It’s typical for people in relationships to run into issues as they become older. Emotions or avarice are sometimes to blame for these issues. Manipulation is one form of issue that can arise in any relationship. This is a problem that has the potential to lead to others. That’s why this post will be dedicated to all you need to know about manipulative relationship.
What Is Manipulation?
Manipulation is the practice of exerting harmful control over others. To get what they want, people who manipulate others assault their mental and emotional states. The manipulator strives to establish an imbalance of power by taking advantage of a victim in order to gain power, control, perks, and/or privileges at the victim’s expense.
Manipulation can occur in both close and casual relationships, but it is more likely in the former. Everyone can, in a sense, manipulate others to acquire what they desire. Manipulation, on the other hand, is described as an attempt to manipulate someone’s emotions in order to get them to act or feel a specific way.
Why People Manipulate Others
People manipulate others to acquire what they desire in general. They may feel compelled to punish, dominate, or control their partner. Also, they could be looking for sympathy or attention, or they could have other selfish intentions. They may also be attempting to manipulate or wear down a partner in order to meet their own wants.
Adult manipulators often come from a problematic familial background (the family one grows up in). They may have had to manipulate to get fundamental needs satisfied or avoid harsh punishment, or they may have been manipulated by their parents and learnt how to interact negatively with others.
Signs of manipulative relationship
Manipulative relationship is defined as “trying to force a partner to behave the way you want them to by making them feel awful about their true thoughts, feelings, and actions,” according to sex and intimacy expert Leah Carey. Gaslighting, threats, and theatrical displays are all common examples, and they may all be harmful to your relationship and your health.
#1. Your Partner Crosses Boundaries
If you set a boundary, anyone who tries to cross it should be avoided. When you tell a partner what you are or are not OK with, they might either say “Cool, I can live with this” or “That’s something I can’t live with, I’ll go,” according to Carey. You may be able to reach an agreement on some issues, but you should never feel threatened or coerced into doing so.
#2. They Won’t Take No For An Answer
Take note if someone tells you they love you and then becomes upset when you don’t reciprocate. “A proclamation of love does not imply that the other person must reciprocate,” Carey explains. “Telling someone you love them is similar to giving them a present. Hopefully, you’re giving it out of a position of abundance, with no expectation of receiving anything in return. Commerce is the expectation of a similar gift in return, and manipulation is requiring it in order for the connection to continue.”
Katie Utterback, CLC, an ICF-certified life coach, agrees. She tells Bustle, “Manipulators don’t want you to be able to balance all the advantages and downsides.” “They don’t want you to think things through,” says the narrator. They want you to make hasty, spur-of-the-moment decisions since it’s one method for them to measure how much control you have.”
#3. They Make Dramatic Statements
Is there yet another red flag? Dramatic remarks like “I believed you of all people would understand” or “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved” are frequently used by a manipulative individual. Carey believes it’s an indication of emotional manipulation if they try to persuade, weep, or shame you into changing your mind.
#4. They “Cry” On Key
There’s a lot of crying going on. Tears may flow during a difficult conversation, but pay attention if your partner seems to be pushing them out, according to Utterback. She adds, “Real tears make snot as well.” “People that are emotionally manipulative have crocodile tears and may make their voice sound unsteady, but it’s all a ruse to get you to do what they want.”
#5. They Maintain Home Court Advantage
Control is the goal of manipulation, and one strategy for gaining control is to pull someone out of their element. Consider where you live, where you hang out, who you see on dates, and where you visit your friends. Is this a complete list of your partner’s preferred hangout spots? Do you have the impression that you live in your partner’s world but they don’t live in yours? When someone isn’t in a comfortable environment, it’s much easier to manage them.
#6. They Want You To Prove Your Love
Keep a watch out for partners who are continually putting your love to the test, perhaps by beginning talks with the phrase “If you truly loved me.” “If you loved me, you’d do the dishes,” to “If you loved me, you’d have sex with me right now.” Furthermore, this strategy uses guilt and emotion to persuade or humiliate you into doing something you don’t want to or shouldn’t. No matter how benign it appears, it’s a sort of manipulation.
#7. They Expect You To React A Certain Way
Consider how Greg hoped Katie would assist him in dealing with the effects of his childhood trauma. It’s unrealistic to expect a new spouse to be emotionally caring, according to therapist Katie Ziskind, LMFT. It’s also unreasonable to expect anyone, long-term relationship or not, to serve as a therapist. “You need to work with a professional therapist who you hire to listen to you and respond in a caring, hence nurturing way if you want to be emotionally nurtured,” she says. “Greg is attempting to enlist the help of the incorrect individual who isn’t ready to commit.”
