Alcoholism can be a real problem in some relationships. It can be really hard because you can’t just help but be an enabler for your alcoholic spouse. It can be really hard basically. Especially when it’s someone close to dealing with constant alcohol abuse. Most times, some people get frustrated with the whole thing. After all, it’s their problem, not yours, right? Unfortunately, you can only change yourself, and the only way you can interrupt and change the current course of your interactions with people with substance use disorders is to change your reactions towards this person.
DANGERS OF ALCOHOLISM
Alcohol dependence doesn’t always occur in the same manner or order though. In fact, there are varying degrees of alcohol abuse, and the aftermath can look drastically different from person to person. Alcohol dependence occurs when a person’s need to drink requires larger amounts to achieve the same effect. However, this person may no longer be aware of the adverse effects of continued alcohol abuse. The reasons for alcohol abuse may not always be clear though. What is clear, however, is that alcoholism can lead to behaviourial problems and major health concerns. Some health issues from long-term alcohol abuse are:
1. Breast cancer, cancers of the mouth, throat, esophagus, and liver cancer
2. Pancreatitis
3. Stroke
4. Cardiovascular muscle damage and cardio failure
5. Hypertension
6. Liver disease
7. Brain damage
8. Suicide
9. Accidental injury or death
10. Fetal alcohol syndrome (in pregnancies)
11. Alcohol withdrawal syndrome (AWS)
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND
Generally, coping with an alcoholic spouse is a dynamic process. What helps you in one moment or scenario may be different from the next, so it’s important to have a variety of coping methods in your personal toolkit. Some things you can do to help yourself cope with the experience of having a spouse with an alcohol use disorder include:
1. Learn To Keep the Lines of Communication Open:
Voice your concerns but not harshly. It’s important to choose a time when your spouse is sober and approachable. It’s called picking your battles wisely. Generally, a clear mind is easier to discuss issues arising because of alcohol abuse. When you keep the lines of communication open, your goal is to bring attention to the detrimental effects of alcohol. Basically, you have to try to remind your husband that they have your support. Especially when they’re willing to seek treatment or rehab.
2. Discuss Contributing Causes to Your Husbands Alcoholism:
Those who don’t drink very often usually don’t enjoy drinking. However, they drink due to life situations that can cause fear, PTSD, depression, worry, anxiety, and other negative expressions. Additionally, by acknowledging these cycles, treatment and care can prove to be more effective.
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ALCOHOLIC BOYFRIEND
Having an alcoholic boyfriend is not as easy as it seems especially when it’s continuous. Basically, it creates this struggle to understand why they seemingly continue to choose alcohol over you and over other things. Surely, if they loved you they would reduce their drinking or stop right? This is when it becomes important to understand that alcoholism is an illness. When it comes to alcoholism, the willpower or desire to stop is not enough for an alcoholic to regain control. Basically, an alcoholic, once past a certain point, will never regain control over their drinking. Basically, they feel they are beyond redemption and don’t really want help. Some ways you can deal with an alcoholic boyfriend are;
1. Provide Concrete Examples of a Drinking Problem:
Be prepared to share specific instances with a person with a drinking problem. Generally, alcoholism can have quite an impact on different structures in the brain.
2. Don’t Present Ultimatums:
What you need to understand is that you are trying to help but not impose. When you start imposing some hard options like, “Stop drinking, or I’ll leave!” be prepared for the possibility that your partner will choose alcohol over the other option. Basically, all this does is increase the stress, frustration, and pain in the relationship.
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ALCOHOLIC FRIEND
Alcohol abuse doesn’t just affect the body but the brain as well on a major level. Generally, the brain becomes really damaged and chemically changed as a result of repeated exposure to alcohol. However, don’t fret, these changes can be repaired. But it only depends on the level of exposure. Some cases generally have long-lasting effects. However, the only successful/ known cure for alcoholism, is complete abstinence from alcohol. However, this can be quite difficult. But as a friend you can help by;
1. Don’t Be Too Judgy Basically:
Alcoholics may already feel shame and riddled with low self-esteem. However, alcoholism is a dangerous disease and its grip is powerful. One of the things you can do is understand. Basically, don’t be too judgy. Shaming an addict is likely to increase their denial, anger, and further driving them to more drinking.
