In relationships, compromise and control do not work hand in hand; it is obviously a contrast. Understanding compromise in relationships may be a tremendously difficult path for many couples. Compromise is a really great ideology, but it can sometimes feel like you are sacrificing your needs and wants. You may feel like you are being taken advantage of most of the time.
Meaning of Compromise and Control
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, compromise means agreeing to give up something you want from the other side, which has different opinions from yours. It is also the settlement of disputes by mutual concession. Compromise does not necessarily mean agreeing completely with each other, but it is needed to respect personal opinions, values/beliefs, or preferences.
Control, on the other hand, is an act of exercising influence. This is almost the complete opposite of compromise. Does control mean to love? Well, no, it does not. It only expresses an individual’s ego. Control is also a form of seeking power over others by reducing their partners’ confidence. Having a controlling partner is very common and can sometimes be more threatening than physical or sexual violence.
Learning Compromise in Relationships
If there’s anything a partner should be doing sooner rather than later, it’s learning how to compromise in a relationship. It shows that the relationship itself is more important than being right most of the time or always getting things to go your own way. Compromise involves assessing major priorities and focusing on what is valued the most, which is the relationship.
Learning to understand relationships and compromise is a very essential tool for the growth and validation of a relationship. It becomes very difficult for couples to practice compromise without a proper understanding of it. Some people find it very hard to make compromises, no matter the situation or who the person might be.
However, it is very important to recognize a person’s difficulty with compromise. It is quite normal for a person to have negative thoughts about compromise. This happens because they sometimes feel their needs or wants are not considered.
Learning Control in relationships
Spotting a controlling partner may not always come easy because, while some may be overly menacing, others may just be very manipulative. This implies that detecting a controlling partner may sometimes come easy, and other times might be difficult, depending on the type of individual you are dealing with.
However, sometimes your partner’s controlling character may be easily spotted, considering the way he or she acts. On the other hand, others may be subtle enough that it will be hard to spot in the beginning. In the process, you may even get used to some of these controlling characters being displayed and consider them normal.
There are many degrees of control in relationships, but what really matters is the effect these controlling behaviours have on your feelings. Do they trigger some insecurities you may have? Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Does it make you feel less of a person? All these unusual feelings may be red flags.
Here are some signs of a controlling partner:
1. They are overprotective
There is a clear difference between caring for a person and controlling a person, though sometimes it may be a little bit hard to contrast if your partner knows how to manipulate you.
An overprotective partner most often assumes that you are only safe when they are around you. They question who you’ve gone out with, get angry when you do not pick up calls, or sometimes even get jealous of your friends and family. For the extreme ones, they can go as far as planning out a diet for you, creating certain routines you should follow, telling you places you should go to, and timing you.
A partner that exhibits any of these behaviours might not mean anything, but if your partner consistently exhibits any of these behaviours, you might just have earned yourself a controlling partner.
2. Consistent criticism
In most cases, when people practice criticism, it can look like a joke. It may sometimes be about how you dress, your body type or even your posture. Over time, consistent criticism from your partner can literally tear down your self-confidence. It may also make you start acting in certain ways just to avoid criticism from your partner.
3. Making decisions for you
Decision-making is one of the major signs of a controlling partner. Having to make decisions for your partner a little once in a while isn’t a bad thing. But when it’s too often, it automatically becomes very unbearable. Being in a relationship where you can’t make decisions for yourself might be extremely draining, which is risky for your emotional and mental health.
4. Isolating you from other people
This is when your partner demands attention from you in a crisis so that you do not hang around with other people and practically have yourself all to yourself. They might get upset when you hang out with your friends or other people, but they always want you to be around them, not others. It bothers them when they see you with other people besides them. All these are signs of a controlling partner.
5. They cross your boundaries
Each time you do not agree to something or say no to something, a controlling partner will try to talk you out of it by manipulating you. This also applies to physical and emotional boundaries. For more tips on a controlling partner.
Differences Between Compromise and Control
Furthermore, in a relationship, control and compromise are completely at odds. Compromise is more about making sacrifices in the relationship and being selfless, but control in a relationship is completely selfish.
It is very important to know the difference between compromise and control. Compromising is a very good theory when it comes to relationships, but only when it comes from both sides. One-sided compromise reduces the chances of growth in the relationship.
If you are sacrificing too much of yourself in a relationship, your ideals, your standards, or your values, then you may be hurting yourself much more than you can imagine. This is an unhealthy compromise.
Moreover, there are good compromises and bad compromises, and it is very important for couples to recognize their differences. Understanding unhealthy compromises will save you a lot of time and stress. Sometimes, in relationships, a partner may find it hard to speak their mind or talk about how they truly feel; this is referred to as an experience which is called “pendulum”. The swing of the pendulum usually occurs when unhealthy compromises have been made throughout the relationship.
Some Differences Between Good and Bad Compromise
1. Mutuality
Having a mutual desire and finding a mutual solution is all part of a healthy compromise. It is a situation where each party is willing to give up something or make sacrifices in order for the relationship to work.
In contrast to this, unhealthy compromise is usually one-sided. This simply means that one person is making more sacrifices and putting in more effort in order for the relationship to work. In situations like this, the relationship usually ends due to the low effort from the other party.
With a healthy compromise, the two parties are involved and are consistently trying to figure things out together. This is less draining and leads the relationship to work in the long run.
2. Resentment
Unhealthy compromise always feels like you are running at a loss. It is as if you are the only person giving up things and making sacrifices in order for the relationship to work.
This imbalance in the relationship brings about anger and resentment, and it may give the relationship a very slight chance of surviving for a long time.
In contrast to this, a healthy compromise that comes from both parties willingly is not resentful. Instead, the sacrifices being made connect the partners more to each other, giving the relationship a better chance of surviving.
3. Authenticity
Becoming more of an authentic person through change is referred to as a healthy compromise. Also, choosing not to experience emotional and mental discomfort by giving up certain things for the relationship to work.
Healthy compromises always benefit both parties. Each partner’s authenticity is enhanced, bringing each partner closer to the other. In contrast to this, when unhealthy compromises are made, it changes a person from being their authentic self.
This keeps you from reaching your full potential as a human being, thereby losing your aura of happiness.
Healthy compromise is all about striking a healthy balance between both parties in a relationship.
It’s also bridging a gap so that both parties can feel heard and understood by each other. This balance would definitely lead to healthier growth and maintain the relationship in the long run. Therefore, this leads the relationship to survive and have healthier growth.
What does compromise mean in communication?
Compromise in debates refers to the idea of reaching an understanding through dialogue and mutual acceptance of terms, frequently involving changes to the original purpose or desire.
What does compromise mean in a relationship?
This is a method of coming to a compromise whereby both parties give up something they really desire to put an end to a disagreement or fight or to keep their relationship peaceful.
Conclusion
Compromise and control are completely different, especially when it comes to making the relationship work. Learning how to compromise with your partner takes a lot of practice. Take a minute and reflect on the choices of compromises you have made, including the intentions behind them. This would help you know whether you think you have experienced a healthy or unhealthy compromise.
