Breaking up with someone is never easy. Sometimes the signs that should break up are obvious, and other times it’s a gut feeling that we’ve been ignoring for months (and sometimes even years). Even if you’ve made the decision to end the relationship, it’s much easier said than done. As a result, we will remain.
“In my experience working with individuals and couples, the decision to break up is never simple,” says Kathleen Isaac, Ph.D., Psychologist at NYU Langone Medical Center. “We bring our own histories and attachment styles into each relationship, so why we need to break up and when to do so is person-dependent.”
If you’ve been debating whether we should split up but don’t know how to assess the signs, this is the place to be. We’ve provided a few indicators that indicate it’s time to ask the question, “Should we break up for good?”
Should we break up
How do you know when to call it quits on a relationship? As a therapist, I’ve helped countless clients as their relationships unravelled over the years, and some themes seem to resurface.
If you’re debating whether or not to end your relationship with your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. Here are a few indicators that you should end your relationship or seriously consider it. If you can identify with one or more of the following, it may be time to end your relationship:
1. You’ve Separated
If you feel your love is fading, remember that it is natural for lovers to drift apart. There’s nothing requiring us to be the same person we were yesterday, a year ago, or even ten years ago. Relationships that stand the test of time are those that grow together. If you’ve considered all of the above indicators and come to this conclusion, it’s time to say goodbye to your current relationship, girl. There is something better out there for you.
2. You are being physically or psychologically abused
Abuse is never acceptable. And as ladies, we must regard this as a deal-breaker. Because, more than likely, if it occurs once, it will occur again. “No one should stay in a relationship where they are being verbally, emotionally, financially, or physically abused,” Isaac says. “Love does not hurt, nor does it control,” Frazier agrees. “Exit this relationship safely and seek the support of other survivors, family, trusted friends, and even a therapist,” she says.
3. You Sacrifice Your Values
Your integrity and values define who you are as a person. And if these are jeopardized, it’s a clear red flag that it’s time to go. “When your values begin to be compromised for the sake of “being in a relationship,” it’s time to reassess and affirm your worth outside of that relationship,” Frazier says.
“In a relationship, neither party should lose sight of who they are as individuals.” It’s critical to remember that relationships are meant to uplift and evolve us, not to diminish and destroy us. If you’re feeling more criticized than celebrated in your relationship, it’s time to reevaluate and consider this a sign to end it.”
4. You don’t want to have sexual relations with your partner.
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is a big part of it. If you’ve checked out sexually, it could indicate that something is wrong with you, either physically or mentally. If your feelings for your partner are the result, it’s a clear sign that things aren’t going well.
5. You’re No Longer Concerned
What is the inverse of love? Indifference. And when you’ve reached the point where you no longer care about your partner, the relationship, or even yourself, it’s time to call it quits. “Thank you, next,” as Ariana Grande put it.
6. You Have a One-Way Relationship
When one person consistently puts in 99.9% of the effort and the other person consistently gives. 1% of the time, this is a one-sided relationship. “Ask yourself where the value-added in this relationship is coming from?” says Sonya Frazier, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. “What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?”
To be clear, there will be times in a relationship when one partner gives more than the other, which is fine as long as the effort is reciprocal. “The definition of the word relationship implies that more than one person is required to participate,” she adds. “If your relationship is always one-sided, it isn’t a relationship, and this is a sign you should end it.”
7. You are unable to communicate with one another.
Nobody can read people’s minds. A relationship will fail if you are unable to communicate with your partner — especially in a healthy manner. Who can you tell how you’re feeling if you can’t tell bae? And if you believe that you are unable to communicate with your partner because they will stifle your thoughts and opinions, this is an even stronger indication that they are not the one.
8. Your requirements are not being met
Is your relationship feeling one-sided? “A healthy relationship is one in which your needs are met, where there is safety; where you can be vulnerable, and where you choose each other and continually choose to work on the relationship,” Isaac says.
“It may be time to call it quits when those things cease to be true or when you are no longer able to communicate and hear each other.” “When you spend more time asking for what you need than getting it, and you see no change, it’s time to go,” she says. “And if he/she was doing the right thing and then stopped, it’s still time to leave.”
