Every couple will experience conflict and have disagreements, but what happens when the issue becomes more serious? Manipulation is a type of abuse that can have catastrophic ramifications. That is why we have included a section on signs of manipulation in this post to assist you in recognizing when you are being manipulated.
According to Janika Veasley, LMFT, founder of Amavi Therapy Center, “Manipulation happens when an abusive or manipulative person adopts specific methods and strategies to control, have power over, or victimize another person.
This can lead to problematic codependent tendencies, as well as feelings of minimization, difficulties enforcing boundaries, and trust issues.
According to a 2013 study, abuse is just as destructive as contributing to low self-esteem and despair. Unfortunately, abuse is all too widespread. According to a 2011 CDC poll, 47.1 percent of women and 46.5 percent of men in relationships have experienced psychological aggressiveness. It’s critical to recognize the signs of manipulation and abuse so you can recognize when your relationship is deteriorating and potentially harmful.
Signs of Manipulation
Manipulation can take many different shapes. Depending on the goal, compassion can be a type of manipulation. Then there’s the question of whether any kind of influence is deemed manipulation.
Whether the purpose is good or harmful, manipulation is still an attempt to subvert your reasonable thinking. You can check for frequent signs of manipulation in people who manipulate others. They are as follows:
- Constantly aware of your flaws and how to exploit them.
- They take advantage of your insecurities.
- They persuade you to give up something vital to you to increase your reliance on them.
- If they succeed in manipulating you, they will keep doing so until you can escape the situation.
Signs of Manipulation and Control
A manipulator will attempt to take you out of your comfort zone and familiar settings to gain an advantage. This can happen anywhere the manipulator feels he or she has authority.
1. Manipulation Facts
A manipulator will purposefully lie to you, make excuses for you, blame you, or strategically divulge facts about them while keeping other truths hidden. They believe they are gaining power over you and intellectual superiority by doing so.
2. Generalization and Exaggeration
The manipulators are also masters at exaggeration and generalization, other signs of manipulation.
No one has ever loved me,” they would declare. They make broad allegations to obscure the flaws in their reasoning.
3. Cruel Laughter
Manipulators use these signs to draw attention to your flaws and make you feel insecure. They gain a sense of psychological superiority by making you look bad.
4. Gaslighting
Manipulation uses these signs to perplex you and make you doubt your reality.
When you confront the abuse or lies, the manipulator will tell you that it never happened.
5. Passive-Aggression
Passive-aggressive behavior can occur for various reasons that aren’t always intended to be manipulated. Chronic (long-term) manipulators, on the other hand, will employ this strategy to make you feel guilty and provide backhanded praise.
They’re doing this to confuse you by displaying fury without being upset.
6. Continuous Judgment
The manipulator does not use comedy or “good fun” to mask their manipulation. In this scenario, they openly condemn, insult, and discard you.
They always want you to believe that you’re doing something wrong and that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough for them.
They address the situation’s bad aspects and do not provide positive answers.
Controlling Manipulation
The first step in defending yourself is to recognize the signs of manipulation. You can also take the following precautions:
1. Be conscious of your emotions when interacting with others.
Try to notice how you feel when you’re around this person. Consider taking some time away from those unpleasant emotions, such as self-doubt, anxiety, or guilt, to think clearly about what’s going on.
2. Remain focused on the topic at hand.
People who utilize manipulation frequently deflect conversations away from the topic.
This could be done to either divert your attention away from the genuine issue or to help them achieve their goal of dominating the conversation.
Maintaining laser-like focus on the issue can assist keep the conversation from heading wrong.
3. Create borders
Manipulation is more straightforward when there are no defined limits in a relationship.
Identifying and working to implement the limits you’d like to establish in this relationship might be beneficial.
Although setting boundaries early in a relationship is more straightforward, it is never too late to gently but firmly convey what you will and will not tolerate.
Signs of Manipulation in a Relationship
You should be aware of various indicators that your relationship is being manipulated.
1. You try to disregard your instincts.
The first red flag could be a nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right or that you keep doing things you don’t want.
You can ignore your feelings and tell yourself everything is fine. When you suspect you are being manipulated, the expression “trust your instinct” comes in handy.
Let’s say you’re annoyed since your date always seems to be on their phone during your dates.
When you bring it up with them, they quickly become enraged. The topic then shifts to how you appear to have spoiled your particular date by inciting a fight.
