Over the years, we have built our perception of relationships around ideas based on movie scenes. We like to think of them as partnerships that bring happiness, understanding, and warm love. Although this shouldn’t be a wrong perception about relationships, unfortunately, it doesn’t play out that way.
This is not me trying to scare you but truthfully, no relationship comes without a form of stress. Well, if you’re reading this post you already know that.
However, while there are several and varied ways to calm your relationship, most experts say it is wise to distract yourself from your partner (and your relationship) and work long and hard to find yourself.
You need to find answers to questions like;
Why are you worried? What does this bring up from your past? What can you work on within yourself first, before tackling any larger issues within your partnership?
But, as you ask yourself these questions, try to remember these ten things when evaluating your relationship and hope for relief.
Listen
As usual, communication is your first choice. It may not be easy, but the rewards are great. Just listening accomplishes way more than you think. It’s a form of communication that feels like doing nothing and doing a lot at the same time.
According to relationship expert Alexis Nicole White
“Communicating with your mate can simply mean to just listen. Be attentive, by demonstrating that you have heard what they’ve said by doing something to signal to them that you have heard them. If something is bothering them, do something to correct that irritation in their lives.”
The willingness to just sit and listen to what they have to say helps you stay afloat on most issues.
Make Bids for Connection
Making bids for connections are a great way to reduce stress in relationships. This has a lot to do with your reactions when the compliments come in and your ability to avoid being judgemental over every single thing. Being judgemental means you need to conjure a meaning to every action. That’s a lot of stress.
Connections, on the other hand, help you overlook, at least a high percentage of those mishaps.
“Try to see your partner’s behaviors through the lens of how they’re trying to connect with you, rather than what they’re doing wrong. Oftentimes our partner’s behaviors are rooted in trying to help, connect, or be loving, but if the act itself isn’t delivered the way we want it to be, that message gets lost,” says Nicole
Meditation
Meditation may not entirely make your relationship stress go away but at least it keeps you calm, which is what you need to blow off some steam.
Staying relaxed through meditation is key to relieving you of the stress, anxiety, nervousness, and paranoia you feel. There are loads of exercises on the internet to get you started in no distant time.
Be Yourself
A huge part of feeling stressed in relationships comes from trying to project an identity that may not be the real you. Rather than react to certain issues the way we normally would, our reactions turn out to be those inspired by a friend’s recommendation, our partner’s expectations, or an offshoot from our favorite movie characters.
Well, the truth is energy dispensed at trying to be something/ someone else besides you is a whole lot of energy in play. And that’s a whole lot of stress wasted in trying to be who you’re not,
You’ll be a lot calmer and less stressed if you’ll just remain authentic.
Focus on your own life
Half the time, relationship stress is, to an extent, an extension of stress from our own lives.
“Take inventory of your life—what are the practices that you are engaging in that are working for you, and what are those that are not? Figure out those things in your life you have control over that you are being asked to respond to, and then get about the business of working on them.”
Darren Pierre
Reducing relationship stress and eventually eliminating it starts with letting go of your own personal stress.
Communicate
Lack of communication plays a vital role in stress accumulation. Part of the reason why feel stressed about something is that you are yet to let it off your chest.
Addressing those issues head-on through communication tends to bring in a certain level of relief. However, do not make the mistake of discussing with someone who has zero connections to the issue at hand.
As effective as communication is, sharing with the wrong person may further escalate the situation.
Hit the Pause Button
Yea, the Pause Button is really a thing and a lot helpful, if I might add.
“There is power in pausing. Next, understand the source of your stress and be specific. Don’t just say it’s your partner. Name the specific behavior or action that’s causing the stress.”
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
At this point, playing the blame game does more harm than good and should be stricken off the list.
A proper analysis of the problem however would be a better fix.
Make the Decision to Bond
Stress in relationships mostly leads to either time off or a breakup. But trust me when I say you wouldn’t want to do any of that because even time-offs eventually lead to breakups 90% of the time. And when these stress symptoms wear off, regrets may set in.
“What you can do is decide that you and your partner are going to cleave together during hard times.” says Pella Weisman (dating coach and licensed marriage and family therapist)
This goes against your better judgment to ease off your relationship stress but it’s the best decision to consider.
Making a decision to bond gives your partner the access to feel what you feel, which will help them figure out ways to support and profer effective solutions.
Be consistent and Kind
“Adding consistency, honesty, and kindness to your connection habits is important.”
Tracee Dunblazier
A huge part of keeping a relationship in the first place is the consistent show of affection and love. Well, goes beyond that though.
It also means your daily actions would need to correspond to the sweet words you say. However, do not force it. Allow your actions to naturally reflect how you feel.
“Also, responding to your lover’s bids for attention with honesty can make all the difference,” Tracee says.
Watch out for stress symptoms
A quick detection of stress symptoms will help you deal with the problem promptly before it escalates.
According to Ford,
“Couples often become so accustomed to unchecked stress that they barely recognize and often overlook the destructive ramifications.”
However, there are really no detectors out there to really outline the symptoms you should feel when you are stressed. But Ford signs to look out for when stressed.
- “one or both partners are snappy, cranky, withdrawn, moody, pouty, teary, ornery, angry, restless, hyper, agitated, overly excited.
- one or both partners are self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, food, etc.”
Conclusion
Stress is a common phenomenon in relationships. And how you deal with pretty much determines the future of the relationship.
But after all is said and done, you do not want to lose a beautiful relationship to something as minor as stress.
Relationship Stress FAQs
What are the signs of stress in a relationship?
Being more emotional than normal is one of the signs of stress in relationships. Others include;
- Feeling tense or overwhelmed.
- Having trouble remembering or keeping track of stuff.
- Difficulty in making decisions, solving difficulties, concentrating, and finishing.
- Using drugs or alcohol to cope with emotional stress.
Is it normal to feel stressed in a relationship?
Yep. Astrid Robertson, a psychotherapist who works with couples on relationship matters, says, “Relationship anxiety is really frequent.” Some people have relationship anxiety when they first start dating before they realize their partner is equally interested in them.
Can stress end relationships?
In many ways, stress seeps into our daily lives, altering the quality of our interpersonal connections. People become more introverted and preoccupied, as well as less affectionate when they are stressed. They also have less time for leisure activities, resulting in partner alienation.
What is red flag in relationship?
Red flags in relationships are indicators that the individual is unlikely to be able to have a healthy relationship and that going down the road together will be emotionally perilous.
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