2. Make Wise Use of Resources:
Perhaps you know someone who is a successful recovering alcoholic. Find out how they did it when you get any chance to discuss it with them. Don’t be too proud to ask for advice. Discuss the best way to approach your friend. In addition, if that person would be willing to talk to your friend, it would be of great help.
3. Be Present, Understand, Be There For Detox And Recovery:
Generally, educate your family members about alcohol and its dreadful addictive claws. Additionally, encourage your friend in a y way you can. Basically, tell him you know how hard this is and how proud you are of his efforts. Show this support especially when he/she is ready to change.
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ALCOHOLIC WIFE
Alcoholics are not only of one particular gender though. Women can as well be drunks. However, when you’re dealing with an alcoholic wife, you can learn to be supportive, more importantly tolerating. Because they can be selfish and inconsiderate at times. Some ways you can help her though are;
1. Treatment And Recovery Programs:
Be prepared to offer local and online recovery resources especially when she’s ready to change. Get ready to support your wife in making initial contact and undergoing treatment and recovery.
2. Be a Good Role Model:
When you believe your spouse has an alcohol problem, then it is inconsiderate and unsupportive to drink alcohol in her presence. Basically, you have to be the example your wife is supposed to follow.
3. Avoid Enabling Behaviour:
Don’t provide your wife with alcohol to prove you love her even when she looks like she’s suffering from withdrawal. Additionally, avoid making excuses for unnecessary drinking habits and/or behavioural changes. Basically, there is a very thin line between support and enabling. Support could just be what your partner needs though. But enabling is a whole other story. Basically, you have to be able to identify both.
What Is Enabling In Alcoholism?
Basically, enabling is a term used when a person is aiding someone’s alcoholism. When you have a partner, naturally, you’d want to protect them. But when your partner is an alcoholic, however, this natural instinct can actually prevent them from getting the help they desperately need to recover. There are many ways in which you can enable your alcoholic partner’s alcoholism like;
1. Calling in sick to work for them when they are drunk or nursing a hangover.
2. Giving them money to buy alcohol and other substances in general.
3. Pay their bills because they spent their money on alcohol.
4. Support them financially even when they sit at home drinking all day.
5. Often getting them “booze”.
How To Help Yourself When Your Partner Is An Alcoholic
Just as important as getting your alcoholic partner to accept help, you are important too. Basically, all this energy isn’t good for your mental health. Even though your partner is not interested in giving up booze, you can change the way that you deal with them. Generally, alcoholism is an illness that affects all those that love and care for the alcoholic in a very detrimental way. Basically, clinking too much to a person who doesn’t want help takes its toll on your own mental health too. You can try;
1. Peer support groups:
Generally, peer support groups can be quite helpful to get those feelings off your chest. Groups like Al-Anon could really be of help in general. Basically, at Al-Anon, you can learn coping skills that help you detach from your spouse’s behaviors and take care of yourself.
2. Self-care:
Generally, if what you need is emotional, physical, or spiritual, care or help to cope, then go for it. It may involve activities like meditation, exercise, or even trying out new hobbies to pursue during this stressful time. However, you do it, prioritize yourself more.
CONCLUSION
Basically, there is really little or nothing you can do to help an alcoholic until they are ready to get help. But you can stop letting someone’s drinking problem dominate your thoughts and your life. Basically, just live your life freely. It’s okay to make choices that are good for your own physical and mental health, you are important too.
ALCOHOLISM FAQ’S
Is it ok to divorce an alcoholic?
Well, it all depends on you but if you still love your spouse, then at least try and find out what the problem is before you proceed with any decision.
What do I do when I'm being stonewalled by my alcoholic friend?
Basically, it’s their call. If you try helping your friend and he or she doesn’t really need help, there’s really nothing much you can do. Just prioritize your health and happiness.
How do I convince my wife to stop drinking?
Timing is everything. Be direct and stern but don’t give ultimatums. Just constant support.
What can alcoholism do to my marriage?
Research shows that it causes lower relationship satisfaction. The relationship gets tiring and eventually ends in most cases. Additionally, domestic violence can also be found in such relationships.
What behaviour is typical of an alcoholic husband?
The first nasty behaviour is negligence. An alcoholic husband is very quick to neglect his obligations and spend all that money on booze.
