When a lot of people hear about fear of intimacy in relationships or generally, the first thing that comes to mind is fear of sexual intimacy. That is also known as “genophobia” or “erotophobia”. However, they are not synonymous. Intimacy is more than just a sexual connection. Before we can go proper into the fear of intimacy or why people fear intimacy, we need to understand intimacy. Because there have been a lot of cases where the husband doesn’t like sexual intimacy with his wife because he’s intimidated about his performance or even the wife is too cautious of her body and as such dreads intimacy.
OVERVIEW
Intimacy is this vulnerability, and comfort you feel around a particular person but in this case your partner. Intimacy is also this closeness you feel in your personal relationships. It can include physical or emotional closeness or even a mix of the two. But, basically, there are four major types of intimacy. They are;
1. Physical or sexual intimacy: This has to do with a sensual feeling of connection you have with someone.
2. Emotional intimacy: This particular type of intimacy has to do with a deep emotional connection you feel around someone basically. Emotional intimacy is not always easy to form but not impossible.
3. Spiritual intimacy: This is a much deeper than basic connection. Generally, it deals with spiritual awakening and or connections.
4. Mental intimacy: This is basically seen in sapiosexuals. You bond through an exchange of ideas or deep, meaningful discussions in general.
If you have a fear of intimacy, you may be deliberately avoiding intimacy and you may not realize you’re doing it. Fear of intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t want intimate relationships though. You may long for intimacy, though you can’t seem to allow yourself that vulnerability.
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE
When you truly intend to work on your intimacy issues, there are some free online tests that you can take. And your results are strictly confidential and not shared with anyone else in general. However, if it doesn’t really go well with you, then you can go ahead and see a therapist so he or she can do a personal evaluation and come up with probable methods to solve your problems. However, bear in mind when you take these online quizzes and tests and you get shocking results, see a therapist to help you know what to do next, instead of doing something drastic or rash.
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE TEST
Generally, the fear of intimacy is the fear of being emotionally and/or physically close to another person basically the fear of any kind of intimacy not just emotional or physical. This fear is also categorized by the individual’s inability to process intimate emotions and instead, these emotions are replaced with anxiety basically. Additionally, the fear of intimacy can also be defined as the expression of how you feel towards the whole concept of love, being loved. In addition, the fear of intimacy occurs based on a lot of dysfunctional experiences from childhood experiences, nasty heartbreak, failed attachment theories from childhood to adulthood, etc.
Fear-of-Intimacy Scale (FIS) Test:
Note: When all or most of your answers are “yes”. Then you definitely have fear of intimacy.
1. I always feel comfortable telling anyone about things anything in my past but sometimes I feel ashamed of them.
A. Yes
B. No
2. Usually, I feel quite uneasy about talking with friends or anyone basically about something that has hurt me deeply?
A. Yes
B. No
3. When I talk to friends about my deepest feelings and thoughts, I feel really comfortable.
A. Yes
B. No
4. When I’m upset I would sometimes be afraid of showing people what I feel.
A. Yes
B. No
5. I might be afraid to confide my innermost feelings to my anyone close to me in general.
A. Yes
B. No
6. I would feel at ease when I’m telling the people I care about about just how much I care.
A. Yes
B. No
7. Generally, I have a feeling of complete togetherness with family.
A. Yes
B. No
8. I feel really comfortable discussing important problems with people around me in general.
A. Yes
B. No
9. A part of me is always afraid to make a long term commitment to friends, family and people I know generally.
A. Yes
B. No
10. I would feel comfortable telling my experiences‚ even sad ones‚ to anyone when it’s really necessary.
A. Yes
B. No
11. I feel nervous showing strong feelings of affection or any form of emotions basically.
A. Yes
B. No
12. When I try to be open with my thoughts, it’s always really hard for me.
A. Yes
B. No
14. I am not afraid when I want to share my opinions or thoughts about what I dislike about myself.
A. Yes
B. No
15. I am always afraid to take a chance, and I don’t like running the risk of being hurt in order to establish a closer relationship with someone I truly love or even when it’s just a friend.
A. Yes
B. No
16. I am super comfortable when I reveal very personal information about myself.
A. Yes
B. No
17. I am not nervous or ashamed of being spontaneous when I’m around people.
A. Yes
B. No
18. Sometimes I feel really uncomfortable when I’m telling someone things that I normally won’t tell other people.
A. Yes
B. No
19. I would feel comfortable trusting my friend with my deepest thoughts and feelings in general.
A. Yes
B. No
20. I don’t know what to say or how to feel when my friend or family tells me something really personal.
A. Yes
B. No
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE SELF EVALUATION
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE SELF EVALUATION
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE TEST ONLINE
FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE TEST ONLINE
1. Do you find it difficult to trust your
a. Yes
b. No
2. Did you have trouble forming relationships or committing to them?
a. Yes
b. No
3. Do you have a strong fear of being rejected or hurt when you are with your partner?
a. Yes
b. No
4. Do you live in self-imposed isolation?
a. Yes
b. No
5. Does physical contact cause you discomfort?
a. Yes
b. No
When all or some of your answers are “a”, then you definitely have a fear of intimacy. Although, the fear of intimacy in most cases is a defensive mechanism. However, if you want to get over it, try to see things from your partner’s point of view.
HOW TO SCORE FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE
HOW TO SCORE FEAR OF INTIMACY SCALE
CONCLUSION
CONCLUSION
Generally, the fear of intimacy is getting more rampant than you think these days. It is a growing issue because 3 out of every 5 persons have been through some sort of abuse. And abuse, emotional, domestic or physical abuse is general is the leading cause of the fear of intimacy. But no matter how it is, you can pull through, you are stronger than you can imagine. It is possible to heal from it. Seeing a therapist can help you on the road to recovery.
FEAR OF INTIMACY FAQ’S
What is the universal FIS?
It’s a 35 self evaluation scale. The higher the have on the scale, the higher your fear for intimacy.
What is FIS?
FIS simplies stands for Fear Of Intimacy Scale.
Is fear of intimacy and intimacy anxiety disorder the same thing?
Well, I’d say yes because they both talk about an individual dreading intimacy.
What causes Fear of Intimacy?
It can be caused by a lot of reasons but particularly when the individual has gone through a very shady and nasty past that makes them that way.
Is Fear of Intimacy and being dead inside synonymous?
Well, no. Because being dead inside is a numbness you feel inside but you don’t necessary feel any form of intimacy. For example, someone who is dead inside can be open to one night stands but it’s not the case with someone who fears intimacy.
