Every couple gets to that fragile point where they feel their marriage is ending, as though they’d need a divorce or even a trial separation. But growing apart in marriage is normal as many experts would say. It’s just one of those times right, but is there truly any way to prevent it or better still, recover from it? Let’s find out!
Generally, love in marriage is not measured by the number of quarrels you have or don’t have in your marriage. Because some couples can start growing apart but still they might still care for each other. That’s why I truly believe that love is not what truly pedals a relationship and/or marriage.
10 SIGNS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE GROWING APART
1. You and your partner become too busy for each other:
This is the first thing that happens. When communication starts reducing, that’s you don’t feel like you can communicate with your spouse about everything anymore because you feel like they don’t care about you. Then you’re definitely growing apart. In addition, you feel like your spouse will not understand you or even be there for you emotionally and sometimes sexually/ physically. When you try to talk it out, they might even turn it into a big fight or argument. Basically, you become more comfortable when you and your partner do things apart. Generally, your spouse is the last person you want to talk to or even share any information or news with. You dislike them and their company in general.
2. You start feeling a huge disconnection in your marriage:
Some couples at times feel this disconnection with their partners especially when they have a new baby. Because of the stress and the whole concept of adjusting to change. In addition, having a new baby comes fully packed with these new responsibilities. For some couples, this causes a big disconnection especially when it comes to the sexual area of their marriage. However, some other couples may experience a drought in the emotional connection in their marriage. However, some couples grow apart not only in the event of a new child. There are other events that can cause couples to grow apart in their relationship; like cheating in your marriage.
3. Sex is a no-show:
When you and your spouse are growing apart, then it’s bound to affect your sex life as well. When one party is sick or simply going through health issues, sex can also be reduced in your marriage. Basically, it feels like you are simply roomies now. Generally, the longer it goes on, the further apart you’d grow in your marriage. Basically, sex starts feeling like a chore, activity, or duty and your spouse no longer satisfies you. So sex is no longer frequent and you begin to grow apart and eventually, you might even think of divorce because you’re no longer satisfied in your marriage.
4. You are easily irritated or annoyed with your partner:
Generally, criticism is the first thing to happen here, you start criticizing each other and don’t even care much for each other or even spend time with each other again. Basically, spending time apart is always preferable. When your spouse’s presence begins to irritate you, then your marriage is really on the rocks. Anytime they text or even call you, it feels like disturbance and you can even throw a tantrum and you just want to throw your phone away. Some people even muster the courage and ignore the calls of their spouses and when they are asked why they “flat out” lie about it.
5. You start missing doing things with your partner:
When you spend quality time doing an activity with your partner, yours is always happy and more importantly, you connect on a really deep and intimate level. But now that connection is faded and you start rethinking your marriage. Additionally, the moment you stop doing things together, this connection starts to fade away, which will make you miss those activities and eventually you start growing apart. For example, you are normally used to eating together and even playing with your food together, but now, you don’t want to share a meal or a table with your spouse or even have the time to eat together.
6. You notice that spark is missing in your marriage:
Here, you start feeling that spark dying and the excitement is just gone generally. Sometimes you try to rediscover it but all to no avail. In addition, rekindling the spark can be tricky because if you try too hard, you might push them further away, additionally growing apart becomes inevitable.
7. You feel your marriage is coming to a close:
Growing apart in your marriage always leads to a trial separation or even a divorce especially when you don’t really want to restore your relationship/ marriage. Basically, your spouse stops giving you any attention and you no longer have any common interest anymore. And there is not really any hope that you can do anything to change that.
8. Experience changes people basically:
When one partner is a hotshot climbing the corporate ladder and even traveling the world. But the other person is homey and is always looking after kids or even walking with them in the park. Then obviously you start growing apart and feeling like you’re going in different parts and understanding starts waning.
9. Goals start to change:
You could have started your life with the same couple of goals and all but as time goes by your goals can change. For example, some couples can start growing apart in a marriage when the husband decides to become a homemaker and wanted the wife to become the breadwinner or caregiver.
10. You do things as individuals:
When two partners begin starts growing apart, at first the chores they normally do together or even activities they do together slowly starts becoming their individual/ personal chores and/or activities, and just like that, the spark starts waning, and before you know it, it’s gone. You both continue to remain in denial that the marriage has come to a dead-end and keep dragging the marriage due to other factors such as parents, children, society, etc. to a point where none of you can drag the marriage any more and you call it off.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE GROWING APART FROM YOUR SPOUSE
When you notice you’re growing apart from your partner, you can;
1. Talk things out:
Communication is always the best place to start in general. Infidelity, work and stress all contribute to this distance basically. So that’s why talking things out is really important. Although, everything isn’t all about infidelity. But this contributes about 60% in comparison to all other reasons put together.
2. Couples’ Therapy:
There is a lot of online therapy that you can try out alone or even with your spouse. When you see that talking it out always leads to further arguments or even stonewalling. Then seeing a therapist is the next thing to do.
HOW TO PREVENT IT
Although, it might seem almost impossible to prevent that feeling of growing apart because sometimes it happens from things we can’t control. However, we can try to prevent those things we can control by;
1. Regular communication:
Although, this seems like the usual couple is supposed to do in their marriage. However not every couple communicates. By communication, I don’t necessarily mean you don’t talk to each other though. But communication is really on a very deep scale of intimacy. When you can be vulnerable or insecure and free with your spouse, that is pure communication and this draws you both together and strengthens your marriage.
2. Settle disagreement when they arise:
Disagreements are inevitable in marriage basically and they contribute a lot of you growing apart from your spouse in your marriage. But what to do? Sometimes he or she really pisses you off right? However, do not let that argument turn into a sting in your marriage. Because it might come to bite you in the butt later on.
However, the way you deem fit to solve your marital issues is totally fine because it’s all up to you. Because self-care is also very important. When you feel after the space and there’s really no going back, try a trial separation to put things in perspective.
GROWING APART FAQ’S
What makes couples grow apart in marriage?
Basically, issues like infidelity is normally the key focus or leading cause of distance in relationships.
What causes distance in friendship?
Generally, issues like betrayals and misunderstandings make friends grow apart although it is purely platonic.
What is the first thing to happen in a shaky marriage?
Well, couples usually drift in terms of communication. Stonewalling becomes the order of the day.
What kind of therapy can I try as a couple?
Generally, Gottman’s couple therapy is usually the best place to start. It teaches the couple basic problem solving skills.
Can I use Exposure Therapy in my marriage?
Well, it all depends to you but it might not do much help but at least it might help you vent and communicate.