Insecurities affect people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds, but many people go to great lengths to conceal their symptoms. Depending on the individual and the situation, it may manifest as unwanted feelings such as anger; shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and indecision. Depending on the circumstances, these feelings may be consistent or fluctuate frequently. This article focuses on how to get over insecurities and the best simple steps in any relationship.
People who are insecure may experience drastic changes in their relationships. They could be completely smitten with someone they just met; only to have that person fall out of their favor days later. Alternatively, they may endure long periods of dissatisfaction in a relationship, hoping that; things will improve or fearing what will happen if the relationship ends.
Insecurities can also cause a person to be late, unreliable, and hesitant to try new activities or be around; new people for fear of being judged. Because of their low resiliency, they do not believe they can withstand even the mildest criticism.
How to Get Over Insecurities
We all try to overcome insecurities at some point; it’s a natural way to determine whether our endeavors will be successful or fail. This is very good quality if you’re trying to decide whether or not to jump; the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle.
In daily life, however, being too insecure to attempt even minor tasks, such as speaking honestly to friends; limits your ability to enjoy the time you have on earth. Life is constantly changing, and what is stable today may be broken or gone tomorrow.
But if you empower yourself, you can always rebuild, overcome, and keep moving forward on your own; you can find happiness wherever you go. Steps to Overcoming Insecurities
Step 1: Shifting Your Perspective
1. Practice being objective.
If you’re feeling like you can’t accomplish something, take a step outside of yourself; for a moment and imagine you’re a completely different person. Consider what you would say to a stranger in your situation. For example, if you’re nervous about attending a party where you don’t know many people; or if you’re interviewing for a new job, consider what advice you would give to someone in a similar situation. If you look at it this way, you’ll see that there’s nothing to be afraid of and that you can succeed if you put your mind to it.
2. Write down your fears.
Write down everything you’re worried about and everything that makes you feel like you can’t accomplish anything. Read them over and ask yourself how many of them are rational and how many are the result of negative thinking. Take the time to consider what is at the root of your fears, whether it’s embarrassing yourself; disappointing your parents, or not having the life you want. See how many of your fears you can face and how many positive solutions you can come up with for all of the things that are bothering you.
3. Recall all of your successes.
Instead of focusing on all the times you’ve embarrassed yourself, failed at something, or just looked silly, you should take a long, hard look at all the times you’ve done exceptionally well. Consider your academic success, the great friendships you’ve maintained, or just random occasions when you made a group of people laugh because of your winning sense of humor. The more wonderful memories you have, the more confident you will be that you will have more in the future.
4. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Also, be truthful in your response.
If you get a new haircut and a few people don’t like it, it’s unlikely to end the world. If you despise it, guess what: hair grows. Don’t let these petty concerns keep you from trying something new. You’ll be more likely to be dynamic and take risks once you realize that the worst-case scenario isn’t all that bad.
If you can’t tell when your responses stop being reasonable and start being ridiculous, run it by someone whose judgment you trust. They should be able to tell you whether your worst-case scenario is feasible or exaggerated.
5. Now ask yourself, “What is the best thing that could happen?”
This is something that insecure people don’t do nearly enough. Assume you’re nervous about going on a first date with someone you’ve been set up with. The best thing that can happen is that you and the person click and begin a meaningful and satisfying relationship. Isn’t this worth going on a date for? Though the best thing ever isn’t always likely to happen, having it on the table can help you approach new tasks with a positive mindset.
6. Recall your positive qualities.
This is another method for overcoming insecurities. You must keep your positive qualities at the forefront of your mind in order to feel secure. Make a list of everything you admire about yourself, from your friendliness to your intelligence, and keep it at the forefront of your mind whenever you interact with someone.
7. Exercise positive self-talk.
It is especially difficult to recognize negative self-talk if you have been doing it for a long time. If you constantly tell yourself that you’re a loser, a failure, or that you can’t do anything right, you’ll feel that way forever. Instead, work on telling yourself positive things about yourself so that you’re more likely to approach new tasks with a positive mindset and a desire to succeed.
