INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIP: How To Understand Build & Increase Intimacy

Image credit: women health

When we think of physical activities like holding hands, snuggling, kissing, and even sex, we normally think of physical closeness in a love relationship. While physical intimacy is vital in any romantic relationship it’s one of the main characteristics that distinguish it from other types of relationships cultivating emotional intimacy is just as important, if not more important. That’s why this post will explain all you need to know about intimacy in a relationship.

What is intimacy in relationship

In a relationship, intimacy refers to a sensation of being near, emotionally attached, and supported. It entails being able to communicate a wide range of human feelings, thoughts, and experiences. It entails being honest and talking through your feelings and thoughts, letting your guard down (vulnerability), and telling someone else how you feel and what your hopes and dreams are.

Intimacy takes time to develop and maintain, and it demands both partners‘ patience and effort. One of the most enjoyable components of a relationship is discovering closeness with someone you care about. Aside from emotional and sexual intimacy, you can be intimate intellectually, recreationally, financially, spiritually, creatively (for example, when renovating your home) and during times of crisis (working as a team during tough times).

When we become close to someone else and are reassured that we are loved and accepted for who we are, we develop intimacy. In most cases, children develop close relationships with their parents and peers. We seek intimacy in close relationships with other adults, friends, family, and a partner as adults.


When our families are at their busiest, whether it’s just the two of you or you’re chauffeuring kids all over town, intimacy in our marriages or partner relationships can seem to suffer. When we’re rushing to work, scouts, business meetings, soccer, piano lessons, and family and community events, it’s difficult to find time to strengthen love.

We’re usually exhausted by the end of the day. By the end of the week, that planned date night has been replaced by vegging out in front of the TV and binge-watching the latest Netflix show.

Remember when you were dating? While this is perfectly fine in fact, it’s a perfectly natural stage of life remember when you were dating? What was it about you and how you hung on each other’s every word? How eager were you to learn everything there was to know about each other? We all know you can’t exactly recreate that feeling, after all, you’ve been living with this person for however long, and the mystery has all but vanished (thank you, bathroom habits and childbirth).

It’s easy to become so engrossed in the mundane rhythms of life that you lose sight of each other and who you’re becoming. When you don’t take the time to live in each other’s worlds and connect, that other person you knew so well can start to feel like a stranger.

How to build intimacy in relationship

There are four key factors in building an emotionally intimate relationship:

#1. Knowing and liking yourself

Getting to know and appreciate yourself, according to some social scientists, is the first step toward connection with others. You understand your innermost feelings and needs and gain the confidence to communicate them with others by learning to know and love yourself.

#2. Trusting and caring

Trust and compassion are two of the most fundamental aspects of an intimate relationship. When couples trust each other, they know that revealing personal feelings will not result in scorn, rejection, or other harm. According to research, trust develops with time when people perceive that the other person is truly invested in the relationship.
Caring is an emotional tie that allows for the development of intimacy. When people care about one another, they try to meet one other’s wants and needs.

#3. Honesty

Intimacy is also characterized by honesty. When we’re sexual with others, it’s a good idea to think about what information we need to share to help our sexual partners make educated decisions, and what information we’d like our sexual partners to share with us. Make an effort to convey vital information in a concise and courteous manner to your partner(s) and yourself.

#4. Clear communication

Communication is a two-way street in which messages are sent and received. As a result, the clear communicator must also learn to listen well.
When interacting with someone, it’s critical to pay attention not only to their words but also to their nonverbal signs. Nonverbal communication can reveal a lot about a person’s feelings. Not only can the tone of voice, gestures, body posture, and facial expressions complement the spoken phrase, but they can also directly express emotion.
Clear communication may remove the guessing from relationships, prevent misunderstandings, relieve resentments and frustrations, and boost overall (and sexual) happiness.

