It’s the 21st century I guess and a lot of people make it a habit to have lesser talks and communications. Many people blame this on introversion it’s also for this very reason that millennials are almost always depressed and we try to hide all that sometimes by stonewalling each other. It’s a vicious cycle.
WHAT IS STONEWALLING?
Stonewalling is simply the refusal of communication¬- it involves refusing to communicate with someone else even when they are trying actively to talk to you. Shutting down during an argument, or as we popularly call it the silent treatment. In relationships, a lot of people do it because they just can’t help it or they’re angry or even frustrated but either way, stonewalling is not healthy.
HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING
Like I would often call it, how do you intend to deal with a “stonewaller” or stonewalling in your relationship?
I feel it differs for a lot of people though because my coping mechanism would not be the same as yours but a typical way to handle stonewalling in your relationship would be to;
1. Always speak your mind, don’t ever keep any feelings bottled in. If you are being stonewalled, speak up. It’s better to get rid of bad energy than keep it in. that’s toxic.
2. Trust yourself that you can handle emotional arguments. And the more you do it, the better you become. Remind yourself that engaging is good for everyone: for you, for your partner, and for your relationship.
3. If you guys have been arguing about a particular, try and practice some self-soothing that is what takes you to your happy place. You could probably go for a drive, read a book, write poetry, or even exercise like:
1. Jogging
2. Taking a walk
3. Running
4. Listen to music
Whatever seems to take the edge off even if it is a good spa day or time at the gym. Remember that you did this so he/she can calm down and engage them later on.
HOW TO STOP STONEWALLING
Ending stonewalling in a relationship without ending the relationship at times may seem hard but not impossible. There are different ways like;
#1. LOOK IN THE MIRROR
Don’t forget being stonewalled can actually mean you’re part of the problem. It’s basic psychology. People very often stonewall as a defensive mechanism to criticism or bullying or plain insensitivity. So check your behavior and consider your side of the situation and very often your roles in conversations with your partner.
#2. YOU PROBABLY MIGHT NOT BE THE PROBLEM
Usually, you might not have a stonewalling partner which means he/she may be dealing with a crisis that is probably difficult to discuss. Don’t push it by trying to force him or her to speak when they are not ready to, especially if this is uncharacteristic behavior. Although it may be hard our calming resolve would assure your partner and strengthen your relationship.
#3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
When it becomes obvious that you are definitely not the problem and you might have probably spoken to your partner about it and how it is screwing with your mental health, then take a break. You are important too so always look out for yourself too. It is possible your partner might not be all in as you are so always know when to do damage control and walk away.
STONEWALLING ABUSE
Stonewalling is definitely harmful, but is stonewalling abusive? Psychologists recognize stonewalling as behavior that belittles, demeans, and disrespects. To see if this makes stone walling abusive, and classified as emotional abuse.
When you compare stonewalling with emotional abuse, you might notice that some people seem to do this behavior without malicious intent. While not all individuals intend to harm their partners, a small part of them do want to hurt the person.
In conclusion, always look for signs for you feel you are being stonewalled. Signs to look out for are;
1. If he/she is always angry at you and it results in silent treatment.
2. Are you constantly being tuned out?
3. Always changing the topic?
Remember you are important, look out for yourself. Seeking professional help, leave a comment.
Stonewalling In Relationships FAQ’s
Can a relationship survive stonewalling?
The relationship will not endure if one member withdraws from it on a regular basis. Stonewalling is frequently the first indicator of a marriage that will eventually become dysfunctional.
Is stonewalling bad for a relationship?
Stonewalling is extremely damaging to a relationship. It is an extremely negative kind of communication that destroys any closeness in a relationship, causing partners to retreat from each other. This can easily result in couples living extremely separate lives, with no joint activities or interests.
Is stonewalling manipulation?
Stonewalling can also be used as a controlling or manipulative approach. When stonewalling is intentional, the spouse who refuses to speak typically prolongs the issue and prevents the other partner from exploring other choices for resolving the conflict or even ending the partnership.
