It is never easy to tell if someone is cheating. Most people, however, would prefer to know the truth rather than remain in the dark about their significant other’s infidelity. To catch an unfaithful partner in the act or to confirm suspicions, people turn to the experts, private investigators who devote their lives to uncovering hidden relationships and illicit affairs.
Private investigators, as the ones who go after cheaters, are familiar with all the signs indicating someone is hiding something – or someone.
Martin, the president of Martin Investigative Services in Newport Beach, California, wrote the book Seeing Life Through Private Eyes after seeing similar signs over the last 40 years. In it, he lists the most telling clues on how to tell if someone is cheating.
And, while they appear to be fairly obvious, he claims that spotting one or two of them doesn’t cause concern. According to Martin, spotting four or more is practically an admission of your partner’s guilt.
How to Tell if Someone Is Cheating
Spending longer hours at work, business trips, less sex, or defensiveness are the most common and obvious signs on how to tell if someone is cheating. A new gym membership or clothing may also indicate that your partner is working on bettering themselves, possibly with someone else in mind.
Here are a few subtle hints on how to tell if someone is cheating:
1. They’ve gone missing
Your partner, who is usually in constant contact and readily available, suddenly disappears for extended periods; you have no idea where or what they are doing. When you question him or her, he or she is unable to provide information and appears flustered.
This is especially troubling during a pandemic when most people aren’t doing much outside of work and essential household errands. A partner who appears to be missing in action is highly suspect.
2. Their communication is out of the ordinary
When you asked your normally detail-oriented partner where they were on Saturday night, they replied, “out with Jon.”
Or you’re a usually reserved man who responds with more detail than a Bravo housewife describing her latest shopping trip. You’ve got a problem.
To determine if someone is lying, look at their normal behaviors and look for deviations from those norms.
3. They are suddenly following your movements
If your partner suddenly wants to know what time you left for work, when you’ll be home, and other details about your schedule that usually don’t interest him, this is a red flag.
He may follow your movements to make phone calls or visit his lover. It is also a violation of quarantine if you have agreed to COVID-19 safe guidelines and share a pod, in addition to breaking the commitment of monogamy that it appears you two share.
4. You are being gaslighted
If you frequently feel as if you’re going insane and begin to doubt your reality as a result of feedback from your partner, he may be gaslighting you. When a cheater gaslights their partner, they frequently accuse him or her of being paranoid, hallucinating, jealous, hysterical, or overly emotional. They will openly lie and do so in such a way that you will question your reality.
5. They are wary of their phone and computer
The most obvious giveaway is technology. A partner’s protection of their phone is a red flag when determining how to tell if someone is cheating, especially if this is a new behavior.
You may have a problem if your partner spends too much time on their phone and hides it from you. And if you think that would be obvious, think again. Cheaters can suddenly become very tech-savvy.
In today’s technologically advanced world, the cheater will likely have apps that hide contact with their side piece.
You should look for more than just Ashley Madison. WhatsApp (encrypted messaging), Private Photo (an app that looks like a calculator icon but is a secret file to hide sexy pics), Fox Private Message (an app that erases all previous text messages upon shaking the phone), and Nosy Trap (which takes a photo of you when you try to get into the cheater’s phone).
So, keep an eye out for any changes in his phone habits, and if you notice a flurry of new apps on his home screen, ask some questions.
6. Their car is unique in some way
More mileage than expected can be a sign of cheating, as can significant changes in gas fill-ups, particularly in new neighborhoods.
A passenger seat adjusted to a different position may indicate that someone else has been riding a shotgun in your place. And, like a bedroom, a car can be occupied by belongings that don’t belong, such as hair ties, cosmetics, or even undies that aren’t yours.
7. They recently underwent a makeover
Many years ago, a friend began telling me about her husband’s new appearance. He’d lost weight, begun working out at the gym, changed his hairstyle, and upgraded his wardrobe.
My heart sank when she told me. My worst fears were confirmed when she discovered that he had been having an affair. Significant changes in appearance can be an early warning sign of an affair.
New clothes and underwear are a red flag on how to tell if someone is cheating, especially if they represent a trend that your partner has no history of caring about and that you haven’t mentioned liking.
If your partner, who used to appreciate it when you did his laundry or shared laundry duties with him, suddenly wants to do it, you may have a problem. The same is true for new bathing habits. Concerned is the partner who rushes to the shower after returning home from work.
8. They have acquired new interests and vocabulary
When your partner suddenly has a completely different Spotify playlist with songs you’ve never heard of, you should be suspicious. Our tastes tend to be influenced when we spend much time with people, especially in romantic relationships.
The same can be said for our vocabulary. We tend to pick up on the phrases and expressions of those with whom we spend a lot of time. If you notice a lot of new vocabulary from your partner, you should inquire about it.
