You understand what sex is, and you’ve probably heard the phrase “surrogate” in relation to infants and bellies. But you’re not alone if slamming those two words together makes you go “???.” The majority of people have never heard of a sexual surrogate. According to Jenni Skyler, Ph.D. LMFT and AASECT certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for AdamEve.com, most people who believe they do have it all wrong.
“It’s not nearly as enticing as most people believe.” According to Mark Shattuck, a certified partner surrogate and media chair for the International Professional Surrogate Association, there has been a campaign to rename sexual surrogacy “surrogate partner therapy” (IPSA). Since 1973, the IPSA has been regarded as the foremost authority in the field of sexual surrogacy; surrogate partner therapy.
Sexual Surrogate
“A sexual surrogate plays a critical function for the client who needs them,” Skylar explains. “but they don’t need academic or clinical expertise in psychology.” Does this imply that anyone may become a surrogate mother? Nope. “Those who work in surrogacy must complete an ethical curriculum and be certified by an organization like IPSA,” she explains. Being a partner surrogate, according to Shattuck (who, again, is IPSA certified), is a lengthy procedure. “You go through a multi-week training procedure, then an internship where you work under; the supervision of a qualified surrogate partner, and then you go out on your own as a certified partner surrogate.”
Comfort with one’s own body and sexuality, warmth, compassion, understanding, intelligence, and non-judgmental attitudes toward others’ lifestyle choices, consenting sexual activities, and sexual orientation are all requirements for being a surrogate partner, according to the IPSA.
What is a Sexual Surrogate
The sexual surrogate is a therapy technique for assisting a person with becoming more comfortable with sex, their body, and/or the mental and physical abilities required for intimacy. A licensed sex therapist and a sex surrogate, or surrogate partner, work with the client. Other forms of sex therapy do not allow for physical contact or intimacy, but sexual surrogacy does.
Sexual surrogacy is a contentious and frequently misunderstood therapy. There is a paucity of published research on sexual surrogacy due to the potential ethical and legal ramifications. However, anecdotal data suggests that for some people, it can be a helpful aspect of sex therapy.
Sexual Surrogate Myths and Misconceptions
The most common misconception about sexual surrogacy is that it is a type of prostitution. However, there are significant distinctions. Sex workers are solely concerned with providing sexual pleasure to their clients. A surrogate partner’s goal, on the other hand, isn’t to provide sexual stimulation or satisfaction; instead, they want to help a person overcome problems with sex and intimacy, whether they’re physical, social, or emotional. They may concentrate on topics such as relaxation, communication, and social skills development. Surrogate partners may or may not have physical contact with their clients.
Despite this, the legality of surrogate partner therapy is murky. There are no laws against it. However, prominent professional organizations in the disciplines of psychology and social work have remained silent on the issue of surrogate partner referral ethics. Many people agree that working with a licensed sex therapist who can guide you through the process is essential.
The International Professional Surrogates Association, a professional association for people working in the field of surrogate partner therapy, assures that its members are properly trained, competent, and adhere to a strict code of ethics. Surrogate partners, according to some, should only be used as part of therapy for those who have physical restrictions that influence their sexual life. SPT, on the other hand, can help with a wide range of problems.
Sexual Surrogate Psychotherapy
Although there is some resemblance, surrogate partner therapy is not the same as sex therapy. “They’re two very different fields,” Skyler explains. “Sex therapy is a sort of therapy that assists a person or couple in deconstructing negative messages and experiences in order to assist them in achieving maximum sexual and relationship health,” she explains.
Clients may have some hands-on homework, such as masturbating, watching porn, or writing a Yes, No, Maybe list, but sex therapy is primarily conversion therapy. Skyler explains, “There are no hands-on exchanges between a sex therapist and the client.”
Surrogate partner therapy is when a sex therapist enlists the help of another professional, a qualified surrogate partner therapist, to be physically, sexually, or romantically involved with their client outside of sex therapy sessions.
Do sex surrogates count as sex workers?
“We support sex workers, but we don’t consider ourselves to be sex workers,” Shattuck explains. “We think of ourselves as healers and auxiliary therapists.” In sex surrogacy, there are sometimes sensuous and sexual aspects, but the purpose is healing, not sexual release or pleasure.