As a result, you forget what you would say and try to appease them instead. In the meantime, your partner checks their phone once again.
2. You think to yourself, “Is it you?”
You may be experiencing signs of manipulation if you’re starting to mistrust yourself and your motives.
Maybe you used to feel confident managing a particular circumstance, but now you’re starting to doubt yourself. You can even wonder if you’re “the issue” in the relationship.
You might, for example, try telling your partner how you feel about them spending too much time on their phone once more.
They claim you do it, too, and are always looking for a reason to fight.
You don’t believe this is the case, but after hearing this argument for the third time, you wonder whether the problem is that you can’t let go of the tiny things.
Perhaps you could simply “relax” and enjoy the evening.
3. You have a sense of guilt
Someone may be emotionally influencing you, and you may have begun to feel guilty or humiliated for acting in specific ways in the relationship; this is one of the most prevalent signs of manipulation.
You might, for example, work two jobs and have little time for yourself. You realize your mother is unhappy when you tell her this.
When you inquire what’s wrong, she exclaims that she can’t believe you’re not paying her a visit on your day off.
You feel so bad that you spend the rest of the day helping her around her house. Although this scenario might play out in various ways, it’s a warning sign if you constantly feel guilty for not speaking or doing what you want.
4. Your sense of self has become hazy.
When you start losing your sense of self after following someone else’s, overt or covert pressures to give up your opinions and interests are classic signs of manipulation. One partner in some love relationships may mimic the other’s lifestyle and interests to avoid conflict.
Your partner may avoid spending time with your friends and family or participating in activities you enjoy. You appear to have to do what they want if you want to spend time with them.
It’s possible that you don’t feel free to completely express yourself in family interactions, including who you are as a person and your life choices, so you act differently when you’re around them.
5. You tread carefully.
Perhaps you consider fear a strong feeling or a reaction to danger.
On the other hand, fear can present itself as a reluctance to act or say certain things to prevent disagreement or friction.
You may not know how you feel; you simply avoid specific topics or acts without thinking about them.
Some people use anger as a symptom of manipulation. In response to their outbursts, others may back off or adjust their conduct.
This relationship can be seen when a parent advises their child not to do something, fearing that the other parent will become enraged.
As an adult, you may become hyperaware of your habits or show signs of anxiousness without a clear trigger. Every decision could be framed as, “What will the other person do?”
6. You start to have doubts about your mental health.
Manipulation can cause not only tension and anxiety but can also leave you feeling befuddled and uneasy about your actions and emotions.
You could start to question if your reactions are signs of a mental illness. The most common cause of these feelings is signs of manipulation, such as gaslighting.
When you and your partner discuss your next vacation, they may wonder why you aren’t considering Cancun.
You remind them that the previous time they came, they said they had the wrong time. “I never said such a thing!” they respond. “You made it up.”
Signs of Manipulation in a Friendship
To assist you in detecting signs of manipulation in your friendship, we’ve compiled a list of frequent signs of manipulation and how they appear:
1. They are Passive Aggressive
They try to avoid confrontation, but their frustration is frequently expressed through a familiar friend. “Susie Q isn’t happy with you right now,” a familiar friend might say. “You should really talk to her.” Susie Q has placed all the burden for making peace with her on you, which is regarded as manipulation. She’s also preying on your devotion since she knows you’ll feel bad if you don’t.
2. They Never Pay Attention
Unusually, the topic turns to you; when it does, you get the impression they’re not paying attention. Perhaps they’re checking their phone for text notifications or interrupting your story to say something off-topic. In either situation, they’re telling you that what you’re saying isn’t essential to them, at least not as important as what they’re saying.
3. They’re on a high-octane.
They must be in charge at all times and enjoy the home-court advantage.
For example, they insist on entertaining you at their apartment and in areas where they’re comfortable and doing activities they’re comfortable with to maintain control.
They may also push you out of your comfort zone to make you feel vulnerable and reliant on them.
4. They Make a Lot of Requests
This type of manipulation determines how far you will go to meet their demands. You should always be willing to lend a hand to a buddy, but it’s a red flag if it coincides with any of these signs.
5. They Become Aggressive
They become defensive and resistant to hearing your point of view when you confront them about some of their activities. May become emotional to divert attention away from the problem and toward their current state, or they may blame an unrelated event for their actions. You may be dealing with manipulation if you don’t feel like your concerns are being heard.