The same is true for hobbies. It is unusual for someone to take up a new sport or hobby they have never mentioned to their boyfriend or girlfriend. If your partner has suddenly started running, try to figure out what prompted this sudden change.
9. You feel disconnected, and you have sex regularly.
When we fall in love with someone, they become our primary focus. You have a problem if your partner no longer tells you about his or her day, shares his or her struggles, or talks to you about important things to him.
In a relationship, the connection is essential, and not having that connection or having that focus shift to someone else is a problem. Changes in sexual frequency, technique, or intensity can also provide valuable data.
It’s not just having less sex, believe it or not, because cheaters sometimes initiate it more. Our libidos and sexual frequency fluctuate throughout the life cycle of a relationship, even into marriage; however, significant increases or decreases that you are not discussing can be a red flag on how to tell if someone is cheating.
10. You’ve noticed monetary shifts.
Sure, there are the obvious credit card statements with jewelry or hotel rooms you’ve never seen before, but there are plenty of other indicators to look for when determining how to tell if someone is cheating.
New cash withdrawals indicate a partner who prefers not to leave a paper trail. New credit cards, junk mail, or bank statements from unknown companies could indicate they’ve opened separate accounts.
If your spouse is suddenly working longer hours but you aren’t seeing financial results or hearing about the big project that is keeping them late, this raises concerns.
How to Tell If Someone Is Cheating on You
Catching someone cheating is a popular movie and television trope. It’s usually an explosive and revelatory moment, such as a character returning home and catching their partner in the act, and there’s no denying what’s going on.
However, we don’t always get that Hollywood drama in real life. Infidelity usually manifests itself in small doses or through a simple iCloud mishap. So, how can you tell if someone is having an emotional or physical affair with you?
Because everyone cheats differently, jumping to conclusions if you see any of these signs is a bad idea. However, you should talk to your partner if you’ve noticed more than three of these common red flags.
1. Their phone suddenly becomes “off-limits.”
Your phone and computer should be kept in a secure location. However, when you’re dating someone, it’s unavoidable that they’ll need to use your devices at some point. So, if your partner begins to guard their devices in a territorial manner, you may have reason to be concerned.
“It is not uncommon for a person to spend a significant amount of time on the phone. However, if your partner appears to guard the phone when you’re present (e.g., shielding it from view while texting or hiding it when you walk by), there’s a chance he or she is hiding something “Jonathan Bennett, a therapist, and co-author of the blog The Popular Man agrees.
2. They unfriend you on social media or delete their accounts.
It’s one thing if your partner needs a break from social media (we’ve all been there!). However, if they say they deleted their social media accounts but their friends say they’re still on Facebook, you may need to have a conversation.
3. They appear nervous in your presence.
While there may be other aspects of their lives that are causing them stress. If your partner appears nervous only around you, it’s worth bringing it up with them to see if there’s anything they need to get off their chest; this is also a sign of how to tell if someone is cheating.
4. They are taking unplanned and unexplained trips.
Our partners may travel for various reasons, which should not be cause for concern. However, if your homebody partner is now amassing frequent flier miles, you may want to investigate why. This also applies to you: If your partner suddenly encourages you to leave the house (or even the country), they may be planning to cheat.
“If your partner suddenly becomes permissive of you going out more, working late, and taking trips without any indication that they will miss you while you’re away — and this is a strikingly different response,” relationship expert Weena Cullins says.
5. They accuse you of being a liar.
If your partner is cheating on you, they may accuse you first. This could be a way for them to justify their actions and blame you. “When your partner can cheat, lie, or steal, they will assume you have the same capacity,” relationship coach and author Jackie Viramontez says.
6. They’re overjoyed — and you’re not benefiting from it.
Is your partner going around the house smelling the roses for no apparent reason? You’d think that having your partner happy would be great news for you, but if they’re happy and distant, or if you’re not getting to enjoy their newfound happiness, you might want to investigate the source of their happiness — and it might not be you. Pay attention to this because it could show how to tell if someone is cheating.
7. Your sex life is deficient.
If your partner, who is usually voracious in bed, turns you down when you move at him or her, it’s a good idea to ask why. Approach this with caution and consider whether it has anything to do with hormones, mental health, additional stresses in their lives — or something or someone else.
8. They don’t believe in making concessions.
According to relationship experts, cheaters may pick fights or disregard your feelings. If you notice your partner suddenly becoming more stubborn or not listening to you, this could be a sign of how to tell if someone is cheating.
Every relationship requires compromise, but if your partner starts wanting everything his way, it’s a sign he’s unhappy and looking for a new relationship. Alternatively, it could signify your relationship’s demise rather than infidelity.
9. They keep canceling plans.
If you find yourself unexpectedly waiting for your partner when you have plans, only to be disappointed if they cancel, you should talk to them. Keeping plans with your partner isn’t just about romance but also respect.
