Heartbreak is a common source of emotional, if not physical, suffering. You’ve loved and lost, so it’s only natural that you’re still grieving. But you might ask, “How long will this sorrow last?” “How long will it take to get over this breakup?” as you collect the shards of your heart and glue yourself back together after a horrible breakup.
Regrettably, there isn’t a definitive answer. Recovering from a breakup could take a few weeks or a year or two.
For one thing, people recover from grief at various rates. You may also require more time to recuperate from specific relationships, particularly ones that lasted longer or had a greater emotional impact on you. It’s possible that you’ll always remember something about your loss. That’s also very natural.
However, you will recover in time.
Here’s a closer look at what might be affecting this period of time and some advice on how to recuperate and move on.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over A Breakup?
Many people have attempted to determine the average.
Perhaps you’ve heard the claim that breakup healing takes half the time you spend in the relationship, which has been pushed by numerous media outlets.
Although having a clear endpoint to look forward to can help you feel better, recuperation does not always follow a strict timeframe.
People have been known to struggle with anguish and sadness for more than a year after terminating a relationship that lasted only a few months.
Others, even if the relationship lasted a year or longer, may be able to heal and move on in a few weeks.
Polls on the internet
When looking at the timeline of breakups, several sites refer to a “study,” which is actually a poll performed on behalf of Yelp by a market research firm.
According to the poll’s findings, healing takes around 3.5 months on average, whereas recovery following a divorce could take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.
Scientific Investigation
While the survey described above isn’t technically a study, it doesn’t rule out the possibility that scholars have studied this age-old subject.
Researchers examined college students who had experienced a breakup during the previous six months in a 2007 study. The breakup occurred, on average, 11 weeks before the study.
Following the separation, the authors found that a large percentage of participants experienced enhanced positive emotions, such as empowerment, confidence, and contentment.
Because the breakups occurred on average 11 weeks before the study, these data appear to indicate that many people recover after 11 weeks. However, this time span just provides an average.
Remember that the study looked at people who had broken up within the previous six months, so it could take up to six months if not longer, to notice this improvement.
Read Also: DEPRESSION AFTER BREAKUP: Signs and How to Deal With it Stressfree (Detailed Guide)
Another study from 2007 intended to evaluate the level of distress people expected to feel following a breakup with the actual distress they felt.
Within the first six months of the study, 26 of the 69 participants had a breakup. Every two weeks, these volunteers fill out a questionnaire about their pain. Their pain subsided gradually over several weeks, as promised, and by the 10-week mark, they were feeling much better.
The participants, on the other hand, miscalculated the amount of distress they actually felt. The results indicate that they were not as upset as they had anticipated.
While these data do not provide a definitive timescale for recovery, they do point to two possibilities:
- It’s possible that you’ll feel better immediately
- Or that after around 10 weeks, you should feel a lot better.
Keep in mind that both of these studies were small, making it difficult to make any significant conclusions.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over a Breakup? It Is Dependent on a Number of Factors
If experts haven’t come up with a definitive schedule for breakup recovery, it’s safe to assume that there isn’t one.
The truth is that breakup healing varies greatly because so many distinct elements might influence it. It’s possible that your own experiences have emphasized this.
If you’ve been through a few breakups, take a look back at how each one affected your recovery. It’s likely that you didn’t heal at the same rate each time.
One or more of the following factors may have an impact on recovery:
1. Your Commitment
The more invested you are in the connection, the more pain you’ll likely feel when it ends.
Perhaps you like your partner’s company and spending time with them but don’t envision a future together. You eventually agree to explore elsewhere for something more serious.
You miss seeing them at first, and you feel lonely and regretful. However, you’ll be ready to get back out there after a few weeks.
When you believe your relationship has the potential to last, though, you may be much more upset when it ends.
Assume you and your spouse were head over heels in love. Maybe you’ve recently moved in together or begun talking about having children.
Then, something happened that completely turned your relationship upside down. When a breakup occurs unexpectedly, the confusion and hurt can make overcoming the rejection much more difficult.
