FEELING UNWANTED in a Relationship: Signs & What to Do


You are not alone if you are feeling unwanted in a relationship. In a romantic relationship, feeling unwanted or unloved is all too typical. Whether or not this feeling is the feeling of intentional actions, feeling unwanted can be undesirable, especially when combined with feeling unloved.

There are strategies to make you feel wanted in your relationship again, no matter how disheartened you may feel right now. However, you and your partner will have to work hard to change your patterns and enhance your relationship (and, likely, your communication).

What Does “Feeling Unwanted In A Relationship” Mean?

Feeling unwanted in a relationship is a complicated emotion. One that is difficult to define and pin down. That’s because feeling alone or unwanted can happen in many different ways and for many different reasons, even in a relationship.

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“Feeling unwanted could indicate one of three things,” Kavita explains. “You’re feeling awkward in your relationships. Or for whatever reason, your partner cannot accommodate you financially, emotionally, socially, or physically. Finally, you may be the sole one attempting to cultivate the relationship.

Reasons You Might Be Feeling Unwanted

There are numerous reasons why a person may begin to feel unwanted by their significant other. The following are some of the most typical reasons why people may feel unwanted in their relationships. If your reason is not included below, keep in mind that you are not alone in your predicament, and there are still many things you can do to restore happiness in your relationship.

#1. Getting stonewalled

Has your partner shut down and ceased communicating with you, particularly during an argument? This is referred to as “stonewalling.” According to Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned psychologist, many people stonewall during a relationship disagreement, but men do it 85 percent of the time. During fights, men are more likely than women to shut down and stop talking to their partners.

#2. Your partner’s lack of effort

Is it clear that your partner has been preoccupied with work or has lost interest in your relationship? When romantic partners lose interest and effort in a relationship, it can cause a great deal of emotional pain for the partner. People may go through periods of extreme stress and isolate themselves from others, which is not personal. No matter how unique your partner’s lack of effort appears to be, keep in mind that it is most likely not due to you.

#3. No interest in sex and avoidance of intimacy

A lack of intimacy is another typical reason people feel unwanted in relationships. If your romantic life and the amount of affection in your relationship have declined, it may leave you feeling unwanted and create great emotional distress. It can also feel very personal if the person you love the most does not want to be intimate with you.

Feeling Unwanted in a Relationship Signs

There is a distinction between feeling unwanted and truly being undesirable in a relationship. Learning to distinguish between the two will help you determine whether the source of your feeling is within you or in your connection. If you’re wondering what the signs of feeling unwanted in a relationship are, here are some warning signals that you might be becoming unwanted by your partner:

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#1. Less time spent together

You and your partner are spending less time together. Those weekly or biweekly meetings are a thing of the past.

#2. Intimacy plummets

When your partner sees you as an unwanted accessory in their life, physical and emotional closeness in your connection suffers, leaving you feeling unattractive in your partnership.

#3. No special gestures

Sending flowers for no reason, bringing home chocolate cake to console a PMS-ing partner, dimming the lights, and dancing with arms wrapped around each other become distant memories.

#4. Canceling on you 

If your spouse cancels on you frequently, take it as a clue that it’s not only you who is feeling unwanted in a relationship. They see you in the same light.

#5. Continuous unavailability

Because your partner is frequently absent, you may feel like you are the only one in the relationship. If not physically, then psychologically. They may spend all of their time away from you because of social and professional obligations. Or remain glued to their computer, phone, or gaming console, even though they are sitting right next to you.

#6. Not initiating contact

If you feel unwanted in your relationship, your spouse will not initiate touch. They’d never SMS or call first. Yes, they may return your phone calls or respond to your messages. But even that will shrink, if not cease entirely.

#7. No long-term plans

A partner who has changed his or her opinion of you may be hesitant to establish long-term plans with you. If you try to start a conversation about such things, they may either change the subject or be noncommittal in their comments, leaving you feeling unheard in a relationship.


#8. Feeling like a friend

Do you think your boyfriend has begun to treat you more like a friend than a partner? The truth is that your status may have been reduced due to their altered perception of you and the relationship.

Feeling Unwanted Sexually in a Relationship

So you’ve had the chat and informed your lover that you want them to initiate more sex. You’ve stated how much you adore them and how sex brings you closer to them. However, nothing changes.

When it comes to sexual troubles that are producing rifts in your relationship or marriage, you must approach the situation differently. Because, unlike picking up some housekeeping or initiating Platonic hugs, sex isn’t something you want your spouse to “give” you in order for you to be happy.

