Relationships. That word has the power to elicit a wide range of emotions in us all at once. As soon as you hear the word, your mind races through years of memories, and your heart feels like it might explode from all the different feelings. We’ll look at the reasons why relationships suck.
Some people excel at building relationships. They effortlessly meet potential partners wherever they go—on the subway, in the elevator at work, or online at the grocery store. They strike up conversations with men in bars, have friends set them up, and even enjoy (ugh!) online dating. People they meet are emotionally available and committed, and they glide into monogamous relationships as if on command.
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Then there are those who struggle with relationships. I’m perplexed as to how to turn a Match.com profile into a boyfriend, or how to meet a guy who isn’t a total commitment-phobe. You probably feel trapped in an ’80s movie, forever on the outside, longingly looking in at all the couples with their hands resting in the back pocket of each other’s acid-washed jeans. How do they manage it? You ponder this as you force yourself to “put yourself out there” once more, gritting your teeth through another grueling round of online dating.
If the relationship you so desperately want remains just out of reach, there could be internal barriers to intimacy impeding your progress. Rather than enduring a never-ending barrage of bad dates and painful, short-lived relationships, take some time to identify any deep-seated beliefs and counter-productive patterns that may be holding you back.
Reasons why relationships suck
So, what’s the deal with relationships? This blog is not intended to be an exhaustive list of all the possible reasons, but rather a few thoughts on one of life’s most difficult quandaries…how to have relationships that don’t suck.
#1. Relationships suck because we are selfish
Consider this. The majority of disagreements occur because WE WANT WHAT WE WANT. Each individual is vying for the upper hand. We are ultimately concerned with our own interests. This is a fundamental human instinct. The fittest survive. However, in order for your relationship to survive, you must make some sacrifices. So, instead of thinking “my way or the highway,” try putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. It will not kill you to make a small sacrifice for the person you love. Trust me when I say that the benefits of prioritizing your partner’s needs will be well worth it.
Bottom line: If you don’t want your relationship to suck, drop the “me” attitude.
#2. Relationships fail because we are overly cautious with what other people think.
Everyone has an opinion, and this can devastate even the most stable relationships. When it comes to your significant other and how much you allow them to weigh in, it’s critical to establish boundaries with your family and friends.
Put an end to any unnecessary instigation. In some cases, those closest to you may have the best intentions and are only looking out for your best interests. However, if their comments and actions begin to cross the line and become intrusive, don’t let it go. If you do, your partner may feel disrespected and betrayed, resulting in a bad relationship.
Bottom line: If you don’t want your relationships to suck, tell everyone else to stay in their own lane.
#3. Relationships suck because we get comfortable
Being at ease in your relationship is actually a very healthy and happy characteristic…until it isn’t. There is a fine line between comfort that makes your relationship feel unique and comfort that makes you feel complacent and bored.
Life’s stresses and responsibilities can sometimes prevent you from fully embracing everything your relationship has to offer. It can make you unfun, and being unfun stinks. So, try not to get stuck in ruts and routines. Be daring and try new things! It takes a little more work, but the reward is next-level bonding and intimacy.
Bottom line: If you don’t want your relationship to suck, you must step outside your comfort zone and put in the effort.
#4. Relationships suck because we lack healthy communication skills
Healthy communication is one of the cornerstones of any relationship. If your or your partner’s reaction to conflict is to shut down or overreact, you’re in for a bumpy ride that will almost certainly end in a fiery crash. One of the worst things that can happen when communication breaks down is making assumptions. When you don’t know what your partner is thinking or how they are feeling, it’s easy to overthink and assume. This is a precarious path that almost always leads to disaster.
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Rather than going down that road, you should be able to have an open discussion about what’s bothering you. If that isn’t possible, you and your partner must improve your communication skills, or you will almost certainly have a bad relationship.
Bottom line: Stop assuming and start communicating if you don’t want your relationship to suck.
#5. Relationships are bad because we aren’t grateful.
On the other side, the grass is always greener. Instead of appreciating what we have, we focus on what we don’t have and fantasize about how much better it could be…if only… This is particularly true in the age of social media.