10. They make plans for the future without considering you.
If your partner suddenly becomes hesitant to invite you to a wedding month in the future, or if they seem unsure about you coming to their family’s home for the holidays, they may see a future without you.
“He makes plans without considering you — whether they are short-term or long-term plans; if he intentionally (or even subconsciously) does not want you to participate in his plans, it is a sign he may be cheating,” Hershenson said.
11. Someone tells you outright
If you receive unsolicited texts and messages accusing your partner of cheating, your first instinct may be to tell them to buzz off. However, if it has happened more than once or they have concrete proof, you should speak with your partner. While your significant other should be the person you trust the most, if they betray that trust, you must find out as soon as possible.
How to Tell if Someone is Cheating in a Long-Distance Relationship
Most people have been in a long-distance relationship at some point in their lives; some distances are longer than others. While many have been reunited, the distance can be a stumbling block for some.
Unfortunately, physical space between a couple can leave room for error, so super-efficient communication is essential if things are to work out. And if that communication does not take place, there may be some serious relationship problems on the way, including cheating.
Because you’re separated from your partner in a long-distance relationship, it’s difficult to tell when they’re telling the truth or if their delay in responding was due to their phone dying. So, if the worst comes to the worst.
Here are some tell-tale signs that someone is cheating on you in a long-distance relationship:
1. Your partner is always on the go.
You appear to be trying to make time to talk with your partner at every opportunity, but they always seem to have something more important going on.
“One partner may be perpetually too preoccupied to spend quality time with their significant other;” According to Lynda Cameron Price, Ed.S, LPC, AADC, a licensed counselor and certified addiction professional. “Or they always have plans other than with their partner.”
2. Communication has ceased.
Although you are in a long-distance relationship, inevitably, you will not always be together; your partner may be up to something if they begin to avoid regular basic communication with you.
If you used to check in with each other regularly throughout the day but suddenly stopped, it may be worth investigating.
“The cheating spouse may begin changing their routine and gradually withdrawing; for example, fewer calls or fewer intentional arrangements for dates,” Price explained.
3. They’re meeting new people but being vague or sneaky about it.
You should want your partner to make new friends and form new bonds, especially if they have moved to a new location.
But, according to Modern Love Long Distance, if they’re constantly out to dinner with new friends but won’t tell you who they’re with or if you never get any concrete details about who they are, that could be cause for concern.
4. When you ask questions, your partner becomes irritated or defensive.
This is not a good sign if you confront your partner about their unusual behavior and they become defensive and annoyed instead of willing to talk things out.
According to Price, if you confront them about the lack of time, they’ve been willing to commit to the relationship, and they become upset, you may have a bigger problem.
5. They have shown no interest in reuniting anytime soon.
Most LDR couples have long-term plans to reunite and possibly live together. Ideally, long-distance travel is only a matter of time. If your partner has lost interest in developing that game plan with you, they may have lost interest in the relationship. Again, this does not have to imply cheating, but it does necessitate a discussion.
Related Articles: IS HE CHEATING ON ME: 21+ SIGNS TO WATCH OUT FOR!!!
How to Tell if Someone Is Cheating on Facebook
Facebook and Instagram are fantastic tools for staying in touch with people you already know and meeting new people you’re interested in — including potential other men or women.
Of course, before you look for the following signs to tell if someone is cheating on Facebook, Instagram, or another social media platform, remember not to jump to conclusions too quickly.
If you notice any or all of the following behaviors, in addition to your gut feeling that something isn’t right, don’t use them as justification to jump down your throat.
Instead, use your observations as starting points for a discussion and to ask questions.
With that in mind, here are 5 signs that someone is cheating on Facebook:
1. He will not accept your Facebook friend request or return your Instagram follow
It’s strange but not entirely bad if you’re an official couple and not Facebook friends. It’s OK if you and your partner agree to it from the start.
However, if you’ve been friend-requesting him or her for months and he or she has blocked or ignored you, you should question why you want to be with someone who can’t grant you a simple request.
2. He is unable to put down his phone
If he’s on Facebook 24/7 for no apparent reason, it could be because he’s more invested in the validation and attention he receives there than the validation and attention he receives from (and gives back to) you. That’s not good.
3. You’ve connected on Facebook and Instagram, but you still don’t have access to everything he posts
Facebook and Instagram privacy settings allow you to tailor your profile and what is visible and to whom. For each of your posts, you can make everything you post public or private, or you can set some posts to be available to only certain groups or a specific list of close friends.
If your partner has something to hide from you, you can bet he or she will take advantage of these settings. It’s also a red flag if he or she has no photos of you together visible to his friends and never accepts your requests to tag him/her in photos you post. He or she should be proud to show off your accomplishments!
4. He is particularly active on other women’s posts
If he/she likes and/or comments on every status update and photo posted by a specific non-celebrity on Facebook, your brows and antennae should be raised significantly. This is especially true if he never comments or likes your posts or photos.
