Emotional manipulation can destabilize close relationships and leave the victim feeling powerless, confused, and frustrated. This article will go into great detail about emotional manipulation, the definition of emotional manipulation, signs, examples, types, Emotional manipulation tactics, and so on…
However, everyone manipulates others from time to time, often without even realizing it; Some definitions of emotional manipulation are so broad that they can apply to any behavior.
Meaning of Emotional Manipulation
Emotional Manipulation is an attempt to sway a person’s emotions in order to get them to act or feel a certain way. While it is common in interpersonal relationships, it also occurs frequently on a larger scale. Advertisers routinely attempt to manipulate people’s emotions in order to persuade them to purchase a product.
Political candidates manipulate voters in order to win votes, persuade voters of false claims, or change a voter’s opinion on a particular issue.
Signs of Emotional Manipulation
#1. You have doubts about your reality:
Manipulation has many facets, but one of the most important is gaslighting, a conversational tactic designed to separate you from your gut instincts or logical assessments of the world.
When you doubt your reality, a manipulator has an easier time convincing and persuading you to align with their vision. The sole goal of gaslighting is to detach someone from reality and instill doubt in their minds.
#2. The relationship is highly emotional:
Manipulation in romantic relationships frequently entails fostering an intense, passionate connection that serves as the foundation for attempting to maintain control.
Manipulative and abusive partners frequently use fantasies of what is to come or the good times that have already occurred to keep relational partners confused, disoriented, and distracted.
#3. You are always afraid of been left-out:
When someone is being manipulated; they may begin to experience feelings of uncertainty, fear, or confusion. Many victims dismiss manipulation signs as normal give and take in a relationship; however, the presence of fear distinguishes healthy compromise from unhealthy manipulation.
#4. You have a hunch that something is wrong:
listening to your gut instinct is essential in assessing manipulation. The enteric nervous system, part of the Autonomic Nervous System; lives in our intestines and gut and is responsible for discerning sensory cues and transmitting that information to the brain. Their efforts together are designed to appraise threat; often this happens outside of our conscious awareness, which we notice as a ‘gut feeling
#5. You are self-conscious:
Manipulation’s goal is to maintain control over you by making you feel bad about yourself; one-way manipulators use their power over you to keep you complacent. They take advantage of your vulnerability. When you are vulnerable, they use your fears and insecurities to make themselves feel superior.
#6. They want you to rely entirely on them:
When you have no one else to turn to, the manipulator has an easier time controlling you. As a result, attempts at isolation or extreme codependence can be indicators of manipulation. They try to isolate you (physically, socially, and financially) and make you dependent on them. They gain control by limiting their resources and outside influences.
#7. They are constantly comparing you to others:
Making comparisons to others can be a form of manipulation. Manipulative people thrive on the idea that others will compete for their attention.
#8. They’ve managed to persuade your friends and family to be on their side:
Keep an eye out for ingratiating behaviors or other attempts to be seen in a favorable light as this is frequently; a deliberate attempt to drive further isolation between victims and their support system by creating the illusion of doubt. Manipulators may contact family members or close friends without informing their partners. When those side conversations create a smokescreen, increase in-fighting, or worsen isolation, it is manipulation.
Examples of Emotional Manipulation
#1. The unending victim:
Constant victims adopt these tactics as a way of life. In the majority of their relationships, they either feel or pretend to feel like victims. They have victimized reactions and tell their stories to the next person in a one-sided manner.
#2. One-upmanship Expert:
An expert in any possible topic corrects your smallest mistakes, finds your weak points, and reminds you of them while pretending to be of assistance.
#3. Dependent in Charge:
Someone who is dependent on you assumes authority and commands you with a commanding attitude.
#4. The Iron Fist:
The manipulator physically or mentally threatens you if you do not do what he wants.
#5. Triangulator:
A manipulator forms a temporary alliance with someone and turns him or her against others.
#6. Flirt:
Someone takes advantage of her attractiveness by offering or promising sex in exchange for other benefits.
#7. Projection:
People are unable to recognize their own problematic behavior. So look at it as if it were someone else’s problem.
#8. The deliberate mis-interpreter:
Manipulator purposefully misinterprets the meaning of words, sentences, entire scenes, or the motivation and intention of others.
