For many people, knowing how to stand up for themselves is not second nature. This is especially true for people who have been labelled as pushovers, regardless of whether the title was self-assigned or the reputation grew over time as a result of personal and professional experiences that coloured them as veritable human doormats. Regardless of how people come to be walking, talking embodiments of those well-known “Welcome” mats, sticking to your beliefs and speaking your truth is a difficult task.
Perhaps you’ve come to associate friction with conflict and conflict with The Worst Thing You Can Ever Come Up Against because you believe you’re a pushover. What some may find surprising is that the root issue at hand isn’t so much a struggle as asserting your beliefs, which is setting boundaries regarding what you’re willing to accept from others.
How to Stand Up for Yourself
Standing up for yourself can be difficult if you’re used to letting others have their way or if you’re a people pleaser. When you trim yourself down to suit everyone else, it’s all too easy to whittle yourself away; learning how to stand up for yourself is a way of ensuring that other people respect you and don’t try to push you around or manipulate you. Unlearning old habits of self-effacement and gaining confidence in how to stand up for yourself will not happen overnight, but the journey to improvement begins with the first step.
1. Be self-assured.
Developing a strong sense of self-confidence is the first step in learning how to advocate for yourself. How can you expect other people to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself?
Others easily notice when someone is down on their luck and lacking in self-confidence, making them an easy target. If you are confident, people are less likely to tease or label you as weak.
2. Set goals for yourself.
Goals give you a sense of purpose and control over your destiny, and they help you realize what you truly want. This is an important part of standing up for yourself and preventing others from walking all over you.
Motivate yourself by setting an ambitious but attainable goal for the next few weeks, months, or years of your life. It could be anything, such as a job promotion, a perfect grade on your next college paper, or running a half-marathon, as long as it gives you a sense of self-worth.
3. Develop a positive attitude.
Your attitude is everything; it influences how others perceive you and even how you see yourself. Your attitude determines the tone of your voice and the quality of your thoughts and is reflected in your facial expressions and body language.
Remember that attitude is contagious. If you’re bubbly, happy, and upbeat about things, you’ll encourage those around you to feel good about themselves and the world around them.
If you’re depressed, pessimistic, and down about everything, you’ll soon infect others with your negativity.
4. Feel physically good about yourself.
While you don’t have to look like an Iron Man or Ironwoman, your appearance does matter and looking fit, strong, and healthy will give you more confidence and teach you how to stand up for yourself.
Choose an activity that you enjoy, whether it’s weight training, running, dancing, or rock climbing, and immerse yourself in it.
Not only will you look and feel better physically, but you will also have a lot of fun and become a more interesting and fulfilled person in the process!
How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Being Rude
The following are some pointers on how to stand up for yourself without being rude;
1. Defend yourself calmly and rationally.
When you are attacked, provoked, or sidelined, defend yourself verbally and take care of yourself when someone tries to put you down, box you in, or even hurt you physically.
Don’t just stand there smouldering; it’s far better to express yourself. Even if the result does not change, you have demonstrated to yourself and others that you will not tolerate disrespect.
2. Do not be aggressive.
In the process of defending yourself, you should never resort to outright aggression. Being aggressive, or even violent, is counterproductive and will not win you any friends.
Aggressive behaviour, whether verbal or nonverbal, is akin to acting out your pain in full technicolour. It’s not a productive way to get what you want and will only turn people against you.
3. Avoid being passive-aggressive.
Be wary of passive-aggressive reactions to people and situations. Passive-aggressive responses involve doing things against your will and ending up filled with resentment and anger, hating people who “make” you feel this way, and feeling depressed and helpless.
This has a negative impact on your relationships and can be detrimental to your physical and emotional health. Most importantly, a passive-aggressive attitude toward life will never allow you to advocate for yourself.
4. Try to turn negatives into positives.
Another way to stand up for yourself is to turn the negatives in your life into positives. By turning attacks inside out to find the good, you’ll frequently discover that feelings of jealousy or insecurity are at the root of the attack.
For example, if someone accuses you of being bossy, rather than shrinking further, consider it evidence that you’re a natural leader, capable of managing people and projects well, and a proactive change agent.
5. Do not give up.
No matter how hard you work to boost your confidence, there will be days when you feel like you’re slipping backwards.
Rather than viewing this as a failure in your efforts to learn to stand up for yourself, see it for what it is: a day or two where things went temporarily off-track before you felt better and bounced back. Here are some tips to help with the recovery process:
- Fake it ’til you make it. Even if you don’t feel confident, act as if you do.
- Be consistent in your approach. People will come to expect you to be a self-assured individual.
How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Crying
If you want to stand up for yourself but can’t stop the tears from falling, you’re not alone. It can be extremely difficult and frustrating when crying becomes a major impediment to expressing yourself, especially when you know what you have to say is valid and important.