9. You’re Simply Dissatisfied
Hey, you’re your top priority. And if you’re not happy, it’s a clear indication that something isn’t right. How will you find out? You’re frequently depressed, you’re becoming more reclusive, and you don’t enjoy your daily routines. If you believe the negativity is pervasive enough that you can’t pinpoint its source, it’s also a good idea to speak with a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist.
Should We Break Up Quiz
Should we call it quits? Have you been thinking about whether your relationship has run its course and you’re not sure if it’s time to call it quits? One of the most difficult things to do is to end a relationship.
For both parties involved, a breakup is fraught with fear and anxiety. It’s finally time to put an end to your misery! Take this quick quiz on whether we should break up to see if it’s time to call it quits and move on.
Questions & Answers
1. Do you still enjoy spending time together, or do you feel like you’re just going through the motions?
A. I honestly believe we are simply going through the motions.
B. We do enjoy each other’s company at times, but not always.
C. I continue to believe that we genuinely enjoy spending time together.
2. Do you believe it is worthwhile to save your relationship?
A. I’m not sure what I’m talking about anymore.
B. I both do and do not.
C. I have a strong impression that it is.
3. Have you had an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling?
A. True, but nothing has changed.
B. I’ve attempted it, but it’s a difficult conversation to have. I’m at a loss for words.
C. Yes, and we agreed to work on it together.
4. Do they figure into your plans for the future?
A. No, it’s difficult for me to imagine marriage and having a family with them.
B. Occasionally, but I try not to worry too much about the future.
C. I agree, but things must improve if we are to have a future.
5. Do you share the same aspirations and goals for the future?
A. No, our hopes and dreams are not the same.
B. I used to believe so, but I’m not so sure anymore.
C. We do, indeed.
6. Have things deteriorated to the point where you feel as if you’re walking on eggshells around them?
A. All of the time (nearly every day)
B. Quite frequently (several times a week)
C. On occasion (1-2 times per week)
7. Would you rather spend time with them than with anyone else if you had the choice?
A. No longer.
B. On occasion
C. Without a doubt.
8. Do you ever feel rejected, ignored, or as if your feelings are unimportant?
A. Yes, quite frequently.
B. On occasion
C. Infrequently
9. Do you ever feel insignificant or underappreciated?
A. Yes, quite frequently.
B. On occasion
C. Not at all.
10. How is your love life going?
A. What’s your sex life like?
B. It’s fine, but not what it used to be.
C. It is still fairly common and enjoyable.
Should We Break Up or Stay Together
Apply what the experts say to your own life and decide what is the best decision for you. Just know that your feelings are completely valid—and that if you decide to end things, it won’t be the end of the world. Promise.
1. You don’t feel important.
Break up if…
In the relationship, you constantly feel neglected, insignificant, and/or uncared for. There is a significant difference between having a partner who is overburdened with commitments and having a partner who does not make time for you. “If your partner is consistently inattentive and neglectful of your needs and wants; despite your best efforts in communicating your needs to them,” confirms registered psychotherapist Parisa Ghanbari. “Partners who are absorbed or who lack adequate relationship skills will never be able to meet your emotional needs.” It’s time to say goodbye.
Continue to be together if…
According to Ghanbari, your partner is making an effort to pay more attention to your needs and desires. Some signs to look for are: they are seeking couples therapy or therapy themselves, reading self-help books or relationship material to better themselves, and/or acting on their expressed needs/wants/desires, suggests Ghanbari.
2. You are terrified of marriage and/or the future.
Break up if…
You don’t see your partner in your future. Look, I completely understand if you prefer to live in the present rather than look ahead for a few years. However, if you can’t picture the person you’re with alongside you on your next great adventure, it’s not a good sign. “Holding this person without any intention of future plans limits not only their ability to find their ‘happily ever after,’ but also you,” says licensed psychotherapist Markesha Miller. She suggests asking yourself, “Where do I see myself in a year?” Did you see your companion with you?
Continue to be together if…
Nothing about your future is certain. You don’t have to have everything figured out, and if you haven’t given much thought to where you see yourself in the next five years, that’s perfectly fine—it just might be what’s sabotaging your relationship. “Use this time to gain an understanding of yourself and your direction,” Miller advises. “Once you’ve gained some direction, you might be able to see the path ahead and decide whether or not you want to be accompanied by your partner.”