8. Consider why you tell yourself no. Begin saying yes more frequently.
Instead of telling yourself all the reasons why you want to say no to a new experience, consider what might happen if you said yes. Even if all of your no answers are correct, then yes scenario could lead to new and unexpected outcomes. If you get a little hurt after saying yes to a new experience, you can recover and have a new experience under your belt more quickly than if you simply said no. Even if nothing comes of it, you can be happy to know that you are the type of positive and outgoing person who is willing to try new things.
When you are insecure about your relationship, try some of the steps outlined above to overcome insecurities. Finding happiness within oneself is also beneficial. If you’re a generally happy person, chances are you’ll make other people and your partner happy, leading to confidence and away from insecurity.
Related Articles: HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP? (Detailed Guide)
Step 2: Taking Action
1. Continue to nurture the business.
Take note of the friends you keep and their attitudes toward others, themselves, and you. If you notice that the majority of your friends are highly critical, criticizing your clothing, body, decisions, speech, or behavior on a daily basis, you may want to seek out less judgmental friends. Instead, seek out people who have positive things to say about others and are not quick to pass judgment.
2. Be more forgiving of others.
Don’t be too quick to pass judgment on yourself. Trying to bring others down may appear to lift you up, but in reality, every time you bring someone else down, you are also criticizing a quality you possess and bringing yourself down. Instead, lift others up. You will not only have a better chance of making friends and having meaningful relationships, but you will also be elevating yourself.
3. Every day, do one thing that excites you.
It doesn’t have to be dangerous; simply go to a part of town you’ve never been to before and enter a random store. See what you can find there. Talk to the clerk. The more new and exciting experiences you have, the more likely you are to be excited by life rather than afraid of new things or new people. If you know you’re capable of doing exciting things every day, you’ll stop believing that anything you try will fail.
4. Address the flaws that can be addressed.
If you despise your freckles or the sound of your own voice, there may not be much you can do about it. If you can’t change your flaws, you have to work on accepting them. However, if there are aspects of yourself that you can change, such as how easily you become stressed, your lack of compassion, or your lack of conviction, you must take some steps to work on the things you can work on. Yes, we are all born with a certain disposition, and it is difficult to completely transform yourself; however, you can definitely work on improving the qualities that you can improve.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Comparing yourself to people you know, or even people you see on television, is one of the best ways to ensure you’ll be insecure. If you do that, you’re bound to find a way to make yourself feel ugly, poor, unsuccessful, or a variety of other unflattering things simply because you believe you’ll never measure up to other people. Instead, concentrate on the things that will improve your life according to your own standards, not those of others.
6. Discuss it with a close friend.
One method for dealing with insecurities is to discuss them with a close friend. Having someone who knows and understands you can help you gain an unbiased perspective and make you feel as if your worries or fears are irrational. A good friend will encourage you, tell you that you can achieve your goals, and will assist you in dispelling any negativity and doubt in your life.
7. Develop your skills in order to excel at something.
Being good at something is one way to feel better about yourself. It could be dancing, writing short stories, painting, telling jokes, or being fluent in a foreign language. It doesn’t matter what it is; what matters is that you’ve invested enough time and effort in it to be able to say, “Hey, I’m really good at this.” Making an effort to succeed at something and committing to doing it on a regular basis can definitely help you feel good about yourself.
8. Teach yourself to laugh at yourself.
In general, insecure people take themselves very seriously. They are constantly concerned with failing or embarrassing themselves. People who have a good sense of humor about themselves and understand that everyone makes a fool of themselves from time to time tend to be more secure because they accept and are okay with making mistakes. Instead of worrying about always looking good, you should learn to laugh at yourself and make jokes when things don’t go as planned. It’ll be a huge relief to start the day with more laughter and fewer concerns about everything going perfectly.