#9. Multiple offenders:
The manipulator avoids a confrontation with an attack.
#10. The Blasters:
They use their anger to avoid confronting any issues that must be addressed. Teenagers are frequently misclassified as blasters, but they are not.
Tactics
People can use hundreds of different tactics to manipulate others. Among the most common are:
#1. Using a strong emotional bond to influence another person’s behavior:
In a romantic relationship, for example, an abusive person may try to manipulate a person by moving too quickly. They may overwhelm their victim with loving gestures in order to lower their victim’s guard or make them feel indebted.
#2. Taking advantage of a person’s insecurities:
This is a common advertising strategy, such as when a cosmetic company makes a person feel unattractive or old. It is also effective in interpersonal relationships. For example, someone may convince their romantic partner that no one else could possibly love them.
#3. Denial and lying:
Manipulators may bombard their victims with lies. When they’re caught, they may deny the lie or cover it up with another falsehood.
#4. Exaggeration and generalization
It’s difficult to respond to the accusation that you’re never loving or work hard. Specific details can be argued over, whereas broad accusations are often more difficult to refute.
#5. Change the subject:
In a debate over one person’s behavior, the individual may deflect attention away from themselves by attacking their critic. When one spouse expresses concern about their partner’s drug use, the partner may criticize their spouse’s parenting abilities.
#6. Move the goalposts:
This occurs when a manipulative person constantly changes the criteria that must be met in order to satisfy them. A bully, for example, may use their coworker’s clothes as an excuse to harass them. If the individual changes outfits, the bully may claim that the person does not deserve professional respect; until they change their hairstyle, accent, or other distinguishing feature.
#7. Using fear to exert control over another person:
A person may, for example, use violent threats or physically intimidating body language.
#8. Using social inequalities to exert control over another person:
A neurotypical person, for example, might try to demean or dismiss another person’s experiences by blaming them on a cognitive disability.
#9. Passive-aggression:
This is a broad category of behavior that encompasses a variety of strategies such as guilt-tripping, backhanded compliments, and others. Passive aggression is a way of expressing displeasure or anger without expressing the emotion directly.
#10. Using the silent treatment on someone:
It is acceptable to request time to reflect on an argument or to inform someone who has deeply hurt you that you no longer wish to speak with them. However, ignoring someone in order to punish them or make them fearful is a deceptive tactic.
#11. Gaslighting:
Gaslighting is the process of making the victim of manipulation doubt their understanding of reality. For example, an abusive person may deny that the abuse occurred, telling the victim that their memory is faulty.
#12. Enlisting the assistance of others to assist with manipulation:
An abusive parent, for example, may ask family members to remind a child of how much the parent has sacrificed for the child. The child may be persuaded to stop complaining about abusive behavior as a result of social pressure.
Depending on the situation, a manipulative person may combine or alternate between these tactics.
Why Do People Emotionally Manipulate Others?
Even when it causes enormous harm, not all manipulation is malicious. Manipulation is commonly used for a variety of reasons, including:
- Communication skills are lacking. Direct communication may be unsettling for some people. Others may have grown up in homes where manipulation was the norm.
- A desire to avoid being connected. Some people use manipulation to control others and treat them as a means to an end. This is sometimes a symptom of a personality disorder, such as narcissism.
- Fear. People may manipulate others out of fear, particularly fear of abandonment. This is common during breakups or fights in relationships.
- Defensiveness. Manipulation can be used to avoid responsibility. While some people avoid blame in order to control or abuse another person, others avoid it because they are afraid of being judged, have low self-esteem, or struggle to accept their flaws.
- Social conventions. Manipulation in some forms is normal, and may even be beneficial. For example, most people learn that it is critical to be friendly and cheerful around coworkers in order to advance professionally.
- Other financial or political incentives include marketing, advertising, and other financial or political incentives. Entire industries are dedicated to manipulating people’s emotions in order to persuade them to change their minds; buy products, or vote in a certain way.
In many cases, manipulative people were not taught how to communicate effectively. They were reprimanded by a powerful figure for expressing needs or desires. As a result, the original methods of connecting are supplanted by strategies based on avoiding any sense of failure.