3. You consider having sex with other people.
Break up if…
Your sex fantasies don’t stop there. You can’t train your brain to find only your partner attractive, and that’s perfectly normal. Even in the most loving relationships, everyone has thoughts about other people. However, if you find yourself imagining a happy life with the person whose bones you’re mentally jumping, or if you feel as if you’d rather have sex with anyone but your partner, you may be halfway out of this relationship.
Continue to be together if…
You’re actually overdue for an open discussion about your sexual life. A (healthy, normal) fantasy about having sex with someone else is sometimes your brain’s way of telling you that it’s time to shake things up.
Falling into a small sex rut can happen without either of you realizing it, especially in a long-term, super-cozy relationship. Print out (or pull up on your phone) a yes/no/maybe list of sex; acts if you need a guide to this slightly awkward-but-very-steamy conversation.
1. You have the impression that they are far too clingy.
Break up if…
They are preventing you from seeing your friends or spending time with them. It could be love bombing—a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists—or just plain excessive clinginess, but it’s never okay for a partner to control your schedule, even if they appear to do so “out of love.” You should be completely free to live your own life, and anyone who attempts to interfere is probably not someone you should date.
Continue to be together if…
You’ve just had a particularly stressful week. If every phone notification, including those from your partner, sends shivers down your spine, it’s likely that it’s your schedule that needs a break, not your relationship. Inform your partner that you are having a wild week and will only communicate on an as-needed basis. They should be understanding, and they might even offer to help you out with some chores.
5. You feel as if you’re on completely different wavelengths.
Break up if…
One person has always seemed to be more “in it” than the other. It’s normal for feelings in a relationship to swing back and forth.
However, if it appears that your partner is smitten with you while you are only mildly interested in them, or vice versa, then this relationship may have been doomed from the start.
Unfortunately, you can’t make someone who doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship want one. If the timing is off, it’s not the right person, and that’s one of the most difficult relationship lessons to learn.
Continue to be together if…
You haven’t yet had an open discussion about what you’re looking for. Feeling as if you’re ON BOARD for a serious relationship but your partner isn’t? Inform them of this! It’s not fair to project your private expectations onto someone else; they should be as informed about your situation as you are. Have that conversation, and then see how you feel about it.
6. You are dissatisfied with your relationship.
Break up if…
Regardless of how much fun you have together, you are unsatisfied. According to Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D.; chair and professor of counseling and counselor education at Northern Illinois University, if you and your partner have tried BYOB painting, rock climbing, and weekend trips and you still find yourself disengaging from him or her when you’re together, it could be a sign to move on—especially if you imagine how your lifestyle would be different without your partner and the vision is appealing.
Continue to be together if…
You’re simply tired of your Netflix routine. You may have gone out to dinner or on more exciting dates when you first started dating your partner, but now you’re more likely to stay in and watch TV. “There is a difference between being bored with and bored of your partner,” says Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., who teaches The Psychology of Relationships at the University of Toronto. She suggests switching up your date nights, picking new hobbies, or expanding your friend group; anything to give yourself a chance to bond over something new together.
7. You are constantly irritable around your partner.
Break up if…
Your partner incites rage. “When you feel like you’re going to scream [every time] your partner tells the same dumb joke or boring story,” Degges-White says, “you probably need to sit down and talk honestly about [the relationship].” If their mere presence irritates you irrationally even on good days, you have a much bigger problem.
Continue to be together if…
Something deeper and unrelated is bothering you. If school is extremely stressful for you, or if your new boss has been making you miserable, you may be venting your frustrations on your partner.
“You could be experiencing displacement, which is a common defense mechanism,” Bockarova says. “Because you are unable, for whatever reason, to vent your frustration on the situation at hand; you instead vent it on your partner.”
Keep track of when you lash out—if it’s every time you’re hungry or get a work email on the weekend, make a note of it. Also, try to be nicer to your partner.
8. You don’t want to have sex very often.
Break up if…
There is never a time when you want to bone. Is the thought of having sex with your partner repulsive to you? That is a very bad sign. “If you can’t take pleasure in even the memory of sexual satisfaction with your partner; something is definitely wrong,” says Degges-White.