9. Gather as much information as possible.
One of the reasons you may be feeling insecure is that you dislike dealing with uncertainty. You may be unsure of what to expect at a party, in a new class, or on a trip where you will be meeting new people. While you can’t predict what will happen in a given situation, you can make yourself feel better by learning more about it and feeling more in control. This will make you feel more confident about what is going to happen.
10. Keep in mind that you are not alone.
You may believe that you are the only person in the world who constantly doubts himself or who believes that he does not measure up. However, it is important to remember that everyone, including supermodels and extremely successful businessmen, has felt insecure at some point in their lives. Insecurity is a natural part of life, and once you stop feeling insecure about your insecurities, you’ll be well on your way to feeling better! Everyone has something about which they are self-conscious, and your concerns are entirely understandable. Knowing this can put you on the road to feeling better right away.
11. Experiment with mindful meditation.
For 10 minutes, sit or lie down comfortably with your eyes closed, focusing solely on your breathing. Try to clear your mind of any stressful thoughts and release any physical tension in your body. Meditation can help you divert your attention away from insecurities and worries, leaving you with a sense of peace and calm.
How to Get Over Insecurities after being cheated on
Whether you’re trying to overcome insecurities from being cheated on in the past, or you’re trying to improve your current relationship. It’s not easy to overcome one’s insecurities. But it’s also not impossible. You can make progress with the right support and guidance. Here’s a step-by-step guide to getting over insecurities after being cheated on to get you started:
1. Look into the root cause of cheating.
To overcome insecurities and anxiety after being cheated on, you must first investigate why the cheating occurred. While many experts believe it is not your fault, if you dig deep enough, you will discover that you may have played a role. So you must determine why it occurred in the first place. Was there something in your relationship that made your partner unhappy, dissatisfied, or suffocated? As strange as it may sound, accepting that something went wrong allows you to better understand your partner’s actions.
2. Hold an open and honest discussion
To stop being paranoid after being cheated on, have an open and honest conversation with your partner to help them understand that you recognize the problem existed. That you recognize it for what it is. Your ability to empathize will reassure your partner that you are truly willing to forgive them and be there for them no matter what. This can be the first crucial step in breaking through the ice, paving the way for re-establishing trust after cheating, and ultimately, strengthening your bond.
Of course, you are not required to accept responsibility for your partner’s actions. If that’s where they’re at, you should think about whether it’s worth it to give the relationship another chance. Instead, the goal should be to admit that there were gaps in your relationship that allowed a third person to enter.
3. Work on your problems
It’s critical to ask your unfaithful partner the right questions in order to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. For example, Marsha and Ricky realized, after many discussions and candid conversations, that a lack of interest and investment in each other’s professional journeys was driving them apart on some level.
That’s how the affair began. Ricky had delivered a powerful presentation at work. But he knew Marsha, who didn’t understand the corporate work culture, wouldn’t understand why it was such a big deal. As a result, he shared his joy with a coworker friend. They eventually kissed. As Marsha and Ricky did, once you and your partner have identified the one irritant or relationship issue that may have acted as a catalyst for your partner’s cheating, work together to resolve it. If you can’t figure it out on your own, consider going to couple’s therapy and working with a professional.
4. Maintain transparency
To overcome insecurities after being cheated on, you and your partner must collaborate to ensure complete transparency in your relationship. Yes, privacy and space are important in a relationship, but for the time being, your focus should be on demonstrating that there are no walls or skeletons waiting to fall out of the closet in your partnership.
Transparency entails not only telling each other the truth about your day’s events or whereabouts but also being completely honest and forthright about your emotions and feelings. If, as a partner who has been cheated on, you find it difficult to believe something your partner has told you, tell them without accusing or blaming them. It may not be the most convenient option, but it is far healthier than sneakily checking their phone or social media accounts.
