Many people are unaware that the fact that they can’t stop being insecure in their present relationship is the reason why the number of broken relationships keeps going over the roof. It’s one thing to be insecure and quite another to manage it. Having insecurity issues and not being able to manage them is a major problem.
I’ve heard a lot of stories from folks who want to get out of a relationship when they’re feeling insecure.
Unfortunately, because it’s starting to become a pattern, many people become discouraged about ever getting over their relationship insecurities. As a result, people assume it’s a flaw in their personality that’s causing the problem. But here’s the thing:
It’s your habits, not your personality, that make you feel insecure.
In the rest of this article, I’ll walk you through 15 of the most common behaviors you can develop (or remove) to help you stop feeling uncomfortable and insecure in a relationship and start feeling confident and at ease.
What Does It Mean to Be Insecure?
You’re insecure if you’re unsure, unconfident, or worried. It’s a deep conviction that you’re not good enough at your job, in social circumstances, in relationships, and in other areas. You might even be living in fear, always worried about what will happen next. You can either let your past dictate your future, or you can doubt your own worth and have low self-esteem.
Insecure people don’t always appear that way – in fact, overconfidence and narcissism can actually be signs of deep insecurity. Feelings of insecurity run so deep, that we may not even recognize them ourselves.
Where Does Insecurity Come From?
The real root of insecurity is a lack of self-esteem. We project an image of confidence, but deep down inside, we feel that we don’t deserve love. And then we sabotage ourselves and our relationships.
Dig deeper: What does being insecure mean, really? Where do those feelings come from? The truth is that all feelings of insecurity are a result of our own limiting beliefs or the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and the type of life we deserve.
Signs of Insecurity in a Relationship
No one feels completely certain in their relationship at all times; in fact, variety can even be good for relationships. Is it, however, normal to feel insecure in a relationship consistently? No, and if you’re displaying these signs in your relationship, it’s time to learn how to stop being insecure. The following are telltale signs.
One of the most visible signs of insecurity in a relationship is this. An envious partner is always questioning their partner’s true intentions. They may spy on you, become clingy, or exert control over your friendships and leisure time. Jealousy consumes you and destroys your relationships.
Some attention-seeking behaviors, such as the need for constant reassurance, are similar to jealousy. Others deal with a fear of being alone, such as having to do everything together all of the time. Others satisfy their need for significance by creating drama or starting fights.
Every couple has disagreements; the distinction is between healthy and unhealthy disagreements. To reach a point of understanding and agreement, healthy arguing employs effective communication techniques. Unhealthy arguing is the result of a lack of trust, unresolved insecurities, and even the fear that true communication will lead to your partner’s departure.
How to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship
The following are steps to stop being insecure in a relationship
#1. Begin With Love for Yourself
In many cases, a lack of self-love is at the root of relationship insecurities. If one partner harbors harmful limiting beliefs, such as fear of failure or the belief that they are unworthy of love, they will be unable to trust fully, and trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Identify and overcome your limiting beliefs before working on self-love. Learn to break negative self-talk patterns. Take steps to increase your self-assurance and turn your life into a journey of discovery rather than one of suspicion and distrust.
#2. Learn Effective Communication
Communication is important in all aspects of life, but it’s especially important if you’re in a relationship where you’re feeling insecure. The best way to learn how to stop feeling insecure in a relationship is to communicate effectively with your partner. What is your partner’s communication style? What kind of communication style do they have? You can talk things over again and again, but resolving lingering issues will be difficult unless you’re truly connecting with your partner on their level.
#3. 3. Satisfy Each Other’s Requirements
Insecure feelings in a relationship are frequently a sign that certain needs aren’t being addressed. Every single person on earth is affected by six basic human needs. But growth and contribution help us find fulfillment. These requirements are ranked differently by each individual. Which one is the most crucial to you? Is your connection assisting you in meeting this need? If not, how can you make your relationship feel more loved and supported if it isn’t already?
#4. Keep Your Polarity in Check
In any relationship, one partner possesses male energy, and the other possesses feminine energy. These energies do not have to be aligned with genders, but they must exist in order to achieve romantic harmony. The term for this concept is polarity. You and your partner may not be in balance if you’re feeling insecure in your relationship. Insecurities might emerge if both couples adopt masculine or feminine characteristics. Examine how your responsibilities have evolved over time. How can insecurity and polarity be restored?
#5. Pretend to Be a New Couple
When you first start dating someone new, the excitement is palpable. You want to know everything there is to know about your partner and be as close to them as possible. This glimmer fades with time. The fireworks you first felt start to fade as you get to know your partner better. You become accustomed to your routine and stop trying to impress others. When your partner believes you’re not putting forth enough effort or that your attraction is fading, insecurities can arise. Rekindle the passion in your relationship by acting as if you were dating when you first met. Give your partner a compliment. Make dates that are unexpected. Send them love letters. These small gestures can rekindle passion and dispel insecurities.