Continue to be together if…
You still enjoy being in physical proximity to your partner. “Determine whether you still seek comfort and care from your partner, even when you aren’t in the mood for sex,” Bockarova says. If you always want to spoon together and feel pretty handsy with them, the problem could be a temporary drop in your sex drive rather than problems with your partner.
9. You would rather spend time with your friends than with your partner.
Break up if…
You dread making plans with your partner. “If you’re actively avoiding [your relationship] by spending time with friends, it could be a sign that you don’t want to fix your relationship,” Bockarova says.
Another red flag, according to Degges-White, is missing every aspect of your previous single life. If spending time with your friends causes you to behave as you did before your relationship, such as staying out with your squad until 4 a.m. or flirting with strangers, that should be a huge red flag that you’re not feeling this relationship anymore, she says.
Continue to be together if…
All you want to do is see your friends. According to Bockarova, when you first start dating someone, it’s natural to prioritize the relationship over friends for a while.
She suggests that as you become more settled, you may begin to feel more social again, especially if you feel like you’ve let some friendships fall by the wayside.
“In this case, spending more time with friends does not imply that you love your partner any less,” Bockarova explains. Expecting your partner to be your entire social life is unhealthy, so having your own set of friends should only benefit your relationship.
10. You’ve been fighting more recently than usual.
Break up if…
Your squabbles are toxic and hurtful. “If you find yourself walking on eggshells just to avoid a fight; if you feel isolated and alone after an argument; or if you criticize and despise each other harshly; become defensive, or shut down.”
“I would reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you,” Bockarova says. “When we feel our basic sense of respect as human beings are being eroded, it can be nearly impossible to fully recover and restore a healthy loving relationship.”
Continue to be together if…
Even when you disagree, you both feel respected. Bockarova advises paying close attention to your fighting style. Do you speak calmly? Are you capable of being affectionate after an argument has ended? Do you feel like you’re growing as a result of your fights? “You may have difficulty communicating your wants and needs, but you still love, respect, and care for one another,” Bockarova says.
Another important consideration is whether an external or personal stressor is weighing down the relationship and causing problems (see; work stress, a global pandemic, mental health, etc.)
“If you can identify external stressors that are only temporarily affecting your relationship and both of you as partners are willing to do the work required to address unhealthy communication patterns, the relationship can be salvaged,” Ghanbari says. “Possible solutions include attending personal and relationship counseling or improving your relationship functioning through evidence-based interventions.”
11. You continue to hope that your partner will change.
Break up if…
You want your partner to change dramatically as a person. “It takes a tremendous amount of effort, willpower, growth, and hard work to wait for someone to change his or her internal qualities, such as values or personality,” Bockarova says. You must consider whether you would be willing to stay with them if they did not change this aspect of themselves. Otherwise, it’s time to move on.
Continue to be together if…
The change you seek is a situational one. Bockarova believes it is reasonable to wait for external changes, such as a partner getting a job in the same city as you if there is reason to believe they are realistically capable of making that change.
“If [they] value ambition and hard work, then waiting for [them] to achieve future goals—such as having enough money to travel, buy a house, or start a family—is well worth the wait,” Bockarova says.
Remember, even if your partner is tenacious and dependable, you have the right to be frustrated or desirous of a larger change in your life.
So, if you’ve been waiting for your boyfriend’s comedy career to take off for the past five years, you should never feel guilty for wanting more.
Related Articles: SIGNS YOU SHOULD NOT BREAK UP: 15+ Top Signs
When Should We Break Up
If you notice any of the following signs in your relationship, it’s time to reconsider whether it’s worth repairing.
1. You are constantly breaking up and reuniting.
Remember how everyone you knew in middle school dumped each other and then reconciled? And you’d be left wondering why they stayed together at all.
This type of yo-yo behavior seemed like a lot of fun when you were a kid, but it’s not as appealing when you’re an adult.
When you’re facing a significant challenge, it’s okay to drift apart. However, if you’re constantly separating and reuniting, it’s possible that neither of you is acknowledging the underlying reasons for why you keep breaking up.
