Few things in life are as sad as discovering that the person you’re with isn’t the right fit for you. It isn’t easy to comprehend, but it’s common to feel emotionally attached to someone and highly drawn to them while knowing deep down that the relationship doesn’t have a net positive impact on your life. Nobody teaches us how to say goodbye or leave someone we love but can’t be with. This is not the same as breaking up with someone in any other situation.
So, here are proactive measures you can take to get ready to leave someone you love and truly move on. Let’s find out…
Can you leave someone if you love them?
It is essential to understand that one can be apart from another person and still feel love for that person. You need to be aware of the fact that love alone is not always enough to keep a relationship together.
How to Leave Someone You Love
The following are practical steps to follow when you decide to leave someone you love.
#1. Be Brutally Honest With Yourself and Elevate Your Standards
This is the most difficult aspect. You’ll have to be uncomfortably honest with yourself to break ties with someone to whom you’re strongly devoted. You must be willing to examine the aspects of your relationship that aren’t functioning, as well as the ways you’ve been justifying your partner’s or the partnership’s conduct in general.
Have you been reducing your expectations and accepting considerably less than you are entitled to? Assume you’re assisting your best buddy in gaining a better understanding of their relationship. What aspects of their partner would you bring up to them?
Take a deep inventory of the amount of grief, anxiety, despair, and disappointment you’ve been dealing with (or suppressing). Accept that you no longer want something to be a part of your day-to-day life.
Allow your emotions, rather than your brain, to experience the sorrow of your reality. This discomfort will begin to provide the required motivation for the impending shift. If you try to numb the pain now, it will just get worse.
#2. Distinguish the Actual Facts from Your Narrative
When we’re in a relationship that’s causing us a lot of suffering, we tend to make up stories to keep us in the relationship’s cocoon. We won’t feel like we’re betraying ourselves if we do it this way.
For example, we might consider the following: “I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before.” Thus, they must be my soul mate.” “Isn’t it true that there are always issues with your soul mate?” “I will never have this depth of love with anyone else if I let go of this connection,” or “If I let go of this relationship, I will never feel this depth of love with anybody else.”
The truth is that the connection and dependency you experience may be amplified as a result of the “myths” you’ve had to unconsciously develop about your spouse and/or the relationship as a way of dealing with the issues. Ask yourself if the “benefits” of the relationship you’re considering are a method of justifying it despite your suffering.
To put it another way, you can feel entirely enslaved to someone and reliant on them for practically everything in your life, even if they are completely unsuitable for you. This is the most difficult reality to face for many people when they realize they need to let someone go.
#3. Recognize that You Desire to Address Your Requirements on a More Advanced Level
It’s nearly tough to let go of someone who is meeting numerous of your requirements unless you can identify other critical wants that aren’t being satisfied or could be met at a greater level.
To get to a place where this feels more natural, consider the needs that your current spouse has been fulfilling in your life. After that, you can think about healthier options. Is the relationship providing you with the protection and safety you require? Do you have a sense of adventure and zeal for what you do? Do you feel validated and distinct because of how they treat you (on occasion), or is it more of a sense of connecting with someone, so you aren’t alone?
If you can figure out how to own your unmet wants and then know that you can find a relationship that will meet those needs, the change will be far less painful and frightening.
How to Leave Someone You Love but Is Not Good for You
Love is often glorified, making some love feel like a hidden gem. We look for love in the wrong places a lot of the time. The truth is that love is all around us in various forms. Being in love with someone who simply brings unhappiness and turmoil into your life, on the other hand, is not worth it. We’ll show you how to stop liking someone you shouldn’t.
Tips for Getting Rid of an Unhealthy Relationship
Ending a relationship can be extremely difficult, no matter how toxic the relationship is. Part of this is because of how our bodies work. Studies have shown that being in love activates the same parts of the brain as being high on cocaine.
Brain scans of lovers and cocaine addicts show that the brain’s pleasure centers, especially the dopamine centers, are more active, while the decision-making part of the brain, the frontal lobe, is less active.
This indicates that, while falling in love can make us happy, it can also have a significant impact on our judgment.
