An affair is a romantic and emotionally intense relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner. Generally, affairs are triggered by lust or infatuation. Also, having affairs without the knowledge of your partner will lead to broken trust in your relationship or marriage.
Affairs Start With a Conversation
Basically, communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. So, constant communication with someone of the opposite sex or even the same sex can trigger a lot. Conversations that are sexual and full of compliments expressing desire usually spark a flame. Alternatively, regular conversations with someone who makes you feel heard and appreciated or with whom you have a connection can also lead to an affair. Hence, vulnerability and openness in such conversations are like oxygen and wildfire.
How to Stop Having Affairs
Firstly, you must understand that you are having an illicit relationship outside of marriage, which will put your family in a lot of pain when the cat gets out of the bag. So, the best thing or best decision is to put it to a stop. There’s usually this excitement you’ll feel being on the borders of having fun and getting caught. But the latter is not a pretty situation at all. However, you may have feelings of excitement or desire that are lacking in your marriage or relationship. However, the endpoint of everything is the deep guilt and hurt for you and your partner.
Following that note, you may want to stop having affairs, but it’s a difficult addiction to break free from. However, you can break free from such addictions with the following steps.
#1. Making Your Expectations Real
It’s important to keep your expectations realistic when you’ve finally made up your mind to end any illicit affairs. Certainly, the feeling of guilt towards your partner is inevitable. But over time, trust and happiness in your marriage or relationship can be rebuilt.
#2. Write Down How to Go About It
Let go of your partner in crime in your heart, and come to terms with the fact that you’re married to someone else and not them. Also, confrontations may help the case. However, telling them you want to break up and face your marriage may be nerve-wracking. But having it written down beforehand will help get your thoughts right. Also, through the thought process, you will be able to make your points clear.
#3. Consider the People That Might Get Hurt
By now, you must be aware that hurt is inevitable as it concerns illicit affairs. You, your marriage, and your partner in crime are all victims of hurt. However, this hurt can go beyond these parties. It could go the extra mile to affect your children and extended family members. Hence, your children will be disappointed; family and friends will say they never expected this from you.
#4. Put an End to the Affair
Don’t just pause it. The temptation might still be around the neighborhood, so don’t just pause it; instead, you should end it totally. Because hesitation can cause you to lose your nerve, it is important to end it once and for all.
#5. Make Your Meetings Open
There’s always that one ex that is temptation personified. Mainly the one that leverages your weakness. They know you too well. Your soft spots and all. They know that you can’t say “no” to them. So, they call you to meet up with them at places that bring back old memories and emotions. If you know that you can’t handle such meetings, cancel them, or better yet, keep them open by letting your spouse go with you.
#6. Keep Your Partner Informed
This part may be difficult for you because affairs thrive on secrecy. But for the sake of your marriage and to get control of your life, telling your partner will be the best thing to do. If they’re not aware of it, come clean to them. Tell them about everything and apologize deeply. However, be careful not to share every hurtful detail. Also, make your spouse realize that you are human and you made a mistake. But do not downplay the affair in the process. Hence, this can either dissolve your marriage or make it stronger.
#7. Commit to saving your marriage
Both you and your partner should come to terms with the fact that mistakes are bound to happen. So, you both progressively work towards restoring your marriage. Although this will most likely be a hurtful period in your marriage or family, most couples are helped in such situations, either through therapy or counseling. However, at this stage, you don’t expect your spouse to be all cheerful and happy. This will be a moment of sober reflection for them and for you as well. Here, they remember the good old days and how the marriage began. But you should give them time to heal, exercise patience, and exhibit some level of understanding. Reassure your spouse you will give you all to save the marriage.
How Are Most Affairs Discovered
Having an affair may seem harmless, but it is, in fact, the most dangerous game many people tend to play. Because it’s not a win-win game, eventually, you’ll have to lose one to have the other or lose both. Despite how smart you are, you can’t successfully have affairs in a relationship without your partner being aware.