Similarly, if your partner’s proximity to someone or their behavior in certain situations makes you feel insecure, tell them. When doing so, use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. ‘I felt insecure when you were flirting with that woman at today’s party,’ will convey the message more effectively than ‘Your flirtatious nature makes me insecure.’
5. Make joyful memories together.
To get over insecurities, you must stop thinking about being dumped. One way to accomplish this is to do something fun together and make new happy memories. Choose a shared hobby and devote time to it every day or week.
If you consistently create precious happy memories, they may become an effective counter to paranoia and overthink after being cheated on. Besides, your partner wouldn’t want to ruin your blissful moments together. Any other happy moments your partner may have had would be overshadowed by the happiness you create together.
6. Accept your insecurity
You have been dumped. Your faith has been shaken. You may be struggling to make sense of your world at this point or to know who or what to believe. So, don’t go about pretending that everything is normal. Just because you chose to reconcile after infidelity does not mean that all of the emotions that arise as a result of such a transgression will be resolved on their own. Being cheated on alters your personality. Accept it.
Accepting and normalizing these unpleasant emotions is the answer to how to get over insecurities after being cheated on. Discuss your feelings with your partner. Make a friend your confidante. Talk to your therapist about it if you’re considering counseling.
7. Don’t make your partner feel guilty.
The constant fear of cheating can make the relationship unbearable for both you and your partner. You won’t be able to repair the damage caused by being cheated on if you obsessively worry that your partner is sleeping around every time they leave the house.
Similarly, using snarky remarks or low blows to remind your partner of their transgression will not help your relationship. If anything, it will bind you to that traumatic event until the relationship collapses under its own weight.
8. Make certain that your partner cuts out the other person.
Marsha agreed to take Ricky back after his affair with a coworker on one condition: he must permanently cut the other woman out of his life. Ricky followed through on his promise by not only terminating the relationship but also requesting a transfer to a different office.
To stop being paranoid after being cheated on, make sure your partner is no longer in contact with the person with whom they were involved. At all costs, they must be removed from the equation.
9. Use positive affirmation.
Your partner’s infidelity may not have been your fault, but your mind will try to convince you that it was. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, doubting your self-worth are all manifestations of insecurities stemming from broken trust. These, however, can be mitigated by copious amounts of self-love.
To get over being cheated on in the past or your current relationship, practice positive affirmation. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and deserving of love, that your partner is lovely and deserving of your commitment, and that your relationship is priceless.
How to Get Over Insecurities in Relationships
My relationship insecurity caused me to see problems where none existed, transforming what could have been a successful relationship into a short-lived, depressing failure. Do you have that feeling? If this is the case, here are some strategies for dealing with relationship insecurities:
1. Stop thinking that everything revolves around you.
A self-centered worldview will have you searching for boogeymen where none exist. If your partner doesn’t want to go out, don’t assume it’s because of you when they could have had a particularly bad day at work that sapped their energy. Stop psychoanalyzing every word choice your partner makes and become more present at the moment to notice the message hidden behind their tone, physical presence, and posture. Obsessing over hidden meanings is a sure way to miss the mark.
Don’t chastise your partner for being too quiet or ask, “What are you thinking?” at every pause in the conversation. An insecure person’s habit is to fill every second of silence with unnecessary words. Take your partner’s hand in yours, breathe in and out together, and enjoy the silence. Who says you can’t just be with each other without saying anything?
2. Quit freaking yourself out.
Your thoughts can be your best friend or your worst enemy in a relationship. The quality of your thoughts influences the quality of your relationship. Have you ever found yourself thinking negative thoughts such as, “I know they’ll get tired of me someday,” or “How could they love me?” These are fear-based thoughts that have little to do with reality. In other words, the issue you’re concerned about doesn’t exist—you created it!
3. Stop lugging all of your belongings around with you.
Have you ever been in a relationship that was so bad that you wished you could just wash it all away so you wouldn’t have to think about it again? Join the group. You’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t have some baggage because love is an unpredictable (and occasionally rocky) ride.
