If you’re having relationship issues, here’s a step-by-step guide to help you fix the relationship and get things back on track. It is divided into two parts. To begin, you must learn the “four important rules” for healthy relationships. Then, using the “how to fix a relationship” map, you may rebuild the love you once felt. Any serious relationship will experience ups and downs. Even if things appear to be coming apart, you can get back on track by applying healthy relationship skills.
Although this article provides a basic outline for how to repair a relationship, it is by no means an easy journey.
Part I: The Four Most Important Rules to Fix a Relationship
#1. Keep to your lane.
That is, when you chat, you should reveal information about yourself, your mistakes, and how you would like to approach sensitive circumstances better in the future. Do not cross the center line by talking about your partner, speculating on what he or she is thinking or feeling, or telling him or her what to do. Crossing from your lane to your partner’s lane, like crossing the middle lane on a highway, will result in an accident. Blame, criticism, and accusations are directed toward your partner. Don’t even think about going there.
#2. Concentrate on what makes sense.
In what your partner says to you, assume that even if your partner expresses his or her issues awkwardly or disrespectfully, they are authentic and important worries that you should be aware of. Being a good listener is essential for learning how to fix a relationship. This implies listening to learn rather than defending yourself or demonstrating what’s wrong with what you’re hearing.
#3. Maintain a sunny climate.
Thunderstorms with strong winds of rage will sweep you both out of each other’s life. If your emotions get turbulent, take a break and return to chat after both of you have returned to a calmer, sunnier state. Negative emotions cause damaged feelings because either person may say or do something they later regret.
#4. Respect one another.
Treat each other with the same respect, thoughtfulness, and affection that you would show to someone you truly adore. Spend time with each other and enjoy each other’s company.
Part II: How to Fix Relationship Map
Whether you’re surviving an affair or attempting to heal minor marriage issues, the road ahead is largely the same for any troubled relationship.
#1. Begin by going down the path of healing previous wounds.
As you discuss the disturbing exchanges that have affected you in the past, consider what you can learn from each of these distressing experiences. When considering how to fix a relationship, mistakes are for learning. You won’t be able to change anything, but you can learn from it. Share your experiences, and consider what you would do differently the next time. If your spouse joins you and does the same, you will be able to turn previous annoyances into great learning opportunities in your life journey together, and you will be able to achieve true forgiveness.
As you proceed, remember the first rule of couples therapy: stay in your lane. There will be no telling your lover what he or she did wrong. Just concentrate on self-awareness.
#2. Explore new avenues for your relationship
After a little journey down the route of mending previous wounds, the next step in restoring a relationship is to explore new avenues for your relationship – new methods of coping with similar events in the future. Remember to keep your eyes on the road ahead of you during this leg of your journey. What has been done is done. This stage of the trip focuses on developing a strategy for a brighter future.
Provide examples of what you will do differently, both now and in the future. Create new answers to existing problems that have caused tensions between you by suggesting what you will do differently rather than telling your partner what you want him or her to change.
Read Also: MIXED SIGNALS: How to Read, Interpret & Deal with 10 Most Common Signals
#3. Note the DO NOT ENTER SIGNS
Finally, this map has a couple of large DO NOT ENTER signs. Stay away from side roads that lead to alcoholism and other addictions, rage, and affairs. Those paths will very certainly lead you astray, taking you further and further away from your destination.
When There’s Been a Breach of Trust
When trust is broken, there will be a rift in the relationship. It may be painful to face this issue, but keeping it unresolved will not benefit anyone in the long run.
1. Take full responsibility if you are at fault.
If there has been infidelity or trust has been broken, it is important to accept full responsibility for what occurred and be aware of how your actions hurt your partner.
Avoid being defensive or sidestepping your mistake, but also abstain from self-loathing. “You should own it in a loving way that creates the space to start to rebuild trust,” says clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar.
2. Extend compassion and care to the person you have hurt.
If you’ve hurt your partner, it’s easy to slide into feelings of guilt and disappointment in yourself. But that won’t help any of you.
Rather than beating yourself up for what you did wrong, try directing that energy toward expressing care and compassion to your partner.
3. Give your partner the opportunity to win back your trust.
While you have every right to be hurt and angry, there should be a desire to improve the relationship.