Effect of no intimacy in relationship

Intimacy comes easily in the first few years of marriage. As time passes and you and your spouse become more at ease in your marital bliss, sex takes a backseat, which can lead to depression due to a lack of intimacy. When you factor in pregnancies, children, work schedules, and social obligations, you won’t even notice when you’ve gone from can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other to when-did-we-last-have-sex. The effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship can cause several other issues in your married life, and hamper your peace of mind. Here are 12 ways in which sexless marriage can affect you:

#1. Your confidence level keeps decreasing

Without a doubt, if there is no intimacy between husband and wife in their marriage, it can have a negative impact on their self-esteem and lead to despair. Being locked in a platonic relationship and having your overtures rejected or ignored time and time again might make you doubt your capacity to satisfy or delight your spouse.

You’ll keep doubting your abilities and feeling as though you can’t meet their requirements, resulting in a sour relationship. This loss of self-assurance can soon spin out of hand, affecting your personality outside of the bedroom. It can affect your career as well as your relationships with your children, friends, and extended family.

#2. You become apathetic toward your partner

It’s difficult to be in a relationship that isn’t intimate. According to research, how sexually pleased you are has a significant impact on marital happiness. Sex not only makes you feel good, but it also allows you to connect emotionally and romantically with your partner. When you don’t have physical intimacy in your marriage, the connection fades and you start to understand each other less and less. Apathy and resentment result from this. If you’re in a relationship without intimacy, you’ll eventually drift apart and live as two cohabiting people rather than a couple.

#3. You start avoiding responsibilities

Is it possible for a relationship to be ruined by a lack of intimacy? Married life comes with a slew of obligations that you and your spouse must share. These responsibilities can feel like an extra, unwanted load when you’re in a relationship without intimacy. If you’re thinking to yourself, “My partner isn’t sexually interested in me,” it’s natural to believe that your position in the marriage is restricted to shouldering duties, doing housework, and running errands.

Lack of intimacy in a partnership leads to a lot of squabbling, nagging, and finger-pointing over who is avoiding what responsibilities and who is doing more for the home.

#4. The risk of indulging in an affair becomes high

One of the most dangerous effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship is that either one or both partners start searching for satisfaction outside of marriage. The likelihood of being attracted to someone else when married is a lot higher if your relationship with your spouse isn’t sexually satisfying.

#5. Loneliness haunts you

If you’re not okay with your marriage due to a lack of physical touch, your judgment about the relationship will be wrong. When intimacy in a relationship is missing, you frequently consider breaking up with your spouse. 50 per cent of sexless marriages result in divorce, according to Divorce or separation, on the other hand, not only affects your life but also leaves you feeling lonely.

#6. You become highly critical of your partner

One declined overture after the other, one sexless night after the other, changes your perception of your spouse. Instead of making efforts to be affectionate and considerate to your spouse’s needs and desires, you tend to be highly critical of them and their actions. Nothing they do seems good enough to you and you tend to complain, despite yourself,  causing your partner to become withdrawn. This, in turn, further complicates the problem of lost intimacy in the relationship.

#7. You fail to communicate your feelings to your spouse

The consequences of no intimacy in marriage include communication problems. As distance creeps into the relationship, you may no longer be comfortable opening up to your spouse, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with them.

Signs of intimacy in a relationship

A mid-day meeting is just as sweet as waking up to a ‘good morning’ message. However, there comes a time in some relationships when you want more than a thoughtful text and a satisfying orgasm. Is it possible for your significant other to tell you’re upset just by the tone of your voice? Do you feel comfortable being yourself around them? These are hallmarks of an intimate relationship, according to specialists.

‘It’s a relationship in which two individuals share more with one other than they do with others,’ says clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Tara Fields, PhD, author of The Love Fix and a marriage and family therapist, agrees. ‘When you’re terrified, traumatized, or feel wounded and unhappy, it’s the safest place in the world,’ she says. According to Fields, you should feel safe being vulnerable and comfortable enough to expose your entire self in an intimate relationship.

