A horrible breakup is one of the worst things that can happen to your self-esteem. The procedure appears to be straightforward in romantic comedy films and sitcoms: They put on a sad movie marathon in their comfy clothes, cry into a pint of ice cream for a few days, and poof! At the end of the montage, they’re a whole new person, ready to take on the world. However, in the real world, once you’ve hit rock bottom, you can find yourself relapsing into self-destructive patterns like ignoring your friends, ignoring your work, and forgetting about self-care for days. Here is a post to help you deal with and get over a long-term relationship after a breakup.
Basically, we’re here to affirm your feelings, whether you’re hurting from the end of a traumatic long-distance relationship, trying to forget someone who cheated on you, or simply trying to get over an unrequited crush: It’s not simple to get over someone you care for. Millions of songs, self-help books, paintings, and poems would not exist if they were true.
In the preceding paragraphs, we will help you find the light at the end of the tunnel using references from several relationship experts. However, we’re not referring to the light on your freezer door.
HOW TO GET OVER A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP
There are lots of ways to get over a breakup. The following will help you know the right way and technique in which you can get over your long-term relationship and remain sane.
#1. Forget about the Breakup Timetable
Are you telling yourself that you need to update your dating profile before the week runs out or that you should get out and meet a new person in person? Are you annoyed that you still feel sick every time you pass your (former) favorite dating place after a month? Don’t be too hard on yourself. “Unfortunately,” “there is no mathematical calculation to compute a set period to recover from sadness.”
In other words, ditch any timetable that tries to give the healing process a timeline.
#2. Be Gentle with Yourself
You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to “feel better” about someone by a certain date. It could be humiliating.
So, give yourself permission to grieve if you want to move forward. Rather, give yourself the time and space to feel your emotions.
#3. Keep in mind that there are no set guidelines for how you should feel
You might wonder and then question why you’re angry if you were stuck with someone who cheated on you. Well, that’s totally okay. This is because there are no rules regarding what you should and shouldn’t feel, just as there aren’t any for grieving the loss of a relationship.
Hence, take time to embrace your feelings. Basically, it’s fine to be sad, angry, annoyed, or even miss the individual. So, allow yourself to experience your feelings without judgment. It will be simpler to move on and recover if you do.
#4. Allow yourself to grieve the loss
Did you make any plans for your future together? Did you split up due to a betrayal or because you discovered your relationship was one-sided too late? According to experts, “the length of time it takes to get over someone depends on how integrated your partner was in your life and what created the conflict.”
In other words, depending on the complexity of your connection, you may feel as if you’re losing not only your ex but also a piece of your identity. If this is the case, then grieving would be a part of the process of getting over a long-term relationship.
#5. Expect to feel better gradually
If you’re still looking for something more concrete, try this: “If you’ve been together for at least a year, give it at least a year,” most experts advise.
Basically, a ton of people need to go through all of the triggering events that may occur in the first year after a breakup, such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. So allow yourself to mourn but expect to feel better gradually as time passes. However, there are techniques to alleviate the discomfort and speed up the procedure. These include; focusing on self-development, change of environment, and so on.
#6. Respect what you had despite the Suffering
The toughest aspect of getting over a long-term relationship is not often the loss of the actual person, but the loss of the idea of what you believed would have happened.
While it’s okay to become engrossed in a dream after a long-term relationship breakup, don’t get locked in the obsessive loop of why and what if. In fact, anyone who is having trouble getting over an ex would need to resist the impulse to rewrite their history together, according to experts. If you were so fantastic together, you’d definitely still be together!
On the other hand, you will not be able to get over your ex if you continue to criticize them. It’s not like you have to pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns, but that releasing oneself from sorrow and hatred allows you to progress towards happiness.
Experts advise that you see a breakup to be the end of a “full” relationship rather than a “failed” one. It was not a failure if you were vulnerable enough to feel and offer love. You got what you needed out of the relationship, and now it’s time to move on.
How to Get Over Long-Term Relationships for Guys
It’s extremely difficult for men to get their heads around this.
Even though we’re almost halfway through the twenty-first century, males are still taught to be strong, stoic, and in control of their painful emotions. The resultant product, however, is men who are afflicted with the results of not intentionally feeling, accounting for, and coping with this form of emotional distress.
If you can afford it financially and in terms of time, in-person treatment is the best option. We can help you identify therapists in your region.
If you’ve listened to a podcast in the previous year, you’ve probably heard advertisements for Talk Space or Better Help, which allow you to chat, call, or video chat with a therapist. If you’ve never attempted therapy before, or if you’re in a bad situation, this is a great alternative.