A little baggage is fine, but you should lighten your load before entering into a new relationship. Let go of any lingering hurtful feelings and recognize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you.
4. Get out of the habit of seeing things in black and white.
How do you respond when someone accuses you of something you don’t believe is your fault? Similarly, confronting your partner about a problem, no matter how obvious it appears to you, will almost certainly cause them to become defensive. This usually results in a knock-down, drag-out fight that is the polar opposite of productive because you’re both too preoccupied with proving your point to resolve your conflict.
If you have a problem, instead of blaming your partner, approach him or her with compassion and understanding.
5. Stop being paranoid about nothing.
Let’s face it: we all converse with people of the opposite gender. Just because a boy and a girl (or a boy and a girl) are friends does not imply that there is more to the story. Resist the urge to snoop on your partner’s phone, Facebook messages, or email account. While this may temporarily calm your nerves if you see nothing suspicious, it is also a behavior that can quickly become addictive, not to mention damaging to relationship trust if they discover Big Brother is watching.
6. Stop putting off difficult conversations.
While conflict is stressful for your relationship in the short term, it will strengthen it in the long term. Facing your problems head-on will bring you closer to your partner. Never mince your words with each other, and you will develop such strong trust that you will be able to tell your partner anything that is on your mind.
7. Stop relying on anyone but yourself.
It is nothing short of wonderful to have someone to hug, kiss, cuddle, make love to, and share your life with. But, before you set out into the sunset in search of love, you must first learn to love yourself. Just as you wouldn’t invite a friend to your house if it was a shambles, you shouldn’t invite a partner into your life if it’s a shambles. Before inviting anyone else to your inner-house, take care of it first.
How to Get Over Insecurities in Previous Relationship
If you’re feeling insecure, it’s because you haven’t dealt with whatever is causing you to feel that way. This could be because your relationship isn’t meeting your needs, or it could be due to something outside of your union, such as a lack of self-confidence or fear of the unknown. The important thing is to get to the bottom of the problem and work together to solve it.
1. Begin with self-love
A lack of self-love is frequently the root cause of insecurities in a relationship. If one partner harbors harmful limiting beliefs, such as fear of failure or the belief that they do not deserve love, they will be unable to trust completely – and trust is the foundation of any relationship. To begin working on self-love, you must first identify and overcome your limiting beliefs. Learn to break negative self-talk patterns. Take steps to boost your confidence and make your life a journey of discovery rather than distrust and suspicion.
2. Learn effective communication
Communication is essential in all aspects of life, but it is especially important when you are feeling insecure in a relationship. The best way to learn how to get over insecurities in a relationship is to communicate effectively with your partner. How does your partner communicate with you? What is their mode of communication? You can go over things again and again, but unless you’re truly connecting with your partner on their level, resolving lingering issues will be difficult.
3. Satisfy each other’s needs
Insecurity in a relationship is frequently a sign that certain needs are not being met. There are six fundamental human needs that affect everyone on the planet. We all want to know that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure; we crave variety in our lives; also, we want to feel important; connection with others is essential; and growth and contribution help us find fulfillment. Each person prioritizes these needs differently. Which of the following is most important to you? Is your relationship assisting in meeting this need? If not, how can you strengthen the bond so that you feel more loved and supported?
4. Equalize your polarity
In every relationship, one partner has masculine energy and the other has feminine energy. These energies do not have to be aligned with genders, but opposing forces must be present in order for romantic harmony to exist. This is known as polarity. If you and your partner are feeling insecure in your relationship, you and your partner may not be in balance. Insecurities can arise if both partners adopt masculine or feminine characteristics. Examine how your roles have evolved over time. How do you reestablish polarity and eliminate insecurity?
5. Behavior as if you’re a new couple
When you first start dating someone new, the energy is palpable. You want to learn everything there is to know about your partner and be physically close to them as much as possible. This spark fades with time. The fireworks you felt at first start to fade as you get to know your partner better. You become accustomed to your routines and stop trying to impress others.
