Nonmonogamous relationships involve having sex or sharing love and affection with more than one person at a time. There is no exclusivity in nonmonogamous relationships. However, it is not infidelity because it involves the consent of all the parties involved. Here, partners agree together and are open to having other partners. It can also be called consensual or ethical non-monogamy. It is estimated that 4 to 5 percent of people living in the US are currently participating in what is known as consensual or ethical non-monogamy. Besides, only 17 percent are strictly monogamous. Nevertheless, each generation shows fewer people currently engaging in non-monogamous relationships.
Non-monogamous relationships can be happy, satisfying, fun, liberating, and still be difficult and challenging just like any other kind or form of relationship.
Types Of Non Monogamous Relationships
There are three major types of consensual non-monogamous relationships.
#1. Open Relationships:
Open Relationships involve having sex with people outside of your relationship with no emotional attachment or connection. There are rules guiding this form of relationship. A monogamous couple may decide to transit or open their relationship so that they can experience or explore sex with others. All types of non-monogamous relationships are open.
#2. Swinging:
In Swinging, partners are sexually involved with someone who isn’t their partner or spouse. It is a form of social sex. A good example of swinging is a threesome. Couples involved in swinging are called swingers.
#3. Polyamory:
Polyamory, however, involves having multiple romantic or sexual partners with the consent and knowledge of involved parties.
Other types of non-monogamous relationships may include:
#a. Hierarchical Polyamory:
In this case, partners place value or importance on one relationship over another. They may value one person more than others and still like all.
#b. Monogamish:
Here, the relationship is mostly monogamous with occasional exceptions for sexual activities with other partners.
#c. Egalitarian Polyamory:
There is no existence of hierarchy. There is equal time for partners involved. What’s more, it doesn’t create an atmosphere of jealousy.
#d. Relationship Anarchy:
This is non-hierarchal. There are no exceptions, rules, or guidelines other than the agreed ones.
Rules For Non Monogamous Relationships
This is what it means to practice non-monogamy or guidelines to consider.
#1. Negotiate:
You should be able to make some basic decisions about what you want or don’t want. Negotiate your sexual boundaries. Decide if you want a long or short-term relationship, casual, intimate or sexual, and the expectations you want to be met.
#2. Communicate:
Your partner is not a mind reader. Learn to talk to your partners about things. Make communication a constant.
#3. Be Honest:
Honesty is vital in every relationship, especially when dealing with more than one person. Honesty in whatever you do should be maintained.
#4. Protect Yourself:
Have you thought about the rate of sexually transmitted diseases? It’s quite alarming. Protect yourself when you engage in sexual activities. Your sexual health is equally important. Safe sex is a must.
#5. Know When To Stop:
Never allow yourself to wallow in a toxic relationship. If things ain’t sitting well with the parties involved, learn to say no. It’s ok to stop or pause.
#6. Schedule:
Ensure that your date nights, trips, vacations are prioritized to maintain a relationship. There should be a schedule or nevertheless time for everything.
#7. Be Empathetic:
It’s necessary to show or have empathy towards your partners. Never put pressure on them. Be caring and considerate towards their feelings. Ensure you stick to the rules you make to avoid hurting one another.
Non Monogamous Dating
Here are some apps that can help you to meet new people or partners who are like-minded individuals.
#1. #open: ENM + Polyamorous Dates:
#open is the dating app of choice for folks who embrace ethical non-monogamy in all of its forms. #open creates the space for you to meet people you want. However, #open is dating updated.
#2. PolyAm Date:
This idea was originally started as a result of poor treatment of those under the ethical non-monogamy umbrella. Polycom provides a community tool that helps Polyamorous people find partners.
#3. Thirder-Singles And Couples Dating:
With Third, meet all the open-minded, fun chats, romance, hookups, and have the best relationships.
#4. Candle Dating- Free Online Dating App:
This allows you to communicate more openly with other members that can lead to a more private conversation and perhaps, relationships. You can also make video and voice calls without exchanging numbers.
How Do Non-monogamous Relationships Work?