What are Signs of Manipulation
Winters was kind enough to explain how to spot emotional manipulation in yourself or a relationship. Continue reading to learn how to recognize the signs of manipulation.
1. Failure to Say What You Mean
Subtle manipulation entails seemingly ‘harmless’ or ‘well-intentioned’ gestures that cause many issues.
According to Winters, the perpetrator means no harm but causes harm without recognizing it. Usually, the objective isn’t to harm another person.
Indeed, they may be driven by a desire to be courteous, peaceful, or non-confrontational.
On the other hand, these things tend to cut off communication lines over time and lead to deeper issues since they’re “generally camouflaged attempts to gain what we want, whether that’s love, approval, connection, or conflict avoidance,” she notes.
2. Failure to Express Your True Feelings
Though there are subtle signs of manipulation, not expressing your true feelings causes harm since it is a type of deception.
This kind of behavior is rather prevalent, far more so than purposely destructive manipulations, partly because, according to Winters, “we don’t know how damaging these actions are to a sincere, passionate connection.”
Although this type of conduct may appear benign and innocuous, it can produce a distance between partners because it lacks honesty in the relationship, a sort of pretense, according to Winters. “Such subtle habits can damage a long-term relationship over time.”
3. Love-Bombing
Love-bombing is characterized by sporadic romanticism. Your partner may lavish you with attention and flattery regularly—whether through messages, phone calls, or gifts—and then vanish or become gloomy and nasty without reason before the next round of romantic gestures.
All of this serves to quicken the pace of a relationship so that you grow reliant on their devotion.
4. Gaslighting
You’re probably being gaslit if you observe your partner lying to you often and brazenly, making you doubt your sense of how things are going down.
It’s all about making you feel insecure in the relationship but simultaneously allowing you to trust them more than yourself.
This could be a conversation in which you confront them about misbehavior or a blatant lie they told, and then you apologize to them.
5. Stonewalling
Stonewalling, or the silent treatment, is when someone refuses to engage with you and blatantly ignores your feelings.
This is troublesome because it conveys the sense that you are unimportant. On the other hand, someone can be more aggressively manipulative by raising their voice and not allowing you to speak to intimidate them into complying or apologizing.
Signs of Manipulation in Marriage
If you notice these patterns in your marriage, it could indicate that your partner is trying to control you.
- Being coercive
- Being evasive regarding one’s desires or demands
- Passing the buck
- Disapproving and criticizing
- Weeping
- Issuing ultimatums and threats
- Giving the “quiet treatment” is number seven.
- Having a fit of rage
Related Articles: HOW TO DEAL WITH A SEXLESS MARRIAGE As a Man or Woman
- Telling lies or stretching the truth
- Creating feelings of humiliation, embarrassment, or guilt in you
- Whining and pouting
- Displaying exaggerated dissatisfaction
- Changing the meaning of your words (or their meaning)
- Withdrawal or avoidance of money or other valuables, concealment of knowledge, and sex or affection
Why People Manipulate Others
People manipulate others to acquire what they desire in general. They may feel compelled to punish, dominate, or control their partner.
They could be looking for sympathy or attention or have other selfish intentions. May also be attempting to manipulate or wear down a partner to meet their wants.
People who control adult relationships can come from a problematic home background (the family one grows up in).
They may have had to be manipulated to satisfy their fundamental needs or avoid harsh punishment, or they may have been manipulated by their parents and learned how to interact negatively with others.
Stages of Manipulation and Coercion
- Stage of deciding on a target. It’s possible that the accused abuser or offender isn’t who you think he or she is
- Stage of friendship formation. It’s possible that the accused abuser or offender isn’t who you think he or she is
- This is the stage of a loving relationship. The alleged abuser or offender may be released once they have developed trust.
- Stage of an abusive relationship. It’s possible that the accused abuser or offender isn’t who you think he or she is
What Are Examples of Manipulative Skills?
A manipulative skill is when a youngster uses their hands, feet, or other body parts to manipulate an object. Manipulative skills, such as throwing, catching, bouncing, rolling, kicking, and hitting, are essential for developing sports skills (with and without an object).
Conclusion
Manipulation may appear to be a simple or “natural” approach to dealing with a difficult situation or getting things to go your way, but it harms your relationships.
You and your loved ones deserve to be communicated with openly and kindly. If you recognize the above signs of manipulation and believe you are being manipulated, get help from loved ones or a professional.
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