In a relationship, insecurities can arise when your partner believes you are no longer making an effort or that your attraction is fading. Rekindle the passion in your relationship by acting as you did when you first started dating. Give your partner a compliment. Make plans for unexpected dates. Send them love notes. These small acts can rekindle the passion and dispel insecurities.
6. Invent new stories
Even the happiest relationships make mistakes, but long-lasting relationships are able to put those mistakes behind them. What are you and your partner going through? If you’ve previously fought over finances or flirtations, and you’ve decided to move forward as a couple, it’s time to put those old stories behind you. Rather than insisting that your partner always does something that irritates you, try changing your perspective. Accept your partner for who they are and decide to write a new story together instead of reliving old ones, and you’ll learn how to get over insecurities in a relationship.
7. Stop over-analysis
What does the term “insecure” mean? It has nothing to do with external factors. All of your relationship insecurities originate in your own mind. Your emotions influence your thoughts, and your emotions influence your actions. When you allow your anxious thoughts to spiral out of control, you may lash out at your partner, become defensive, or shut down. Learn to control your emotions to prevent these feelings from occurring. Keep your partner’s actions in context – everyone who talks to the opposite sex wants to go out with their friends and needs some alone time every now and then. This does not reflect negatively on you. It indicates that you are in a normal, healthy relationship!
Types of Insecurities in a Relationship
There are numerous types of insecurities in a relationship, and it is critical to understand the meaning of insecurity in a relationship so that you can recognize the signs and take appropriate action. We’ve listed the most common types of insecurities you and your partner may experience, as well as signs that they’re affecting you and your partner more than you’d like.
1. Emotional insecurity
Emotional insecurity is a broad term that often refers to a general sense of unease and inadequacy about one’s feelings. Depression, avoidance of interpersonal contact, and a fear of expressing your feelings or asserting yourself in situations could all be symptoms. Conditions such as post-natal or postpartum depression may be associated with the list of emotional insecurities, with common symptoms including fatigue, irritability, and insomnia. Another symptom is chronic worry about the future, which gives you the illusion of control and thus compensates for your insecurity.
2. Attachment anxiety
This is definitely on the list of insecurities that have an impact on your relationship. Attachment insecurity, as the name implies, refers to difficulties in forming secure attachments and making emotional connections with others. It’s possible that you avoid getting too close to people or that you leave them before they can leave you.
Attachment issues, like most forms of insecurity, have their origins in childhood. If the love and affection you received as a child were unpredictable, fractured, or contingent on certain accomplishments, you probably grew up distrusting attachment or assuming real human connections do not exist. Alternatively, in existing relationships, you could become an overly clingy girlfriend or boyfriend, expecting one person to be your entire world and cater to your every emotional need.
3. Lack of physical security
When we’re bombarded with images of what a “perfect body” or “ideal bone structure” looks like, it’s easy to become insecure about our appearance. The internet is also constantly selling us skincare, clothing and lingerie, weight-loss methods, and other products, all of which promise to make us more attractive and bring us closer to the ‘ideal.’
Body shaming and its ilk are constant reminders that we are far from perfect. This definitely manifests in signs of insecurities in women, though men aren’t immune either. So, if you’re wondering what types of insecurities could be affecting your relationship, physical insecurity is definitely on the list.
4. Economic insecurity
We wish we could tell you that all those rom-coms featuring rich-girl-poor-boy couples were true. Unfortunately, financial insecurity is a reality that can derail a relationship faster than forgetting your ATM PIN. Whether it’s because one partner comes from a poor family and is obsessed with saving, or because one partner can’t stand the fact that the other earns more, love and money can make for strange and uneasy bedfellows.
Financial insecurity could mean that you are constantly concerned about money, regardless of your income level. This could drive you to obsessive penny-pinching, depriving yourself of small pleasures and eventually making you unhappy.
