The thought of how to deal with jealousy in a relationship can be so stressful. Many people who are in romantic relationships experience jealousy occasionally, especially if they feel quite strongly about their spouse. Some jealousy may be common, but if it’s constant and strong, it could be harmful. It could overwhelm you and leave you feeling alone, powerless, and hopeless. This post, however, covers strategies and tips to follow if you ever discover that your partner is overly jealous.
Ways to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
The fear of losing one’s partner to another person triggers jealousy. In evolutionary psychology, the motivations of loyalty and jealousy evolved to drive “mate guarding,” which is a defense mechanism against an old adaptive issue: infidelity. Men worry about sexual betrayal because they want to ensure their children are truly theirs. Since they are more worried about their children’s welfare and want to make sure that their spouse supports, protects, and supports their family, women are more concerned with emotional infidelity.
Things that can help Deal with Jealousy in Your Relationship:
#1. Avoid Acting on Your Emotions
Uncomfortable emotions motivate us to take action and enact swift and strong solutions to our requirements. Because of this, it might be challenging to confront challenging emotions without responding to them. Like other emotions, jealousy is a feeling that we all experience, but the issue is how we perceive those emotions and how we connect to them. Without understanding the triggers and needs that underlie our reactions to feelings, we start responding in ways that are unhealthy. In our minds, jealousy grows until it consumes us.
You can experience the emotion, but you are not required to act on it. Allow yourself to stay with your emotions without passing judgment, and pay attention to the message they are trying to convey. Therefore, the next time you feel envious, acknowledge your sentiments while also changing how you perceive the scenario. Be rational and sensible in your attitude and behavior.
#2. Accept You’re Jealousy and Face It
“To love is to be vulnerable. To love at all is to be vulnerable, Your heart will be torn apart and perhaps even broken if you love anything. Give it to no one, not even an animal, if you want to guarantee to keep it intact. Avoid becoming entangled in hobbies and unnecessary extras; delicately wrap it around. In the grave or casket of your selfishness, secure it. But it will change inside that coffin, where it is secure, dark, and airless. It won’t break; instead, it will become impenetrable, indestructible, and irredeemable.
Opening your heart to your spouse, having faith in whatever happens, and remaining composed are the keys to intimacy and a genuine relationship. Yes, it is undoubtedly difficult, but you have to be prepared to accept what is beyond your control and have faith in your ability to deal with jealousy in your relationship. Keep in mind that falling in love is a decision, and you are in the relationship because you choose to do so. You decide to love your lover while also accepting the consequences that follow. Face your love with the risks it entails and strive to dispel any doubts or jealousy.
#3. Recognize your vulnerability with courage
Being vulnerable and honest with people, especially when it’s frightening to do so, is one of the most essential components of happiness and mental tranquility. “Courage is opposition to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of dread. Even though it could be challenging to admit that you have jealousy and insecurity issues, this is the first step in getting better.
In relation to jealousy specifically, being courageous means being willing to expose yourself and communicate your need or desire—even when the conclusion is uncertain. Naturally, this could result in you feeling anxious, neglected, disregarded, or even humiliated. You don’t want to suffer “insult on top of an injury,” after all. Once more, this brave act of vulnerability creates a way for jealousy and insecurity to be healed.
#4. Possess self-compassion
When confronted with resentment and bad circumstances in life, self-compassion encourages well-being and happiness. We have flaws and restrictions because we are human. We also get whatever we ask for from other people. Because of this, it’s crucial to acquire self-compassion and accept life as it comes. We must fully embrace life while holding onto the conviction that we are capable of failing or losing. We are capable of managing any emotions that may develop.
There are several advantages to treating yourself with kindness and care. Improved health, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being are all facilitated by self-compassion. Self-compassionate people are nice to themselves during difficult times and bad feelings, such as jealousy, and they are aware when they are suffering. This reduces their own levels of anxiety, tension, fear, and hurt that are related to those negative emotions.
How to Deal with Jealousy in Relationship Tips
Eight Tips are listed below on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship:
#1. Recognize and Discuss Jealousy Openly
It could be time to have an honest discussion with your partner if you’ve started to feel envious. It’s crucial to communicate! Do some introspection since jealousy frequently arises from an internal conflict. Then, discuss your findings with your spouse. Tell the truth about your feelings and the things that make you uncomfortable. Set boundaries for how you can deal with jealousy in the relationship and for yourself.