Cheryl Cohen Greene, a partner surrogate, came up with this metaphor to help: Visiting a sex worker is similar to dining in a fine restaurant. You pick what you want to eat from a menu, and if you enjoy it, you’ll come back for more. It’s like taking a culinary class when you work with a surrogate partner. You go, you learn, and then you take what you’ve learned and cook a meal for someone else at home.
How to Become a Sexual Surrogate
“A sexual surrogate plays a critical role for the client who needs them,” Skylar explains, “but they don’t require an academic or clinical background in psychology.” Does this imply that anyone may become a surrogate mother? Nope. “Those who work in surrogacy must complete an ethical curriculum and be certified by an organization like IPSA,” she explains.
Being a partner surrogate, according to Shattuck (who, again, is IPSA certified), is a lengthy procedure. “You go through a multi-week training procedure, then an internship where you work under the supervision of a qualified surrogate partner, and then you go out on your own as a certified partner surrogate.”
Comfort with one’s own body and sexuality, warmth, compassion, understanding, intelligence, and non-judgmental attitudes toward others’ lifestyle choices, consenting sexual activities, and sexual orientation are all requirements for being a surrogate partner, according to the IPSA.
Who can benefit from a Sexual surrogate?
According to Shattuck, you can’t have a partner surrogate unless you already have a professional therapist. “Someone who starts working with a partner surrogate has already been in sex therapy for a few months or years and still has a lot of work to do around feeling comfortable with sex, intimacy, dating, and their body,” he says.
The issues that may prompt a client to recommend using a partner surrogate as part of their healing process — or a sex therapist to do so — ranging from generic social anxiety to specific sexual dysfunctions or concerns. The therapeutic powers of the sexual surrogates may be beneficial to the following people:
- Survivors of trauma and abuse
- those who have had very little or no sexual experience
- erectile dysfunction or early ejaculation in penis-owners
- vulva-owners who have vaginismus or another pelvic floor disorder that makes penetrative intercourse uncomfortable.
- those who deal with body dysmorphia or body acceptance
- persons who are anxious or fearful of sex, intimacy, or contact in particular
- people with disabilities that make having sex more difficult
Unfortunately, many people who could benefit from surrogacy partner treatment (or sex therapy, for that matter) are unable to pay it because most insurance policies do not cover it.
What does a Sexual Surrogate do
A three-person team is involved in sexual surrogacy: a sex therapist, a sex surrogate, and the client. Surrogate partner treatment begins when a professional therapist and their client decide that the best way to achieve their goals is with the help of a sexual surrogate. They might suggest this method to help with a variety of ailments:
- A physical or mental impairment
- Fears or anxieties about sex and intimacy
- Dysmorphia of the body
- Questions about sexual identity
- Erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, or vaginismus, which is a condition with the vaginal muscles
- Sexual abuse.
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SPT has lately been advocated by several specialists as a possible method to aid those who have recently had gender confirmation surgery.
The professional therapist and client work with the surrogate to construct therapeutic experiences based on the aim. These experiences include “partner work in relaxation, efficient communication, sensual and sexual touching, and social skills,” according to the International Professional Surrogates Association.
Throughout the process, the sex therapist plays an active part. The therapist meets with both the client and the surrogate separately each week in the most common arrangement. The customer will meet with the surrogate after these meetings. When the therapy procedure is over, the client’s relationship with the surrogate partner ends as well, and no future communication is possible.
Special Considerations and Safety Recommendations
Speak with a competent sex therapist about surrogate partner therapy if you think it would be a suitable fit for you. This therapy should only be done under the supervision of a skilled practitioner, never on your own. Use only reputable referrals who adhere to a strong code of ethics.
Conclusion
Working with a (sex) therapist and a partner surrogate as a team can be immensely helpful for people who have anxiety, fear, stress, or worry about intimacy, sexuality, their body, or touch.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do they actually have sex with clients?
Sometimes. Client, talk therapist, and surrogate partner form a triadic paradigm in which the client gets physical with the surrogate partner, from touching to intercourse.
How do people find a surrogate?
A surrogate is usually recommended by a client’s therapist or sex therapist.
2 comments
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