Most trust issues usually develop from childhood experiences or past or present experiences in general. It’s a common attachment theory. Generally, our childhood relationships play a very big role in how we behave in our relationships today. This is the basis of attachment theory. This in turn leads to trust issues in our lives as adults. We all have memories from our childhood because that’s the beginning of the human experience. We have four types of attachment theories in general;
a. Anxious attachment b. Avoidant attachment c. Disorganized attachment d. Secure attachment
The last attachment theory, do not necessarily develop trust issues but the anxious, avoidant and disorganized attachment theories mostly does and a lot of people fall under this category. And this sticks with us, sometimes forming an insecure attachment style with causes trust issues in relationships.
TYPES OF TRUST ISSUES
There are different kinds and levels of trust issues. Here are some of the more common ones;
This is a strong phobia or fear of trusting others in relationships but most especially in romantic relationships. However, some people refer to it as a defensive mechanism but it’s still the same thing. Generally, this involves a consistent, excessive and irrational fear in relationships. Basically, they envision threats or dangers in their relationships but it’s all imaginary.
Generally, jealousy is an unattractive trait. This is usually extreme paranoia when one partner doesn’t want the other partner out of their sight. Basically, they feel threatened so easily. But most times, it doesn’t have to be in romantic relationships alone but relationships in general.
Causes of Trust Issues
Generally, the major cause of trust issues is infidelity, plainly said cheating. Being cheated on, or quite a number of scenarios that break your trust. In turn, this causes attachment issues in your future relationships. Serious attachment issues usually start in relationships when there are incidents where one partner does something wrong but the other party resorts to “when trust is broken, it can’t be restored.”
Signs of a Woman with Trust Issues
#1. Being overly secretive:
When you do interact with people, even those you’re close with, you may be overly secretive about yourself. Most people are usually scared of self expression so they become excessively consciou when they are hanging out with friends. That is one of the reasons “introverts are introverts”.
#2. Being excessively protective:
Trust issues may cause you to feel overprotective and excessively hyper in your relationship, and not the good kind. At first, being overprotective towards your man might look cute but when it’s persistent…. Well, let’s just say too much of a good thing is bad. You may most likely be defensive too and imagine worst-case scenarios in your relationships, or experience catastrophic thinking when you feel someone is trying to trick you.
#3. Reluctance to open up:
When there’s no trust in relationships, it becomes difficult for someone to open up. Basically, she may feel that who she is won’t be accepted or valued, even if there has been no reason for her to feel that way with a particular person.
Signs of a Man with Trust Issues
Some signs are;
#1. Avoiding commitment:
One clear sign of men with trust issues is the fear or avoidance of commitment in their relationships. This comes from a fear of opening up and being seen as vulnerable in the relationship because of past experiences most at times. When you experience trust issues, the possibility of a trusting and fulfilling relationship can seem out of the question.
#2. Assuming everyone is out to get you:
Basically, a man with trust issues will work from the assumption that you or everyone else around him is intentionally doing things to hurt him. At times, it can be hard to deal with because he might not even appreciate your kind gestures, compliments and love. Because he doesn’t think it’s genuine.
#3. Isolating yourself from others:
When your man constantly loves to live in isolation, then he definitely has trust issues and fear of commitment. In some cases when someone is scared to open up, that is closed off, he or she does not trust people enough to be open with the person. Once he has it in his head that he can’t trust people, it makes cultivating new relationships less of a priority to him.
How to Deal with Trust Issues and Insecurities
#1. Back away from monitoring their activities:
It might be difficult to create space for your partner especially when you’re used to going through your partner’s things or asking a ton of questions. Learn to always “cut back” in other words, mind your business, keep things short especially when it comes to these issues. Basically, it gives your partner this relief that you trust them and that you are involved but not excessively involved in their lives, so much that it’s controlling. You can also;
a. Practice giving trust before suspicion. Don’t get your wits up when it’s not necessary. b. Let your partner know you are choosing to trust them instead of being suspicious. c. Remember that when monitoring your partner, it means that you’re already suspicious of them. You might misinterpret anything that you find, so calm your horses.
#2. Talk openly with your partner:
Being able to communicate clearly with your partner is actually an undermined gift. When you get all jealous and your rational thing to do is going through his or her phone or stalking, just talk instead, communicate. It helps build trust, trust me. Instead of worrying what your partner is doing when they go out, have a talk before they leave and get an idea for where they are going or what they are doing in general. Get in the habit of having these talks without pushing them excessively for the information.
#3. Watch your words:
When you are angry, take a “chill pill” before you speak so you don’t say anything you’d possibly regret. Although, it can be frustrating at times. But when talking to your partner, be calm and friendly even if he or she might appear wrong.
#4. Build your self-esteem:
Insecurity is always an ugly colour, no matter the shade you’d prefer to view it in. When you feel insecure about yourself and basically you feel worthless like you aren’t good enough for him or her that’s why they’re cheating. Your paranoia is getting to the extreme, try building your esteem, you are important trust me. When it doesn’t seem to be working, you can see a licensed therapist, psychologist or life coach.
#5. Support from family and friends:
Talk about the jealousy or trust problems you experience and gain some perspective with a trusted friend or family member. When you need some help or advice, go to someone you trust and talk it out.
#6. Manage your emotions in a healthy way:
A lot of people end up throwing stuff at each other and get physical when it comes to resolving their issues. Have you thought about taking anger management classes? Basically, it helps keep your negative emotions at bay, it helps you control them better too. Feeling really stressed, try taking some deep breaths first before accusing your partner or feeling distrustful in them. This can of great help in general.
Trust Issues Test
This test will help you know how deep your trust issues/ paranoia is. Pick the option that best suits how you feel in general.
#1. On a scale of 0-10, how jealous do you get?
A. 0 (You do not have any trust issues but try not to be too trusting, this isn’t spongebob) B. 5 (Cool middle, nice) C. 7 (Try to keep it in check) D. 10 (Calm your horses because you definitely have trust issues).
#2. Generally, do you easily make friends?
A. Very easily. (If this is your answer, then you don’t have trust issues dear) B. Somewhat easy C. Easily D. It’s complicated (Yeah you have trust issues bit it’s really shallow. It just needs a little taming.) E. It’s hard F. Intensely difficult. (When this is your best option, you have trust issues honey.)
#3. Which of these would you likely do when you are in a relationship?
A. Stalk your partner’s social media accounts. (If this is your answer, then you are excessively territorial, try and watch it so it does build into something else) B. Ask you partner to cut off all their exes and friends from the opposite sex. (You are definitely have trust issues, tune it down) C. You’re completely chill with it. (No trust issues dear).
#4. How often do you ask people for relationship advice?
A. Always. (You definitely don’t have trust issues) B. Not really. (I know you can’t open with everyone but at least just one.) C. Sometimes. (Moderate.)
Well, you pretty much know the answer to your test but if 2 or 3 out of your test is on the “jealous side”, then you definitely have trust issues in all your relationships not just romantic relationships alone. Have you tried working on it? Seeing a therapist would really help. Feel free to talk about it in the comment section below.
Trust Issues FAQ’s
Why do I easily get ticked off?
Well, it might not necessarily be full-blown trust issues but it could just be poor anger management, have you tried taking classes.
What is the difference between a defensive mechanism and trust issues?
In some research, a defensive mechanism and trust issues have this very thin line separating them. But in my book, they work hand-in-hand. Most people get defensive when they do no longer trust people around them as such they do not let new ones in because of past experiences.