However, creating a close relationship with someone is a difficult undertaking. It necessitates a number of crucial characteristics, like commitment and trust, to name a few. Not sure if you and your significant other have reached that point yet? Here are ten telltale signals that you’re in a committed relationship.

#1. You’ve Established a Strong Sense of Trust Together

This is a crucial one. According to both experts, you can’t develop any kind of relationship, let alone an intimate one, if you don’t have trust. You can’t rush it, though. In a relationship ‘where there has been a reciprocal demonstration of stability,’ Carmichael argues, trust develops over time. She goes on to say that it happens as people spend more time together and learn to trust and anticipate each other’s needs.

I’m not sure if you two have arrived yet. Don’t be concerned. Small, consistent steps can happen to create trust. For example, the next time you say you’ll call them after work, follow through. If necessary, set a reminder and stick to it. Alternatively, tell them about yourself.

#2. They’re Committed to Getting to Know You Inside and Out

According to Carmichael, the word intimacy comes from the Latin word familiar. As a result, the individual with whom you’re in a close relationship should make an effort to learn more about you. According to Carmichael, intimacy necessitates “an interest in knowing, researching, and familiarizing oneself with that person’s body, with that person’s life narrative, and with that person’s emotions.”

#3. You Can Be Vulnerable Around Them

Your relationship may not be as intimate as you believe if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to your lover but still feeling appreciated. Opening up is the only way to know for sure. ‘Is this a fear or a fact that I can’t be myself and be loved?’ ‘That’s when you really find out.’ According to Carmichael,

#4. You Feel Accepted in Every Way Possible

According to Field, in a truly intimate connection, both you and your spouse will feel entirely welcomed by the other. And you shouldn’t feel compelled to engage in impression management, which Carmichael defines as the desire to control how others perceive you. Instead, even if you drool or snore occasionally while sleeping, you won’t hesitate to have them stay the night. Why? You know they’ll accept you whatever. ‘A lot of intimacy comes from pulling back the curtain and letting people look a little deeper, even at the aspects that aren’t so great,’ Carmichael adds.

#5. You Can Rely on Them When Things Go Wrong

Life can be difficult at times (think: job loss or financial hardship). What is your partner’s reaction going to be? ‘Do you think you and your partner can use whatever comes up to generate more intimacy and heal the wounds?’ Fields ask. Or do you live in continual fear that they’ll abandon you? Would your partner reassure you right away that you’ll find another job, or perhaps go into problem-solving mode and offer they work more overtime? Or would they become absolutely panicked and blame you?

If you went with the first option, it appears that you’ve mastered another crucial aspect of an intimate relationship: support. You can count on them in any situation. If you’re on the latter, your relationship isn’t quite there yet, and you and your partner may need to work on some other aspects of intimacy, such as trust and vulnerability.


Intimacy is expressed via words and acts, as well as the sharing of thoughts and experiences. Such as sorrow and despair, joy and love, hard work and comedy. Intimacy can be physical, but it can also be a comforting gesture. Such as truly listening to your partner or allowing them to be vulnerable or cry. You may value independence, but you also desire to be close to someone, to do things with someone, and to know that you are loved and accepted for who you are, flaws and all. You want to know that you are important to others.


What intimacy means to a man?

Intimacy is often confused with sex. … Broadly speaking, intimacy means deeply knowing someone, while also feeling deeply known yourself. It is something humans crave, and though at times, it may seem more difficult for men to express it, that doesn’t mean they don’t need or want it.

What is a sexless relationship called?

Some researchers define a sexless relationship as one in which there has been no sexual activity for the past year. However, other studies define sexlessness as having fewer than 10 sexual encounters in the last year.

What a man needs in a relationship?

Not only do men need sex, but they need good sex, not sex that is done out of obligation or guilt. Emotionally, men, like women, want to feel desirable to their partners. Spiritually, in a relationship, men and women need to explore their connectivity to each other.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like