As a clinical sexologist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how having sex for the sake of your spouse can transform sex from something you don’t love or need – to something you entirely avoid. It also makes logic.

Sexual problems, such as low or no sexual desire, are not resolved by having sex we don’t want to have. More often than not, this results in unpleasant sex, leaving an impression in our minds and bodies that sex isn’t good for us, causing our desire to fall.

So, if you’re feeling unwanted in a relationship due to a lack of sex, investigate why your spouse isn’t interested in the first place. Are they stressed out lately? Do they never have orgasms? Do they feel embarrassed about sex?

You may help your spouse feel safe, loved, cared for, and appreciated by having an open and honest conversation about sex and being interested in their low desire without criticizing them for it. This is the only method to overcome various levels of desire.

How to Deal with Feeling Unwanted and Unloved

The steps you take to strengthen your relationship may ultimately be determined by your spouse and your circumstances. If you know what is causing your significant other’s behavior to shift, attempt to be alert and attentive to it. You can do certain things to help improve your connection and relationship.

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#1. Ponder the feeling.

Remember that no feeling is final. What you are feeling now will pass. It won’t stay forever. It’s critical not to get stuck in a rut and to comprehend what you’re feeling. Ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are. Try to figure out what’s causing it. Insecurities, jealousy, low self-esteem, stress, and other unsolved issues can all contribute to it. To understand the core cause, you must think about it and cross-examine yourself.

#2. Talk with your partner.

What you are feeling is not always personal. Your partner may be dealing with challenges of their own. It can lead to a loss of interest in things, a decrease in communication, a loss of libido, and much more. It is critical not to make assumptions and to communicate your sentiments to your partner. A heart-to-heart conversation can help you comprehend their side of the tale.

#3. Reconsider your priorities.

When you feel unwanted in a relationship, it is often vital to reevaluate your priorities. To begin, consider what is most important to you. If a relationship no longer meets your needs and causes you to question yourself, it’s time to reassess. Addressing your feelings and keeping your priorities in check will benefit you in the long run.

#4. Focus on things that matter

When you are feeling unwelcome, it is critical to look away. Instead, you must center yourself and concentrate on what is vital. Remember that feelings are fleeting, but the most important things in life are what matters to you. Instead of overanalyzing scenarios, you should concentrate on powerful things.

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#5. Remember, you are not the only one feeling unwanted

Everything that happens to you may appear to be a one-of-a-kind event at times. While it is new to you, it is critical to recognize that everyone feels unwanted at some point in their lives. It’s not fair, but that’s how life is sometimes, and embracing that will help you move forward.

#6. Make time to spend with your partner.

Many times, your partner may make you feel unwanted due to a hectic work schedule and stress. In this instance, you should spend quality time with your partner and try to comprehend their feelings.

#7. Understand the toxic patterns.

After you’ve done everything, sorted things out, and had a chat, it’s critical to determine whether the relationship is worth fighting for. It would be best if you determined whether any toxic patterns are being repeated and when you will leave their connection. This will benefit you emotionally and allow you to go forward and heal.

#8. Seek a therapist.

You are not required to overthink things or suffer in quiet. You can consult with a therapist or other professional. It’s critical since they’ll help you put things into perspective. They will also recommend techniques for you to avoid feeling unwanted. Make contact with a counselor or relationship coach and make an appointment.



When you feel unwanted in a relationship, you may feel alone and despondent. Recognize that you are not alone; most couples experience these emotions at some point in their relationship. There are numerous options and strategies available to you for regaining happiness in your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I feel unwanted in my relationship?

Insecurities, jealousy, low self-esteem, stress, and other unsolved issues can all contribute to it. To understand the core cause, you must think about it and cross-examine yourself. What you are feeling is not always personal. Your partner may be dealing with challenges of their own.

Why do you feel unloved?

People who suffer from depression, personality disorders, a history of trauma, or other factors that make them feel unlovable are not intrinsically unworthy of love or positive interactions with others. Remember that your opinions can be wrong, and you do not deserve to be abused, no matter who you are.

When should you quit a relationship?

signs that you should end your relationship

  • Toxic Relationship. 
  • Foundation is shaky.
  • Past coincide with present and future. 
  • Feeling devalued. 
  • Physical abuse has taken the place of physical love.
  • Expectations that are unnecessary.
  • You defend your acts.
  • There’s abuse involved.

Why do I feel distant from my partner?

Lack of trust might cause you to feel distanced from your partner, especially if you previously trusted them but have since lost faith in them. Losing trust might result from failing to follow agreed-upon rules for the partnership, such as infidelity, or from your partner suddenly becoming less open than you.

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