When you live together, splitting your joint existence into two distinct lives can be excruciatingly painful, especially if you’re also dealing with unwelcome changes in finances, living circumstances, or mutual acquaintances.
2. Infidelity
When a relationship ends because one of the partners has cheated, the road to rehabilitation may be more difficult.
You must also come to terms with the reality that they betrayed your trust, in addition to processing the breakup and learning to cope with the loss of your partner.
Betrayal trauma can have a long-term impact on your mental health, making it more difficult to move on and truly trust future partners.
3. The Quality of a Relationship
Healthy relationships typically have a favourable impact on your health. On the other hand, relationships of lower quality or that are toxic may not provide the same benefits.
If you and your partner had a lot of fights, had communication issues, or often seemed to be on the point of breaking up, you might be glad rather than angry when the relationship ends.
Maybe you didn’t fight, but you just didn’t care about each other. You chose to stay together since it felt more comfortable, and having a partner appeared more practical than being alone.
In either case, exiting a dissatisfying relationship will unlikely make you unhappy. It’s possible that the breakup will help you feel better.
4. Whether You Dumped or Were Dumped
Making the decision to quit a relationship that is no longer fulfilling will almost certainly bring some relief.
It may appear that the one rejecting will be less bothered. This is generally the case, but not always. Even if you understand the relationship isn’t working out, you might not want to end it right away.
Perhaps you still care about your partner and wish you could keep the relationship going. Recognizing that you made the right decision may help you recover more quickly, but you will almost surely still be saddened by your loss.
Conversely, rejection can be excruciatingly painful, even if you weren’t overly invested. Being dumped can harm your self-esteem and make you feel vulnerable for a long time after the breakup.
Can You Help Things Move Faster?
There’s no other way to put it: the aftermath of a breakup may be a nightmare.
Perhaps you can’t seem to take your mind off your ex, and every distraction you try only serves to remind you of them.
You may not be able to get a good night’s sleep, or you may have lost your appetite. You might even experience physical discomfort. You’re sad and depressed, and you’re wondering how long it will take to feel like yourself again.
You’d normally want to get back on your feet as quickly as possible. Breakup pain may be a big load to bear for most people, and most people don’t enjoy wallowing in heartbreak.
You won’t be able to speed up your healing, but practising patience and allowing time to work its magic will assist. Your discomfort may be severe right now, but it won’t last indefinitely.
What Is the Best Way to Begin the Healing Process?
While you may not be able to speed up the healing of your shattered heart, you can still look after yourself in the meanwhile.
As you begin rehabilitation, these suggestions can help you increase your resilience and outlook.
1. First and Foremost, Toss Your Breakup Timeline Out the Window!
Do you tell yourself that you need to update your dating profile before next week or that you should get out and meet a new companion in person? Are you annoyed that you still get nauseated each time you pass your (former) favourite dating place after a month? Relax and take it easy on yourself. Amiira Ruotola, co-author of It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken, states,
“Unfortunately, there is no mathematical calculation to compute a specific period to recover from heartbreak.”
Thriving Path’s creator and psychologist, Cori Dixon-Fyle, thinks that you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to “feel better” about someone by a specific date. “It can be humiliating,” she says. “Give yourself permission to grieve if you want to move forward.”
Instead, she tells her patients that they should “feel powerful by not having a timeline.”
2. Give Yourself a Break if You’re Still in Love
You might question why you’re angry if you’re stuck on someone who cheated on you. But then there are no laws about what you should and shouldn’t feel, just as there are no rules about when you should and shouldn’t end grieving a breakup.
Sullivan advises,
“Take time to embrace your feelings.” “It’s fine to be sad, angry, annoyed, or even miss the individual. Allow yourself to experience your feelings. It will be simpler to move on and recover if you do.”
3. Every Relationship Is Different. So Is Every Breakup
Did you make any plans for your future together? Did you split up due to a betrayal or because you discovered too late that your relationship was one-sided?
Well, according to Dixon-Fyle,
“the length of time it takes to get over someone depends on how integrated your spouse was in your life and what created the friction.” “Depending on the complexity of your connection, you may feel as if you’re losing not only your ex but also a piece of your identity.”
