
Finding Support for Toxic Parents
It can be difficult to deal with parents, especially when they are toxic. If you believe you may require assistance or support, look into the resources available to you. Having a mom who despises you can be detrimental to your mental health. If you are suicidal, please seek professional help right away.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
If your mother refuses to cooperate with your efforts to improve the relationship, there is little you can do except hope that things will improve between the two of you one day. Remember that even if it appears that nothing will ever change between you and your mom, it is still worth pursuing because all relationships, even the bad ones, require work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the signs that my mom hates me?
How do you know if your mother despises you?
- She never expresses affection.
- She holds you responsible for her unhappiness.
- Gaslights you and blames you for things over which you have no control.
- She prefers your siblings to you.
- Consistently undercuts your accomplishments.
- She compares you to others in order to portray you as a failure.
Why do mothers hate their daughters?
Some mothers despise their daughters because they are unhappy with their own lives. Mothers are also women who grew up in an unequal society and were forced to do things they didn’t want to do. Some mothers were forced to abandon their studies and marry young.
Is it normal for a mother to dislike her daughter?
Answer: It is not a case of mothers despising their daughters, but of jealousy and rivalry with them. Moms don’t feel as competitive with their sons because they don’t identify as strongly with them. Envy is a natural human emotion, so mothers should experience it from time to time.
Why does my mom say hurtful things to me?
Your mother may be saying hurtful things because she believes you are reliant on her. You will not react to her hurtful remarks. However, you must demonstrate to her that you are self-sufficient and do not require her assistance if she continues to berate you.
Why are moms so mean?
Jealousy and envy drive some mean moms. They turn green whenever another child receives an award or recognition that their child did not receive. Or they envy another parent’s relationship with a principal, teacher, or coach. Jealousy drives them to try to bring the other mom down.
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