Relationships matter to each other, to our families, to our friends, and to the ones we love. When things get serious in a romantic connection, it becomes a genuine Relationship, where the thought of spending the rest of your life with this person and constructing your life together is a valid and understandable continuation of the relationship. Quitting a relationship doesn’t get any easier with age or experience, but we can get so wrapped up in our routines and schedules, the cozy grooves of our lives, that anything as disruptive and upsetting as ending a relationship might feel like too much effort and hassle, even if we aren’t happy. If you’re trapped in this situation, unsure whether or not to split up, have a look at the list of telltale indicators we’ve prepared for how to know when to end a relationship.
How to Know When to End a Relationship
#1. You talk about the relationship improving in some hypothetical future
In other words, you’re convinced the relationship will be better “when.” Some examples:
- I know he’ll appreciate me more when his friends get married.
- She’ll be more supportive of my anxiety disorder when we’ve finished school.
- We’ll feel more connected when we move in together.
Many people feel that their partners will change become more dedicated, understanding, or affectionate when they reach a milestone or when some external stressor is relieved. This does happen, but it’s not a foregone conclusion. Would you still be in it for the long haul if you knew they’d never change?
Your desire to be in your relationship should be based on your current reality. Not some future vision of what it should be. Allowing imagined bonds to keep you in a relationship that isn’t working is a bad idea.
#2. You’re feeling pressured to change, and it makes you feel less worthy as a result
It’s one thing for your partner to request that you reduce the amount of garlic in your salad dressing. It’s one thing for them to tell you that you need to lose 20 pounds or find a better career. You want to be unconditionally loved by your mate. It’s most likely a projection of their own insecurity if they urge you to change. Tell them to talk to a counselor and to let you be yourself.
#3. You feel loved and supported…but only when you’re happy
When we’re happy, confident, and at ease, many of us feel loved and supported in our relationships. But what happens when we’re having a “bad” day, when we’re overworked, when we’re sick with the stomach flu, or when fear has paralyzed us? What happens when we lose someone we care about, lose our job, or receive a disease that completely changes our lives?
We develop secondary emotions of guilt, shame, and anxiety for experiencing anything less than happiness. Calm when we feel pressured to maintain a specific emotional equilibrium around our companions. Life will invariably throw you more than happiness and tranquility. So it’s necessary to feel confident expressing those less pleasant emotions in the company of your partner.
#4. You feel negative around your partner, regularly
On a frequent basis, you feel disrespectful, undervalued, frustrated, hurt, unimportant, lonely, invalidated, ashamed, or guilty. And “I’m sorry” is hardly heard.
Yes, “on a regular basis” is a time frame that you set. Some could argue that being made to feel this way in a relationship is never acceptable, but hey, we’re all humans, and we all say harsh or unsupportive things from time to time. If your partner makes a mistake and apologizes, it’s not necessarily a reason to call it quits. If you’re experiencing any of the aforementioned sensations, it’s time to end the relationship.
#5. Getting your partner to spend time with your friends and family is weirdly difficult
Do you dread informing your partner that your sister-in-law has invited you to dinner? Does going to your closest friend’s birthday celebration entail hours of wrangling? Do your coworkers ever doubt whether or not your spouse actually exists? Do you feel like you’re asking your spouse to hand over all of their belongings and move to the Arctic by inviting them to hang out with your friends or family?
Your partner doesn’t have to love every member of your family or every one of your friends, but they should be willing to take on considerable other responsibilities without (much) objection. Of course, you do the same thing, right?
#6. You feel needy or unreasonable every time you express a need
You can’t help but feel insane, needy, dramatic, high-maintenance, and unreasonable when you express a need. Also, you even wind up apologizing for it a lot of the time. Look, we all have our “crazy” times, and we should be considerate of our partners’. We’re all flawed, and some feelings, such as jealousy, insecurity, wrath, and so on, can lead to aggressive conduct or exaggerated reactions.
However, if you’ve lost the ability to understand that your demands are legitimate and worthy of attention. That’s a massive red flag. You ought to be allowed to ask for what you want or express your feelings without being labeled “crazy.” Your self-esteem will suffer if you do not attend.
#7. You only feel secure in the relationship when you’re physically together
When you’re together, when you’re apart, when your partner is out drinking without you, and in any other situation, you should feel pleased and comfortable. When you’re not physically together or conversing digitally, you may feel abandoned or unsure. Which is a symptom that your relationship isn’t as supportive or healthy as it should be.
It’s worth noting that insecurity in the moments between texting, calling, and being together could be a sign of insecure attachment, which should be discussed with your therapist. It is not the responsibility of your partner to repair such wounds (at least entirely). If you think this might be a problem for you, I recommend learning more about your attachment style and speaking with a mental health expert.
Those of us who developed “attachment issues” along the way, on the other hand, are more likely to seek out partnerships that are similar to our early attachment relationships. As a result, we may be sustaining a less-than-optimal relationship with our partner because it’s what we’re used to, rather than because it’s healthy. The proper partner will encourage you to work through your attachment issues rather than feeding them or making you feel bad.
#8. You feel “hidden” by your partner
Have you met their parents, who live just three streets away, after seven months? Has your partner never shared an Instagram photo of you or invited you to an office party?
Keeping things discreet at first can add to the excitement, but there comes a time when being their “little secret” is more demeaning than anything else. You have the right to know that your partner admires you and is devoted to the relationship.
#9. You’re a markedly different person around your partner
Many people believe that their “better half” helps them become “a better person.” This isn’t necessarily a bad thing one of the best parts of being in a relationship is being able to learn from and be inspired by our partners. Many of us, though, have a friend (or are that friend) who behaves in a completely different way when they’re with their partner. Perhaps we come to seem more enthusiastic, laid-back, or pretentious. If you feel like you’re acting, reacting, and responding in ways that you think you should rather than in ways that are real to you. You should reconsider what’s going on. It might not be the appropriate relationship for you if you can’t be honest yourself around your partner, warts and bad moods and all.
When (and How) to End a Relationship
If you’ve read everything above and still don’t know what to do, it’s probably time to kiss your spouse, friend, or whoever it is goodbye. While doing so can be excruciatingly painful because even when it’s the right decision. It can be excruciating Nathan reminds us that it doesn’t have to be. “You can release someone with love and acknowledge that even though a relationship is no longer helping you. It still has importance for you,” she says. “Don’t make decisions based on fear or anger. When making important decisions like leaving relationships, be sure you’re calm and in your rational mind.”
If at all possible, remember the golden rule when it comes to really end it: Be kind. Remember how painful it would be to be dumped over the phone, then try to do it in person. Recognize that every relationship requires two people, so don’t assign blame. And whatever you do, take care of yourself because at the end of the day. Breakups are painful—whether it’s with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or best friend.
FAQs
What are green flags in a relationship?
Especially during a disagreement, your partner shouldn’t disregard or invalidate how you’re feeling. It’s a green flag if they’re able to hear your perspective during a conflict and honor your experience, even if they may disagree or see things differently.
How do you know if your partner doesn't love you anymore?
He is no longer affectionate with you, physically or verbally. He no longer makes sweet or romantic gestures toward you. Maybe he doesn’t say “I love you” anymore. He still says “I love you,” but something about it feels hollow or forced like he’s just going through the motions.
How do you know if someone truly loves you?
When someone genuinely loves you, they don’t just say “I love you,” they consistently show you they care through their actions. They are there for you every day, and you feel they’re being authentic. Most importantly, the relationship is a secure environment, where each partner can be their authentic self.