Healthy jealousy is displayed by a spouse who is open to discussing their feelings, saying, “I felt envious when the man at the party was talking to you, for instance.” A healthy expression of jealousy is, “I felt like he was flirting, and it made me feel uncomfortable.” Your ability to remain rational in the relationship will depend on how you choose to handle your own jealousy.
#2. Maintain a Relationship Diary
Writing in a journal can be a terrific source of support and direction if you deal with jealousy in that relationship. You can express your frustration and how your jealousy makes you feel in a private, protected setting. You have the chance to delve deeper and examine doubts and disappointments since your diary won’t criticize you for how you feel.
Try reflecting on your relationship in your journal and asking yourself important questions, including, “Is your partner really the appropriate person for me?” Did he or she do anything particular to cause jealousy? Additionally, consider whether you need to examine your approaches to dating. Are you dragging your previous relationships into this current one? Do you self-destruct? If you want to repair your relationship, it might be time to try something new.
#3. Examine Substantive Problems
Continuous jealousy in a relationship is distressing and may be a sign of anxiety or low self-esteem. For instance, if you haven’t fully dealt with childhood traumas or prior infidelity, it may show in the way you interact with your current partner. Determine the source of your feelings before speaking to your partner. Accept accountability for your actions and resolve to deal with your fears.
According to research, jealousy can intensify when your self-esteem is in danger. Focusing on understanding one’s own values, such as communication, compassion, or honesty, is one way to investigate low self-esteem. This enables you to identify your strong points and consider what matters most to you in the relationship. This might boost your self-confidence and potentially lessen unpleasant jealousy and over-analyzing in the relationship.
#4. Determine Your Unmet Needs & Unspoken Needs
You will need to cultivate vulnerability within yourself, which might be challenging. When a third party is involved in jealousy, you should evaluate yourself to help you sort through the complex emotional web. You don’t want to act based on presumptions or find yourself talking about or projecting prior problems or experiences onto your current relationship.
Asking oneself these questions can serve as a simple self-assessment:
- What does this feeling mean to me?
- Where in this relationship do I feel invisible?
- What do I believe this other person is getting out of this connection that I am no longer receiving?
- What am I losing, in my opinion?
Unmet needs can become apparent by taking the time to reflect and provide answers to these questions. You can choose how you want to proceed in response to your sentiments once you have obtained this new viewpoint.
#5. Express Your Worries
Do not hesitate to discuss this with your partner as soon as possible if your partner’s activities (or someone else’s conduct towards your partner) cause you to feel envious. It’s possible that they were unaware of the behavior or were unaware of how it made you feel. Take advantage of the chance to talk about or review any relationship boundaries.
Find methods you and your spouse can deal with any form of jealousy in your relationship and make things better if you trust them but aren’t sure about the connection due to past experiences. Keep in mind that your partner chose to be with you. So, for instance, you might think about muting your partner’s Instagram account if there is a specific person in their life that you feel envious of. This way, you won’t have as many opportunities to compare yourself to them. Instead, put more emphasis on maintaining a line of communication with your partner.
#6. Refrain from Making Snap Judgments
The decisions you make can have long-lasting negative effects while you are temporarily experiencing heightened emotions. When jealousy spirals out of control, it might manifest as fury, which can cause the relationship to end. When you are emotionally aroused by jealousy, it is extremely advised that you take a few minutes to soothe yourself.
Several beneficial exercises are
- Breathing techniques
- Gradual skeletal relaxation
- A meditation exercise
Dealing with triggered jealousy won’t help you resolve the underlying problems, but intentionally diverting your focus from it can prevent you from taking inappropriate action as a result of your emotions.
#7. Consult a counselor
Do not be afraid to speak with a therapist if you are having trouble controlling your jealous thoughts or sentiments on your own. It’s not always comfortable to discuss being jealous, and at first, you might feel even more awkward. However, a skilled therapist will approach you with respect and compassion since they are aware that jealousy is a common emotion.
The following indicators suggest seeking therapy:
- Jealousy causes fixed or obsessive thoughts.
- Jealous feelings become overwhelming or obtrusive
- Feelings or thoughts of violence
- Unwanted actions, such as persistently monitoring your partner on social media, spying on them, or following them
- Being jealous interferes with your daily activities and makes it difficult to concentrate on your job, hobbies, etc.
#8. Attend couples counseling
Although there are many different ways that jealousy can manifest, poor communication is the main culprit. Couples therapy sessions will help you recognize that your jealousy is either unreasonable or the result of a misunderstanding, which will enable you to communicate with your partner more effectively. Instead of assuming your partner is attracted to someone else out of the blue, a couples therapist may help you develop empathy and help you understand why they are acting the way they are.