2. You are the one who is sacrificing everything.
Every relationship necessitates a sacrifice. This can be a healthy way to express your love and support for one another.
Sometimes it’s as simple as letting your partner choose which restaurant you’ll eat at or which Netflix show you’ll watch.
Other times, however, these can be major decisions, such as relocating across the country for a new job opportunity.
If you find yourself constantly doing everything for your partner without receiving anything in return, it can lead to a power imbalance that breeds long-term unhappiness and resentment.
3. You can’t put your trust in them.
Always doubting your partner’s honesty or feeling the need to go behind their back and search through their phone is an emotionally draining experience.
If your significant other has a history of lying or cheating, resentment builds up and can quickly poison your relationship.
4. You’ve drifted apart
Have you ever felt an unfathomable schism between you? Is it getting more difficult to communicate or share your likes and interests?
Many couples will often hold on to memories of when they first met and ignore how both people have changed. Feeling disconnected on a regular basis may indicate that you no longer want to cling to the past.
5. Your core values aren’t in sync.
Even if you have a strong connection with and care deeply about the other person, you may not be on the same page when it comes to big-picture issues. If your partner wants to settle down and start a family but you prefer to spend your days traveling, it’s a sign that things aren’t going to work out.
6. You’ve stopped caring or making an effort.
Have you given up checking in on your partner to see how their day is going? Did you used to make an effort to reconnect but have lost motivation? While we all have bad days as partners, if you can’t seem to rekindle the spark you once had, it’s a sign that things have cooled off.
7. You are subjected to physical or emotional abuse.
Abuse in any form is a clear indication that the relationship has devolved into a toxic one. It is never acceptable for your partner to attack, terrorize, control, or isolate you.
While it is easier to identify physical signs of abuse, it can be more difficult to identify mental and emotional ones. Remember that you deserve to be treated with consideration and respect.
8. You dislike yourself.
When you don’t like yourself around your partner, it can wear you down over time. A healthy relationship should bring out your best qualities. If you feel like your partner brings out the worst in you, it’s a sign that things have gotten out of hand.
9. You never stop fighting.
While disagreements are an unavoidable part of being a couple, you shouldn’t feel as if you’re constantly on the lookout for the next explosion.
Unresolved conflicts that become disrespectful and demeaning over time can have a negative impact on your emotional health.
Consider whether you and your partner are constantly looking for new reasons to argue. If you answered yes, it may be time to part ways.
10. Your needs are not being met.
Being a part of a healthy duo entails actively working on good communication. When communication breaks down, you may experience feelings of longing, unease, and even bitterness.
Something isn’t right if you’re constantly craving affection that isn’t given to you, or if you find yourself fantasizing about a more fulfilling relationship.
11. You constantly consider breaking up.
It’s natural to wonder if you should stay together every now and then. You should be concerned when you can’t stop thinking about being apart.
Being in a relationship should not be a constant struggle of hoping for the other person to change. If you can’t imagine growing old with them as they are now, it’s probably time to call it quits.
Reasons to Break Up with Someone You Love
When you think of a relationship ending, you probably envision a dramatic fight, cheating, or two people who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. While this is possible, there are many other reasons to end a relationship that isn’t so obvious.
Experts are available to assist you in determining whether or not a split is on the horizon. They share valid reasons to break up with someone you love in the list below.
1. You Can’t Rely On Them.
No matter how much you love your partner, being in a relationship with a total jerk can be difficult. And, according to Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together, having an untrustworthy partner is justification for a breakup.
It doesn’t matter if you’re madly in love, she says; if you can’t rely on your partner, you don’t have a solid foundation on which to build your future together.
2. You realize you need to be alone right now.
Not all relationships end because of a calamitous event: There are valid reasons to end a relationship with someone you care about.
For example, if you realize you’re relying too heavily on this relationship (or on your relationships in general), it could mean you need to take a step back and learn how to be alone, according to Dawn Michael, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me.
Furthermore, she adds, fear of being single is no reason to stay in a relationship that you would otherwise end. So, if you find yourself prolonging your relationship simply because you don’t want to be alone, you should end it until you can be in a relationship for the right reasons.