But then another question pops up: why is it so difficult to get over someone?
For the most part, if you’re still looking for something more concrete, consider the following:
“Give it at least one year if you’ve been together for at least one year,” Dixon-Fyle advises. Most people, she adds, need to go through all of the triggering events that may occur in the first year after a breakup, such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. She advises, “Allow yourself to mourn.”
4. To Move On, Try to Stop Romanticizing the Relationship
According to Dr. Juliana Morris, a marriage and relationship therapist,
“the toughest aspect of getting over a relationship is usually not the loss of the actual person, but the loss of the idea of what you believed may happen.”
While it’s natural to become engrossed in a dream after a breakup, Ruotola advises,
“Don’t get locked in the obsessive loop of why and what if.” In fact, she advises anyone who needs help getting over an ex to resist the temptation to rewrite your history together: “If you were so fantastic together, you’d probably still be together!” she emphasizess.
5. Despite the Pain, Respect What You Had
You will not be able to get over your ex by badmouthing them, no matter how much you want to. It’s not like you have to pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns, but Morris claims that releasing oneself from sorrow and hatred allows you to progress towards happiness. She prefers to think of a breakup as the end of a “full” relationship rather than the beginning of a “failed” one.
“It was not a failure if you were vulnerable enough to feel and offer love,” she explains. “You got what you needed out of the relationship, and now it’s time to move on.”
6. Next, Realize That Life Can Be Even Better Than Before
Take some time to re-examine your life now that you’re free of the connection and the individual. “
A breakup is an amazing opportunity for reinvention,” Ruotolo writes, suggesting that you “concentrate on redesigning your life to be the person you want to be.”
While exploring the advantages of being single, take a class or spend time with pals. Morris agrees:
“It will help you move on if you admit to yourself that there were areas of the relationship that were not working for you,” she says.
Morris suggests making a list of things from your past together that will feel nice to let go of to keep your perspective positive.
7. If Possible, Stay Away. Virtually and in Real Life…
“The simplest but most difficult guideline to follow is to have as little contact with your ex as possible,” says Kelli Miller, L.C.S.W., MSW, a relationship expert. Of course, this isn’t always realistic if your friend networks are interwoven or if you’re co-parenting. If that’s the case, skip this section. If you can, she suggests barring them from all kinds of social media and telling your friends not to share any information with them. Morris adds, “Don’t social media stalk,” which includes unfollowing any pals who might have ties to your ex. In fact, she advises that you take a sabbatical entirely from social media.
8. But Don’t Go Into Hiding
You might be lonely without your former closest buddy, but that’s all the more reason not to be alone. Morris advises,
“Surround yourself with people that make you feel good and remind you of how fabulous you are.” Even if you don’t feel like leaving the house, call on the people who make you happy. “Just hearing about other people’s days might help take your mind off problems,” she says.
How Can You Tell If You’re ‘Over It’?
While there’s no definite way to tell when you’ve fully recovered from your breakup, you’ll most likely notice the following signs:
- You are free to reminisce about the excellent times you shared.
- You no longer shy away from group activities or your favourite eateries.
- As a human, you feel whole and complete.
- It’s not a bad idea to consider them.
- You’re ready to reintroduce yourself to dating and open yourself to someone fresh.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over Someone You Still Love?
According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. However, according to a separate study, it takes an average of 18 months to recover from the end of a marriage. In reality, however, heartbreak is a grieving process that manifests itself differently for each individual.
How Long Does It Usually Take To Get Over Breakup?
According to the poll’s findings, healing takes around 3.5 months on average, whereas recovery following a divorce could take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.
Who Gets Over a Breakup Faster?
Guys simply get over breakups faster, according to new statistics from Match’s Singles in America poll. Match polled over 5,000 men and women and discovered that half of men recover from rejection within a month, but the typical woman takes four months.
Conclusion
Even with the research results here and there, experts can’t say how long it takes to recover from a breakup, but rest assured that it will take as long as it needs to.
It’s difficult to see any light above the clouds when you’re in the throes of despair, but you might see improvement sooner than you think.
A therapist can provide direction and assistance with healing if you continue to experience distress.
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