A couples therapist may also employ cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you and your partner learn to recognize unfavorable, intrusive thoughts, verify their veracity, and replace them with more supportive, realistic ones. He is friendly and professional with all of his coworkers because they work together, for instance, in place of “He is planning to leave me for his coworker.” When jealousy is not repressed or stigmatized, working together can bring lovers closer.
How to Deal with Jealousy in Relationship Strategies
Today, rather than being a behavior driven by survival, jealousy is more of a psychological and ego-driven phenomenon. However, the emotion of jealousy can be so strong that some people say they feel like they are “about to die.” We all genuinely desire security. Everyone desires to be cherished and desired. We fear losing the people we care about while also being terrified of being rejected, not liked, and not accepted. These sorrowful emotions are normal. Yet again, if the jealousy is excessive, it is most likely the result of insecurities. Insecurity and jealousy in relationships can have many different root causes, but they all start with poor self-esteem.
How to Handle Intense Feelings of Jealousy
Here are some techniques that can help you deal with jealousy in your relationship if you frequently feel envious:
#1. Heal the Scars and the Triggers
Many of our emotional triggers, such as jealousy, were developed as a result of difficult backgrounds and prior bad relationship experiences. Others may have been betrayed or cheated on, just as you may have been harmed in the past. You were also unable to cope in a healthy way with such a trying event, which left you scarred. In order to get past your past and recognize that you are in a new relationship while being able to deal with your jealousy more effectively, it is crucial to learn how to mend your wounds and eliminate your psychological triggers.
Work on finding the fundamental ideas in your life that cause you to respond emotionally and with jealousy. An essential component of self-reflection and personal change is understanding your jealousy’s causes, catalysts, and motivations. It empowers you to mend your relationships and your personal wounds.
When you begin to feel envious, keep in mind that it is just because of your past and not because of the present. Examine yourself and the situation you are in to determine whether jealousy is appropriate in the present and, if so, whether it is beneficial to you. Next, decide to become more resilient consciously and purposefully so that your past does not adversely affect your present.
#2. Increase Your Self-Belief
Insecurities such as humiliation and jealousy can be treated with self-assurance. Focusing on feeling strong and confident inside ourselves is the best thing we can do. Finding your beliefs that are producing self-doubt is a process of learning how to be confident. Pay attention to the queries and self-talk you are having. Instead of pondering such issues as “Why am I not successful?” “Why am I not intelligent enough?” Instead of asking negative questions such as “Why am I a failure?” try asking optimistic, powerful ones like, “How can I reach my goals?” and “How can I concentrate more on my strong points?” You improve and gain confidence as you ask better questions.
Take a step back and practice self-compassion if you notice yourself self-critiquing or catastrophizing. You need to practice mindfulness and awareness, fight your inner critic, and maintain the belief that you can handle anything, even by yourself. You shouldn’t base your ability to be loved on the love of a single individual. Continue speaking to yourself positively and accepting that you are valuable and deserving of respect. You must add value to both yourself and others in order to do that.
#3. Think about your Advantages
It’s bad for your health and increases jealousy and suffering to concentrate on your shortcomings. Develop the opposite and make your inner cheerleader more prominent. Recall times when you felt strong about yourself, and give yourself permission to feel the good emotions that go along with them. Write about your strengths in a journal and explain how they have helped you be happy and successful. List your abilities and capabilities. Additionally, emphasize your best qualities.
Additionally, you may highlight all of your great traits while highlighting areas that need work by making a list of your strengths and places for progress. So keep in mind that you may maximize your positive traits and be your best self.
#4. Expressing your Resentment Tactfully
You have the right to request the things you need in a relationship; being honest about your wants is something you owe to yourself and your relationship. The authority on you is that nobody else, not even your partner, can read your thoughts and understand what you require in terms of assistance, closeness, time alone, domestic order, independence, sex, love, and other things.
Your partner is likely already aware of your jealousy issues. Additionally, it’s possible that your spouse is causing the issue (not intentionally). You can lessen your jealousy and move toward resolution by accepting your part in the dynamics of the relationship and giving your spouse a chance to be your cheerleader.
Talk to your partner in a mature, respectful manner if you feel that anything they are doing makes you envious. A great way to deal with jealousy in your relationship is through humor. Making light of the situation will relax you both and take the focus off the serious problem. Your partner can listen to you and is willing to help you because of the caring and direct communication you share with them without accusing or assaulting them. You can simply tell them that you believe in them, but you also want them to take into account your feelings because you are unable to control them.