There could be many reasons why you cry, such as emotional distress or a lack of self-confidence, but you shouldn’t feel like there’s no way to stand up for yourself without crying or that you’re stuck in the same situation every time.
We hope that with the help of these strategies, you’ll be able to prioritize, stand up for yourself, and gain the respect that you deserve.
1. Take a few deep breaths.
Taking deep breaths triggers a natural relaxation response. If you’re on the verge of crying, you’re probably stressed and overwhelmed. Taking a deep breath is a simple but effective way to relieve tension and stress.
By taking deep breaths, you are sending a message to your brain to calm down—your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing will all decrease. Because you’ll feel more relaxed and grounded, you might be able to stand up for yourself without crying.
2. Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness.
Using “I” language will make the encounter less hostile. By using “I” statements, you can help steer the conversation away from becoming too negative and accusatory.
When you focus on communicating your point of view without attacking the other person, you can help defuse the situation and reduce the intensity of your emotions, which may be causing you to cry.
3. Speak firmly and deliberately.
Another way to keep yourself from crying is to be deliberate. Rather than going on and on, say what you want to say, then stop and wait for the other person to respond.
Even if you have a lot to say, you’ll be able to get to it in time—but if you let yourself get caught up in your frustration and sadness all at once, you may be more likely to escalate your emotions and begin crying.
4. Pretend you’re an actor, and everyone else is as well.
Thinking of the encounter as part of a script may help you emotionally distance yourself. Then it won’t feel so much like real life or a really personal encounter—but rather something; you’ll be able to get through it with a clear head because it’s constructed and not real.
Instead of being caught up in the moment, pretend that you and everyone around you are just acting out a scene from a movie or play. This may help you say what you need to say without breaking it down.
5. Use quick fixes to keep the tears at bay.
If the encounter is unexpected or you are caught off guard, you can try some tricks. Some of these strategies are more physical, while others are more mental.
They can help you relax emotionally by temporarily distracting you from the situation. Try one of these tricks the next time you feel like you’re about to cry while standing up for yourself:
- Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth.
- Pinch the skin between your thumb and pointer finger.
- Try to think of words that rhyme.
- Count backwards from 100 in 7s.
6. Stand tall.
Better body posture can boost confidence. You may find yourself crying because you lack confidence in yourself, but research has shown that your body posture can actually make you think more positively about yourself.
Try standing straight, spreading your feet wide, and keeping your head up; you may find that you feel more confident in your worth and what you have to say.
7. Reschedule the discussion if you need time to calm down.
If the situation allows, try scheduling the meeting for a later date. This way, instead of feeling rushed or overwhelmed by the current situation, you’ll have time to calm down and consider what you’re going to say.
8. Practice saying what you’re going to say.
Plan out how you’re going to stand up for yourself if at all possible. You will be less likely to trip, get your words mixed up, or spiral into emotional trouble.
By practising as much as possible, you will not only boost your confidence and reduce your nerves, but you will also be better at keeping the conversation on track and as objective as possible rather than getting caught up in the emotional intensity of the moment.
9. Cry before the meeting.
Getting your emotions out of your system first can help you avoid crying later. If you know the encounter is coming up in the future rather than in the present, you can try processing your emotions beforehand by allowing yourself to cry. You may be more likely to remain calm later if you have already dealt with your emotions.
10. Recognize and accept your fear or anxiety.
One of the reasons you may be crying is that you are overwhelmed by anxiety. You might be both anticipating and dreading the event.
Even if you want to stand up for yourself, it’s difficult to get away from that—but fighting it may make it worse. Anxiety is completely normal, so take a moment to accept it before speaking; this may help lessen rather than worsen the anxiety.
11. Change your mindset by thinking positive thoughts.
After you’ve recognized your anxious thoughts, try to change them actively. Rather than allowing the feeling of uncontrollability to overwhelm you, assist yourself by transforming your thoughts into positivity and optimism.
This will help you enter the encounter calmer and less agitated, and you will feel more comfortable standing up for yourself as a result.
Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and still win the respect of others
Assertiveness is an important skill to have when trying to build relationships, negotiate tasks and responsibilities, or collaborate with others in various settings.
If you want to give assertiveness a try, try these tips the next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to be honest about your feelings or needs:
1. Stay assertive.
Standing up for yourself requires assertiveness. It’s not just a cliche; it’s a genuine way to increase your chances of getting what you want and being properly heard.
Being assertive allows you to express your wants, needs, and preferences in a way that demonstrates your readiness; it allows you to stand up for yourself while still respecting the other person.
It entails being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings while attempting to reach a mutually satisfactory solution.
2. Learn to say “no.”
Learning to say no is one of the most difficult but crucial aspects of advocating for yourself. If you are a “yes” person who never wants to disappoint anyone, you run the risk of becoming a doormat who everyone walks all over and takes advantage of.