#8. They Use Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail is unattractive. According to Utterback, a spouse will try to make you feel afraid, obligated, or guilty for your limits or decisions. They may also try to scare you into doing things their way by hanging something over your head, such as a discussion or a secret you shared. “Everything here is a red flag.”
#9. They Play The Victim
Consider the following scenario: You and your partner had a fight. Your partner is sad and “can’t believe you’d hurt them like that,” regardless of who was at fault, what was said, or what actually happened even if your partner was the one who did something wrong. It’s a technique for them to escape taking responsibility for their own acts while making you feel like a horrible, unworthy spouse.
#10. Gaslighting
Gaslighting, according to Rachel DeAlto, Match’s leading dating specialist, is when someone tries to make you doubt yourself by twisting reality. According to Bustle, their purpose is to make it appear as if you misread or misremembered something, which “allows them to get away with something that would otherwise be inappropriate.” It’s also a strange, manipulative technique to keep you in the relationship by making you believe it’s not so bad, or that their cruelty is “all in your head.”
How to get out of manipulative relationship
If you fear you or someone you know is in a manipulative or even abusive relationship, experts suggest seeking treatment from a therapist or aid from groups like the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. According to Stines, a good support group can also help. “People who are in toxic relationships need to hear opposing viewpoints from time to time. They’ve been socialized to believe that the encounters are typical. Someone needs to assist them in breaking free from that presumption.”
Other forms of manipulation, according to Stines, should be avoided by attempting to avoid allowing the manipulative behaviour to influence you personally. Thus, “Keep in mind the mantra, ‘Observe, don’t absorb,’” she advises. “We aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings,” after all.
Establishing boundaries can help to keep manipulation at bay in many situations. More so, people who manipulate have poor limits, according to Stines. “As a human being, you have your own volitional experience and need to know where you finish and the other person begins. Manipulators frequently have either too strict or excessively entangled boundaries.”
Manipulative relationship test
One of your friends owes you money but shows no sign of paying it back. You:
- Ask directly for the money, for the sake of your friendship
- Don’t mention it and assume you’ll never get it back
- Send her an invoice for an amount far higher than that which she owes
- As a hint, lead your friend to believe you’re having trouble paying your rent/mortgage
You suspect that your partner is cheating on you. You:
- Cook a candle-lit supper to win them over again
- Don’t say anything. Maybe it’s a passing thing
- Confront them they’re not leaving until they tell you the truth
- Go through their pockets and check their phone to see if they are hiding anything
Your partner would like to go on holiday to Seville this summer but you would prefer to go and see a friend in Edinburgh. What do you say to your partner?
- Oh, come on, you’ll love Edinburgh!
- Are you sure you want to go to Seville?
- If you don’t want to come to Edinburgh, I’ll go by myself
- Seville’s a great idea, but the heat makes me feel ill
As a child, how did you persuade your parents to buy you that toy you really wanted? You:
- Gave your parents a hug before asking them
- Waited until you’d got good grades to use as a bargaining tool
- Pestered them continually
- Had a tantrum and cried
You’re working late but you want to leave to meet a friend for a drink. You’d really appreciate it if a colleague finished off your work for you. You:
- Tell them that they’d be much quicker at it than you
- Would never ask. Your colleague has got her own work to do
- Ask them politely if they would be able to help you out and you would return the favour
- Beg them to do it, ‘for me’
Conclusion
Manipulation may appear to be a simple or “natural” approach to cope with a difficult situation or get things to go your way, but it is harmful to your relationships. You and your love ones deserve to be communicate in an open and kind manner.
FAQ
What is a toxic manipulative relationship?
When you’re in a healthy relationship, the other person loves you for who you are. They encourage you to be yourself maybe a “better version” of yourself, but still fundamentally you. In contrast, toxic manipulative relationships tell you that you’re never good enough and that you need to be someone else.
Do manipulators love you?
In this dynamic one person’s idea of love is based on measuring how much their partner is willing to do for them. Manipulators aren’t interested in loving you, they are interested in you loving them and conforming to their needs; then convincing you that this is love
Do manipulators apologize?
A manipulative apology will always be followed by a hundred reasons and justifications for their wrong-doing. An apology is supposed to empathise with the victim rather than a mere excuse for what the perpetrator had done.
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