#5. Recognize Your worth and Treat Yourself with Respect
Insecurity and low self-esteem are two of the key causes of jealousy in humans. They frequently hold the opinion that they are unworthy. They worry that if their spouse finds out, they will be dumped in favor of someone else. Respect and admiration are two definitions of esteem. Self-esteem is a subjective assessment of one’s value as a person. In light of this, it’s crucial to regard yourself as someone deserving of love, respect, and recognition. In general, having a good self-image helps you to be more resilient to life’s events and better equipped to handle ups and downs.
To love yourself, avoid comparing yourself to others, embrace your individuality, write down your strengths and accomplishments in a notebook, and see adversity as a chance to learn and develop. These are just a few strategies for boosting self-esteem. The next time you feel envious, just keep in mind that you are deserving of love and that your partner is with you because they want to be and because they value you.
#6. Get Away from the Reins
Control gives us the impression that we are not in another person’s hands, which gives us a wonderful feeling. We are motivated to seek control because of this. However, exercising excessive control might harm happiness. Trying to gain control can be beneficial, but only in moderation. The desire for control, if it becomes too strong, can ruin your life.
Contrary to what you might imagine, most of us do not fear losing our relationships when we are envious. Instead, it is about preventing the mental and emotional suffering we cause when we lose control. The reality is that we are powerless over our partners. Thus, we must let go of our jealousy. It’s not a bad thing to have some control, but it’s unhealthy to try to control someone over something you have no control over. How does it feel to be controlled by someone else? is a wonderful question to ask yourself.
#7. Belief in Your Partner
People in healthy relationships don’t question their partners and don’t scrutinize their partners’ every move. They don’t bombard their spouse with questions or query them about their partner’s intentions all the time.
Keep in mind that your partner is a fellow human being who will inevitably engage with others. It’s possible that your partner likes other people or finds them attractive, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that s/he wants to have a sexual relationship with them or plans to cheat on you. They choose to have a close relationship with you for a reason. They would have gone out on dates with other individuals if they had wanted to.
#8. Belief in Oneself
Accept that you don’t require jealousy. Even while you may feel it, you are not required to act on it. You must strengthen your confidence and resilience. You must practice self-care and take care of your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual welfare in order to do this. Healthy coping mechanisms gradually take the place of jealousy when you acquire them and make them a habit.
You must simultaneously cultivate the ability to believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to love truly and without remorse. Have faith in your ability to handle uncertainty. Believing in your inner strength will help you deal with anything that comes your way. This is not simple, but in the end, when you believe in yourself, you feel certain that you can handle even the most trying circumstances, such as rejection and separation.
#9. Reach for Assistance
As I previously indicated, you could feel alone, helpless, and hopeless if you have intense feelings of jealousy. While it could feel overwhelming, you can make the task easier by erecting a support system. A support system can be highly beneficial, whether it comes from friends, family, an online community, group counseling, or psychotherapy.
The people closest to you will be your best advocates as you work toward developing positive self-worth. Be in the company of upbeat people who will energize, inspire, and give you hope for achieving your objectives.
In conclusion, jealousy has the potential to be harmful and can sour close bonds. However, if you adhere to the aforementioned advice and tactics when feeling envious, you will be in a better position to increase your self-assurance, strengthen your bond with your partner, and develop the trust that is crucial in a healthy relationship. You must trust your mate since there is no other healthy option if you want to have peace of mind and a successful relationship.
Jealousy in relationships is unavoidable to some degree. Simply put, you don’t want to lose someone you care about, and oddly, jealousy frequently develops when a spouse is content in their relationship. Although it’s true that jealousy is natural, how you handle it is what matters.
Here are some effective methods to deal with emotional jealousy so that you don’t endanger a fantastic relationship by developing unjustified paranoia.
#1. Getting over Jealousy
The first step is admitting you have a problem. As always, the first step in dealing with something unreasonable is admitting that you have a problem. You’ll be able to recognize that your jealousy is probably unwarranted and that it’s consequently easier to get over. How you handle your jealousy will determine how long the relationship lasts. Understanding your irrationality in response to everyday situations will help you better manage your emotions.
#2. TRULY Have Faith in Them
Even those who are content in their relationship can experience intense jealousy. However, in the end, you must ask yourself if you can trust them. Have they ever given you any cause to question their loyalty? Most likely, they haven’t, and everything is all in your head. Do you recall the proverb “innocent until proven guilty”? There are still many fine people who respect monogamy, so give them the benefit of the doubt and really believe in them.