For example, if your boss repeatedly asks you to work late when your coworker has no problem leaving at 6 p.m., it can be difficult to say no.
However, if the increased workload is straining your personal life and relationships, you must take action. Don’t prioritize someone else’s needs over your own; instead, learn to say no when necessary.
3. Be aware of your body language.
The way you stand, walk and sit makes a big impression on others. Positive body language can be used to gain respect, agreement, and trust, whereas negative body language (slouching, shrinking away) is practically an invitation to be pushed around.
Using open body language communicates to others that you are self-assured, confident, and not to be trifled with. Leaning forward, making eye contact, standing with your hands on your hips and feet apart, using slow and deliberate gestures, facing your heart to people when you meet them, and uncrossing your arms or legs are all examples of open body language.
4. Experiment with standing up for yourself.
Standing up for themselves may not come naturally to many shy people, but that’s okay. All you have to do now is practice. You’ll soon gain confidence and assertiveness in making your voice heard.
You may fail to stand up for yourself at times simply because you cannot articulate what needs to be said at the appropriate time.
Spend some time writing out good responses to difficult situations and practising them with a friend while using a timer.
Make your friend pretend to be a difficult or intimidating person who constantly puts you down. Set a timer for 2 minutes and respond as soon as possible! Continue doing this until you’ve mastered it.
5. Stay away from pessimists.
Another aspect of learning to stand up for yourself is to learn to trust your instincts about other people and to act on them.
For example, if another person’s negativity is bringing you down, don’t hang out with them; instead, begin to politely but firmly distance yourself.
You owe no explanation to difficult people about why you’re spending less time with them.
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Learn How to Stand Up for Yourself
Remember these 5 tips for finally standing up for yourself.
1. Take the time to assess your own needs and limitations.
In reality, this refers to your own needs and boundaries, which are unlikely to be identical to those of others. “Strive not to compare yourself to others in any way, including the number of social events you attend; the amount of time you can commit; or the nature of your contribution to an event,” advises Dr. Manly.
“Once you know, understand, and respect your own needs, you’ll be less likely to be caught off guard.” And what if you aren’t caught off guard? Standing up for yourself is, as you might expect, much easier.
2. Do not be afraid to say “no” when you know something isn’t right for you.
It takes practice to say no. In fact, when it comes to managing anxiety and stress, it is arguably the most powerful word of all time.
While mastering the ability to deliver that N-O when appropriate is important, what’s most important is remaining firm in your assertion and not feeling the need to justify your stance.
“If others press you to say ‘yes,’ simply leave the conversation or repeat, ‘No, but thank you for the offer,'” Dr. Manly advises. “Be aware that you are not required to provide a reason if you decline to do something.
If you are under pressure, you can say, ‘I appreciate your interest, but it simply does not work for me.’
3. Recognize that you are under no obligation to respond to requests immediately.
“When we are put on the spot, we are more likely to commit to something,” says Dr. Manly. “Taking time to consider what’s best is one way to stand up for your needs respectfully.” In situations like this, you can say, ‘I’d like to think about it.’ ‘I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.’
4. Don’t make the mistake of assuming you have to answer personal questions.
Suppose you’ve ever been a single woman at Thanksgiving dinner. In that case, you’ve undoubtedly been subjected to a sanity-shattering barrage of questions about when you’re going to settle down and have babies and all that.
And, because it’s socially unacceptable to punch eccentric Aunt Miriam in the face, you can end the conversation before it starts.
“When asked too personal or intrusive questions, a respectful way to respond is to smile and say, ‘I’d rather not speak to that,'” says Dr. Manly. “If the person continues to interrogate you, simply smile and say, ‘Questions like that simply don’t feel right to me.'” Please keep my boundaries in mind.”
5. Feel completely justified in excusing yourself from situations that do not benefit you.
If someone is really pulling your ear, the best course of action may be to leave the conversation. It does not surrender, believe me; it’s self-care. “A physical time out, such as leaving the room or going for a walk,” Dr. Manly says, “is sometimes necessary to get the point across.”
So, what should you do if you can’t stand the heat? Get out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, where you can privately text your best friend about what’s going on.
Why Is It So Hard To Stand Up for Yourself?
If you have trouble standing up for yourself, you’re probably out of touch with your own needs – and overly sensitive to others. When this occurs, you open yourself up to being taken advantage of.
Why Can’t I Stand Up Straight?
The inability to stand up straight is a very common, but no less concerning, complication of severe lower back pain episodes. Most (but not all) of the time, it is due to the nervous system going into “panic mode” to protect the lower back and locking down the muscles around the hips.
Conclusion
When it comes to standing up for yourself, there are a number of tips and tricks, such as the ones listed above, that can ensure you have the desired impact. If you want to boost your confidence and competence in this area, consider a training program that covers communication, mindfulness, presence, and assertiveness.
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