Knowing when to break up with someone and end a long-term relationship can be difficult. Maybe they cheat on you, or maybe you cheat on them, and that’s all there is to it. The decision has most likely been made. You call time on it because, well, game over. However, deciding to break a relationship can be extremely difficult at times. Especially if they haven’t done anything particularly heinous, and you’re just not completely satisfied. Even if you’ve tried everything to make it work, you may still have that sense of uncertainty and doubt. People often feel guilty for wanting to end a relationship unless the relationship is actively unhealthy.
Continue reading to get expert advice on how to break up with someone you’ve been dating for a long time. But first, we’ll look at what a long-term relationship means.
Opinions differ on the exact timeframe that defines a relationship as long-term. What you believe to be long-term relationships may differ from what others regard to be long-term partnerships, depending on your experience.
What Does a Long-Term Relationship Mean?
In general, devoted couples enjoy a surge of oxytocin, a feel-good bonding hormone, in the early months of their relationship, that lasts anywhere from nine months to three years. Oxytocin levels tend to diminish between nine months and three years as you both settle into a routine with each other. From a scientific standpoint, a long-term relationship in which the pair is enjoying loving and healthy interactions after their oxytocin levels have declined could be considered.
In High School, What Is Considered a Long-Term Relationship?
Long-term relationships in high school are defined by the pair. If a couple believes that a few months is a long-term, then it is. If a couple considers a year or longer to be long-term, it is. What constitutes a long-term depends entirely on what the couple considers long-term. While others may have an opinion, there is no hard and fast law that defines what a pair might consider a long-term relationship.
Why and How Do Breakups Happen?
Most of us enter relationships believing that we will never have to end them. Marriage, in particular, is based on the belief that it will last “until death do us part.”
Common reasons for breakups include personality differences, a lack of time spent together, infidelity, a lack of positive interactions between the couple, low sexual satisfaction, and low overall relationship satisfaction.
Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things we can do. No matter where you are in the breakup process, knowing how to break up well (including how to break up with someone you love) can make the transition easier and less painful for both parties.
Stages of a Long-Term Relationship
Couples in long-term relationships strive to have a loving and healthy relationship while also living a shared and balanced life together. Stages could include:
#1. Infatuation and bonding: increased oxytocin levels, feeling connected and giddy with each other.
#2. Getting to know each other: establishing a stronger bond, discussing individual and joint aims
#3. Bringing your lives together: One couple will strike a different balance in terms of how much or how little they are involved in each other’s lives.
#4. Commitment: totally committing to each other in whichever way the pair feels most comfortable.
How Long Is a Short-Term Relationship?
Individuals and couples define short-term relationships as well. Some people consider a short-term relationship to be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, while others consider anything less than a year to be short-term. Short-term relationships may also be viewed by some as an experience that is more about having fun than it is about committing.
How to Maintain a Long-Term Relationship
Long-term relationships are most successful when the following conditions are met:
- Each partner should be straightforward, honest, and communicative.
- Each partner should be capable of identifying and communicating their requirements to the other.
- Spouses should desire to work hard in order to meet the requirements of the other.
- Relationship goals are shared by both spouses.
- Each partner has insight, is willing to examine their own behavior, and comprehends their spouse’s point of view.
- The relationship has a healthy balance of reciprocity.
- Each couple has developed a strong sense of empathy.
- Both partners desire to be together but do not feel forced to do so.
How to End a Long-Term Relationship
#1. Get Yourself Ready
When you’re certain you’re ready to have the conversation, you should prepare for a long-term relationship break-up. You might be worried about how your long-term relationship partner will react or how changing the face of your daily routine will affect your mental health. It’s natural to be concerned about how the end of a relationship will affect your life.
You’ll be in a lot of pain if you decide to break up with someone. Depending on how long you’ve been anticipating the long-term relationship breakup, you’ll probably feel some anxiety or dread as you prepare to take unpleasant steps. Those unpleasant steps may appear impossible at first, but you can do a lot to ease the transition for both parties with a little planning.
Begin by considering what you need to say—and how you’ll say it—to get a sense of how the conversation should progress. You’ll also want to pick a time and location that are conducive to an open, serious conversation (for example, approaching this talk over a brunch date may not be the best idea).
