Every relationship has ups and downs, but when your relationship becomes more bumps than the road, it may be time to reconsider. It’s easy to overlook toxic dynamics when they’re generated by someone else. But what if you’re the toxic one in your relationship?
Both people in a toxic relationship adopt harmful behaviors and treat each other disrespectfully. While one person in the partnership may engage in more toxic behaviors than the other, they do not have undue influence over the other. Instead, one or both partners engage in harmful behaviors that drain the vitality and joy out of the relationship, turning it into a chore rather than a source of support.
It is difficult to recognize mistakes and accept responsibility. However, the only way to have healthy relationships in the future is to accept responsibility for your previous behavior. Here are some symptoms that you may be contributing to a toxic relationship and how you might improve your relationship health.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Some folks grew up in toxic families. There could have been verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It’s still an unpleasant and toxic atmosphere to grow up in, whether it’s between parents or between the parent(s) and children. [1]
If someone comes from a household like this, they may not even realize they are in a toxic relationship.
If you’re not sure why you keep getting into toxic relationships, this article might assist.
The following are some indications of a toxic relationship:
#1. One Gives, One Takes
One-sided partnerships are unhealthy.
In a toxic relationship (especially one that is romantic), you will frequently encounter a narcissist/people-pleaser dynamic.
Someone gives and gives and provides in the hopes of making the narcissist happy, but it never works. They just take and take and take, and the relationship becomes far too imbalanced and unhealthy as a result.
#2. Gaslighting
Another prevalent feature of a toxic relationship is gaslighting. If you’re unfamiliar with the word, it refers to when someone manipulates another person to the point that that person begins to doubt their own sanity.
For example, say you and your significant other decided to go to the zoo on Sunday the last time you saw each other. When you bring it up later to confirm your arrangements, though, the person says, “I never said I wanted to go to the zoo.” I don’t even like going to the zoo.” It makes the other person question themselves. This can become toxic in a relationship if it becomes a habit.
#3. Absence of personal accountability
If one or both parties are continuously blaming the other person for everything, this is a sure symptom of a toxic relationship.
“It takes two to tango,” as the phrase goes. Both parties are responsible for their own actions, and neither can “force” you to do anything. Like a result, acting as a victim of the other person’s actions is counterproductive and leads to an unhappy relationship.
#4. Lack of Trust
There will be little trust in a toxic relationship. It’s possible that neither party trusts the other, or that it’s one-sided. In any case, the lack of trust poisons the connection.
Any relationship should be formed on the foundation of trust. It’s like attempting to construct a house on quicksand without it. It’s never going to work!
#5. The Sensation of Walking on Eggshells
Maybe it feels like you never know when the other person may blow up. There may be blazing tempers, and you may feel compelled to tread carefully around the individual so that they do not become enraged.
#6. Indifference
Disrespect manifests itself in a variety of ways. It could be verbal, such “You’re foolish!” You’re a moron! You’ll never amount very anything in life!” It could also be emotional: “I never loved you!” Nobody cares about you! You’re completely unlovable!” It could also be physical.
In a healthy relationship, any time a hand is laid on another person in anger or unloving words are spoken, it is disrespectful and ultimately inappropriate.
#7. Ineffective Communication
Neither of them understands how to communicate properly. This can take various forms. It could be a complete withdrawal, resulting in a lack of communication. Alternatively, it could take the form of yelling, screaming, and name-calling (which is technically communication, but horribly ineffective).
#8. Abstinence
We frequently associate toxic relationships with being contentious, abusive, or intense on some other level. They can, however, be stagnant and avoidant. If one or both parties retreat from the relationship and do not connect with the other person, the relationship can become toxic as well – especially if this continues for an extended period of time.
#9. Behavior Control
Perhaps one person does not want the other to go out with friends, see family, or do anything else without them. Perhaps they should use an app to track their every move so they know where they are. They could even dictate what they wore and ate. This type of dominating conduct is a critical component of a toxic relationship.
#10. Consistent Criticism
One or both people are continually criticizing the other person for everything and everything. It it be their appearance, intelligence, motivation, job, weight, education, or anything else. If you are constantly receiving criticism, you are in a toxic relationship.
#11. Inadequate Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
All of the above-mentioned toxic relationship qualities ultimately lead to low self-esteem and self-worth. Anyone would feel horrible about themselves if they were continuously scolded, manipulated, insulted, blamed, and sucked dry of their efforts. Relationships should make you feel good about yourself rather than horrible about yourself.
Is it Possible to Restore a Toxic Relationship?