3. You’ve Lost Sight Of Who You Are
It’s possible to become engrossed in your relationship and become someone you don’t like. What is the advice of life coach Kali Rogers? Break up with your partner if you don’t feel like yourself around them, she advises.
If you’re having trouble determining whether or not you’re acting like yourself, Joy Harden Bradford, a psychologist, and breakup coach suggest checking in with your family and friends. “If you find yourself unrecognizable to yourself and loved ones, it may be a sign that you should break up with your partner,” he tells Bustle.
“In relationships, we all change in some ways, but the changes should not be so drastic that there is little to no trace of the person you were before.”
4. You Aren’t Able To Let Go Of How They Hurt You
It’s an infuriating truth that if someone hurts you and apologizes, there’s a strange pressure on you to forgive them, even if they were the one who was wrong.
But it isn’t always that simple. “If someone you’re dating has betrayed you in a way you can’t get over — cheating, lying, addiction — it’s time to end the relationship for your own emotional health,” says Lori Bizzoco, executive editor and founder of Cupid’s Pulse.
If you can’t let go of the pain, even if they make you feel like you should, then you have every right to move on.
5. The Fights Are Pointless
If the same problem rears its ugly head again and again, it’s a warning sign. “You should break up with someone if you continue to have the same arguments and your partner refuses to support you; satisfying your needs,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a family and relationship psychotherapist.
“A healthy relationship necessitates two willing participants who are eager to meet each other’s wants and needs.”
You don’t need to stay in a relationship that isn’t moving forward if you aren’t moving past a major issue or if your partner refuses to budge.
6. You’re Always “Going Through A Difficult Time”
Do you find yourself saying, “We’re going through a rough patch,” more often than you’d like? While some conflict is normal, excessive conflict may indicate that your relationship isn’t working, according to couples therapist Jim Seibold, Ph.D. “Ultimately, if you are not compatible,” he tells Bustle, “the relationship will crumble.”
“Rather than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, look for a better fit.” The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the more pain you will feel.”
7. You Recognize That You Must Deal With Your Baggage
According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and owner of Exclusive Matchmaking, if you can’t stop projecting issues from your previous relationship onto your current one, you may need to take a step back.
Whether you’re still not over your ex or haven’t fully recovered from previous relationship trauma, taking a break to clear your head and heal may be the best thing for you in the long run.
8. The Relationship Causes More Harm Than Good
There are times when you just know something isn’t right. If you have that nagging feeling, O’Reilly recommends making a list of all the reasons you want to stay with your partner.
According to psychologist Nicole Martinez, Psy.D., author of The Reality of Relationships, if the negatives outweigh the positives, you’ve found your answer.
And if there are many things you like about your relationship, but some variation of “We’ve been together for so long!” ranks higher than your love and admiration for one another, O’Reilly recommends reconsidering the relationship.
She tells Bustle, “A relationship isn’t like a car.” “You don’t have to keep it because you’ve already invested so much in it.”
9. It Doesn’t Feel Right.
Even if there isn’t anything technically wrong, you can get a sense that the relationship isn’t working. According to Marina Sbrochi, author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life, if you get that feeling, you should investigate it.
“If you’re even thinking about asking this question, I’d say that’s red flag number one,” she tells Bustle.
There are plenty of valid reasons to end a relationship, and many of them exist even if you’re still madly in love with the person. If your gut tells you that this isn’t the relationship for you — even if there’s nothing “wrong” to point to — that’s reason enough to call it quits, according to O’Reilly.
10. One of you wants to work on your relationship while the other does not.
According to O’Reilly, if only one member of your couple is willing to put forth an effort, it’s time to reconsider whether you’ll ever be fulfilled in this relationship.
Everyone has needs, and in order for a relationship to be healthy, both partners must communicate and meet each other’s needs to the best of their abilities.
However, if only one of you is willing to do the work, it is a sign that this relationship may not be a good fit.
11. They make you feel inferior.
It’s natural to be nervous when you first start dating someone. However, if your partner instills insecurities in you that was not previously present, it’s time to say goodbye, according to licensed clinical professional counselor Nawal Alomari.
Whether they make you feel silly for your interests or mock your goals, she says anyone who makes you doubt your worth is a no-go.