Even if you don’t want to go to therapy, it’s still a good idea to talk to someone who isn’t in your personal group of friends. Counselors in schools, pastors, non-family mentors, and meditation instructors are all viable options.
This will go a long way in helping you get over long-term relationships as a guy.
On the other hand, since guys are hardly able to let out emotions, other alternatives could be to take a trip, chill out with friends, make new ones while at it, go out for games, and engage in pretty much anything and everything that resonates more with a guy.
Here is the thing though: the tips mentioned previously aren’t gender-specific, so while putting all of these into consideration, go out of your way to implement some of them—the tips I mean.
How to Get Over a Long Term Relationship With a Child Involved
I’m not going to lie: divorce is really difficult for children! Their life has been turned upside down, and they mourn their other parent and are unsure how to cope.
All the worry and anxiety caused by your breakup is particularly unhealthy for kids.
But regardless, we understand that a breakup could also be a difficult moment for you! This is the reason you must be able to master the skill of managing your emotions with the kids in the picture.
Prominent practices include;
- When the kids aren’t around, you talk to your attorney or best friend.
- When they are with the other parent, you date.
- You order the children to leave the room you need to have important discussions.
- You turn up the volume on the TV so you can talk on the phone.
These actions are both necessary and beneficial; they are referred to as “protecting your children.” However, it also requires you to start hiding and projecting a false image of strength and invincibility in your own home, so they don’t see you’re sad.
Furthermore, you play hard to get. You tell lies. You know you can’t confide in them — they can’t be your confidant — but you also don’t know how to handle your own irrational emotions, so it’s difficult, to be honest in front of your children without being angry or afraid. Regardless of age.
Long-Term Relationship With a Child Involved Tips
When you have children, the best way to move on from a divorce is by following the steps below:
#1. Avoid persons who are unsupportive
We resent being separated from our children’s other parents. Sure, there are plenty of good reasons to keep children separated from them. This includes everything from substance abuse, to emotional abuse, violence, infidelity, and criminal activity.
There are valid grounds for family dissolution across the board. Divorce is uncommon in happy and healthy households. But just because there are good reasons to end a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t feel guilt and its cousin, known as regret.
What’s worse is having people around who fuel these feelings. So your best bet would be to avoid persons gifted with the art of making this so evident.
#2. Avoid being guilt-tripped by the thought of being financially unstable.
The biggest guilt is the one that other parents will unwittingly throw at you: the statistics on future achievement that your children will miss out on, or the things that your children will be unable to accomplish now that there is less money to assist them in achieving their goals. (Newsflash: If a friend tells you those facts, you have my permission to never speak to them again.)
Even if many of these numbers are correct, there’s no reason why your family should continue to suffer as a result of your divorce, especially now that we know more about this experience and how to deal with it.
#3. Ignore the “shoulds” and concentrate on yourself
The shoulds that pervade the decision-making process include the expectation that you should be able to deal with your relationship and your life in comparison to your neighbor’s.
You may believe that living in a sexless marriage is simple compared to your next-door neighbor whose partner is abusing them. Well, it’s better for your kids because they have two parents at home.
You may be wondering what’s wrong with you at this point and asking, “Why can’t I deal with the pressure?” This is exactly what I’m looking for. Things won’t make sense, and you’ll start to doubt whether you can truly separate.
#4. Pay Attention to your Kids
Your children are fully aware of the situation. They may not be able to express what they’re experiencing or what they know in detail, but they have a good understanding of what’s going on.
They’ve observed the cruelty, they’ve heard the arguing, they’ve witnessed the abuse, they’ve seen your tear-streaked cheeks.
So there’s no need to tell them anything. There are no facts, views, specifics, or gossip. No mind control. No fabrications. There are no self-justifications. But while you leave them alone and allow them to express themselves also pay attention to them.
How to Get Over a Long term Relationship FAQs
Why is it so hard to get over a long-term relationship?
We are distressed when we lose the most important person in our lives, and this misery is compounded in the early stages of relationship loss. This is because when our spouse isn’t physically or psychologically present to meet our wants, our natural reaction is to “intensify” our distress.
Can you ever get over a long-term relationship?
While it may not appear conceivable at first, the good news is that you will adjust and feel better in time. However, predicting when that will happen is difficult. The process of letting go of a long-term relationship differs from person to person.
Why do couples break up after 10 years?
Couples break up when one person feels unworthy of being loved, which leads to insecurity, jealousy, and a lack of trust. This insecurity can rise to possessiveness and reliance, both of which are unhealthy for either partner in a love relationship. Lack of trust and other unpleasant feelings may eventually cause the relationship to deteriorate.