#3. DO Maintain a Busy Schedule
Maintaining a busy schedule prevents you from giving in to unreasonable worries and allowing your mind to wander into jealousy. While it’s simple to let your imagination create absurd scenarios that you envision your spouse to be in, being among other people will give you more control over your ideas. You can get over jealousy by focusing on projects or keeping your thoughts occupied by hanging out with pals.
#4. DO Work on Your Self-Confidence
When attempting to overcome jealousy, it could be worthwhile to go inward and analyze possible reasons why you easily turn green-eyed. It frequently results from a lack of self-esteem. Most likely, you have no reason to doubt your spouse, and your feelings of jealousy are the result of being mistreated in the past or believing that you are unworthy of them. Please halt! Your spouse is not to blame for your insecurities, but if you’re not careful, you might scare them away. Have some confidence in yourself; your lover is fortunate to have you.
#5. DO Convey Clearly to Tour Partner
Misunderstandings and poor communication are frequent causes of jealousy. It’s essential to resolve this right away by keeping open lines of communication with your partner. Clarifying some things to offer you peace of mind is not a bad thing, but obviously don’t act like a crazy, envious person with too many inquiries. This is preferable to allowing your mind to wander and generate unreasonable ideas that could be controlled. However, only do this if it makes sense; if it might anger your spouse, don’t ask them.
Overcoming Enmity; the Prohibitions
#1. Don’t Assess Yourself Against Others
Stop comparing yourself to others as one of the finest strategies to deal with overcoming jealousy. If you’re continuously criticizing yourself and focused on the positive traits of others, it’s simple to develop jealousy of your partner’s friends or coworkers. However, thinking in this way will promote feelings of jealousy. Of course, there will always be individuals in the world who are more attractive or intellectual than you, but you will possess fantastic traits that others lack! Your lover was probably drawn to you in the first place because of that.
#2. PLAY NO games
Many envious persons in relationships believe that playing games are the solution. Perhaps you wish to convey your feelings to your partner. Whatever the justification, this is not the solution. Playing games can just make matters worse and destroy your relationship’s trust. When you have a tendency to treat someone unfairly because you want to make them feel awful or uncomfortable, fight that urge.
#3. Don’t Attempt to Enrage Their Enmity
Similarly, increasing jealousy won’t help you get rid of it. This is a highly risky course to take and will only lead to additional issues in your relationship. Many people believe that by making their partner experience the same jealousy they are, they are somehow regaining control. Actually, this is unsuccessful. Your partner will likely develop trust concerns with you as a result, which will lead to disagreements and further distance between you.
#4. AVOID letting your imagination rule reality.
This is possibly the most important idea to remember when conquering jealousy. The main issue with jealousy is that it is primarily an internal struggle. It’s frequently founded on unfounded, irrational notions, so you must allow your sensible thinking to prevail. Recognize that those jealous ideas are not the same as reality. Even though you may believe so, your spouse may not actually be interested in someone else. Thinking is distinct from reality. Deciphering between the two while maintaining your sense of reason is crucial. You’ll have much easier times in life if you can master your thoughts.
#5. AVOID Being Sucked Into The Online World
It’s challenging to resist checking social media and other platforms you use to communicate with your partner on a regular basis as technology becomes more and more important. Online images and words are frequently misinterpreted, and many users draw illogical assumptions as a result. Keeping as far away from the online world as you can is one of the finest strategies to get over jealousy.
These are some of our suggestions for overcoming jealousy, but trust is ultimately the key. Uncertainty is a normal experience, but how you respond to it really matters. But uncertainty is part of life, and we have to learn how to tolerate it. One of the things we can’t really change is uncertainty. Never assume that your partner won’t turn you down. However, if you accuse, demand, and punish, you might make a prediction that comes true.
How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship FAQS
How do I stop being so jealous in a relationship?
- Find out what your jealousy is trying to tell you.
- Learn about the six human needs.
- Make a list of your weaknesses.
- Develop your sense of confidence.
- Think about where your insecurity came from.
- With your partner, be sincere.
Can a relationship survive jealousy?
Jealousy is an unpleasant and dangerous feeling that can ruin almost any relationship. If you don’t deal with your jealousy, it could end your relationship with your partner for good and hurt any future relationships you might have.
What are the main causes of jealousy?
Extreme jealousy has a variety of underlying causes, according to research, including low self-esteem, excessive neuroticism, and feelings of possessiveness toward other people, especially love partners. Another significant incentive is a fear of desertion.