As a result, love has been equated to addiction on occasion. There may be harmful side effects in love, similar to addiction, such as abuse or gaslighting. Regardless of the negative conditions, it can be tough to overcome the romantic connection and feelings of love.
If you’re stuck in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you, consider these 6 strategies for getting out of it for good:
#1. Identify the Problem
The first step is to become aware of the problem. Learn about what characterizes an unhealthy relationship or talk to a therapist or counselor about it. Be honest with yourself and take a real, hard, and objective look at your relationship.
- Is my relationship in my best interests?
- Will connection cause me problems in other areas of my life
- Can my self-esteem be harmed by this relationship
If you responded yes to any of these questions, you might consider quitting the relationship or consulting a professional.
#2. Allow Yourself to Experience Feelings
It’s not always simple to let go. Even if the relationship was not serving your best interests, ending it can be difficult. Allow yourself to feel any grief you may be experiencing rather than trying to suppress it. Accept grieving as a normal part of life and give yourself the time you need to recover.
#3. Find Out About the Lesson
Many people who leave a toxic relationship feel guilty or ashamed because they believe the time they spent in it was wasted. On the other hand, every person who enters our life has the potential to teach us something. Rather than seeing your relationship as a waste of time, try to see what you can learn from it. What did you learn from this person? Is there anything you want to get out of the relationship? Has anything changed about you as a person, and what can you do differently next time?
If you look for the lesson from this relationship, you’ll be less likely to repeat it in your next relationship.
#4. Establish Separation
It can be difficult to separate yourself from someone with whom you’ve spent so much time, but it’s usually required if you want to stop the connection. This doesn’t rule out the possibility of maintaining a connection with your ex, but it’s usually better to give both parties some time to heal before attempting to spend time together as friends.
#5. Let Go of Memorabilia
It’s tempting to hold on to all the remnants of a previous relationship. However, doing so may prohibit you from moving on in your life. If you need to save old love letters, movie ticket stubs, photos, or romantic presents, put them somewhere out of sight until you’re ready to let go.
#6. Remove Your Love Glasses
Love has a way of clouding your perspective, making it difficult to recognize someone for who they truly are at times. You must be willing to remove your love goggles and look at the individual objectively if you truly want to get out of an unhealthy relationship. Consider speaking with a close relative or friend, or maybe seeking the advice of a therapist to help you examine the connection objectively.
It’s not uncommon to only remember the nice things about an ex while blocking out the unpleasant. Remember both sides of the experience to keep your perspective. Remember the good times, but don’t forget about the terrible ones, or you’ll forget why you ended the relationship in the first place.
Why Should You Work to Get Out of a Bad Relationship
Humans are drawn to seek out attachment. We have biological impulses that push us to form love connections and reward us for doing so. Companionship, sex, affection, and the prospect of establishing a family are all powerful motivators. It’s rewarding to have these feelings for other people and believe you have the authority and ability to act on those feelings.
This is why feeling powerless to act on your feelings for someone else can be so hurtful and challenging. Unless you attempt to improve your life in some way, that suffering is unlikely to go away or reduce. Our sentiments of desire are intricately intertwined. However, by altering our circumstances, we may alter the circumstances of our feelings, so reducing them.
How Does An Impossible Attachment Grow
Almost everyone has been pulled to someone they couldn’t be with at some point in their lives. It can happen anywhere at any moment, whether it was a high school crush on someone you never spoke to or being pulled to a married coworker. Even though these sentiments might strike without warning, several factors increase your chances of falling in love with someone unattainable.
#1. A Recent Breakup:
Breakups are incredibly painful. Depending on how long you’ve been together, it can feel like you’ve lost a piece of your mind.
#2. A History of Codependency:
A significant part of being codependent is relying on other people to justify your existence and value. You spiral out into negative ideas if no one else reminds you that you matter. When it appears like your only options are to find someone who will love you or be alone, you are more prone to seek love with someone you can’t be with.