12. You no longer cherish happy memories.
Another red flag is difficulty recalling pleasant memories with your partner. “Has the cute story about how you met lost its luster to the point where you find it irritating?” O’Reilly inquires. “Are once-joyful memories of your first vacation as a couple being overshadowed by frustrating thoughts about your partner?”
If that’s the case, it’s time to reconsider your feelings about your relationship, according to her.
Though it is not a sure sign that you should end the relationship, she believes it is a good reminder to take a temperature check on how you feel about your partner and whether or not you want to put in the effort to make this relationship work.
13. You don’t see yourself with your partner in the future.
Is your partner by your side when you see yourself in the future? According to O’Reilly, the answer to this question can be telling.
“Whether you’re planning your best friend’s wedding next spring or a family vacation over the summer, if you’re apathetic toward your partner’s presence and participation in meaningful events, you may want to reconsider the role they play in your life,” she tells Bustle.
If you don’t see them in the picture, it’s time to have a talk about where your relationship is going.
14. You’re Incompatible Sexually
It’s perfectly fine if your partner has a different sexual drive or interests than you. But, according to O’Reilly, it’s critical that both of you are willing to try to find a middle ground; to meet each other’s needs.
“Sexual compatibility is a matter of effort, not sameness,” she explains. “If one or both of you appear unwilling to make an effort to cultivate compatibility, it may be time to reconsider your commitment to the relationship.”
15. You Don’t Want To Be Monogamous
According to O’Reilly, your preferences for specific relationship arrangements can change; for example, you may want to transition from a monogamous relationship to ethical non-monogamy.
Within a partnership, there is sometimes room for multiple relationship styles. “Monogamy is something that some people do. “Being monogamous is part of their identity for others,” she explains.
“If you see that as a core piece of your identity, it means you only want to be with one person at a time, but that person does not have to align with your identity.”
However, there may be times when you do want your partner to agree with your relationship style.
If you’re not on the same page, O’Reilly suggests reconsidering your compatibility so you don’t impose a specific relationship arrangement on your significant other.
Last-ditch attempts to succeed
Aside from those related to abuse, the signs discussed above do not always necessitate an immediate end to the relationship, especially if there is still love in the relationship.
Consider them to be a sign that your relationship could benefit from some extra attention. Consider trying some of these approaches before calling it quits to see if anything can be salvaged.
1. Hold an open and honest discussion
Ignoring problems will only exacerbate them. Don’t try to act as if everything is fine. Instead, put everything on the table and have an open conversation with your partner about your concerns.
Putting it all out there may seem intimidating, but your partner is likely to share many of your concerns. Try not to be defensive when you speak.
Be willing to hear what they have to say. This will allow you to evaluate and discuss the areas in which you both need to improve.
2. Rekindle your relationship
Remember what it was that made you fall in love in the first place. Try to prioritize each other. Go on a couple’s retreat or begin weekly date nights to unwind and reconnect.
Making each other feel important can be a fantastic way to bond and communicate your future goals.
3. Seek professional assistance
In some cases, repairing an unhealthy relationship necessitates the assistance of a third party, especially if there is a lot of bitterness and resentment involved.
Finding a therapist who specializes in relationship recovery can help you work through your emotions while also providing you with tools to better understand and communicate with each other.
4. Pardon one another
Consider whether you can forgive your partner and vice versa before making a final decision to say goodbye. Letting go of old grudges is essential for progress and the development of a healthy relationship.
You can strengthen what you have together and make room for a deeper connection if you commit to forgiving each other.
Is It Better To Take a Break or Break Up?
Taking a break should never be used as a prelude to breaking up, but there are times when it is the best thing for a relationship. Often, this allows you to enjoy your partner even more than if you spent all of your time together, so the space actually helps the relationship.”
Should You Break Up if You’re in Love?
Is it okay to end a relationship with someone you adore? It’s okay to break up with someone you care about, and it’s sometimes necessary. You may feel like best friends or even soulmates, but you can’t stay in relationships that aren’t a good fit for you.
Conclusion
If you identified with one or more of these signs, look into your thoughts and feelings further.
Contact a therapist, confide in a friend, or write about your experience in a journal.
When you’re ready, you’ll be able to decide once and for all whether you should stay together, take a break, or do the deed and break up with your partner.
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