A divorce is not always the answer. Have you ever wondered if a trial separation would actually help improve your relationship with your partner?
Well, at least try saving it before ending it all just like that.
Basically, a lot of couples struggle with their relationships and the first thing that comes to mind is a divorce. They hardly stop to weigh the possibilities of a trial separation, but then they probably don’t know what it is. In my book, it’s healthier than a divorce.
WHAT IS A TRIAL SEPARATION?
A trial separation, strangely with the word “separation,” is nothing like legal separation, or plainly said, “a divorce”. Basically, a trial separation is quite different and informal. It is one where the couples make a simple agreement together to live apart for a while although they can still be legally married.
However, they often have to make a decision on custody of children or pets if they have any, equal management, and fully split bills as they deem fit. So simply put, it is an informal arrangement between both couples.
Most people don’t see the need for this. “Why not just opt for a full-blown divorce?” some usually ask. But the good is, it can most likely be a “breather” for most couples where they end up experiencing the spark they once felt. For others, it is just a divorce begging to happen.
TRIAL SEPARATION IN THE SAME HOUSE
There are a lot of things to be figured out when deciding to have a trial separation. Are you going to move out or still live together? Several couples have a hard time deciding on this.
In any case, you have to decide if you want to relate with each other informally or formally when leaving together. A lot of couples usually opt for this when considering the kids.
RULES IN THIS KIND OF SEPARATION
Well, for anything to be quite effective there must be laid down rules, it is also the same here. The objectives need to be clear here so as to avoid defeating its entire purpose of it. There are some laid down rules though like:
#1. TIME IS KEY:
Well, it’s only logical to attach a time frame to it. The normal time frame for this separation usually spans from 3 months to 6 months.
#2. SET CLEAR YET SIMPLE BOUNDARIES;
It is very vital to know the rules of the trial separation. The do’s and don’t s and attitudes are expected from both parties and stick to them. When it comes to kids, some couples would rather not date during the separation period until probably officially separated.
#3. COUPLE’S COUNSELING/ THERAPY SECTIONS:
Although it’s a popular saying that communication is key, however, it’s very difficult because there’s probably still hot air amongst them. Paying for therapy so as to encourage easy communication would help a great deal. Communication is very important, with or without a counselor for any progress to be made.
#4. FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS TO THE KIDS:
It is not just the both of you now, there are kids involved and you have to try to not get them involved in this mostly financially. So this should be a clear agreement about what happens to the finances during this period. Ensure the responsibilities of resources are shared so the kids can be adequately taken care of. You both have to be accountable.
TRIAL SEPARATION AGREEMENT
Well, the separation agreement is quite simple. It is usually a template stating the agreed-upon rules both parties are comfortable with and also the duration of the separation.
You’ve probably made up your mind on getting a trial separation, work it out with your partner and it can actually be pretty good for you. I hope this article was of tremendous help.
Trial Separation FAQ’s
How long does a trial separation last?
Psychologists advise that a trial separation last no longer than three to six months. The longer you are apart from your spouse, the more difficult it will be to reconcile.
Do people get back together after a trial separation?
Against all odds, some couples are able to reconnect after a period of separation. According to statistics on couples reconciling after separation, while 87 percent of couples eventually end their partnership in divorce after a separation, the remaining 13 percent are able to reconcile post-separation.
Is separation good for a troubled marriage?
A separation can strengthen a marriage if it is done for the right reasons and with clear commitments from the outset. Obtaining third-party support and maintaining frequent communication are important components of a good separation that improves a partnership.