Meanwhile, having an affair doesn’t really signal the end of a relationship. In some cases, getting caught only leads to the end of a relationship. 75% of couples work through a partner having an affair. The vast majority of couples caught having affairs have been caught at some point, so if you’re fooling around, the chances of yours not coming out are very slim.
The following are how most affairs are discovered;
Through Their Phones
The only place you can discover someone is having an affair is through their phone. You can’t successfully have an affair outside the jurisdiction of your phone. Either you’re on it all the time, or you’re always hiding it; either way, it’s very easy for you to become a suspect.
You always lie about your whereabouts. Lying about where you went to and who you went to see could be enough evidence that you’re having an affair.
Getting Outside Information
Most people get their information about their partner’s affair from a third party. This could be either from friends or people around. 15% of people who discovered that their partners were in an affair were told by a friend or family member. This may sound like a stab in the back, but regardless, it’s also good that those friends had the moral fiber to do the right thing.
7 Types of Affairs
When people are bored, and the relationship is not fulfilling them emotionally or physically, they go out looking for something that will keep them busy. This is what brings about these signs.
Thanks to technology, things are way easier than they used to be. The online space now affords us the luxury of meeting different kinds of people. There are dating apps that can hook up millions of people online, and this has contributed to the high rate of cyber affairs across the globe.
An emotional affair is an act of having feelings for someone else rather than your partner. Lots of people feel having an affair is only when you have sex outside your marriage. Well, it’s not. In other words, just having the feeling and acting on it counts as having an affair emotionally.
Marriage is a commitment to one person, which, come what may, has to be just you and that person. But then, you see a lot of people these days, after some couple of years of the bailout. Very accurately, marriage comes with a lot of baggage. However, your ability to spice it up keeps it going and makes it less boring for you. Having extramarital affairs only makes things worse.
This has become more popular in the world today as people are now open-minded about it.
It basically means that you’re at liberty to engage others in extramarital affairs with your spouse’s blessings.
You are permitted to do anything, enjoy other people’s company, and have fun.
One Night Stand Affair
As its name implies, a one-night stand is an exclusive sex affair. However, lots of couples don’t see one nightstand as having an affair, even when they are fully aware that it is hurtful to their partners. Some say it’s a moment of weakness; others say it’s a moment of transgression.
But, in general, it often wasn’t planned; it just happened, probably when they must have had a lot to drink or even experienced a sad moment. It also occurs with strangers acting on impulse.
Most times, people who have a one-night stand don’t tell their partners. They have this feeling of guilt and disgust for their actions and won’t want to ruin their relationship with their partners.
The Double Life Affair
This is the point where everything goes really bad. A double life affair is where the cheating partner’s body, soul, spirit, and even heart are connected to someone else rather than their partner, and the partner has no knowledge about it.
This partner lives a double life. Their emotional and physical needs are met with the cheating partner, while their basic and other needs are met with the marriage/relationship partner.
Such individuals get into marriage because they were forced or they are not happy. Whatever the reason may be, they feel caged out of it and indulge in this double life.
Individuals in this kind of affair are called sex addicts. They love the thrill that a new romance or a new body. Their goal is just to satisfy their urge anything about their partner is none of their business.
They feel like it’s uncontrollable, and that’s why they keep apologizing, yet they repeat the same thing over and over again. They love variety, and sex becomes an addiction to them, so they easily get bored with one person.
Why Do Some Affairs Last for Years
People who end up in affairs often can’t tell how they got to that point, only that they found themselves there and it became their reality.
However, here are a couple of reasons why some affairs may last for years;
- The affair could be a full-time escape from the marriage
- Some individuals are polyamorous
- It makes some individuals feel good
Having Affairs FAQs
What does having affairs mean?
Having an affair means indulging or sharing feelings with someone asides from your partner. It is an intense relationship with anyone other than your partner.
What are the 6 types of affairs?
The six types of affairs include;
- One Night Stand Affair
- Emotional Affair
- Sanctioned Affair
- Extramarital Affair
- Double Life Affair…
How long do affairs usually last?
According to experts, most affairs last from 6 to 24 months.