5. Professional apprehension
Inequality persists in relationships and can be the source of many different types of insecurity. A lack of equality or equal acknowledgment in two partners’ professional lives is one of the seven most common types of insecurities in a relationship.
A study found that women spend two to ten times as much time as men on unpaid care work. This includes time spent cooking, cleaning, caring for children, the sick, the elderly, and so on. Aside from the persistent gender pay gap, in which women continue to earn less, a lack of appreciation for work done is a major contributor to professional insecurity and resentment in a relationship.
6. Uncertainty about basic needs
Psychologists define basic human needs as the availability of food, shelter, rest, safety, hygiene, and healthcare. One of the first steps toward feeling secure is to have these needs met.
As a result, if you had to scramble to meet these needs at any point in your life, that insecurity would most likely stay with you for a long time and affect your behavior and relationships. When asked, “What are the various types of insecurities?” Insecurity over basic needs may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but it certainly plays a role.
7. Insecurity in social situations
Sometimes it feels as if a large portion of our lives is a performance for which society must give its approval. As a result, it’s no surprise that social insecurity creeps up on us all the time. The pressure to appear a certain way, and to wonder whether your social circle will accept you or not, can erode a person’s self-esteem.
It’s not just about physical appearance in this case, but also about being seen in the right places, knowing the right people, and having a certain status conferred upon you that says, ‘you’ve arrived.’ It’s a constant struggle to keep up with all of this, especially in the age of social media, and when you feel like you’re falling short, it’s enough to send you into a tailspin.
What Causes Insecurity in a Relationship
Here are the top five reasons for insecurities in a relationship that you should not ignore.
1. Lack of Self-Esteem/Confidence
In a relationship, we are only as secure as we allow ourselves to be. But, if we’re already unsure about almost everything in our lives, how can we expect our relationships to be any different? Low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence are arguably THE leading causes of relationship insecurity, and they are typically linked to a person’s upbringing.
Being teased and bullied at school, being constantly told you weren’t good enough, or perhaps even a lack of proper affection as a child… all of these experiences will have long-term consequences on a person and, if unresolved, will continue into adulthood.
2. Negative Previous Experiences (Emotional Baggage)
Many of us have left certain relationships because something bad happened (unfaithfulness, dishonesty, etc.) or because the nature of the relationship itself was toxic (abusive, emotionally unavailable, etc.). As we walk away from such relationships, it is healthy to leave those negative memories behind and eventually move past them in order to begin again.
3. Attachment Forms
According to psychological research (theory of attachment), a child develops different attachment styles (secure or insecure) depending on how their parents interact with them.
It was also discovered that these attachment styles could persist into adulthood and play an important role in how people form relationships. Having a neglected childhood can lead to greater insecurities as an adult because one’s emotional needs were not met while growing up.
4. Personal Life Satisfaction (or Lack Thereof)
As two distinct individuals prior to the meeting, each of you will have unique aspects about yourself that will make you, uniquely you. Your profession, hobbies, goals, opinions, and even your favorite food are all tailored aspects of yourself that not only create your personal identity but also provide you with a sense of fulfillment.
Many people lose their individual identities after entering a relationship, and as a result, they lose their sense of personal life fulfillment. As a result, they turn to their partners for fulfillment and meaning in their lives, and they begin to rely on them.
5. Inequitable Previous Relationship Experiences
By a certain point in everyone’s adult lives, we’ll have exhausted all of our relationships first times.’ We may have previously referred to someone from a previous relationship as our soulmate,’ or we may have come close to settling down. We all progress at different rates, and the amount of relationship experience varies from person to person.
If you’re not a confident person to begin with, getting together with someone who has significantly more experience than you or has previously been involved in a serious relationship can easily lead to relationship insecurities.
Signs of Insecurity in a Woman
These habits only make us bad partners and stymie our dreams of having wonderful and fulfilling relationships. Being extremely insecure is one of these habits. As we all know, insecurities are feelings of extreme uncertainty.