“Trust can never be restored until the person whose trust was broken allows their partner a chance to earn it back,” according to Kraushaar.
4. Practice radical transparency.
Instead of suppressing their emotions, Kraushaar advises people to be “radically transparent” with one another about what hurt them. This involves actually putting everything out there, even if you feel ridiculous or self-conscious about admitting certain things.
If you breached the trust, you must also be completely honest with yourself about why you did so. Was it just a lapse of judgment? Was it an attempt to sabotage a situation you had no way out of?
5. Consult with a professional.
Broken trust can have a negative impact on all parties involved.
If there has been a severe breach, consider working with a trained therapist who specializes in relationships and can provide guidance for healing.
After a Big Fight
Picking up the pieces after a big fight can seem overwhelming. Try these techniques to help you all move forward.
1. Use skilled communication.
Once tempers have subsided, it is important that you each get an opportunity to express yourself. Allow each person space to express their point of view.
“Being open and honest about one’s thoughts and intentions about the relationship itself and the future can restore — or newly create — a sense of safety” in the relationship, says Montreal psychologist and relationship specialist Zofia Czajkowska.
2. Speak from your heart.
To ensure that your partner actually hears you, communicate what you’re really experiencing below the tension.
Avoid accusatory words like “You did this to me!”. Instead, say something like, “When X happens, I feel Y, and I think it would be helpful if you could do Z to reassure me or prevent that from happening in the future.”
3. Actively listen.
If you find yourself constructing a rebuttal in your head while someone is speaking to you, you are not truly listening. “You’re getting ready to defend yourself or go to battle,” Czajkowska explains.
“Winning” an argument is never truly winning, she says. “If your partner feels that they lost, it will likely contribute to more distance, tension, and resentment, so in the long run, you lose too.”
4. Break the pattern.
When rebuilding a relationship, Czajkowska suggests considering it as a new one rather than saving an old one.
“Seeing it this way creates an opportunity for defining rules and boundaries from the beginning,” Czajkowska points out.
This includes striving to understand and solve underlying issues, as well as letting go of any resentments you may have harboured in the past.
How to Fix a Relationship: Frequently Asked Questions
Relationships are fixed in what way?
Couples can learn to communicate well with one another. They can solve even the most difficult challenges with great communication skills and an understanding of how to make win-win decisions. Anger has the potential to disrupt a relationship. Emotion management is also important for staying on track. Finally, support and positivity are the glue that keeps you together in the long run.
Is It Possible To Fix Every Relationship?
Not every relationship is salvageable. Some behaviors are completely unacceptable. Many disagreements, even those that have caused significant anguish, can be resolved with the right skills.
How Long Does It Take To Fix a Broken Relationship?
It depends; each partnership is unique. Small improvements in communication and emotion regulation can frequently make a significant difference in a short period. However, major adjustments might sometimes necessitate a significant amount of time and effort spread out across several weeks or months.
What Steps Are Involved in Fixing a Relationship?
1) Move on from old wounds.
2) Forge new paths forward.
3) Maintain your focus.
What Is a Dead Relationship?
A dead-end relationship is simply a relationship that cannot progress – a situation in which there are several concerns that make you want to put a stop to your future together.
Is It Normal to Lose the Spark in a Relationship?
Yes, long-term couples frequently ponder how to keep a relationship alive. The issue isn’t the loss of the spark in a relationship; the issue emerges when partners lack the dedication to revive the passion.
Is It Normal to Lose Feelings in a Relationship?
It’s very normal to sometimes feel more or less in love with your lover. At the same time, having stillness in a relationship that leaves you feeling lost or doubting its future is unpleasant. You may still “love” your partner and wish to continue working with them.
The Bottom Line
Ultimately, you will need to decide whether the relationship is worth the effort required to keep it from falling apart.
It is also wise to make sure that everyone involved is dedicated to saving the relationship. If you are the only one ready to do the work, reconciliation is unlikely.
However, any form of abuse, whether physical, verbal, or emotional, is a major red flag.. Keep in mind that signs of toxicity can be subtle. Are you walking on eggshells with your partner? Have you lost confidence or sense of self?
If you feel you are experiencing abuse of any type, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).