Non-monogamous relationships, like monogamous ones, can be happy and gratifying, and they can endure just as long. They can be stressful and challenging, just like monogamous relationships. However, being in a non-monogamous relationship does not guarantee that you will be unhealthy or unhappy.
Jealousy is a frequent emotion, and for many people, it may be a natural reaction to a spouse establishing a relationship with someone else. Polyamorous persons, on the other hand, have countered this by fostering the idea of ‘owning’ feelings or even feeling ‘compersion’ or ‘rubble.’ These terms have evolved to convey the sensation of happiness or delight that someone feels when their partner is pleased with someone else.
People in non-monogamous relationships, like those in monogamous partnerships, have a variety of ways of controlling their relationships. Some people, for example, want explicit guidelines for how to conduct their relationship, whereas others allow each other a lot of leeway and trust each other to make smart decisions. Some people in open relationships tell one other everything, while others prefer to keep their personal lives private.
People in non-monogamous partnerships are equally as likely as those in monogamous couples to break the rules and conceal secrets.
Emmie and Theo, who was featured in the documentary Enduring Love? They emphasized the importance of trust and open communication in their relationship, as well as more mundane routines or rituals that distinguished their relationship’s uniqueness.
Monogamous or Non-monogamous
Monogamy and non-monogamy can be seen as a spectrum rather than an either/or proposition. You might find the following task helpful in determining the type of relationship you like.
Consider a line that represents emotional closeness, with monogamy (one close intimate connection and no other close relationships) on one end and polyamory (many close relationships) on the other. Make an X on the line where you think you’d like to be in general (of course, this might alter over time). Consider where any previous or present relationships would fall on these scales. Is it true that you’re both in the same place? Maybe you’re in separate locations? Is everyone content with their current situation?
If thinking about particular examples helps, the emotional closeness continuum could include only having one partner with whom you chat about everything and no one else with whom you feel that close. In the middle, having multiple friends who are as close to you as your partner – who you could call at 3 a.m. or with whom you share something every day – could be a good thing. On the other hand, it could mean maintaining tight contact with an ex-partner or staying up all night conversing with someone you’ve just met.
Do the same thing with physical intimacy, and draw a line between monosex (no physical intimacy outside of a primary relationship) and polysexual (many sexual partners) on one end and polysexual (multiple sexual partners) on the other.
It could range from hugging only your lover and no one else to hugging only your spouse and no one else. Things like being good with fantasizing about other people but not actually doing anything, or having internet sex, can fall somewhere in the middle.
What If You Don’t Agree about Non-monogamy?
What if it turns out that you and your spouse are on opposite ends of the monogamy/non-monogamy spectrum?
If your partner wants to be with other people while you are monogamous, you may feel hurt and rejected. After all, society instills in us the impulse to find “the one” from an early age. If you are not monogamous, the idea of monogamy may suffocate you, and you may despise your monogamous partner’s expectations.
First and foremost, just because you are different in this regard does not imply that one of you is incorrect. What that means is that if you want to be together, you’ll both have to make sacrifices. Remember that this applies to all long-term relationships.
The most essential thing is to be open and honest with each other about your relationship goals and any issues you may have. That way, you might be able to come up with a set of relationship guidelines or a contract that allows you to be happy together.
If you’re the monogamous partner, you could remark, for example, that you’d like to meet your partner’s other partners. If you are not monogamous, you have the right to request that your other partners be treated with dignity.
Some of our communication tips can be relevant here.
The key thing is that you keep to your relationship rules once you’ve agreed on them unless you both agree to change them. Breaking the rules, lying, cheating, or failing to consider each other’s feelings will all put your relationship under additional stress (and, of course, that goes for monogamous relationships as well).
FAQ
How do you deal with a non-monogamous relationship?
People in ethically non-monogamous relationships must become comfortable with talking openly about their feelings, needs, and desires, as well as being attentive to other people. Active listening and empathy are necessary, Taylor says.
What is a unicorn in dating?
“Unicorn” describes a person who joins a couple as their third partner, for sex or even for something more committed
Why is non-monogamy so popular?
“Some people come to non-monogamy because it fits their spiritual, political self-awareness and way of doing things,” he acknowledges, adding that others have simply “found they’re in love [with] more than one person”