Many people in a toxic relationship desire to improve things. The most prevalent explanation is that they pretend to love the other person. But consider it. Why do you love someone who causes so much harm to you and your relationship?
Love should make you feel wonderful, not bad. As a result, while it is possible to cure a toxic relationship, it is difficult and, unfortunately, uncommon. That is not to say it cannot be done.
Signs That Your Behavior Is Causing a Toxic Relationship
It’s difficult to acknowledge that our actions may be contributing to, or perhaps causing, a toxic relationship. However, accountability is the only way to progress. It is preferable to confront our own toxic tendencies than to remain blissfully uninformed and therefore less pleasant in our relationships.
Here are some signs that you are contributing to or producing a toxic dynamic:
#1. You Refuse to Accept Affection or Compliments
Or you condition your partner’s adoration on them being exactly the way you want them to be, rather than being themselves. While you should never force someone to be affectionate if you don’t want to, using affection as a bargaining chip to obtain what you want in a relationship creates a toxic environment for both partners.
#2. You’re a Passive Aggressive Person
At times, we’re all passive aggressive. However, if you constantly act angry at your partner while refusing to explain why, or if you routinely give them the silent treatment, you are engaging in unhealthy communication.
This may cause your spouse to feel as if they are continuously “stepping on eggshells” around you, resulting in a loss of trust in the relationship and a seriously toxic environment.
#3. You Purposefully Toy With Your Partner’s Emotions, Even Making Them Envious
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to “test” or manipulate the other person’s sentiments. Instead, the relationship’s basis should be so strong that there is no need to play mind games.
If you feel the need to “test” your spouse or intentionally make them jealous, it’s because they’ve done something to undermine your trust or you have an unhealthy need for affirmation. Either case is toxic and deserves careful consideration.
Recognize the warning signs. Take our free mental health assessment.
At All Costs, Avoid Abusive Behavior
Some actions are more than just toxic: they are abusive.
If you use ugly or cruel language, purposely put your spouse down or humiliate them, play on their weaknesses or undermine their identity, or repeatedly explode in wrath and hatred at your partner, you are engaging in emotionally abusive behavior.
Of course, physically or sexually assaulting your partner is not toxic; it is abusive. If you have been engaged in any of these acts, you should immediately stop and seek help from a mental health professional.
Taking the Next Step
The truth is that everyone has difficulties in loving relationships. Recognizing that you may have engaged in toxic habits in the past is the first step toward recovery. You can begin to hold yourself accountable for previous toxic actions by:
#1. Attending Therapy
A therapist, unlike family and friends, has no personal stake in your connection. Their mission is just to assist you in becoming as healthy as possible.
Talking to a therapist, whether in person or online, can help you understand your past relationship patterns. It is vital to learn from that behavior in order to build stronger relationships in the future.
#2. Concentrate on Self-Care
People frequently engage in toxic behaviors in order to cope with an underlying issue, such as a history of trauma, bad familial ties, or addiction. Working with a therapist can help you figure out what’s causing your harmful relationship patterns.
Caring for your mind, body, and heart can assist you in addressing and resolving these issues. This heals the wounds and feeds the wants you’re trying to meet with unhealthy actions.
Taking care of your own mental and physical health helps lay the groundwork for future health with a partner, whether that involves exercising consistently, entering a 12-step program, or eliminating links with violent family members.
#3. Develop empathy
Toxic relationship habits are fundamentally the outcome of a lack of empathy. Toxic conduct frequently shows an unwillingness to feel genuine empathy and compassion for the other person, whether it is demanding your partner live up to your expectations or refusing to view things from their perspective.
While it may appear that empathy is something that people are born with, it is possible to grow more empathic by intentionally training empathy in our daily lives, much like we would practice a sport.
Am I Toxic in My Relationship FAQs
Why am I being toxic in my relationship?
People frequently engage in toxic behaviors in order to cope with an underlying issue, such as a history of trauma, bad familial ties, or addiction. Working with a therapist can help you figure out what’s causing your harmful relationship patterns.
How do I know if I'm a toxic girlfriend?
Toxic girlfriends frequently demand their partners and relationships to be ideal. They might not even be perfectionists, yet when things don’t go as planned, they frequently “lose it.” Perhaps supper goes poorly, or perhaps it rains on a picnic. Maybe a concert gets canceled.
What does a toxic relationship look like?
A toxic relationship makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, degraded, or attacked. On the most basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better over time might become toxic. Toxic relationships can occur in almost every setting, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom.
