Many people experience jealousy, especially in romantic relationships. That feeling of insecurity because of your sense of attachment to your partner is totally normal.
WHAT IS RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY?
Retroactive jealousy is when you are jealous or feeling insecure about your partner’s previous relationships or plainly said his/her exes.
Most times retroactive jealousy doesn’t always do harm, some people consider it as “cute” or “attractive” because it shows the care and loves you have for them. Some couples establish the “5-foot rule” but to some, it appears childish.
A lot of other couples find it annoying and problematic though, “I’m here why are you feeling insecure?”
RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY CURE
Although there is no immediate cure for retroactive jealousy, there are things you can do to calm your nerves like;
#1. Work on your mind:
This is actually the first thing to do towards healing. Retroactive jealousy is a psychological condition where your mind plays tricks on you and things that probably might not be true. So conditioning your mind is the first play in defeating retroactive jealousy, turning those negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
#2. The Practical Method:
For some people, exercising usually helps get their minds off it when the thought comes. But the practical way to solve it is to get rid of those things that alleviate those jealous traits in you.
HOW TO GET OVER RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY
#1. Don’t live in denial:
Accept the fact that you are getting a little jealous. Jealousy is a pure and normal human feeling, don’t judge yourself for it. The first step to healing is acknowledging how you are feeling to begin healing.
#2. You are not a detective, stop snooping:
Many people develop that habit of snooping, going through their partner’s social media accounts even their phones. This reduces the trust you have in your partner and leaves you in a state of worry. It is unhealthy so stop snooping.
#3. Put yourself in their shoes:
Just imagine if your partner is this paranoid at you the way you are being this paranoid. Try putting yourself in their shoes; it would help you to understand exactly what you are doing to your partner.
#4. Talk to your partner:
Talk it out. Communication is key right? Have you tried talking to your partner about it? Probably there are some things he/she might be doing that are putting you on edge.
#5. Trust in words they tell you:
Trust, simple but hard right? Snooping is really tempting but try to trust in the words of reassurance they’d give you instead of constantly doubting everything they say.
OVERCOME RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY
Overcoming retroactive jealousy is never easy or automatic but you can probably try;
#1. Patience:
You can’t just overcome retroactive jealousy in the space of one night or a couple of nights so prepare yourself.
#2. Self-belief:
Yeah, you keep trying and trying but failing. Stay strong don’t give up, you’d overcome it. Just a little more, believe and trust in yourself.
#3. Action:
Yeah, this is the most important. Patience and self-belief are great but if you don’t actually add any action to this, your retroactive jealousy might probably not go away. Actions like you minimize the way you snoop and all that.
RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY THERAPY
When you are considering getting therapy for retroactive jealousy there are a few things to consider;
#1. Has the counselor or psychotherapist suffered the same?
A lot of psychotherapists are quick to recommend antidepressants but they don’t really understand that feeling of jealousy. They may understand from a psychological point of view but not in-depth how you are feeling.
#2. Do you have enough cash currently?
In general, therapy can be quite expensive. And there might be any guarantee that it would be 100% effective in curbing your problem.
In conclusion, a lot of people prefer personal therapy and self-work. To work on themselves in areas they know they need to change, however, some persons prefer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Retroactive Jealousy FAQ’s
What is retroactive jealousy caused by?
Retroactive jealousy might be aroused if you have an anxious attachment style, a history of failed relationships, or even childhood trauma. Retroactive jealousy is characterized by difficulties trusting, prying through personal belongings or technology, and comparing oneself to a partner’s exes.
How do I stop retroactive jealousy?
Reframe the event, break toxic behaviors, communicate, and practice empathy with your partner to overcome retroactive jealousy. Try writing with Jour to reframe negative intrusive ideas, establish healthy self-esteem, and let go of your concerns.
What is the root of retroactive jealousy?
Knowledge of a partner’s past always triggers retroactive jealousy — personal information and intimate facts that become buried in the brain and spiral out of control. Retroactive jealousy cannot exist in the absence of knowledge of a partner’s previous romantic and/or sexual activities.