5. He acts suspiciously whenever his computer is near you.
You should not ask for or try to guess his or her Facebook password. It is his or her personal account, and he or she has the same right to privacy as you do.
However, if you’re sitting next to him/her and he/she immediately hides his/her phone or slams his/her laptop shut, whenever you look his/her way or stand somewhere where you might be able to see the screen, you have the right to start asking him questions.
How to Tell if Someone is Cheating on Snapchat
Since its debut in 2011, Snapchat has become a worldwide phenomenon, with over 400 million people using the phone app daily. One of Snapchat’s most popular features is its “disappearing messages.”
When a user sends a private snap (either a picture or a video message), they can specify how long the recipient can view the message. The viewing window can last anywhere from one second to ten seconds.
Many users like this feature because it allows them to send embarrassing photos or videos they don’t want to permanently post to other platforms like Facebook or Instagram.
Unfortunately, this feature makes Snapchat an ideal tool for those who are prone to infidelity. As a result, people in relationships must be aware of how people use the Snapchat app for cheating and become familiar with behavior that could indicate their partner is deceptive. Here are some hints on how to tell if someone is cheating on Snapchat:
1. They Have a Long-Term Snap Streak with Someone You Don’t Know
A “snap streak” occurs when two Snapchat users send videos to one another within 24 hours for at least three days in a row. If your partner frequently engages with another Snapchatter, it could signify they are looking for more than a platonic friendship.
Especially since they could communicate via other means (such as texting) that do not involve sending video footage. As a result, if you suspect your partner is using the Snapchat app for cheating, it’s always a good idea to check if they have any ongoing snap streaks.
2. Their Snap Map reveals unusual activity
Snapchat Map is a mobile phone technology created to enable Snapchat users to see the location of any of their Snapchat connections in real-time on an interactive map. To see where a friend is on Snap Map, they must first agree to share their location.
This can be difficult for those who suspect their partner is sending them cheating snaps. If your partner refuses to share their location, it could mean they have something to hide. However, if they agree to share it, it can be a great way to clear the air and establish the truth.
3. Emojis appear next to the name of a new contact
Snapchat employs an Emoji system to identify the contacts a user interacts with most. Thus, reviewing the emojis that appear next to the names of your partner’s Snapchat contacts is an excellent strategy for determining whether or not any suspicious behavior occurs.
This is a tried-and-true method that many people employ when attempting to figure out how to catch someone cheating on Snapchat. For example, seeing a red heart emoji means that your partner and that specific contact have been messaging frequently for at least two weeks.
If you’re convinced your significant other is Snapchat cheating, this is one of the best ways to find out.
4. They Spend an Exorbitant Amount of Time on Snapchat
Did you know that all smartphones track how much battery a specific app consumes? You can check this by going to the Settings menu and selecting “Battery.”
If you notice that Snapchat is consuming a significant portion of your partner’s battery life, it is most likely a sign that they are regularly logging into the app for extended periods.
If your partner is dishonest, they may go to great lengths to avoid being caught cheating on Snapchat, such as deleting conversations or changing their password regularly. However, they are unlikely to check their battery settings, making this a worthwhile tactic.
5. You’re aware that they use Snapchat, but when you look, there’s nothing there
It’s common knowledge that Snapchat deletes messages after a certain period. However, if your partner has been consistently using the app but when you log in, there are barely any contacts or active messages, it could be a sign that they only snap when you aren’t around, allowing messages to stagnate when there is a chance you are lurking around.
How Can You Tell if Someone Is Guilty of Cheating?
They are projecting their guilt onto you.
Grooming patterns have shifted.
In bed, I became overly/underly zealous.
Constant mood swings are a sign of cheating guilt.
Gifts? But this isn’t just any old occasion.
‘I love you is no longer used.
Their stories are constantly evolving.
Do Cheaters Cheat Again?
A person who has a long history of infidelity in multiple relationships is more likely to repeat that behavior. Someone who cheated once, on the other hand, is less likely to cheat again, especially if it was a long time ago and a lot has happened since then.
What Do Cheaters Say When Confronted?
When confronted, cheaters frequently state, “You’re being paranoid.” When you discuss signs of cheating in the relationship, they will flatly deny the affair and blame you for being insecure and jealous.
Conclusion
Again, there is no way to tell if your partner is cheating without directly asking or catching them in the act. What may be a red flag in one relationship may be nothing to be concerned about in another. Most indicators of whether or not someone is cheating are subtle.
Cheating usually becomes apparent only when lies and stories stop being added up.
Don’t try to deal with unfaithfulness on your own. Before deciding whether or not to end your marriage, it’s a good idea to seek relationship therapy together or separately.
Related Articles
Is he cheating, or are you paranoid?