#6. Quit Seeking Reassurance
When you’re anxious or insecure in your relationship, it’s natural to want to feel reassured. Some signs include;
- You’re always asking your partner for feedback on anything from your hairstyle to the color of your shoes because you’re worried about whether they still think you are attractive. You feel comforted (for the time being…) when they say you look nice.
- You’re worried about your sexual performance, so you keep pestering your partner with questions about “how it went,” which, of course, ruins the mood. However, it gives you a sense of security (at least for the time being…).
- You’re afraid you’re not intellectual or interesting enough for your spouse, so you bring it up all the time, even though they’ve told you they find you fascinating. And every time they say it’s not a problem, you feel a bit better (for the time being…).
It’s a vote of no confidence in yourself every time you ask for reassurance.
The fact is that your brain is always paying attention to what’s going on. So, while it may temporarily make you feel better, the next time that dread arises, you’ll feel even more nervous, which will make you feel even worse.
#7. Invest More Time in Accomplishing Things on Your Own
If you’ve read thus far, you’ve undoubtedly seen a common thread running through these bits of advice: if you want to stop feeling uneasy in a relationship, it’s about you and your actions, not the other person’s.
The main reason for this is that you and your actions are the only things over which you have control. No matter how much you wish your partner was more empathetic, or how much you believe your spouse should be more supportive with every fiber of your being, they are who they are.
This means that attempting to persuade your partner to change as a method of gaining security is futile.
Allowing oneself to be insecure is the same as allowing yourself to be held captive by the opinions and feelings of others.
Set yourself free! Learn how to deal with insecurity and boost your self-esteem.
Insecurity is a form of self-sabotage that keeps you from becoming your best self. It prevents you from stressing your positive qualities and instead focuses on your negative ones.
#8. Avoid Getting Connected With Emotionally Immature Persons
The majority of everything we’ve discussed so far has been about how to quit feeling uneasy in a relationship you’re already in.
But, as the adage goes…
Prevention is the best medicine.
In other words, a really good method to stop feeling uneasy in your relationships is to not enter into relationships that make you feel insecure in the first place. As previously stated, whether or not you feel insecure is ultimately determined by you and your actions. However, there are several elements that increase your chances of feeling insecure in a relationship. One of the most serious is falling in love with someone who has a mental illness.
#9. Make A Firm Request For What You Desire
Poor assertiveness is at the root of a lot of people’s relationship instability.
When you’re assertive, you’re willing to express yourself in a way that’s both honest about your own goals and needs and respectful of others’ rights.
#10. Establish More Healthy Limits
As we covered in the last point, practicing assertiveness—specifically, asking for what you want and fearlessly expressing your needs—is an important element of becoming less insecure in a relationship. However, asking for what you want is only part of being aggressive… Saying no to what you don’t want and creating appropriate limits are crucial aspects of being assertive.
Because, well, here’s the deal…In a relationship where your boundaries aren’t respected, it’s difficult to feel safe.
#11. Make Thankfulness A Habit
Gratitude, regardless of what transpired in your marriage, will lay the foundation for positive change. Take a minute to focus on appreciation if you’re feeling overwhelmed by betrayal and sadness. Consider everything you admire about your partner. Observe what happens inside you after a few minutes of refocusing in this manner.
#12. Be Completely Honest With Yourself About Your Feelings
When you are hurt, you may be tempted to blame, flee, fight, judge, or justify your actions. The betrayed spouse will be astonished at what is possible if they can stop and feel the grief lovingly. Is the ache of adultery ever gone when you confront your feelings head-on? You’d be startled once more. Use caution if you have a mental disorder or a serious emotional problem.
Can being too insecure ruin a relationship?
To some extent, it is beneficial to feel insecure because it motivates you to put in more effort in your relationship and to value your partner more. However, if there is an excessive amount of insecurity, it can cause the relationship to take on a poisonous atmosphere, which in turn can wreak havoc on your confidence. It is even capable of tearing apart couples who love and care for one another deeply.
What are pink flags in a relationship?
It’s not uncommon to see pink flags, particularly in new relationships. Marriage therapists refer to them as subtle warnings that something is wrong between you and your partner. However, because they aren’t as clearly defined or obvious, we tend to ignore them or make up reasons to explain them away.
How to Stop Being Insecure In a Relationship FAQs
Why am I so insecure in my relationship?
In many cases, a lack of self-love is at the root of relationship anxieties. If one partner harbors detrimental limiting ideas, such as fear of failure or the belief that they are unworthy of love, they will be unable to fully trust – and trust is the bedrock of any relationship.
Why am I so jealous and insecure in my relationship?
Low self-esteem or a negative self-image might lead to jealousy. It can be difficult to trust that your partner loves and values you if you don’t feel attractive or confident. Jealousy can also be triggered by false expectations about a relationship.
How insecurities can ruin a relationship?
It can be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking to live with insecurity. It might be tough to believe you are deserving of love and care, and it can make it difficult to function in a relationship. When you don’t trust your partner or your connection, you may engage in unhealthy activities that endanger your relationship.