How to Tell if Your Relationship Is Toxic
It might be difficult to determine whether or not you are in a toxic relationship. It’s usually because of the manipulation that goes on in partner toxicity and leaving that one person you love so much.
Another reason it could be tough to realize you’re in a toxic relationship is the lack of obvious abuse. It doesn’t guarantee you’re in a healthy relationship just because your partner doesn’t strike you or cross any obvious sexual limits.
When learning how to leave a toxic love relationship, making a pro/con list might be a beneficial first step.
Pros could include the fact that your spouse makes you laugh, that you share similar interests, and that you adore them.
Why do People Stay in Toxic Relationships For so Long
Oxytocin is one of the key culprits. Oxytocin is a hormone produced by the body during intimate situations. Making love, holding hands, kissing, or cuddling with someone are all examples of this.
When oxytocin is released, it makes you more trusting of your spouse, even if that trust is undeserved. This deceptive little hormone is also responsible for fostering bonding, making it difficult to leave your partner, even if you know they aren’t good for you.
In addition to oxytocin’s influence, there are three more factors that make it difficult to leave a toxic love relationship:
#1. Abuse Affects your Emotional Well-Being
Emotional abuse can be devastating to anyone, leaving them weak and lacking in self-esteem, making it impossible to begin again.
#2. It Has the Potential to Be Life-Threatening
Leaving a toxic relationship can be risky, with a variety of repercussions, including death. According to research, a toxic spouse kills a higher percentage of women in the weeks after they leave a toxic relationship than when they stay in it.
#3. The “I Won’t Give Up” Mentality
Society has instilled in us a “don’t give up on anything” mentality, which people follow even when they know it would lead to disaster. That thinking is followed by the belief that the abuse would someday stop.
Emotional Abuse’s Effects on a Toxic Relationship
This is a persistent worry or sense of impending peril. You begin to have trust concerns with anyone you meet, and maintaining a connection gets difficult over time.
You don’t feel free to communicate with anyone who understands what you’ve been through, such as friends, family members, or coworkers, which might lead to feelings of loneliness.
Your mind wanders often, and you appear to lose attention and be unable to concentrate on a single job.
#4. Substance Abuse or Intoxication
Abuse frequently leads to binge drinking and drug usage. It is a delusion to believe that it can alleviate pain.
What to Do If You’re in a Toxic Relationship
#1. Recognize that You are Deserving of More
Months or years of being told that you’ll never find someone better than your spouse might start to grind you down, and you might even believe it. This, however, is not the case.
Abusers break down their victims’ self-esteem and self-worth to keep them imprisoned in the relationship.
Allow the phrase “I Deserve Better!” to become a daily mantra for you. Every day, remind yourself of your worth.
You’ve tried everything you can to make your relationship work, but love isn’t always enough, and you need to move on for your mental and physical health.
#2. Create a Support Network
The emotions experienced after a toxic breakup are similar to those experienced during a healthy relationship breakup. You’ll feel conflicted, lovesick, relieved, unhappy, and a variety of other emotions.
It’s especially difficult to leave a toxic love relationship if you’ve been financially reliant on your ex – but don’t give up!
Instead of focusing on why this would be difficult, concentrate on putting together the support system you’ll require once you’ve taken the plunge.
Can silence save a relationship?
When it comes to maintaining healthy relationships, a healthy dose of silence is required. A level of comfort and vulnerability can be shown within a relationship through the use of healthy silence. At other times, one or both parties may require a break from verbal communication, during which they are content to simply be in the space provided by the other party.
It is common to have feelings of connection or loneliness while desiring to enter another relationship as soon as one exits a poisonous one. Please take it easy, learn to discover yourself, and remember how the previous one ended so you don’t have to go through it again. Allow yourself time to fully recover from previous relationships.
How to Leave Someone You Love FAQs
Can you leave someone you still love?
Yes, you can, especially when you have confirmed beyond reasonable doubt that he/she isn’t the right person for you.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship makes you feel abandoned, misunderstood, dehumanized, or attacked. On a fundamental level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better over time might become poisonous. Toxic relationships can exist in a variety of settings, including the playground, the boardroom, and the bedroom.