However, this is a trap! When you get to the “other grass,” you’ll discover that it, too, dies if you don’t water it! It’s infuriating to be constantly peering over someone else’s fence rather than putting your energy and time into cultivating your own grass. Enjoy and appreciate what you have!
Bottom line: If you don’t want your relationships to suck, start with yourself.
Why Some People Suck At Relationships
Most people are terrible at relationships. Most relationships fail because most people are bad at them. The average long-term relationship lasts about 2 years and 9 months, and divorce rates are currently around 40%.
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There are numerous reasons for this poor track record, and in this episode, you’ll learn the primary cause of most relationships failure, why most people suck, and, most importantly, how to approach it differently.
#1. They make decisions on the spur of the moment without consulting their partner.
You’re in a relationship with another person. As a result, you must always ensure that you are not making decisions and plans on your own. You must make your partner feel a part of your life. You must always involve them in the decision-making process. Furthermore, you also don’t want your partner to feel like a bystander in your relationship. You need to collaborate as true partners.
#2. They argue in a childish and unhealthy way.
You should not be afraid to disagree with someone you like. You should always be willing to work through any disagreements or conflicts you may have as a couple. But you should also know how to approach it maturely. You can’t rely on cheap personal attacks that are below the belt.
#3. They take a passive-aggressive approach to dealing with relationship problems.
When problems arise in your relationship, you must be able to deal with them as a mature adult. And you must address them with your partner through mature lines of communication. If you want to be able to repair your relationship, you can’t resort to passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behavior accomplishes nothing and benefits no one.
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#4. They make snap judgments without first hearing the entire story.
Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly. Don’t be overly concerned with everything. You can’t afford to lash out at your partner without first hearing the whole story. Keep your emotions in check and gain some perspective. Nobody wants to be around a loose cannon.
#5. They continue to date the same type of toxic person.
If you keep getting into bad relationships with toxic people, it’s probably because you keep dating the same type of person over and over again. If you want different results, you should start diversifying the pool of people you are willing to date. Change things up a little. Date a variety of people.
#6. They place too much emphasis on themselves in the relationship.
If you want to be in a relationship with someone else, you can’t afford to be selfish. Remember that a relationship consists of two people. And you can’t keep focusing solely on your own personal needs. You must also be considerate of your partner’s needs. You must be able to listen to your partner’s personal feelings about your relationship.
#7. They attract an excessive amount of drama into their lives.
Nobody enjoys unneeded drama in a relationship. And if you believe that drama is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with boredom, that is why no one wants to be with you. You need to stop instilling drama just to keep things interesting. That is not what anyone wants.
#8. They don’t follow through on their promises.
Your word is your bond to another person. And when you break your word, you are gradually severing the bond you have with another person. You must always ensure that you keep any promises or commitments you make to another person. You want to be dependable at all times.
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Let’s face it: all relationships have wonderful times and bad times. However, if we are aware, willing to accept responsibility for our role, and willing to put in the effort to change, we can avoid some of the most basic pitfalls of relationships. Finally, the real reason relationships suck is that we are unwilling to do so.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do most dating relationships fail?
There are numerous reasons why relationships fail to last. Relationships fail for a variety of reasons, including a lack of trust, poor communication, a lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and a lack of intimacy.
Why is having a relationship bad?
Although studies have shown that a consistent, committed relationship is beneficial to mental health, a difficult and strained relationship has the opposite effect. Negative behaviors during the conflict in relationships, such as hostility and criticism, have been linked to negative effects on mental health.
Why is relationship so hard?
It’s Difficult to Be Intimate
“Romantic relationships are more difficult to maintain than any other type of relationship,” says life coach Kali Rogers. “The amount of closeness in a relationship — emotional, physical, spiritual, and even mental — can be overwhelming at times.”
What is a unhealthy relationship?
Healthy relationships make you feel good about yourself, whereas unhealthy ones do not. An unhealthy relationship is characterized by lying, cheating, jealousy, and disrespect. Trying to control a partner is also a bad idea. This includes keeping track of where they are and who they spend their time with.
How do you know if someone is right for you?
When you feel good, when you know your partner is patient and true, when he or she treats you the same way in public as he or she does at home, you’re on the right track. Keep in mind that your intuition may also send out warnings. It could be a gut reaction. For example, if your partner wishes to alter your personality in any way.