Without a doubt, we’ve all felt insecure at some point in our lives, and it’s perfectly normal. What isn’t normal, however, is a persistent sense of insecurity. The kind of insecurity that smacks a lack of self-awareness and renders one’s life pathetic.
1. Insecure women are concerned about whether or not a guy likes them.
Caring less about what others think and feel about you isn’t always easy. Especially since there are times when we can’t help but wish for people to like us. What matters most, however, is how we feel about ourselves, not what others do. The issue is that insecure women are consumed by their desire to be liked by the men they are hitting on.
They are so afraid of not being liked in return, of not being interesting enough, of not being good enough, of not being attractive enough, that they become anxious and stressed about whether a man likes them or not, especially if his feelings aren’t expressed clearly enough. They inextricably link their worth and value to what a guy thinks of them.
2. They hold themselves responsible for the failure of their relationships.
Instead of moving on with their lives, insecure women frequently blame or punish themselves for a failed relationship. And they may feel remorseful, unworthy, and unlovable because they believe they are terrible compared to their exes.
We live in a time when most people rush into relationships regardless of whether they are compatible or not. Many people are often pushed at breakneck speed by a sudden spark of attraction, which ignites when they meet a new “special” someone, into a relationship that will most likely fail once the excitement wears off. And they end up biting and kicking themselves for the relationship’s failure.
3. They lack healthy boundaries.
If someone consistently endures or puts up with things that are generally unacceptable to most people, or if they are constantly pressured into doing things they don’t want to do, it is most likely due to a few related reasons:
- They lack self-assurance.
- have a low sense of self-worth.
- have no regard for their surroundings.
- They don’t know how to create a healthy balance.
Many people today believe that in order for their relationships to thrive, they must overcompensate, make many sacrifices, and endure some obviously unacceptable treatments. They believe that consistently sacrificing their own needs for the sake of their partners keeps their relationship alive.
4. They have little to no confidence in themselves or their decisions.
Insecure women frequently live in anxiety or rely on the advice of others to make the majority of decisions that are important to them because they are afraid of being wrong. They are always curious about what others think about their actions and even words. They are constantly doubting their actions and are unsure of what to say or do.
The problem with not believing in your own judgment is that you become reliant on the opinions of others and their approval to make decisions on matters that are important to you. People lose respect for you because you appear wishy-washy because you can’t make your own decisions. If you want to feel more secure and confident, you must learn to trust your instincts and let go of the fear of being wrong.
5. They are obsessed with exaggerating and boasting about their abilities.
We’ve all heard that the key to greatness is humility. Nonetheless, there are always those who insist on narrating and boasting about how great they are. When someone is insecure, they often try to hide their insecurities by bragging about their accomplishments and convincing others that they are great.
People who don’t show off or talk themselves up, but instead allow others to discover their full potential, are more confident and secure than those who talk a lot about themselves and try to show off their perceived greatness but may not be as great as they think they are. If a woman is obsessed with selling, hyping, promoting, or advertising herself in order to demonstrate her worth and how worthy she is, she is probably feeling insecure and unworthy.
Insecurities are a universal experience, but not everyone experiences them so intensely that it interferes with their life and ability to function. If your insecurities are having an adverse effect on your mental, social, or physical health, it may be time to take action and seek professional help.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do insecurities ruin relationships?
When your insecurities prevent you from fully trusting your partner, it makes it difficult for you to open up emotionally, which can seriously stifle the growth of your relationship. “This could harm the relationship because it limits the amount of emotional intimacy you’ll be able to share.”
How do you feel secure in a relationship again?
5 Ways to Make Your Relationship Partner Feel Safe
- Disseminate the good news. Most of the time, we are very vocal in our criticism but not in our compliments.
- Don’t be a jerk. Nothing wreaks havoc on a relationship more than people’s mind games.
- Don’t be dishonest.
- Make an attempt.