No matter how nervous you are, breaking up with a long-term relationship partner is probably best done in person; ending an important time in your life over the phone or text can hurt even more.
#2. Be truthful.
You don’t want to hurt your partner, but you must be honest about why you want to break the long-term relationship. As difficult as the truth may be, you will be assisting the other person in understanding by providing context for why the relationship is no longer working for you. When you’re preparing for the conversation, consider a few gentle ways to break the news.
“Ideally, talk more about yourself and your feelings than about the other person and their behavior,” says expert Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W. “You don’t want to be angry, and you don’t want to point fingers. Instead, you should be as calm as possible, as clear as possible, and give a reason that can be stated in one or two sentences.”
Ending long-term relationships is already difficult, so take care not to make it appear in ways that make it hurt even more than it has to. Consider how you’d react if you were in their shoes. You’d probably expect honesty and kindness from your significant other if the tables were turned.
#3. Break the news to your friends about the situation
Allow yourself as much time as you need, but the sooner you confide in close friends and family, the faster it will feel like reality (plus, you’ll have someone to talk to about it). This isn’t to say you shouldn’t criticize your ex, especially if you have mutual friends.
Family, friends, and coworkers will undoubtedly inquire as to what transpired. Decide ahead of time who and what you want to share [while keeping] those outside your intimate circle in mind. It’s a good idea to plan what you’ll say beforehand so you don’t get flustered. Something like “We’re no longer together—unfortunately, it didn’t work out” should suffice.
Read Also: HOW TO STOP BEING INSECURE: Best Practices to build self-confidence (Updated)
#4. Change your belongings
When the dust has settled, it’s time to figure out how you’ll exchange your belongings. To get past the worst of it, consider “ripping off the Band-Aid”. By removing these reminders from your lives, you can put the pain behind you sooner.
You can select a method that works best for you. If it helps you move on, you could leave each other’s belongings with a mutual friend. You also send them through the mail. Some people, however, prefer the step of closure. So be understanding if your ex prefers to meet in person to say goodbye.
#5. Talk about Contact.
Some of us prefer not to remain friends with our ex-partners. Others find it easier to adjust to life as an individual when they can still contact them. It may be best to avoid contact with each other at first. It’ll give you time to adjust to your new life. “Instead of being reactive, be proactive. Define your own communication policy, and set boundaries. For example, you will not respond to text messages or only talk on the phone at certain times.
If your ex is having difficulty accepting the breakup, you must be consistent in your interactions. If you’ve made the decision to discontinue contact, resist the urge to respond when you’re lonely so you don’t send mixed signals.
#6. Take Care of Yourself
Even if you choose to end a long-term relationship, the situation can be emotionally draining for both parties. Create a coping strategy if you’re having difficulty being alone or missing your ex. That could mean picking up a new hobby to keep your mind occupied or focusing on spending time with your friends. Whatever path you take, dealing with the situation rather than avoiding it is critical.
It’s okay to let go of any self-blame. Every long-term relationship is different; for most people, it takes a few tries to figure out what’s right. Whether you’re enjoying the freedom of a single life or fantasizing about your ideal partner, keep your own best interests in mind.
Are Long-Term Relationships Worth It?
According to research, there are very genuine advantages to being in a good long-term relationship: couples who stay together are healthier, wealthier, happier, have more sex, and live longer than their single counterparts.
What Makes Long-Term Relationships Work?
The four Cs (communication, compromise, connection, and commitment) are vital, but there are many more aspects that contribute to the longevity of a love relationship. Consider the following extra secrets to a long-term relationship: Concentrate on having fun and creating good memories together.
Why Do Long-Term Relationships End?
The most common reason for women leaving long-term relationships was that their husbands refused to take them on dates. Almost 20% (15.8 percent) believed that was a deal-breaker for a long-term relationship… you know, because they just want to be loved, romanced, and appreciated.
What Does Love Look Like in a Long-Term Relationship?
Long-term partners who are happy are emotionally and socially sophisticated. They promote positivism and do not engage in negative responses with one another. They exhibit “relational virtues” by being generous, fair, and kind. When these successful partners injure each other, they apologize.