How to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulation
Know that you are not to blame if you have fallen prey to manipulative tactics in the past. Almost everyone has been duped at some point. It’s impossible to avoid all manipulation.
Several strategies, on the other hand, can help you reduce the impact of emotional manipulation and establish clear boundaries. These are some of them:
- Communicating in a straightforward, clear, and specific manner. Direct communication can help you identify manipulation by modeling the behavior you want in your relationships.
- Knowing when manipulation is acceptable and when it is not. Most people make passive-aggressive or manipulative remarks on occasion. When manipulation is part of a systemic attempt to control or harm another person, it becomes more problematic and may even be abusive.
- Defining clear limits for manipulation. When someone tries to manipulate you, tell them how you want to be treated and stick to your rules. For example, I understand that you made a lot of sacrifices for me, but that doesn’t give you the right to dismiss me. I won’t be able to speak with you about this until you agree to stop changing the subject.
- Obtaining information from reliable third parties. This can be dangerous because manipulative people are known to recruit strangers. However, if you have a spouse, friend, or family member you can trust to be objective, they may be able to provide useful information.
Related articles: EMPATHY IN RELATIONSHIPS: Common Signs, Examples & Tips on Developing Empathy
Emotional Manipulation In Relationships
While manipulation techniques are similar in all situations; there is no one-size-fits-all approach to how it might appear in a romantic relationship. It can start out as control and intimidation, but over time, partners may notice an asymmetrical combination of lies; such as guilt trips, omissions, denials, rationalizations, or passive aggression. There is undoubtedly a wide range of experiences.
Selective manipulation can be annoying but harmless if it focuses on a single recurring issue. For example, one partner conveniently avoids housework, or they consistently work late on nights when your parents visit. Communication and setting boundaries can help with these issues, but you should be on the lookout for toxic manipulation; that can lead to abuse. These manipulative behaviors may lead to abuse if a romantic partner demands secrecy, has unpredictable mood swings, and downplays others’ distress.
Emotional Manipulation in Marriage
Most people understand how to manipulate others, but we choose mature and healthy ways of interacting with them. Most people strive to be respectful of their partners by communicating openly and honestly, especially in a marriage or other loving relationship.
Manipulation and other forms of emotional abuse from a romantic partner or anyone else in your life are never acceptable. Recognize and accept that emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation.
Here are some key points to help you recognize and eliminate unfair behavior in your marriage.
- Act as if the manipulation is unimportant.
- If your spouse continues to manipulate you, seek marriage counseling to help you both change your ways.
- Stop in the middle of a sentence if you find yourself manipulating. Make your questions or statements more direct.
- Recognize when you or your partner is manipulating the situation.
- When you feel manipulated, tell your spouse. Describe the manipulation and your feelings in detail.
Addressing Emotional Manipulation in Therapy
Treatment and therapy for manipulative behavior may be influenced by the underlying issues that are causing the behavior. Individual therapy may help a person understand why their behavior is unhealthy for themselves and those around them.
A counselor may also be able to help the manipulative person learn skills for interacting with others while respecting their boundaries. As well as address underlying insecurities that may be contributing to the behavior.
Certain mental health issues, such as borderline personality disorder, can cause people to feel anxious in relationships; leading them to be manipulative in order to feel secure.
In these cases, a therapist may assist the person in addressing their mental health issue, which can reduce anxiety and help them feel secure in their relationships.
Conclusion
No one deserves to be treated in this way by another person. Although emotional manipulation does not leave physical scars, it can have a long-term impact. You can both heal and grow as a result of this.
A therapist or counselor can assist you in recognizing potentially dangerous patterns. They can then assist you in learning how to confront the behavior and, hopefully, put an end to it.
EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION FAQs
What are red flags in a relationship?
Dr. Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, defines red flags as “signs that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship and that continuing down the road together would be emotionally dangerous.”
What are the signs when a relationship is over?
There Is No Emotional Bond
One of the most telling signs that your relationship is coming to an end is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A key component of happy, healthy relationships is that both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions with one another.
When should you let go of a relationship?
If you’re more anxious, sad, or angry than happy and positive, it might be time to end your relationship. You deserve (and will almost certainly find) a happy relationship, so don’t waste your time and energy on ones that make you unhappy.
